Once you become situated with your coffee and sweet roll a Cyber Lethal aims a remote at the dais. This triggers the room to darken and big screen to come down. The image that comes forth is of Lethal hard at work at his desk apparently sometime late yesterday after hours as his jacket is off, his vest unbuttoned, tie loosened and his sleeves partially rolled up. A steaming cup, open hip flask and a gigantic pastrami sandwich replete with half sour kosher pickle adorn one side of his desk, this side is coincidentally (or perhaps not) furthest from Impish’s office door.
He appears engrossed on what ever is on the screen of the monitor in front of him until a lyrical feminine voice, probably that of his assistant Friday, calls something to him softly. He then quickly diverts his attention to (from your perspective) you. It’s obvious this is a prerecorded message and Lethal will not be putting in an appearance today, something highly irregular.
Good morning Readers-
As you sit sipping my coffee and eating that tasty pastry I’ll be drinking bad coffee likely as not and hanging about the Jury pool building here in Houston filling out questionnaires designed to gauge my suitability for any of the potential juries that might be needed today.
This will be my second time in 3 years going through this. After apparently being lucky for 10 years I’m apparently paying for it now. Originally I had planned on saying something about this being part of the price we pay for our freedom and our legal system but lets face it, modern jury duty sucks.
See I wouldn’t have minded before the system became corrupted by shady lawyers and their sleazy tactics. Trials today are no longer about guilt vs. innocence and seeing that all the legal formalities are observed so as to make the process fair and balanced. It’s become a game of perception, media bias, spin, paid experts who make a living testifying the way that’s most advantageous to your client, plea bargaining to a lesser crime or sentence thereby avoiding the full consequences of your actions etcetera etcetera ad nauseum & ad infinitum.
Now if you have enough money you can get away with just about anything, even more so if your rich, famous, powerful or important. And in return for this ‘privilege’ of being a part of this charade you lose a full days wage and receive a paltry $6.00 (at least in Texas) as recompense for your inconvenience. That $6 will just pay for 8 hours parking at the municipal garage.
In the mean time enjoy the issue.
As your DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises resident Doctor of Quackery I’m advising you all to get a flu shot. Yes I know the long lines and the waiting is inconvenient. However I’m not speaking of any ordinary flu shout here…I’m talking IRISH flu shots as shown here:
The Top 5 Election Day Cocktails
One way or another, at least half the country will be drinking heavily come election day.
5.) The Campaign Promise: an empty glass
4.) White Russian Who Got a Meeting With the Secretary of State Because He Contributed to Her Foundation
3.) Bloody Megyn
2.) Screwedover: orange juice with lots of bitters
And the Number One Election Day Cocktail…
1.) Pervy Wallbuilder
In my case as the story went, it was uphill both ways too.
That lovely lass is bravely holding a Golden Eagle there. That’s 11 pounds, 2.8 feet from beak to tail with between a 7 and 8 foot wingspan of apex avian predator on her arm. Check the size of those claws and talons! I’d want a helmet and armored coat before holding one in case he got mad!
What do you do when you’re backyard view sucks? Fence it in then create your own!
For comparison sake, that’s a standard Sperm whale’s far right from what I can tell and that weird shaped one is a modern shark tooth.Brings a WHOLE new level of meaning to ‘big bite’!
MURPHY’S Other 15 Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from Texas would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Actually that last one isn’t really true. What they haven’t done is formed concise opinions or have strongly held view points about the general major issues regarding crime and punishment or lack the skills necessary to articulate the those views/beliefs. If you posses those you’ll likely never serve on a jury, at least not a criminal one as either the prosecutor or defense would find it unlikely that you can be swayed to looking at things from their side of it. I got that straight from a jury selection consultant the last time I was called for possible inclusion in a capitol crime case.
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays (as opposed to holiday seasons). It is one of two times a year I can walk about you mortal undisguised without creating a whole hullabaloo over my appearance. Poor Impish only gets to do this on Halloween unless one of you is lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him helping out Santa, which will undoubted be blamed on too much spiked egg nog while daring to play Dungeons and Dragons on Cmas Eve.
As you know the Halloween Issue duties have been turned over to Impish this year, who last Friday assured me he’s well on the way having already started it and begun collection material for it. However I couldn’t help but throw a few items in myself which hopefully will not cause him any great difficulty.
Pumpkin Head- The Retirement
Now THAT is what I call a face peel!
This house ain’t afraid of no ghosts!
Halloween Light Show 2015 – Ghostbusters (Ray Parker Jr)
When I was younger several of my buddies and I would get dressed up on Halloween and go “Trick or Treating For Shots”. Strangely it didn’t take too may successful stops before we stopped.
The Ninja Kitties been practicing their claw carving skills all weekend on this.
Well while I’m sure you have lots more time I’m running out since I basically lose an entire works day this week. I’ll leave you with this picture Diaman sent me of her Halloween costume from last year.
Cheeky lass isn’t she?
Dragon Laffs 
I feel your pain in doing your civic duty. If I was a bad guy going before you, I’d be shaking in my boots. I’m sure they all have heard of HANG EM’ HIGH McGee. Great issue with lots of funny stuff.
Last time I was called up as a potential juror was for a Felony Murder with the potential for a death sentence.
(Rich guy with marriage difficulties and a history of social oddness kills wife from who he is semi estranged
after she moves to become his executor to protect his fortune)
The guy was claiming ‘temporary insanity’ when he shot his wife then kept the police at bay for two hours from
inside the house with the pistol. When asked what I thought of the ‘temporary insanity defense’ I stated I thought
it had its place and there were certainly cases where it applied. However I felt that 95% of temporary insanity cases were
nothing more that poor impulse control issues looking to avoid responsibility for their actions.
Then I was asked if I had any problem with the death sentence or imposing it. I said yes it took too damned long once the defendant
was found guilty and sentenced to death to impose the punishment. On the average they get 10 years room and board on my dime while
playing all sorts of legal games, writing books designed to make bleeding hearts take up their cases and generally trying to retry
the crime in the court of public opinion. I told them the execution should come not more than a year after the sentence, preferably sooner.
Not only that but that I’d be only too happy to pull the lever, throw the switch, push the button or pull the trigger on anyone I’d sentenced.
Oddly I was not picked for the jury panel & would up following it in the paper. His temporary insanity defense was not bought by the jury. He
was found guilty after only 6 hours deliberation and the death sentence was indeed imposed. He now sits in Huntsville eating away at my tax dollars
for at least another 7 years before he gets his due.
Wow, the best I got was a traffic accident…and we had to put percentages on the parties involved. The another was a guy (Bookie) running numbers from his mother’s kitchen. I agree they have room and board on us waiting their execution.