Dragon Laffs #1487


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Good Morning Campers,

Today is Monday.  I actually started this issue on Saturday morning, but had such a full weekend that I couldn’t sit down in a quiet spot and just write to you guys.  So, here I am now.

Except…

I gotta go to work in a couple of minutes.  Sigh.  So, anyway.

Saturday, my kid, you’ve met him before, the Whelpling.  He came over with his lovely wife, she’s a true Angel.  And their three kidlets…the Mini-Whelplings?  Grand-Whelplings?  I don’t know.  So, the five of them came over and we had a REALLY GREAT time.

Sunday, yard work.  And I only got about half of it done.  See, the yard is big enough and I’m old enough that I have a ride on mower for most of it and a regular push mower for the rest.  Well, I had just started on the portion behind the garage when I heard a big bang, the sound of the engine and blades changed sounds.  The engine started whining and smoking and the blades stopped. 

I knew what had happened.  And I had told myself over and over to get a spare. 

The belt from the drive shaft to the blades broke.  So for right now I’ve got a little tractor that doesn’t do anything.  I have a belt on order and I figured that since I was going to be underneath this thing to work on it anyway, I might as well change out the blades.  So, that will not happen until sometime after Wednesday.  I’m just really glad that I got the main portion near the house done before it went kablooie.  So I did the very small front yard and the touch up in the back near the house with the push mower and the back part of the yard will just have to wait.

So, that was my weekend.  How was yours?  You know, there’s a comment button around here somewhere for you to click on and tell me all about it. But, for now, let’s get to laughing.

So when is “Old Enough To Know Better” supposed to kick in?

Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered “who ties your shoelaces for you?”

let's laugh

1969

Nice!  Math humor.  You gotta love it.

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, “Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on… It doesn’t matter to me.  I just love it.”
His eyes now wide with interest, he responds, “No kidding… I’m in Government too.  Are you federal or state?”

As a government employee myself, I take umbrage…. no, never mind.  Even I can’t lie that convincingly.

1970

Nicely played person with chalk.  Nicely played.

10

I woke up in a cold sweat the other night with a nightmare that was horribly similar to that last joke.

1971

11

1972

Dragon

d2016042503

Here’s a “behind-the-scenes” picture of my short lived film career.  I’m the one breathing fire.  No, I wasn’t the star of the film, I was a stunt double for the “leading man” Puff.  Don’t even get me started as to the pay inequality when I did ALL the hard work, the flying, the flame breathing, taking shots from arrows from villagers, and he’s the one who got to eat all the virgin sacrifices.  Now, is that fair?  No.  I think not!

1973

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
“Me want coffee.”

 

The waiter says, “Sure Chief. Coming right up.”

 

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee…..

 

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

 

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: “Me want coffee.”

 

The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”

 

The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
Leave mess for others to clean up
.
Disappear for rest of day.”

 

NOVEMBER 2016 VOTE WISELY!

Politicians

So that last joke…or you can possibly call it a warning … naturally leads us to this topic.  Let’s laugh (or cry) about the current state of American Politics.
4d

Hey Campers.  Aren’t we all getting just a little sick and tired of this whole gun bullshit?  Every friggin’ democrat out there has some plan to take our guns away from us.  The 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States guarantees our freedom to protect ourselves.  Protect ourselves from some one(s) who want to hurt us or our families.  And maybe more importantly, protect ourselves from the big evil government from trying to hurt us, take away our guns, tax the living crap out of us…the list goes on and on.

I’m just tired of listening to this illegal bullshit. And the people who are buying into this crap. If you take away guns from your law abiding citizens, the only ones who will have guns are the criminals.

4e

And that’s the crap that some “Americans” want in the White House?

4f Oh!  Don’t even get me STARTED on that nonsense!  Go ahead and try to follow my wife or daughter into the women’s room.  You sure won’t have to be “confused” over your gender identity anymore.

4g

Oh, were it ever that easy.

4h

10

Pure Evil Genius!

So, I found this next infograph so interesting, I just had to share it with you, my favorite campers.

7

11

Yup.  I’m pretty sure that that would have meant divorce, at the very least, for most of us.

1974

Fantasy

f2010050401

There is a great story behind this picture!  I mean SUPER GREAT!  Sadly, you’ll have to ask Ginny and possibly Diaman for an explaination since I was forced by them to sign a non-disclosure statement.  But, since I only agreed not to speak of it, I can show you this one and only photo of the incident in question and advise you to go ask the girls about it.

A young Navy officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.  Since he wasn’t physically impaired he  remained in the  military and eventually became an Admiral.

However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.  At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, “Do you notice  anything different about me?” The Master  Chief answered,  “Why yes.  I couldn’t help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don’t know whether this impacts your hearing on that side.”

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, “Well yes, you seem to be short one ear.”

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major.  He was articulate, extremely sharp, a combat veteran and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together.  The Admiral  wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.  “Do you notice anything different  about me?”

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, “Yes.  You wear contact lenses.”
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly  tactful  Marine.  “And how do you know that?”  the Admiral  asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, “Well sir, it’s pretty hard to  wear glasses with only one fucking ear.”

Well, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that Marine Sergeant Major was our own Lethal Leprechaun!

 

1975

I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet…
I get hungry!

1976

Critter

Here’s a category we haven’t done in a while….let’s get this one laughing!!
a34

a35

a36

a38

a39

And that’s one of the greatest thing about having a fenced in property.  I get up, hold open the back door the dog goes out.  I wait a while, go back to the back door, hold it open, the dog walks back in.  I could be standing there naked and no one would know the difference.  (And yes, I know I just pitched an underhanded softball to Lethal and fully expect him to hit it out of the park)

1977

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m sitting behind my computer like I normally am at 0515 hrs, getting my first glimpse of the day, taking my first couple of sips of coffee and listening to my flash briefing from my Echo device. 

As I’m sitting here listening, it occurs to me that we’ve turned into those crazy people of the future that Isaac Asimov talked about in the Foundation Series.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about you need to read those books.  Pure Classics.  But, what do I mean by that?

The first story of the day is how one state (Tennessee I think, the state’s not important) is having this huge battle over which bathroom you should use depending on your self perceived gender. 

I’m flabbergasted.  (That is such a great word!)

Of all the things that are going on in our world right now.  Iran is getting nuclear weapons, The spoiled child despot in North Korea is playing with nuclear weapons, 50,000 homeless disabled Vets, hundreds of thousand homeless Vets, untold numbers of homeless in general and the moron in the White House wants to bring in hundreds of thousands of refugees and give them a place to live, medical care, social security….Not a single solitary “refugee” should  be welcome on our land until every single homeless person has received the same privileges that the Muslim Moron wants to give away to non-Americans.

Anyway, I digress. 

My point is, that the inmates have taken over the Asylum.  And we’re all just hanging on by our fingertips.  What a country we’ve turned into.

I really need to laugh some more!…and go to work.

1978

Movie

Brenie Sanders destroys Hillary in debate on Vermont Gun Laws.  This is great fun to watch Bernie get Hillary during this debate.  He absolutely killed Hillary over this issue.

 

 

1979

Motivate

kittens

Kitty Porn

know

Know_the_Difference

kraken

1980

The true sign of a redneck…getting it done, no matter what it takes.

1981

1982

Last Word

Not two minutes after I wrote my little rant on Tuesday Morning this article popped up on my computer.  Since it’s appropriate to what we’ve been discussing and since the whole idea of perverts using our restrooms for perverted reasons pisses me off to no end, I reproduce this article here in its entirety. 

What’s Next for Target Dressing Rooms – Attacks – Abductions?

On April 19, Target announced that anyone can now use their restrooms or dressing rooms, regardless of gender.

With its announcement, Target has made the statement that they are a company run by enlightened progressives who care more about equal rights than you and I.

Their statement, so chock-full of feel-good liberal buzzwords, it could have (and may have) been written by the Obama administration. On its corporate website they posted that, “We believe that everyone – every team member, every guest, and every community – deserves to be protected from discrimination, and treated equally. We welcome transgendered team members and guests to use the restroom or fitting room facility that corresponds with their gender identity.”

So we deserve to be protected from discrimination, just not from predators. They also mentioned that they “welcome transgendered team members” (store employees) yet strangely, I haven’t seen anywhere the number of transgender “team members” they have. And even odder is that the mainstream media has not bothered to ask. I wonder why that is, he asked rhetorically.

Instead, all we hear is the constant refrain of how anyone who doesn’t agree with the Target policy is a Bible-thumping myopic Neanderthal. When we with common sense dare to question the sanity of the Target policy, the left claims that we are unnecessarily whipping up opposition and just being absurd.

Yet we warned from day one what will happen. I don’t mean to imply that Target, as a private company, can’t institute any policy it wishes. They have every right to and once initiated, all who enter their stores must comply. If someone disagrees with a store policy they can turn around and walk away. Evidently, many have.

But still, we warned them. We warned that their policy would be abused, not by transgenders, but by sick twisted perverts and son1 of a gun, we were right again.

Not four days after the Target announcement, one of these sick pervs was arrested for secretly filming girls and women in a Target dressing room in Brentwood, Missouri. He was arrested after holding a camera phone under a dressing room door while a female shopper tried on a swimsuit. Upon arrest it was discovered that he was also in possession of a loaded gun – but I’m sure the gun was to be used for self-defense and not for potential abduction. And as it turns out the pervert was not a first timer. He was also arrested in 2013 for being a pervert.

A few days later it happened at an Oklahoma Target, where a man was caught looking under a door while a woman was trying on clothes. The perv admitted to police that he’s done this at other Target stores.

The most recent incident happened at a Texas target where a man used his phone to video a young girl in a dressing room. Unfortunately he is still at large.

Just a few weeks into this wonderful freedom policy and already there’ve been several documented incidents. But these perverts are like cockroaches. You may only see one, but if there is one in plain sight, rest assured there are thousands in the shadows which have not been discovered.

So what do we think, no – what do we know this will lead to? Of course. Mere peeping toms will give rise to those who wish to act on those impulses. It will give rise to stalking and eventually to attacks either in dressing rooms or elsewhere, but due to the unlimited access. This will happen – Mark my words!

And when it does will the enlightened left hold Target responsible as they insist gun manufacturers be for shootings? No chance!

Nothing can derail the agenda – not voyeurism, assault or even rape. The barriers of normal civilized societies must be smashed at any and all cost. Hundreds or thousands of girls and women being violated in some form is a small price to pay for radical leftists to upend normality. That’s what it’s really all about.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Cheers Impish

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1487

  1. Leah D. says:

    As a kid, frogs were everywhere. But now I never hear them anymore. Treasure those frogs!

  2. GINNY says:

    Nice job Impish….I enjoyed everything. Hey how did the fish in the pond make out over the
    winter? Have a good weekend!!!!!!

    • impishdragon says:

      Believe it or not, they are all, not only still alive, but bigger than ever…and I swear there are more of them. Or maybe it just seems that way because they are all bigger. We did end up with another illegal and undocumented frog. So now there are at least two of them. Oh, and a bat. In the house. That was great fun.

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