Wow looks like some of you didn’t know when to say when to the Christmas cookies and other holiday once a year only treats!.

I haven’t seen this many pair of sweat pants in once  since the tracksuit fad of the late 1980’s.  I swear the place looks like an Old Navy store!

To be honest I’m still recovering from the Christmas Issue and the holiday itself. Having Molly home for 4 days straight and mostly all to myself was a nice change of pace from her usual hectic schedule of work and school.

The downside however is that I had significantly less time to come up with a theme for this issue and to assemble it. Add that to a three day work week this week and things are..well let’s just call it ‘tightly scheduled’ and leave it at that.

So this issue is sort of like those dinners you’ve been having ever since Christmas, a hodgepodge of left overs and tidbits. To keep it from being boring however I decided to share with you folks some of the things I/We got for Christmas as well.

Grab your coffee loosen your fat sweats waist bands (if you can) and get comfy because we’re off.

I can see where with some of you (Impish) that ‘Let’s Roll isn’t just a figure of speech!

Ol’ Jersey Ginny of the Weak Knees sent me this coffee themed graphic last Friday:

We’ll see why finding it on Monday morning weirded me out in a few.

So the first thing I encountered stumbling out of my bedroom (aside from two treat demanding felines) was this warning. Seems like there is no end to those who think they have the right to surveil you in your home!

The aforementioned elves than apparently felt the need to bust my chops a little more:

Now I’ve never done this with a sun/moon roof before, but I did do it one time with the kick vents on an old FJ body Toyota Landcrusier.  Kick vents are exactly what they sound like small pop out vents right behind where the front fender and body meet. You literally kicked them open and closed with the toe of your shoe.

One time my buddy and I were semi dressed up on our way to some event or other and of course running late. My buddy suggested I take a ‘short cut’ which involved passing thru a spillway for a lake. The spill way was simply a low wall on the lake side with two 3 foot high humps in the road about 3 car lengths apart and a low spot in the middle. When the lake got too high it would overflow the wall so this low area would flood and run off the opposite side into a stream.  We were doing about 35 mph when we hit the top of the first hump and I saw there was probably close to 18” of water in the spillway. I think the front wheels were already in the water by the time it dawned on me the kick vents were open.

Can you say 60 degree (it was March) lake water high pressure shower inside your moving vehicle? Yeah. We were really really late for what ever it was we were supposed to be attending.

OK so here’s my first gift I’ll show you so you have plenty of time to ponder it. The answer is at the end of the issue (no scrolling & peeking!)

One of the main problems with holiday issues is you never know when its safe to “put it to bed”.  You know from long experience that the minute you do something will arrive in your Inbox that you wish you could have included in the holiday issue. Case in point this next video and the Christmas issue.

God Bless The USA and Armed Forces Medley – Redding Christmas Lights

 So so the first present we got for Christmas we actually too delivery of about 10 days ago just before Molly’s family came for her Graduation:

A pair of matching His & Hers recliners in micro fiber, which interestingly enough cats seemed to be uninterested in scratching (a good thing). They have been well received by all who have tried them. Sadly I don’t get a chance to sit in mine often since as I said, they’ve been well received:

My recliner is apparently now the premier choice for cat naps. You are pretty much assured of finding at least one in the seat if not both. Otherwise one is in the seat and the others perched atop my tartan lap blanket.

Speaking of cats, let’s leave my gifts a moment and check out one that Santa left for Molly:

Don’t worry no cats were harmed in the making or play of the game. It’s all tongue in cheek and the only thing that hurt after we tried the game out several times were our sides from laughing.

So remember that graphic Ginny sent me last Friday from the opening coffee postings? Well this was the first present I unwrapped. Makes me wonder what all those chemical waste dumps in Jersey are leaking into the water supply. Psychic Jersites is all we need!

AS of posting this I have yet to try out the coffee. I’m think this might be part of my cure for the morning after our New Years Eve Party.

In complement to this was a gift from my In-laws. my MiL had heard me utter this sentiment to Molly as justification for not becoming involved in something that was going on at Thanksgiving and new of my quest for a larger (still) coffee mug:

Now I know it’s hard to determine the size of the mug from that photo, but as you can clearly see my first cup of the day is in the mug still and not in me working it’s magic.

Filled to the brim it holds 32 oz. and we figure it has a practical working capacity of 28 oz.

Between the use of the two gifts I think there’s a good chance of coffee nirvana having been achieved. IF not I’m positive that all it will take is adding some to my Brown Gold recipe.

Here pal, I’ll share a wee nip o’ me next gift with you ta’ be warming your insides. It was a happily received bribe present from one of my clients hoping to have the number one slot for attention after New Years when my busy season starts.

Black Bush might just have a run for it’s money now! I’ve put a wee nip in me Bailey’s lightened coffee and had naught but grand Celtic Dreams!

(Celtic Dream = 2 Parts Bailey’s + 1 Part Irish Whiskey. Shake with ice or pour into a large mug of coffee)

Obama Rated 5th Best President!

Texas A&M Study Calls Obama the 5th Best President in American History. An Excellent research by a fine institution. From a total of 44 U. S. Presidents, Obama has been rated as the 5th best. The Public Relations Office at A&M released this statement:

“After almost 8 years in office, American academics have rated Obama the 5th Best President in American History “.

These are the results according to Texas A&M:

1. Lincoln, Reagan and Eisenhower tied for first place.

2. Sixteen Presidents tied for second place.

3. Twenty-three other Presidents tied for third place.

4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth, and

5. Obama was fifth.

They left out Quitcherbitchin too you whiney bunch of pansy azzed Liberals. You lost. Its over. Build a fricken bridge to the STFU Expressway already. SHEESH!

Ya’ll be happy to know the situation with the Christmas issue and it’s size should no longer be a problem, at least when I assemble them. Santa brought me enough new memory to max out my lap top and make a quantum difference in its performance, especially when it comes to using the program we do to assemble the blog. 

Of course it hasn’t hurt my gaming capabilities any either!

 A new Calphalon griddle for cooking important things like bacon, steaks and grilled sandwiches along with my annual fix from the Hickory Farms store.

How Santa rolls when dealing with the warm weather and lack of snow in Texas. Sorry but there’s just something special about jolly old fat guys on Harleys!

OK first here’s a gif you’ll watch for about 5 minutes because it’s just that unbelievable. Is it staged or did it just happen? I don’t know but either way its pretty darn cool just the same.

The 2016 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

Hysterically irreverent but comically spot on. This guy does a bang up job on the catalog we all love to peruse but can’t ever afford to buy from.

I was on the Jersey Turnpike when I saw it. I was driving my family to New York for Thanksgiving and there, along the shittiest stretch of road in the shittiest state in America, I saw the Williams-Sonoma fulfillment center: a vast hangar that seemed to stretch a mile long, with shipping containers lined up along the side, like piglets feeding on a series of artisanal teats. It was located in a town called Cranbury because of course it fucking was. It made me wonder if Williams-Sonoma chose the town of Cranbury specifically for the whimsy of it, or if they CREATED the town and christened it Cranbury just so that it could match their mission statement of bringing holiday cheer and $75 baskets of glazed figs to the world.

And I won’t lie, it was kind of nice to see the fulfillment center, to see just where the (imported, dry-aged Portuguese) sausage (with white wine and fennel) is made. This has not been a pleasant year. Everyone good died. America is now a bad sitcom flash forward episode. And I got a camera up my dick. So it was nice to see all those trucks lined up in Cranbury, each one getting its marching orders to drive out to some pristine house on some pristine cul-de-sac in some pristine suburb. Call it Peppermintbarkville—a place that the rest of the world cannot touch, where even a nuclear holocaust could not intrude upon the bestowing of gold napkin rings and cheese assortments. Life as we know may end, but the Williams-Sonoma catalog, and the army of little Ina Gartens who have seemingly unlimited cash to spend on its wares, will endure. They shall adorn their houses in the finest garlands and pass around only the choicest amuse bouches, and everything will be PERFECT even as the world burns a mile away. OH, IT’LL BE SO GRAND THAT YOU’LL WANNA PUKE.

So come with me now. Let’s forget about our troubles, crack open this year’s W-S Christmas catalog, and lose ourselves in a tartan wonderland. Will there be mug toppers? Oh, you better fucking believe there will be mug toppers. To the catalog…

The 2016 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

Santa fed my obsession with multi tools once again with about the smallest one I have ever encountered. Honestly I must have about 6 or 8 or them now my favorite being the Leatherman Micra. which I carry one everyday. In fact I am on my second one and about due to replace it a third time since I wear one out from use roughly every six years. I haven’t quite decided where this one is going as yet but I’m sure I’ll find a place. So far most likely candidate is the compact traveling first aid kit I have.

This was on my wish list. In my business you are forever trying to illuminate dark recesses in server rooms, cable trays and under desks. Maglites are easy to carry and very handy but go through batteries like Impish eats Christmas cookies. The LED part makes for a brighter less power hungry light and the push button tail cap makes things way handier when you are constantly turning the light on and off plus allows the flashlights beam to remain focused as you prefer it. If you have a mini Maglite I highly recommend you get yourself one of these upgrade kits for it. It will pay for itself in battery savings alone.

This was pretty much the way it was for Thanksgiving, but we faked them all out by staying home this Christmas.

Ah Inis! My favorite cologne (though Molly recently introduced me to Spicebomb by Victor Rolf) and made in Ireland ta boot! ‘Tis what Leprechauns small like don’t ya know! It’s even in a TSA approved travel size!

OK time to unveil the big mystery. If you didn’t get it don’t be too upset. I thought it was some sort of newly designed whisk for the kitchen when I opened it before Molly gave me the card it comes on.

I saved the best present I got for last.

It wasn’t the most elaborate, most expensive or even the best wrapped. In fact it was probably under $4, came in a simple envelope and while pretty was quite simplistic.

Just a simple ‘Hallmark Moment’ from Molly but to me it means more than all the other presents combined. Her agreeing to marry me is still easily the best present I’ve ever gotten in my life.

See you Saturday for our Impish managed New Years Eve Party (Oh stop screaming in terror! He actually has a well documented and personally reviewed by me plan that he’s promised to be following) and End of Year Issue presentation.

Until then…