Dragon Laffs #1486


 

Header1486

Good Morning Campers,

Today is Monday.  I was going to start this issue yesterday, but that was Sunday…a day of rest … and I mowed the lawn, weedeated the lawn, cleaned the filters on the pond, cleaned the filters on the pond again (long story, don’t ask), helped with the laundry, vacuumed the floor, fixed the Wii for Izzy Dragon, cleaned out part of the shed, and … and … that’s enough.  LOL.  Since we had our Darts awards ceremony on Saturday, I had to squeeze everything else on Sunday, because alcohol and throwing sharp pointy objects just doesn’t leave room for anything else.

Did I win an award?

Yup.  My team won third place for the season and I personally won third place on most “rounds of”.  Now, if you don’t play darts, you may not know what “rounds of” is.  But, if you are familiar with the term, you know it’s not that big a deal.

Anyway, that was my weekend and today I have to go to work, so we better get started on the funny stuff or it’s going to be a long, sad day.

Let's Laugh

Print

I’m not sure I’d like to emulate Steve Rogers, he’s a bit of a mammby-pammby, goodie-two-shoes.  But, the shield and the body transformation would be cool.

Now it’s Tuesday….and it’s darts night!  The last match of the season.  We don’t have a shot at first place, but we are very close to the team that’s in second place and we play them as the last match.  So, suffice to say that we are masters of our own destiny.

It’s also voting day today in Indiana, I’ll be really curious to see who wins and how it affects the overall political race.

But really, let’s laugh some more.

1959

No matter which side you are on in the matter of renaming the Washington Redskins, this is funny. This guy is hilarious…

 

Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.

 

Dear Mr. Page: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let’s ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60’s alive. Gone. It’s offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men’s lives.

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.

Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children.

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.

 

The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children.

 

So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves.

As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women’s athletic teams to something other than “the Beavers (especially when they play Southern California. Do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers???

I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. As for the Redskins name I would suggest they change the name to the “Foreskins” to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Congress.

1960

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

Dragon Pix

d2016042502

Well, not really sure whether these guys are dragons or not, but they sure are cute!

Well, it’s Wednesday morning and what a night last night.  We got our butts kicked in Darts, so we stay in third place, we had elections for our league board and I was elected to one of the positions, Donald Trump took Indiana and forced Cruz right out of the race!  Holy cow.  What a jam-packed day it was!

And today…oh my goodness…today!  Let me see if I can give you a hint to what today is.

Star-Wars-Day1

Okay, so that’s a little more than a hint, but today is 4 May, so I say to you all….”May the Fourth Be With You.”  And tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo.  And no, I won’t tell the really stupid joke about the boat sinking with all the mayonnaise on board.

Okay, this next one is a little harder…what day is today?  Here’s your hint.
National Orange Juice Day May 4

That’s right!  4 May is also National Orange Juice Day!!  Put a little Jim Beam in there and I’m all set for breakfast.

1961

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth

1962

 

Ginny just sent me this picture with the question, “Is this true?”
4a3

Ginny, it’s more true than you could ever know.  I personally know, for a fact, that I-465 (The interstate that runs around the city of Indianapolis) has had construction somewhere on it’s fifty some odd miles since I’ve moved to Indiana…and that was 27 years ago.  So yes, the orange cones and orange barrels are quite common in Indiana.  It does not surprise me at all to find out they’ve been named our state flower.  Heywood Banks from the Bob and Tom Show even wrote a song about it.

And of course, watching this one will lead to many more Bob and Tom videos and many more hours.  Good luck to you all.

So, since we started showing videos, let’s go to our next section which of course is:

Movie Night

You will be amazed what this guy can do with a chain saw and a stump

So, the Game of Thrones new season is finally here!  I know a LOT of you are fans.  So this prank put on by one of the shows main characters should have you rolling in the aisles.

And, if you are like me, you’ll spend the next couple of hours watching the “Funniest Moments” “Game of Thrones Bloopers” and many, many Game of Thrones videos that follow after the one you just watched.

And this one I just had to share.  Can you survive 4 minutes of Hillary?

 

Did you find it easy to survive the 4 minutes?  Did you even finish to the end?  Then how in the world are you going to survive 4 years?!

This one is from Kim Komando, and it’s quite interesting. Let’s take a look at Words We Invented by Getting Them Wrong.

And one more…how about words that are their own opposites?

Fantasy

And what better fantasy pix to show then Arya Stark
arya-stark

When Game of Thrones first came out, we tried to hire the Stark family to do a little moon-lighting for us.  Had we known so many of them were going to die off so quickly we would never have wasted our money.

1963

I only say “bless you” twice.  If you sneeze a third time, I assume it didn’t take and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.

And we’re up to Friday.  Cinco de Mayo.  Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!
So, really, I don’t know much more about it than that.

While I finish up a few more things around here, you guys go ahead and continue to work your way through this wonderfully funny, intelligent, witty, dammit Terrance!!!  Knock it off before I give you a huge raise.  FIRE YOUR ASS!!

1964

Public Service

I saw this on Kim Komando’s web site www.komando.com/ and just had to share it with you guys.
Windows 10 is about to slap you with a $119 charge
Wait!  What the heck happened to:
free-970x546

Well, this is what Kim has to say about it:
Microsoft says its newest version, Windows 10, has been downloaded 300 million times in less than a year. There are good reasons for that. Windows 10 is fast, safe and it’ll soon have browser extensions that diehard Windows users have been asking for for years.

Another great thing about Windows 10 is that the Windows 10 upgrade from Windows 7 and Windows 8.1 is absolutely, 100% free. You pay nothing, nada, zippo.

That is, you pay nothing if you act really fast. If you don’t upgrade your Windows to Windows 10 by July 29, you’ll have to pay $119 to get it. And, if you’re a PC user, you should get it.

You get the idea.  If you wish to read the rest of the article you can do so here

1965

Hmm, and I have my grandchildren coming round tomorrow!  Good Fun!!!  I can’t wait to see them.  Actually, by the time you read this, on Saturday, they’ll probably already be here.

Pestering PoliticiansI’m getting so many wonderful contributions for this section that I could fill several issues with  nothing but these Political Poppers.  But, if you’re like me, after a short while, even as funny as they are, they start to  get depressing.
4aI really wish Dr. Carson hadn’t dropped out of the race so quickly.  I think he would’ve been a really good candidate.

4a1No kidding!

4a24b4cThat’s a really good question.  Now I’m hearing on TV this morning that Hillary is innocent of any wrong doing?  WTF is up with that??  I sure hope I misheard or was asleep and having a nightmare or something.

4d“Absolutely.  It makes perfect sense to me.  The other two horrible people must be wrong!”, said absolutely no one!

1966

Dude, that’s every woman, every time.

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf.

One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority – figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off of.”

The second guy says, “I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”golf

The third guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the bum and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning – golf course or intercourse?”

She said, “Don’t forget your hat.”‘

1967

Motivational

Killer Smile

kim

kindergarten

King

Kitten Mind Meld

We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house. Because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, ‘He’s just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.’

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said, as we drove away. ‘That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!’

The cab driver hit a parked car.

1968

Last Word

So, tomorrow is
Mother’s Day!
A day to remember and thank Mom for all the wonderful things she’s done for you.  Let’s take a look at what dragonpedia has to say about Mother’s Day.
Dragonpedia
Mother’s Day: A holiday created by the Gnomish Greeting Card Guild to make children feel guilty for treating their mum badly after they went through “36 hours of labor giving birth to your ungrateful ass!” and that guilt translating into thousands of gold pieces spent on cards that say things more sappily than they are able to themselves.
Also a day when mum gets to have the shambling tremors over watching the children burn breakfast (and/or lunch, and/or dinner) with their fingers on the speed dial for the fire brigade when the frying pan oil bursts into flames and catches her new kitchen curtains.
So, we here at DL&LL want to wish all you “mothers” out there a happy day, filled with guilt laden greeting cards, long distance collect phone calls (although there are many more of those on Father’s Day then on Mother’s Day) and smoke fumes rising from your kitchen.

Seriously, though; we truly do wish you a happy day.  And to my own dear “Mom” I love you lots! From your #1 son.

cheers

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1486

  1. Ginny says:

    Glad you let me know the truth about the Indiana state flower. Route 80 in NJ is a close second…just when you think they are done…they begin again. I did not survive Hillary’s 4 minute video…can’t image 4 years! Enjoy your grandchildren this weekend.

    • impishdragon says:

      Thanks Ginny and Maggie. I’m glad you both enjoyed the issue so much. It was a GREAT Saturday with the Grand-kidlets. Can’t wait until we can do it again.

  2. Maggie says:

    Love this issue,, I’m still laughing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s