Dragon Laffs #1488


Header 73

Good Morning,

I think the above header is most appropriate for my week, this week.  I’ve worn so many different hats and been so many different people (and that’s not EVEN counting all the additional people in my head) that it’s just been a crazy week.

All three of us in the family have had one or more Doctor’s appointments this week, to the point that we had some sort of appointment every day.  And now the insurance company is going to give me a hard time over a medicine that the doctor put me on, because the administrative people at the insurance company know more what I need then my doctor does.

Anyway, the rest of the week was more of the same.

I’m working on Saturday, off on Sunday and will be having some people over on Saturday night.  You all are invited, the only requirement is for you to bring your own drinks.  I used to try and have something for everyone in the drinks department, but that got to be way too crazy so now I have what we like, and you’re always welcome to share that, but otherwise, you’re on your own.

OH, and the number one rule.  If you’re going to drink, I get your keys when you show up.  Even if you have a dedicated sober driver, I will happily give them back to the DD when you’re ready to leave if that individual has remained sober.

So, now that I’ve said a great deal of nothing in my opening monologue, let’s get to the good stuff while I go take a nap.  I really got to get better writers.

coollogo_com-20902805

1983

Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gate keeper to plead their case for entering paradise.

So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: “I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter.”

The gate keeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse then says, ” I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best.”

The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter.

“And you?” He asks the third nurse.

“I was a case manager for an HMO. I worked with thousands of patients.” She answers confidently.

The gate keeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman’s file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven…for five days!”

1984

Breaking News

We interrupt this e-zine to bring you this breaking news story. 

Lewinsky Fails To Endorse Clinton

Monica Lewinsky released the following statement on Hillary Clinton’s run for President:

“I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to November of this election year, citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to me. And I simply blew it.”

Monica

We now return you to your issue of Dragon Laffs already in progress.  Thank you for your understanding.

…and the grocer says, “That’s NOT a banana, lady!”

1985

California Self Defense…………. 
A liberal acquaintance from California asked me what I thought he might need in order to defend his home and family from home invasion and the like. 
  I suggested a 9mm, a couple of clips, and a box of shells. 100
A few days later he sent me this picture and asked me how to make it all work.
He voted for Obama…twice.
Dragon Pix
d2016042505Don’t ever, ever, ever! Get between a mother and her babies!

1986Ain’t that the truth!!!!  I’d shop at that store!

 

 

Video

So, I started with this very cute “Mental Health Hotline Message” and afterward there was video after video of taped scammer calls and phone scammers being owned and all kinds of good stuff.  Be aware that after you watch this one, you may very well be sucked in and watch for hours.  Sadly, this is the first one that I watched this morning (Monday) and got absolutely nothing else done before I had to go to work.

Every now and then we have to give you one of those really nice, touchy/feely videos to make you feel good about the world.  Here’s one of them now:

 

And I’ve included thjs one, just because stuff blowing up is cool and fireworks are cool, so when a fireworks factory blows up, that is pretty much at the top of the coolness scale.

 

 

1987

 

Fantasy

f2010050401

As some/many of you know, I’m a science geek as well as a fantasy, mythical creature.  And rather than being just involved with my own heritage (the realm of fantasy and mythology oddly enough) I’m also a big fan of science fiction.  This detail of the U.S.S. Enterprise is really quite detailed.  I believe I saved the whole hi-res picture above, so if you’d like to get a better look at it, you can left click and “save as” and when you open it with your picture program you should be able to zoom in on the details.

But then again, maybe not.

1988

Can I get an amen?
Amen Sheep

 

1989

 

Public Service

There is yet another new scam off wondering around with out adult supervision.  This scam involves spoofing your caller I.D. and trying to trick you into believing you are receiving a call from the police department, IRS, State Police, etc.  Here’s a quick article from our dear friends at the Kommando Show.
Watch out for fake caller ID scams

Just like you and me, scammers work hard to earn their living. So it should come as no surprise that they’re constantly coming up with new ways to trick people like you and me into simply handing over our hard-earned cash.

This time around, the FTC is warning people about a phone scam that is using fake caller ID information, called caller ID spoofing, to get victims to send money to what they think is a legitimate agency, such as the police department, a cable provider or another company you do regular business with.

Use the following guidelines, directly from the FTC, as rules of thumb to avoid caller ID scams:

  • If you get a strange call from the government, hang up. If you want to check it out, visit the official (.gov) website for contact information. Government employees won’t call out of the blue to demand money or account information.
  • Don’t give out — or confirm — your personal or financial information to someone who calls.
  • Don’t wire money or send money using a reloadable card. In fact, never pay someone who calls out of the blue, even if the name or number on the caller ID looks legit.
  • Feeling pressured to act immediately? Hang up. That’s a sure sign of a scam.

I know that the “computer issue” stuff is Lethal Leprechaun’s forte, but I felt this was important enough to get this out to you as soon as possible.  I’ve seen and read a lot about people still being scammed by these scumbags, and it’s usually some older person who isn’t as savvy at this sort of thing and it pisses me off.
Don’t ever, ever, ever believe what you get in your e-mail, unless you’re sure it’s from someone you actually trust.  And remember, the scumbags can make it look like you’re getting an email from someone you know, too.  And don’t ever trust anyone who calls you on the phone, no matter what the caller I.D. says.  If they called you, you can’t be sure.  If you want to be sure that the person on the phone is who they say they are, hang up the phone, look up the number to the organization they claim to be from (don’t ask them for the number for you to call back, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t give you the right number) and call them to see if they are looking for you for some reason.

Okay, Public Service is now out of service.  Back to the laughs!

1990

 

Thanks to K² for this next one,
4f

Quote of the day.   No … of the week! Wait!   Make that a month.   Actually, it

q

ualifies as quote of the year.

No!  DECADE. Wait a minute.  It’s the greatest quote EVER!

 
“My accomplishments as Secretary of State? Well, I’m glad you asked! My proudest accomplishment in which I take the most pride, mostly because of the opposition it faced early on, you know, the remnants of prior situations and mind-sets that were too narrowly focused in a manner whereby they may have overlooked the bigger picture, and we didn’t do that, and I’m proud of that. Very proud. I would say that’s A major accomplishment.”
 
– Hillary Clinton 11 March 2014
Could someone please tell me what she just said?  And she is running for President?

That really would be about right.  And that is a perfect lead in to:
Poke Politician

4c

 

I figured that this spot is perfect for the following graphic:

3d

4d

4e

4i

Baby says, “Let’s see…is her mouth open?  Then yup, she’s spouting shit!”

4j

Okay!  Uncle!  I can’t take anymore! 

We need to go right into Motivational Posters so we can laff!
Kung_Fu

Kyle

lady gaga

Lady gaga2

lamborgorhini limo

laptop

1991

101

1992

And it really sucks when you can’t find the damn can opener!

Now, here’s a new section that I’d love for all of you to contribute to.  It has to do with weeding out the shallow end of the gene pool and it’s called:
coollogo_com-167301556

You’ll understand the title in just a second…
20

“Hey!  I’ll bet if I pull the trigger back a little bit, it will let enough light in the other end that I’ll be able to tell if there is a bullet in there or not.”

21

“I’m Batma…” Thud!

22

I always wondered where “Stumpy” got his nickname from.

23

“Hey Jethro, kneel down, hold my beer and watch this!”

24

“Sure son, go on out and play on the trampoline if you want.”

102

And it goes by WAY TOO FAST!!!

1994

Of course!  What else would it be?

103

“Bubba!  Come on!  Walmart dropped the price of those chips you like!”

! BIRDBRAINS Drop-In Template.ai

1993

1997

And with that my friends, another issue of Dragon Laffs has come to an end.  I know there wasn’t as much of my jabbering in this issue, but I hope you all got something to laugh at.  Until next time…

coollogo_com-154974449

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1488

  1. John Manko says:

    My email address is changed to johncharlesmanko@gmail.com – please send my mail to it.johncharlesmanko@gmail.com

    • impishdragon says:

      Hi John,
      I’m sorry to say that you need to change your own email. We are hosted at Word Press but have very little control over the administrative side. I “think” if you go to the top right of the website where it says “You and so many others are following this blog” There’s a highlighted word at the end that says “manage”. You might try clicking on that and see if you can change your email through there. Once you click on manage, look to the top right and your profile should be up there. You might be able to click on your profile and change your email address.
      Sorry John, that’s the best I can do.
      Does anyone out there know any better instructions on how to do this?
      Impish

  2. Ginny says:

    Doctor visits for all three….oh my! Don’t you just love the insurance companies…they now more than your doctor…I think NOT! Hope you have fun with your company Sat. night….enjoy.

  3. Maggie says:

    Impish,, good issue,, loved it

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s