Leprechaun Laughs # 362 for Wednesday October 26th 2016


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Once you become situated with your coffee and sweet roll a Cyber Lethal aims a remote at the dais. This triggers the room to darken and big screen to come down. The image that comes forth is of Lethal hard at work at his desk apparently sometime late yesterday after hours as his jacket is off, his vest unbuttoned, tie loosened and his sleeves partially rolled up. A steaming cup, open hip flask and a gigantic pastrami sandwich replete with half sour kosher pickle adorn one side of his desk, this side is coincidentally (or perhaps not) furthest from Impish’s office door.

He appears engrossed on what ever is on the screen of the monitor in front of him until a lyrical feminine voice, probably that of his assistant Friday, calls something to him softly. He then quickly diverts his attention to (from your perspective) you. It’s obvious this is a prerecorded message and Lethal will not be putting in an appearance today, something highly irregular.

Good morning Readers-

As you sit sipping my coffee and eating that tasty pastry I’ll be drinking bad coffee likely as not and hanging about the Jury pool building here in Houston filling out questionnaires designed to gauge my suitability for any of the potential juries that might be needed today.

This will be my second time in 3 years going through this. After apparently being lucky for 10 years I’m apparently paying for it now. Originally I had planned on saying something about this being part of the price we pay for our freedom and our legal system but lets face it, modern jury duty sucks.

See I wouldn’t have minded before the system became corrupted by shady lawyers and their sleazy tactics. Trials today are no longer about guilt vs. innocence and seeing that all the legal formalities are observed so as to make the process fair and balanced. It’s become a game of perception, media bias, spin, paid experts who make a living testifying the way that’s most advantageous to your client, plea bargaining to a lesser crime or sentence thereby avoiding the full consequences of your actions etcetera etcetera ad nauseum  & ad infinitum. 

Now if you have enough money you can get away with just about anything, even more so if your rich, famous, powerful or important. And in return for this ‘privilege’ of being a part of this charade you lose a full days wage and receive a paltry $6.00 (at least in Texas) as recompense for your inconvenience. That $6 will just pay for 8 hours parking at the municipal garage.

In the mean time enjoy the issue.

Varrom

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As your DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises resident Doctor of Quackery I’m advising you all to get a flu shot. Yes I know the long lines and the waiting is inconvenient. However I’m not speaking of any ordinary flu shout here…I’m talking IRISH flu shots as shown here:

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The Top 5 Election Day Cocktails

One way or another, at least half the country will be drinking heavily come election day.

5.) The Campaign Promise: an empty glass
4.) White Russian Who Got a Meeting With the Secretary of State Because He Contributed to Her Foundation
3.) Bloody Megyn
2.) Screwedover: orange juice with lots of bitters

And the Number One Election Day Cocktail…

1.) Pervy Wallbuilder

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In my case as the story went, it was uphill both ways too.

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Dats Just Cool

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That lovely lass is bravely holding a Golden Eagle there. That’s 11 pounds, 2.8 feet from beak to tail with between a 7 and 8 foot wingspan of apex avian predator on her arm. Check the size of those claws and talons! I’d want a helmet and armored coat before holding one in case he got mad! 

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What do you do when you’re backyard view sucks? Fence it in then create your own!

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For comparison sake, that’s a standard Sperm whale’s far right from what I can tell and that weird shaped one is a modern shark tooth.Brings a WHOLE new level of meaning to ‘big bite’!

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MURPHY’S Other 15 Laws

1.  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2.   A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3.   He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4.   A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5.  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6.   Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

7.  Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8.   The  50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something  right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it  wrong.

9.   It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from Texas would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10.  If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11.  The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

12.  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13.  Flashlight:  A case for holding dead batteries.

14.  God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the  dark.

15.   When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Actually that last one isn’t really true.  What they haven’t done is formed concise opinions  or have strongly held view points about the general major issues regarding crime and punishment or lack the skills necessary to articulate the those views/beliefs. If you posses those you’ll likely never serve on a jury, at least not a criminal one as either the prosecutor or defense would find it unlikely that you can be swayed to looking at things from their side of it. I got that straight from a jury selection consultant the last time I was called for possible inclusion in a capitol crime case.

 

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Halloween is one of my favorite holidays (as opposed to holiday seasons). It is one of two times a year I can walk about you mortal undisguised without creating a whole hullabaloo over my appearance. Poor Impish only gets to do this on Halloween unless one of you is lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him helping out Santa, which will undoubted be blamed on too much spiked egg nog while daring to play Dungeons and Dragons on Cmas Eve.

As you know the Halloween Issue duties have been turned over to Impish this year, who last Friday assured me he’s well on the way having already started it and begun collection material for it. However I couldn’t help but throw a few items in myself which hopefully will not cause him any great difficulty.

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Pumpkin Head- The Retirement

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Now THAT is what I call a face peel!

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This house ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

Halloween Light Show 2015 – Ghostbusters (Ray Parker Jr)

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When I was younger several of my buddies and I would get dressed up on Halloween and go “Trick or Treating For Shots”. Strangely it didn’t take too may successful stops before we stopped.

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The Ninja Kitties been practicing their claw carving skills all weekend on this.

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Well while I’m sure you have lots more time I’m running out since I basically lose an entire works day this week. I’ll leave you with this picture Diaman sent me of her Halloween costume from last year.

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Cheeky lass isn’t she?

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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3 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 362 for Wednesday October 26th 2016

  1. Ginny says:

    I feel your pain in doing your civic duty. If I was a bad guy going before you, I’d be shaking in my boots. I’m sure they all have heard of HANG EM’ HIGH McGee. Great issue with lots of funny stuff.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Last time I was called up as a potential juror was for a Felony Murder with the potential for a death sentence.
      (Rich guy with marriage difficulties and a history of social oddness kills wife from who he is semi estranged
      after she moves to become his executor to protect his fortune)

      The guy was claiming ‘temporary insanity’ when he shot his wife then kept the police at bay for two hours from
      inside the house with the pistol. When asked what I thought of the ‘temporary insanity defense’ I stated I thought
      it had its place and there were certainly cases where it applied. However I felt that 95% of temporary insanity cases were
      nothing more that poor impulse control issues looking to avoid responsibility for their actions.

      Then I was asked if I had any problem with the death sentence or imposing it. I said yes it took too damned long once the defendant
      was found guilty and sentenced to death to impose the punishment. On the average they get 10 years room and board on my dime while
      playing all sorts of legal games, writing books designed to make bleeding hearts take up their cases and generally trying to retry
      the crime in the court of public opinion. I told them the execution should come not more than a year after the sentence, preferably sooner.
      Not only that but that I’d be only too happy to pull the lever, throw the switch, push the button or pull the trigger on anyone I’d sentenced.

      Oddly I was not picked for the jury panel & would up following it in the paper. His temporary insanity defense was not bought by the jury. He
      was found guilty after only 6 hours deliberation and the death sentence was indeed imposed. He now sits in Huntsville eating away at my tax dollars
      for at least another 7 years before he gets his due.

      • Ginny says:

        Wow, the best I got was a traffic accident…and we had to put percentages on the parties involved. The another was a guy (Bookie) running numbers from his mother’s kitchen. I agree they have room and board on us waiting their execution.

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