Dragon Laffs #1475–20 Feb 2016


Header Lethal 1

Good Morning Campers!

Today’s issue is huge!  Super-sized!  Extra-Large!

It’s got a lot of stuff in it, too.

Anyway, since I’m working again this weekend, all weekend I don’t really have a lot to put in this beginning part, so let’s just get right to it.

Let's Laugh 2

 

 

The nothing box, by Mark Gungor.

Mark does a seminar on humorous marriage counseling of which the Nothing Box was a small segment.  If you wish to watch the whole 2 hour session, you can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=814eR5K7KD8 I didn’t post it here because it is too big.  But it is well worth the watch.  Funny and informative at the same time.

104

This is a quiz.  Hidden song lyrics.  Can you see it?

So, we go to another video, that doesn’t show as happy a situation as the Nothing Box.  This one is very sad.  The Carrier Air Conditioner Company tells their 1400 employees that they are moving their company to Monterrey, Mexico.  And their collective reaction is all caught on video.

Moving from Indianapolis to Mexico.  What a bunch of horse crap.

106

Ain’t that the truth!

Now, the most common lies…how many of them have you used?
105

I got 9 out of 11.  I know, but what can I say.  Dragons are liars.  Ask Lethal, he’ll tell you.  “Is your issue ready to send to press?” I’m on my way downstairs with it right now.  “Where the hell have you been?  I’ve been texting you all day!  Your issue is late!  I’m paying the dwarves by the hour and now they are just standing around waiting on you!” I didn’t get your text.

See what I mean?

107

I’m really not sure if this is a picture of mine or Lethal’s.  It’s so hard to tell, since they are both so much alike.

Dragon pic 2

Sir_Wooden_Sword_by_kerembeyit

I like little kids, I really do.  So nice, tender.  They make GREAT sandwiches.

 

108

Amen!  If you must talk on the phone while driving at the very least use a hands free device.  Mine is truly hands free because I do have to take calls while I’m driving.  As long as the phone is plugged into the charger, I can say, “Hey Siri, call Lethal Leprechaun” and it will do everything for me.  My eyes NEVER have to leave the road.  But even at that, it is possible to become distracted while driving, because talking on the phone takes away a lot of your attention that you NEED for driving.  So, I only take the calls that I absolutely have to take because I’m on call 24/7.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

1794

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’
‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and
‘Thou Shall Not Lie’
in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.

1799

Ever wonder “How it’s made”?  Here’s your chance to get lost in YouTube.  Start with how Tabasco Sauce is made and you can spend hours watching the next one and the next one and the….well, you get the picture.

109

Lethal Leprechaun gave me the same blessing!!!

 

Fantasy Pix

f2010040401

Ever wonder what’s down on our 8th floor?  Don’t!  Don’t wonder at all.

 

1801

Birthdays can be very frustrating for us dragons.  This is just the least of it.  Eat on birthday guest one time and no one ever lets you forget.  How was I to know she was a guest and not a present?

Thanks to Jeannie, here’s another video, not near as nice as the others I’ve shown.  It’s called the snake and it’s by Donald Trump:

 

1803

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.
“She’s incredibly mixed up,” said one doctor. “She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!”
 
The second doctor said, “That’s nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!”
 
Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall.
“Oh my God!” said the first doctor, “I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith’s boil!”

1804

 

coollogo_com-170261913

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1806

The Los Angeles Rams held a season ticket sale online from team headquarters at the Forum on Thursday. They got ten thousand orders in ten minutes but then the team website malfunctioned and crashed. As a result, half the Rams fans have season tickets and the other half have ObamaCare.

1807

People don’t think about how the cold effects the monsters, but it does.  It really does.

 

This one is from Grumpy.  (I’m getting that out there so that when the hate mail starts, I know where to forward it to.)
Do you realize that if Bernie Sanders wins, it will be the first time that a Jewish family moved into public housing that was left vacant by a black family?

 

1808

This is pretty funny and pretty accurate.  I’ve either lived there, known someone who’s lived there or have a family member that lives there so I can attest to the accuracy of these:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your ass from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OR
You can retire to California where…
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long  it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are:  Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to Michigan where…
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is “He is different, she is different, or It was different!”
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everywhere is: “in yonder,” either “over yonder” or “out yonder”.
OR
You can retire to Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
OR
You can retire to Nebraska where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at.”
OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist,  proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

1809

This was posted the day before yesterday and it’s already getting huge play.  This police Captain is no stranger to posting videos or to using this format to get his message out.  Today’s message is directed to a particular group of punks.  I like it and I’m sure many of you will too.

1810

1

Economy

educated

breast feeding

Every Shower

finish

 

Drama in the Serengeti
A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. 
While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.”
The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.”
The deadly chase was recorded.

2c

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.
 
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
 
The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re very strong and very expensive.”
 
“How much?” asked Grandpa.
 
“$10. a pill,” Answered the son.
 
“I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.”
 
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow….
He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $10, not $110.”
 
“I know,” said Grandpa, “The hundred is from Grandma!”

2d

I know this to be true, because I’ve seen my dad actually do this.

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2e

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And that my friends, is the end for today, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, until we meet again next week, I want you to remember one thing:3acoollogo_com-179212349

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1475–20 Feb 2016

  1. Jeannie says:

    Another GREAT issue, Mr. Dragon! The answer to the picture is “Ice, Ice, Baby!”
    About that Carrier video, look at this. Sure smells fishy…
    Carrier Denies That It Received or Will Claim $5.1 Million from Stimulus
    http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2016/02/16/carrier-denies-that-it-received-or-will-claim-5-1-million-from-stimulus/

  2. Ginny says:

    Sorry to hear you are working this weekend, especially after putting out this great issue! That damn job is going to kill our Dragon!!!!

  3. Leah D says:

    I rate these by how many items I want to send on to others. I have been so busy with this one!
    You need an EXCELLENT PLUS!

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