Leprechaun Laughs #342 for Wednesday May 18, 2016


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We’re getting as much as another 6 inches of rain this week. So far since Saturday we’ve gotten probably 2.5” but thankfully have managed to avoid any serious flooding from prolonged downpours.

As this is ‘graduation season’ I’ve been hard at work with several caterers as per my usual, coming up with new ideas, making old things new again and tossing in a couple Yankee favorites Texas apparently have never come across before. However the rather unpredictable weather and subsequent last minute venue change are driving everyone I’m working with to distracted frazzlery.

As a result, I’m pressed for time to write my usual brilliant opening and make my deadlines so lets just get to it shall we?

Opening Logo 10

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‘Bout time my espresso got here!

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What Happens When You Throw A Pound Of Solid Sodium Into A River?

 

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THE DONALD’S FIRST DAY IN OFFICE

1. President Donald Trump and Vice President Marco Rubio are sworn into office.

2. In a rare event on inauguration day, Congress convenes for an emergency
meeting to repeal the illegal and unconstitutional Socialist healthcare
farce known as Obamacare. The new Director of Health and Social Services Dr.
Ben Carson announces that an independent group of healthcare management
professionals is hired to handle healthcare services for poor and low income
people. They are also assigned the duty of eliminating Medicare and Medicaid
fraud. Government’s costs for public healthcare are reduced by 90%.
Healthcare insurance premiums for working Americans are reduced by 50%. The
move saves billions of taxpayer paid dollars. Healthcare service in the U.S
improves 100%.

3. Newly appointed Department of Homeland Security Chief Ted Cruz announces
the immediate deployment of troops to the U.S. Mexico border to control
illegal immigration and the immediate deportation of illegals with criminal
records or links to terrorist groups. New bio-encrypted Social Security IDs
are required by every American citizen. Birthright is abolished. All
immigration from countries that represent a threat to the safety of American
citizens is terminated indefinitely. The move saves American taxpayers
billions of dollars. Several prisons are closed.

4. Newly appointed Secretary of Business and Economic Development Carly
Fiorina eliminates more than half of the Government agencies operating under
the Obama administration saving taxpayers billions of dollars. Stocks rise
100%.

5. Newly appointed Director of Government Finance Rand Paul announces the
abolition of the IRS and displays a copy of the new Federal Tax Return form.
It consists of one page. The instructions consist of two pages. The Federal
Reserve is audited. The move saves American Taxpayers billions of dollars
and increases tax revenue.

6. Hillary Clinton is in prison, where she belongs. Her cell is directly
across from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who are serving time for
“Hate Crimes”. She bitches at them constantly from behind the bars of her cell in what some call cruel and unusual punishment.

7. Bernie Sanders is in the nuthouse, where he belongs. His room is directly across from Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chris Matthews and Al Franken. They meet for tea every day at 10 AM and discuss the success and benefits of Communism and Socialism throughout the world. They also wonder when the Mothership” is going to pick them up and return them to their home planets.

8. Windows 12 is released. It is designed for humans, doesn’t try to satisfy the needs of every person on the planet, doesn’t require a degree in nuclear physics to operate and looks just like Windows 7 except it is easier to use.

9. Barack Obama flees the United States under cover of darkness and returns to his homeland of Kenya before his trial for treason begins. He deplanes on a remote jungle airstrip. It was reported that he was last seen wandering through the jungle singing “Hakuna Matata” with a chimp named Commie.

10. Oscar Meyer announces the introduction of a new cholesterol and fat free pepperoni that tastes just like regular pepperoni.

11. Not to be outdone, Kraft Foods announces the introduction of several varieties of cholesterol and fat free cheeses that taste just like regular cheese.

12. A committee is not established to determine what is causing global
cooling. Billions of taxpayer dollars are saved.

13. Dead people are no longer allowed to vote in Chicago, a huge blow for the Democrat Party in the State of Illinois.

And this my friends constitutes THE PERFECT DAY!

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Truth is it never was.

20054112_30_600_360

 

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What are the differences between gas and charcoal? If I’m cooking with propane, how can I tell if my tank is full or empty? And if I’m using charcoal, how do I know which type of charcoal to buy?

In this series of videos, we do our best to provide clear and well-informed answers to the most common questions about cooking on outdoor grills of all types. Our experts offer advice on choosing a type of grill, picking the right kind of fuel, buying the best accessories, and cooking your meat to the perfect level of doneness.

These tips and tricks come to us courtesy of our friends at Reviewed.com. The team also produced some shopping aids: buying guides for gas grills and for charcoal grills, and another buying guide just for portable grills. You can see even more at Reviewed.com’s 2016 Guide to Grilling.

http://www.wired.com/2016/05/gas-or-charcoal/

Too much info for posting in the issue so go peruse what catches your eye. It’s ok I’ll just get a coffee refill and wait right here.

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Along with the rain we’ve been getting a lot of wind this week which made me remember this old chestnut.

The Association Windy

 

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Molly bought the Ninja Kitty Clan a new water dish. The aerating one with 64 oz. back up tank was about five or six years old and showing its age. Our water is hard here and it tends to etch and cloud plastic as well as leave lime scale deposits which are basically impossible to remove without the use of chemicals, Chemicals which I have no clue as to their possibly being harmful to cats.

Since Molly was unable to locate the same one we currently had [there was a plastic ‘T’ with a hose attached to an aquarium pump which caused the dish to bubble softly and keep the water fresh for them which they quite liked after a day or two of getting used to it) she was forced to purchase another style. This one is based on a fluid pump and sends the water up the inside of a small mushroom in a slight fountain effect.

Unfortunately, unlike the bubbles which were static in one location and worked around, the fountain effect is entirely random and unpredictable in terms of height or where the fall of the water column is at any given time. This leads to the entirely intolerable condition of wet whiskers. SC resolved this issue by simply placing a paw over the fountain source and spattering water all over the place while drinking. Chai on the other hand solved her wet whisker issue by simply refusing to drink from the demon bowl at all. Instead she fills the bowl with whatever she can find  located on the floor, in bathroom waste baskets or out right steal off higher surfaces. Pens, hair ties, a hair brush, several unopened fast food straws, a set of chopsticks and a $5 bill so far have all be retrieved from the new water dish. OF course a cat refusing to drink or not getting enough to drink is an extremely serious potentially health threatening issue for them so for the time being we’ve had to capitulate and place a soup bowl on the floor wither water in it which is basically 2 giant steps backward.

Sigh!

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Speaking of cats of the Ninja clan, I am reliably informed that Brutus the Brutal , our Complaint Department Head no has staff, our as her prefers to refer to them ‘crew’. Here he is with his new hires, Buster and Reaper.

Honestly though, his hanging with Impish all the time has turned him into suck a little diva. See here:

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Where the rest of the clan is happy with an occasional wee saucer of 1/2 and 1/2 mid afternoon, certain furballs are demanding an iced latte! Personally I think Impish put him up to this so he has an excuse for an afternoon donut run. Unfortunately Impish forgot that to Brutus his not being around to make said donut and latte run is not an acceptable reason to Brutus for him to forgo his latte. For a wee little furballls his caterwauling until he gets what he wants is both impressive and downright annoying.

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Well I’d like to hang around but the maid service is here and I have to oogle  supervise that is.

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Lethal's Business Card

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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One Response to Leprechaun Laughs #342 for Wednesday May 18, 2016

  1. Ginny says:

    Excellent issue and the song by the Associations …..”Windy” brought good memories. Save any good creations you come up with for holiday issues. Glad you not getting flooding rains….
    tooodles to next week

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