Dragon Laffs #1472–30 Jan 16


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Good Morning Campers,

Another crazy week of weird hours and working on so many different projects I’m not sure what is going on on any different day.  It’s been wild.

And now it’s come time to write my lead in for today’s issue and I’m stumped.  I have no idea what to write about.  I’ve finished the issue and I’m just ready to print and I’m all written out.

So, I’m gonna give all of you a break tonight and just say:

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Well, it seems as though someone fixed the problem with the videos and we can now put them back in the issue.

Hooray!

And as the first video to be put back in Dragon Laffs this one is also a:
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Yup, this is a Dragon Laffs Public Service Announcement.  Our own dear Ginny sent me this video because it’s got some great safety information and something that every driver should watch.  So, click on it and watch, already.

A lot of good information that I didn’t know…and you know what they say, “It’s what you don’t know that can kill you.”  Yeah it can.

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Ouch! Rudolph doing time.  You know, having ridden with Santa on more than one occasion, I’m here to tell you that Rudolph can be a bit of a snob and finding out that he flipped out and is now behind bars isn’t that surprising to me.

 

A lot of our dear camper buddies on the east coast got their asses handed to them by mother nature in the form of a bunch of feet of snow.  Not inches, feet!  So, in their name I’d like to recite this little poem, you can even sing it, if you wish.

Oh the weather outside can bite me,
My muscles ache to spite me,
I don’t have that happy glow,
Stupid Snow
Stupid Snow
Stupid Snow

Thank you, thank you very much!  I’ll be here all day!  Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

 

 

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That is absolutely perfect for me, every morning!

 

Okay, so we’re celebrating videos and winter this issue, so sit back and watch and laugh

That’s why people move to Florida.

 

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Last year we had one of the qualifying rounds for the Draconian Olympics, which are held every four years in Draconia and which will take place this year.  Here is one of the contestants running the 25 mile dash and destroy events. 

 

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Yup, and it was a salesman by the name of Lethal Leprechaun.  Ain’t none better.

 

I am sorry that I have not been consistently responsive lately to emails from some of you.

I have been somewhat under the weather since my doctors informed me that I have an acute case of Post Islamic  Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue (PIST-AWF).

For those of you who do not know what that is, PIST-AWF, it is a newly defined disease that is found to be widespread and highly contagious.  Symptoms include, but may not be limited to:

–      Severe pain of the scalp from pulling you own hair while viewing the President pander to Muslim terrorists.

–      Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice. (I didn’t vote for the ass.)

–      Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing Muslim terrorists murdering innocent people.

If you feel you have Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure.

It is expected, and sincerely hoped, that the cure will be available early November of 2016.

And, stupidly,  I  thought it was due to aging!

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That’s really not funny since Lethal handles my legal affairs under the same system.

 

Seen on the Northern State Parkway on Long Island.  A lot of people thought it was a misspelling, but actually, me and a bunch of my Dragon Buddies were headed that way to help with snow removal.
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This one is good, even if it is a push for Trump.  It makes a lot of good points.  Although I think I may have run this one once before, it’s worth watching again.

 

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Here’s some good ideas from our friends at Make Use Of on those of us getting older and keeping the evil Alzheimer’s from taking us to hell.
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Another of our security members.  She is part of the outer perimeter guard.  As you can see, she really enjoys her job.
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The NFL announced plans Thursday to put an NFL franchise in London within the next six years. The expansion won’t stop there. After two years, so many players will have been deported to Australia instead of serving prison time the NFL can put franchises in Melbourne and Sydney as well.

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Greenpeace reported that China’s windless winter is causing air quality to worsen in much of the country Wednesday. In addition, according to satellite readings, smog is drifting across the Pacific Ocean to pollute the West Coast of the U.S. Can’t we make anything in this country anymore?

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Heck, you celebrate the way you want and I’ll celebrate the way I do.

 

Thirteen Hours was released in theaters Friday about the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi four years ago. It’s got Democrats jumpy. Hillary Clinton’s campaign said she won’t see the movie because she’s too busy campaigning, the same reason she didn’t stop the actual attack.

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Lethal Leprechaun and his law group Dewie, Cheatum and Howe have a newly hired junior attorney.  Here’s a short picture sequence of some of his latest rulings.

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Boy!  Ain’t this next one the truth!!!
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An old man asks his wife: “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you.. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons’?”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that.. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he performed the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“Alright,” Martha said. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”

Henry fainted…

 

 

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Okay, so I apologize for this one.
If it’s so bad, why am I publishing it?, you ask.
Well, believe it or not, there are actually campers out there among you who like this stuff.  And you know that Dragon Laffs is an equal opportunity insulter.

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Ginny sent this next one to me, so I sent it to you.  If you think it’s as sick as I do, then blame Ginny!

A  distressed but attractive woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get up the nerve to jump.
A passing hobo stops and says, “Since you’re about to kill yourself  anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?”
The  woman said “Get away from me, you sicko!”
The  bum turned to leave and muttered, “Fine, I’ll just go wait at the  bottom.”

Pretty bad, right?  Yeah, I thought so too.  It’s amazing that it made it through the censors. 

 

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“How To Stop Church Gossip”

      Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.

Several members did not approve of her extra- curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

 She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there would know what he was doing!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing..

 Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house … walked home …. .and left it there all night.

You always have to watch the quiet ones.  They’re the ones who get the best revenge.

 

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Okay, this just pissed me off to no end!  This is not right!  This is not right at all!  It’s time to have a
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Here’s the headline:

NY COUPLE ORDERED TO COMPLETE “RE-EDUCATION” TO CONTRADICT RELIGIOUS BELIEFS ABOUT MARRIAGE
JANUARY 27, 2016

So, my first thought is this some sort of way out there, off beat religion that allows people to marry their pets or something like that?  Oh no!  Not at all.  Read on dear camper:
Do you remember the New York couple, who was sued for their refusal to host a same-sex marriage ceremony on their property?

Not only was this their property, it was their home.   They live in the barn they built on their property, and would sometimes host weddings there. 

An appeals court just ruled that their refusal to host the union of a same-sex couple, in their own home, was discriminatory.

Okay, hang on a second.  Are you saying that if I don’t want, say, Islamic Muslims in my home, that I can be sued and charged with discrimination against a protected class of people?  It’s my home, shouldn’t I be allowed to have anyone in there that I want and to keep out anybody I want?  In my own home?

Apparently not.  There’s more.

They were fined $13,000, and to top it off – they were ordered to attend “re-education training classes” to counter their religious beliefs on marriage as a sacred union between a man and woman.

What is happening to the United States of America?

What indeed?  The government, which is supposed to stay completely OUT of the religion business, is basically telling this couple that their religion is wrong and that they are not allowed to worship as they see fit, but are being forced to be “reeducated” to meet the government’s standard of what religion is all about.

What about the Christian Scientists who won’t give their children medical help because they don’t believe in doctors?  They can let their children die in the name of their God, but this couple is being told that their religion, that basically says that marriage is between a man and a woman only.

Hmm, one forwards the government’s agenda and the other doesn’t, so it won’t matter if a child dies, but just that someone is discriminating against the left’s precious minorities.

CNSNews reports:

“After the agency ruled that the Giffords were guilty of ‘sexual orientation discrimination,’ it fined them $10,000, plus $3,000 in damages and ordered them to implement re-education training classes designed to contradict the couple’s religious beliefs about marriage,” a press release issued following the court decision stated.

In order to comply with the order, the couple will have to attend those “re-training” classes or have a “trainer” come to them, according to ADF.

“All Americans should be free to live and work according to their beliefs, especially in our own backyards,” ADF legal counsel Caleb Dalton, who argued before the court on behalf of the couple in Gifford v. Erwin, said in a statement. “The government went after both this couple’s freedom and their ability to make a living simply for adhering to their faith on their own property.

So, I guess we can cross this one off the list, just like the second one…

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Yeah, we don’t like that one so much.  Besides, the Constitution is a living, breathing document, which means that it only says what we say it means.

Now, I want everyone to know that I am NOT gay bashing and saying that they shouldn’t be allowed to marry or anything like that.  What I’m saying is their right to be together does NOT over rule anyone’s right to believe whether what they are doing is right or wrong. 

They weren’t hurt in any way by these people saying that they couldn’t use their home.  It wouldn’t have been any different than them saying they were already booked on a particular day.  They just have to GO SOME WHERE ELSE!

But no.  They were discriminated against.  So, let’s sue. 

I agree with the author of this piece… WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled programing…

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Our Yearly Dementia Test– only 4 questions:

It’s that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty. Take the test presented here to determine if you’re losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.




1. What do you put in a toaster? 










Answer: ‘bread.’ If you said ‘toast’ give up now and do something else
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2. 





2. Say ‘silk’ five times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink? 










Answer: Cows drink water. If you said ‘milk,’ don’t attempt the next question.
Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.
Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said ‘water’, proceed to question 3. 







3. If a red house is made from red bricks and
a blue house is made from blue bricks and
a pink house is made from pink bricks and
a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a green house made from? 







Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. 
If you said ‘green bricks,’ why are you still reading these???
If you said ‘glass,’ go on to Question 4. 


4. Without using a calculator 
You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.
In London, 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading, 
6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, 3
 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmarthen, 6 people get off and 3 get on. 
You then arrive at Milford Haven…



Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver? 









Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don’t you remember your own age…. 
It was YOU driving the bus!
 

 

If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you. 

PS: 95% of people fail some of the questions!

 

 

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Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. 
Let’s have a look at the evidence: 
 
– No Christmas 
– No television 
– No nude women 
No football 
– No pork chops
– No hot dogs 
– No burgers 
 No beer 
No bacon 
– Rags for clothes 
– Towels for hats 
Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower 
 
– More than one wife 
(& More than one mother in law)
– You can’t shave 
– Your wife can’t shave 
– You can’t wash off the smell of donkey 
You cook over burning camel shit
 
– Your wife is picked by someone else for you 
– and your wife smells worse than your donkey 
 
 
Then they tell you that “when you die, it all gets better”?
 
Well no shit, Sherlock!…. 
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It’s not like it could get much worse

 

 

 

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My dog loves this picture.  He agrees completely that there are way too many cats on the internet.

 

I just opened this email from my dad and it hit me really hard.  Really hard.  So, I just had to share it with you guys.

That song gives me chills every time I hear it, but for some reason, today, it just hit me really hard.

 

A hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, “May I help you?”
The man says,“Yes, I’m in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out the window.”
The desk clerk says, “I’m sorry sir, but that’s a personal matter.”
The man replies, “Listen you idiot. The window won’t open…. that’s a maintenance matter.” 

 

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An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. 
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
 
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him  about , ‘What time of night to be 
getting home is this? Where have you been?  Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.
 
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed 
off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself 
up the stairs.
 
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James 
Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
 
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
 
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his 
legs and feet.
 
‘They’re not hanging Wright  tonight,’ she said.
 
 
 
He whirled around and screamed, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN,  DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!’

 

 

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It’s not a matter of whether he is worth $15 an hour, or whether the place of business can afford to pay him and his peers $15 an hour, it is that he wants $15 an hour so he has to get it.  It’s such stupid bullshit.

 

Okay, so Lethal Leprechaun asked me for some room in my issue today for a guest rant and I said sure, how about the Last Word, it’s always an open topic and he can talk about what ever he wants.  Well, when I found out what he wanted to talk about I was in 100% agreement because that is the exact thing I was going to talk about myself.  So here, is Mr. Leprechaun’s …
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Notice of Withdrawal of DL/LL Digital Media’s Support of The Wounded Warrior Project
 
Greetings Readers.
 
I’d like to thank Impish for making room in his issue for this editorial rant.
 
As you know in addition to calling bullshit on public officials, liberals and urban legends we strive to bring humor into your life at least twice a week. We also pride ourselves on supporting of troops, past and present and seeing that once they come home they are not discarded and ignored. We try to be vocal proponents of them receiving the respect and care that their sacrifice demands be given to them, particularly to those who have served in combat and are left with permanent disabilities.
 
Back in 2004 I championed a newly emerging charitable organization called the The Wounded Warrior Project. Wounded Warrior Project is supposed to be a military and veterans charity service organization empowering injured veterans and their families. According to both The New York Times and CBS News (<= click hyperlinks to read the news stories) stands accused of spending only 60% of the money it collects on Wound Warriors where as other similar organizations like Disabled American Veterans Charitable Service Trust spends 96 percent of its budget on vets and Fisher House devotes 91 percent.
 
You might ask where the other 40 percent is going. A very reasonable question with a simple abet disturbing answer. According to 40 past employees of whom one gets the sense were apparently dismissed for having issue with the way the money was being spent. The Wounded Warrior Project has spent millions a year on travel, dinners, hotels and conferences that often seemed more lavish than appropriate, more than four dozen current and former employees said in interviews. Former workers recounted buying business-class seats and regularly jetting around the country for minor meetings, or staying in $500-per-night hotel rooms.
 
The organization has also spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in recent years on public relations and lobbying campaigns to deflect criticism of its spending and to fight legislative efforts to restrict how much nonprofits spend on overhead.
 
 
Some of its own employees have criticized it, too. William Chick, a former supervisor, spent five years with the Wounded Warrior Project. “It slowly had less focus on veterans and more on raising money and protecting the organization,” he said.
 
Mr. Chick, who was fired in 2012 after a dispute with his supervisor, said he saw the Wounded Warrior Project help hundreds of veterans. But like other former employees, he said the group swiftly fired anyone leaders considered a “bad cultural fit.”
 
Eighteen former employees — many of them wounded veterans themselves — said they had been fired for seemingly minor missteps or perceived insubordination. At least half a dozen former employees said they were let go after raising questions about ineffective programs or spending. [ The New York Times ]
 
Folks this doesn’t fly with us here at DL/LL Digital Media nor should it with you. In short order we will be removing any reference link to the Wounded Warrior Project from the Blog and would ask that you consider showing your support of our troops if you are so inclined by donating to an alternate charity with a much lower overhead and much more stringent spending controls relating to that overhead.
 
Thank you for your kind attention to this very important to us matter, I now return you to your normally scheduled Dragon.

Well, your normally scheduled Dragon is pretty well cheesed off as well.   You have no idea how much of my personal money I’ve contributed to this organization.  Lethal and I both have spent time and money on this organization to find out that this is what they are really all about! 

Yeah, I’m pissed.  And you should be too.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1472–30 Jan 16

  1. Maggie says:

    Impish, another fabulous issue!!!,, thanks to Ginny for the info on staying safe with the car. I did not know any of that. Also I am very upset about the WWP,, I always thought they were doing so much good. I don’t have much but I try to help where I can,, you can be sure I will find a group that really does provide for our VETS. Keep up the good work my fav BLUE BUDDY I’ve been fond of DRAGONS since I was wee one PS,, I passed the dementia quiz with 100%
    Take care, stay warm and feel better

    • impishdragon says:

      To Maggie, Ginny, Alan and all the rest of you who have wrote both publicly and privately, thank you for your wonderfully kind words. As to the Wounded Warrior Project, we are always on the look out for new charities that help out our brothers and sisters in arms. We will be sure to let you know as we get more information.
      Cheers,
      Impish

  2. Ginny says:

    I too heard about the wounded warrior project….and I join you in the PISSED OFF CLUB. Great videos this week…especially GOD BLESS THE USA with the three tenors. Take your bows Impish….another fun filled issue….have a great weekend.

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