A still somewhat rough looking Lethal greets you in the conference room. While he’s not exactly as bundled up as the last few times you’ve talked to him he is sporting a mock turtle neck and a fleece pullover in addition to a tweed slouch cap.

You notice he’s being made up and that there are two camera men present in the room apparently ready to film his opening monologue.

As soon as you are seated  someone jumps on stage, claps a marker board in front of Lethal and yells “Rolling!”

“Welcome friends! Thanks for slogging your way here” he begins. “Since many of you r fellow readers won’t be able to make the trip due to the weather, I thought we’d broadcast the opening to them.

Apparently what gave me  roughly an inch of rain, tornado watches and high window warnings from Monday night thru Tuesday along with some blustery temps is giving many of you North and East of me from 1 to 3 inches of snow with up to 8 to 12 inches in Impish’s neck of the woods. Little did I realize when I made my opening banner nearly a week ago how prophetic it would turn out to be.

So for all those snowed in/under, enjoy the issue at your leisure  while the winds howl and the snow piles up outside. Hopefully you took part in the ritual emptying of the store shelves prior to the storms arrival and got everything you needed to stay warm and comfy until its over.

For those of you that made it here. We’ve a full issue and a very full Kraft table so fall to it and getter done.”

I swear I’m going to have a cup made similar to this but in a nice Kelly Green with gold lettering and in a proper size so its not empty in two sips.

15 oz.? Yeah that’s the ticket! $15? Okay… a wee on the pricey side but doable.  What?! I’ve got to buy a minimum of 72? Sigh! Back to the crayon board!

Oh it didn’t go awry, trust me! As for Impish saying he got the same blessing, well what does he expect after he diss’d a leprechaun?

Also the most complicated one.

WHISKAS TV Ad – Snow Leopard

Proofreading must be a Dying Art these days!

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the Chronicle the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.    
——————————————————————————–
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
       Now that’s taking things a bit far!
  ———————————————————–
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
       What a guy!  
————————————————————— 
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
—————————————————— 
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
  ———————————————————-
War Dims Hope for Peace 
I can see where it might have that effect!
—————————————————————-
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
   Ya think?!
———————————————————————– 
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
      Who would have thought!
—————————————————————-
Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide  
They may be on to something!
————————————————————————
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
      You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
  ———————————————————-
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
     He probably IS the battery charge!
———————————————- 
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 
Weren’t they fat enough?!
———————————————–  
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
—————- ——————————— 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
       Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
   Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
       Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
       Boy, are they tall!
******************************************* 
And the winner is…. 
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 
     Did I read that right?

How to Make a Cheesy Bacon, Sausage and Tater Tot Breakfast Bake

Do you like bacon? (Who in their right mind would say no to this question?) Do you like sausage? Do you like tater tots? If you answered yes to all these questions, you are in for a treat. Literally. This ultimate breakfast meal is filled with sausage, bacon, eggs, cheese and tater tots. It has all you could ever want for breakfast piled into one pan.

Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
Total Time: 55 minutes

Servings: 6

Ingredients:
5 slices bacon
1 package breakfast sausage (turkey or pork)
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
2 cups whole milk
3 eggs
½ teaspoon ground pepper
½ teaspoon onion powder
⅛ teaspoon salt
2 lbs. frozen tater tots
3 tablespoon chopped parsley

Directions:
1. First off, preheat the oven to 350°F. Cook already dethawed breakfast sausage in a skillet over medium heat for around 7 minutes. Once they are mostly cooked, cut them up into smaller pieces and cook for a couple minutes longer. Then, line the bottom of an already greased 9 x 13 inch baking pan with these little cooked sausages. Sprinkle two cups of cheese on top.

2. In a medium sized bowl, mix together milk, eggs, salt, pepper and onion powder.

[I used a blender and since the eggs we had were only mediums I used 5]

3. Pour the milk mixture directly on top of the sausage and cheese in the baking pan.

4. Now it is time for the tots. Layer the tots on top of the sausage, cheese and egg mixture.

5. Stick the pan full of tots in the oven to cook for around 35 minutes.

6. While the tots are cooking, fry your slices of bacon until crispy. Let cool.

7. Once cooled, crumple up the bacon to form bite sized bacon bits.

[Or just do what I did and use real bacon bits in the refrigerated pouches. It’s easier and a lot leaner]

8. After 35 minutes have passed, take the pan out and top with extra cheese, crumpled up bacon bits and chopped up parsley for garnish. Stick back in the oven for five more minutes and then enjoy!

Old Cemeteries- Some fascinating things on old tombstones!

A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries …

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :
Born 1903–Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. It was.

=============================
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up
and no place to go.

=============================
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
Only the good die young.

=============================
In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid
but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

=============================
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

===============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon him for not rising.

===============================
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

==============================
In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:
Here lays The Kid,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

================================
A lawyer’s epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

=================================
John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne,
England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

==================================
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

==================================
Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls ,
Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

==================================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,
Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod,
Pease shelled out and went to God.

THIS ONE IS EXTREMELY WELL WRITTEN:-

In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I’ll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.

It’s that most wonderful time of the year again!

No I’m not talking about kids jingle belling or people telling you to be of good cheer. It’s mostly Andy Williams that gets his rocks off on being annoyed like that once a year.

No I’m talking about  a favorite season of Impish, myself and of course Cookie Monster….

Yuppers. From Feb 13th until March 20th ‘tis the season to stock up on possibly the best biscuits there be.

Ever wonder what your choice in Girls Scout Cookie s says about you? Let’s find out shall we?

What does your favorite Girl Scout cookie say about you?

I know, I know. It’s hard to just pick one. But dig down deep and figure out which cookie is your true soul food mate and learn what it means about your personality. This is important.

[My second favorite as they go well with a nice cup of Earl Gray]

[My personal favorite]

[These get Impish’s and Molly’s Vote]

[ Or possess a sweet tooth the size of the Rock of Gibraltar! ]

Hey! You said you those were hives on your butt Impish!

The Atlantic reported last year that if you lined up all the used Keurig pods sold in 2014, they would encircle the globe nearly a dozen times.