Leprechaun Laughs # 319 for Wednesday Oct 7th 2015


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Good morning readers. Your golden ray of sarcastic sunshine has risen in all of his curmudgeonly Celtic glory!

As you can see from our banner Impish is still at large (in more ways than one) and I have begun calling in…uh…outside contractors in the security field to assist in the search. These guys are costly, brutal in their methods, but have proven track records of being extremely effective.

Hopefully by the end of today’s issue we’ll have Impish safely back home in spite of his self induce paranoia or  at least a strong lead on his whereabouts. If not, well I’m just going to have to take (regrettably) sterner and strong measures to get him to come in from the cold before this get out of hand

Mean time its another full packed issue of fun laughs and thought provoking I have for you let lets get right to it.

TEam USa Lets Roll

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I’m getting fricking false Impish sighting just everywhere!

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Yes, this is pretty early in the issue for a serious editorial by me. Yes, these are generally the province of my Parting Shots. However, I suspect my Parting Shots are often over looked and/or totally ignored. Well this subject is far too important to allow that to happen.

There is understandably a lot of talk and press coverage regarding the mass shooting Thursday in Oregon. The discussions range from what happen and its aftermath, to the unusual trend started by the Douglas County, Oregon, Sheriff John Hanlin of refusing to speak the shooters name and thereby denying him his ‘fame’, which if you ask me is more appropriately labeled ‘infamy’.  The issue of gun control, basically every aspect of this incident is getting hashed and rehashed incessantly except for the most important thing that happened that day.

A deed of life changing noble self sacrifice by someone who had already served his country and done more than his share. Some one who unhesitatingly stepped up and rewrote that check, knowing this time it most likely would be cashed for full face value- his life.

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When the shooting broke out, Chris Mintz, 30, a military veteran and a former high school football player in Randleman, North Carolina, tried to save the lives of others.

“Tries to block the door to keep the gunman from coming in,” his aunt, Wanda Mintz, told a CNN affiliate in High Point, North Carolina.

“Gets shot three times,” his aunt said. “Hits the floor.”

    “Looks up at the gunman and says, ‘It’s my son’s birthday today,’ ” his aunt said.

    Still, there was no mercy. The gunman shot Mintz again. It’s not yet clear exactly how many more times, but both his legs are broken, said family members who talked to him by phone on his way into surgery.

    Blocks the doorway.

    With his own body.

    Knowing he has no body armor.

    No protection.

    No way to defend or protect himself.

    Knowing he’s already done his full measure for his Country and community to keep them safe.

    Knowing he has a small child at home who might wind up remembering his birthday from that day forward as the Dad his father died.

    Why? What would possess someone to do something so (on a purely survival instinct level) so utterly insane and life threatening? The answer is simple enough.

    Heroism. The instinctive need to Protect and Defend those in danger regardless of personal cost. Plain and simple heroism.

    That folks is something worth reporting on until every last reporter is sick of writing about it, until every last US citizen is tired of reading or hearing about it. Until every crazy with a manifesto and a gun, until every terrorist in every sleeper cell until every gang banger on ever corner understands that there are potentially tens thousands of Chris Mintzs out there lurking in every school in every theater, in every public place. Unlike Chris Mintz not all of them are unarmed, some will be able to protect them selves and actively defend against this wanton acts of senseless violence and thus hopefully turning the perpetrator into a victim of his own violence.

    People like Chris Mintz.

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    Let’s get back to the issue shall we?

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    Humm..wonder if this is what Impish is really hiding from? Not from me over the mine fire etcetera, but from Mrs. Dragon and her +5 Cast Iron Skillet of Constant Consternation!

     

     

    The Top 5 Reasons Superhenge is Better Than Stonehenge

    Scientists discovered a Superhenge not far from the original Stonehenge in England.

     

    5.) Not only is it larger than the original Stonehenge, it’s also twenty percent more absorbent.

    4.) The original Stonehenge was supposed to be Superhenge, but the contractor never came back to finish it.

    3.) Way more cupholders.

    2.) While it may be bigger, Superhenge also uses courtesy lube.

    And the Number One Reason Superhenge is Better Than Stonehenge…

    1.) It’s open past 5 p.m., which is more than I can say for anything else in England

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    Carhenge is a replica of England’s Stonehenge located near the city of Alliance, Nebraska, on the High Plains region of the United States. Instead of being built with large standing stones, as is the case with the original Stonehenge, Carhenge is formed from vintage American automobiles, all covered with gray spray paint. Built by Jim Reinders, it was dedicated at the June 1987 summer solstice

    Carhenge consists of 39 automobiles arranged in a circle measuring about 29 meters (95 ft.) in diameter. Some are held upright in pits 1.5 meters (4.9 ft.) deep, trunk end down, and arches have been formed by welding automobiles atop the supporting models. The heelstone is a 1962 Cadillac. Three cars were buried at Carhenge. Their “gravestone” is a car that reads: “Here lie three bones of foreign cars. They served our purpose while Detroit slept. Now Detroit is awake and America’s great!”

    Carhenge replicates Stonehenge’s current “tumble-down” state, rather than the original stone circle erected between 2500 BC and 2000 BC.

    In addition to the Stonehenge replica, the Carhenge site includes several other sculptures created from autos covered with various colors of spray paint.

    Carhenge was conceived in 1987 by Jim Reinders as a memorial to his father. While living in England, he studied the structure of Stonehenge, which helped him to copy the structure’s shape, proportions, and size. Other automobile sculptures were subsequently added to the location of Carhenge, which is now known as the Car Art Reserve.  Carhenge was listed for sale in 2011 for $300,000.

    Carhenge is used frequently in popular culture, and makes appearances in film, popular music, television programs and commercials.[5] It is the subject of the 2005 documentary Carhenge: Genius or Junk?, and features in the 2007 travel book 1,000 Places to See in the USA and Canada Before You Die.

    Carhenge will be in the path of the Solar eclipse of August 21, 2017.

    Dragon Detected

    A klaxon starts sounding and various screens around the room begin flashing  the above message. Lethal seems more subdued this week about the sighting alert and doesn’t move from his current position. He simply drops the mic to his ear piece in front of his mouth says ‘Lethal is up.’, listens a moment then asks ‘Contact location? MISSOURI?! Are you SURE? “Show me. ’ as he taps several keys on his tablet. The displays switch to showing the reported contact which he zooms in on:

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    “Congrats you bunch of Big Brother Bozos! That’s the closest you’ve come to something that looks like a Blue Dragon in a week! That’s a B-2 Bomber out of Whitman Airfield. Now, get back to work AND FIND ME IMPISH DRAGON!”

    He double taps a button on his head set “Dispatch a full team to the area of Whitman AFB just outside of Knob Noster, Missouri. I suspect Impish might possibly be using the B-2 Bomber flights to camouflage his movements since they are about the closest thing in to the shape of a dragon flying. They’ll have to fly into Kansas City International it’s the closest facility that has a strip that will handle Shamrock One without displaying her special aeronautical attributes. It’s about 70 miles southeast to the town and 72 miles to the base then. Use of sedative loaded pies is authorized. We have to bring mister inventive and semi hysterical in before he hurts someone of himself. No-name come up with anything on the coffee as yet? Huh. What about those accounting entries? I see. Source of the fire? Fire Marshall or No-name get anywhere there yet? Evidence of a possible pyrotechnic device? Interesting. Say that again please? How is that possible? We both heard his claim that they had all been rescued and returned to their families. Do we have any single dwarves on the payroll or any reported missing? Well is he sure about his claim? Alright! Get me the work crew Foreman and his Lead men in my office in an hour and double check everybody really is accounted for.””

    Sorry about that folks. Not only is Impish proving harder to catch than normal, but this whole thing is starting to smell way fishier than normal too. Seems there are more dwarves on the hidden security camera tapes than the rescued party by a count of one.

    Mean time lets get back to the hunt issue shall we?”

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    Volkswagen admitted to falsifying emissions tests for diesel engines in 5 million cars by installing software that helped them fudge the data.

    The Top 5 Volkswagen Excuses

    5. What’s the big deal? Maria Shriver drives one of our cars and everyone cheats on her.

    4. Smoking is really sexy.

    3. We were targeting the Ashley Madison demographic.

    2. We hired the same software engineer who installed Hilary’s server.

     

    And the Number One Volkswagen Excuse…

    1. We would have noticed the error if we hadn’t been inhaling all these toxic exhaust gasses for all these years.

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    A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.” The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “units” than his dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.” Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”

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    Poor bastard is going to be found dead in some flop house, Redbox case for an action flick next to the TV with a Chili Cheese Fries in his mouth, half finished Haagen dazs shake on the night stand and a hypodermic of bacon grease still in his arm!

    HEY CHICS! Here’s a flick for you!

     

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    Chicken Marengo

    They claim this is a 4 step meal. Well I cut a step right out of that and use a package of  chicken tenders instead of having to slice the chicken breasts. Paillards are just thinly sliced scallops of meat (think stir fry). I’ll admit that using the tenders does lengthen to cooking times a bit but its offset by the not having to slice the chicken breast and have them partly frozen to do it. Even if you decide to slice the tenders in halves, thirds or quarters, (on the bias will get you that paillards appearance)  its still going to be way faster unless you buy presliced which you’ll wind up paying even more for then the chicken tenders.

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    Ingredients

    3 large chicken cutlets, sliced into thin paillards (slice while partially frozen)
    Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
    1/2 cup all-purpose flour
    3 tablespoons vegetable oil
    1 medium sweet onion, sliced
    1/2 pound mushrooms, sliced
    1 yellow bell pepper, seeded and julienned
    2 tablespoons tomato paste
    1/2 cup white wine
    1/2 cup beef broth
    1 (14-ounce) can chopped tomatoes
    1/2 tablespoon butter

    Directions

    Season the chicken with salt and pepper, to taste, and lightly dredge in flour. In a large sauté pan, heat the oil over medium-high heat and add the chicken. Brown on both sides, until nicely golden, about 3 minutes per side. Remove from the pan and set aside on a plate. In the same pan, add more oil, if needed, along with the onion, mushrooms and peppers and sauté until softened and fragrant, but not limp, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Stir in the tomato paste and cook a few minutes to cook out the raw flavor. Turn up the heat, and add the wine/wine to deglaze the pan and let it reduce for 2 or 3 minutes. Add the beef broth and tomatoes. Once the mixture begins to bubble, add the browned paillards and any juices from the chicken and reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook until the chicken is warmed through, about 3 minutes. Turn the heat off and stir in the butter. Transfer to a serving platter and serve immediately.

    I transfer it to a platter of pasta, polenta, or mashed potatoes, you could even put it over rice if you wanted to. Mini spinach & cheese ravioli, tortellini or gnocchi would also work well. Heck ladle it in bowls and hand them out with hunks of hot fresh crusty bread and I doubt you’d get any grumbles about the meal!

    Butterscotch Peanut Butter Bars

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    Ingredients

    1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, room temperature, plus more for greasing
    1/2 cup granulated sugar
    1/2 cup packed brown sugar
    1/2 cup plus 1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
    1 large egg
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 cup all-purpose flour
    1 teaspoon baking soda
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/2 cup quick-cooking oatmeal
    6 ounces butterscotch chips (about 1 cup)
    1 cup confectioners’ sugar
    4 tablespoons milk

    Directions

    Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 9-by-13-by-2-inch baking dish with butter.

    Using an electric mixer, cream the butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and 1/2 cup of the peanut butter. Add the egg and vanilla. Sift the flour with the baking soda and the salt.

    Mix the oatmeal into the flour and stir the flour into the creamed mixture. Spread the batter in the baking pan. Sprinkle the butterscotch chips over the batter and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until browned around the edges.

    Whisk together the confectioners’ sugar, milk and the remaining 1/4 cup of the peanut butter until smooth, then spread the glaze evenly over the warm bars. Allow to cool completely before cutting into squares.

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    A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.
    The chief tells them, “The bad news is that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.”
    The Frenchman says, “I take ze poison.” The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and drinks it down.
    The Englishman says, “A pistol for me, please.” The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, “God save the Queen!” and blows his brains out.
    The New Yorker says, “Gimme a fork.” The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over — the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.
    The chief screams, “What are you doing?”
    The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, “So much for your canoe, a**hole!”

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    They say revenge is a dish best served cold, well I’ve had this revenge in the blast chiller for a whole week. You see, last week shortly before the issue came out, some brassy bottle blonde from Jersey made a statement in the comments section where in I was referred to as ‘that little green fart’. Well as you might imagine I have taken umbrage with this description of me and since she is too old and decrepit to challenge to our normal method of resolving this sort of thing here at DL/LL Electronic Media (dueling with loaded skunks at 10 paces) I felt I had only one other option open to me. Blonde jokes.

    A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian….” The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?”

    A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in the chair. The dentist said “Open Wide” “I can’t” The blonde said. “This chair has arms”

    Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?

    A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

    Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?

    A: Tell her drinks are on the house.

    Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

    A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

    Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

    A: Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

    Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?

    A: To keep their ankles warm.

    Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?

    A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

    Q:Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?

    A: You have to hollow out the head.

    Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?

    A: A thought.

    Q: Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?

    A: It takes too long to retrain them.

    Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

    A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.

    Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?

    A: She’ll blow your mind, too.

    Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

    A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

    Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?

    A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.

    Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?

    A: She wanted a lot of male in her box.

    Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

    A: Some traffic signs say stop

    Q: A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest?

    A: The blonde, because she is the only one that’s 18.

    A blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked: “For Men Only”. “I’m sorry, ma’am,” says the bartender. “We only serve men in this place.” “That’s OK, ” says the blonde. “I’ll take two of them…”

    A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some dinner, and while she’s deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress’s name tag on her shirt. ”Gee, that’s nice. What did you name the other one?”

    A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend’s dandruff problem. The redhead says “Why don’t you give him Head and Shoulders?” The blonde replies, “How do you give shoulders?”

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    See?! It’s working already!

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    Dragon Detected

    This time there are no Klaxons or flashing screens. Lethal stops suddenly in the midst of telling the Patrons a joke and taps his head set. “Go for Lethal. OK I understand, which account? OK you have my attention continue. Two identical but from separate makers? We’re they shipped to the same location? I see. Has either been picked up as yet? OK well that would sort of jibe with the alleged Whitman area sighting then. Send me any images they have to the finished product or the graphic design to update the BOLO.

    Why are we just hearing  about this now? Ah! No I understand. We’re probably lucky to learn of it this early given then circumstances. Let me say something I’ve been waiting a week to say- Good Job! No I already sent a team to the area after the B-2 false sighting. Yes, I think that it is a distinct possibility that he has been getting sporadic help but I can’t find out where from. Keep me posted. Out.

    Well folks it looks like Impish finally made a mistake. He decided he needed a disguise to help him blend in. Unfortunately when you are that size you have a limited set of options for clothing unless like Impish you have it custom made. By tent makers. We’ve been alerted to two recent rush orders for the exact same garment (his  tablet dings) . Ah here is an image of it now:

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    As I said he made a mistake and hopefully this will help us catch up with him. I think I know where he’ll be going next in a general fashion. Apparently he’s hungry and there is only one way for him to attempt to mask large pizza purchases. But I have a surprise for him too. Watch the End of the issue.

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     It’s the Coyote Principle, folks. It’s what separates common sense from liberalism.

     

    California:

    The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.

    1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
    2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
    3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
    4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
    5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
    6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
    7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
    8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training on “The Nature Of Coyotes.”
    9. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

    TEXAS :

    The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
    1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
    2. The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

    And that is why California is broke and Texas is not.

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    ATTENTION IMPISH DRAGON! Important Message Follows!

    <Lethal appears on screen behind a desk hands folded >

    Impish,

    After the  disaster of two Saturday’s ago, September 19th, you immediately fled in panic before an investigation or examination of the facts could be undertaken.

    So far any attempt to communicate with you in a non confrontational manner have failed, largely because you have taken great pains so shut off just about every electronic device you own in an attempt to thwart our tracking you. All attempts at face to face contact have ended with the contact personnel suffering minor injuries and you panicked flight from the scene before any meaningful dialog could be exchanged.

    This situation cannot be permitted to continue. Though I possess the means with which to locate you and indeed even temporarily incapacitate you in theory, I am loathe to misappropriate the resource, even if it is of my design. It is plain from your application to date your daughter you set a great deal by her. Undoubtedly you hold Mrs. Dragon in the same high regard though I recognize an application to date your wife would not have had the same jocular result and undoubtedly led directly to incapacitating pain for you the next time she laid eyes on you. I want to assure you they are safe and secure in one of my myriad of safe houses and both enjoying themselves. I’ve chosen the location very carefully. you’ve never seen or heard of the property as to it’s location, well lets just say there is more then one angry Dragon skeleton on the property and let it go at that shall we?

    I am taking the following step to induce you to make contact and discuss the terms of your coming in form the cold:

    1.) If you have NOT voluntarily come in from the cold as of Dawn on Saturday October 10th 2015 (which will be construed as 06:55 AM CST), I will take your daughter out for her first date that afternoon and bring her home as everyone is leaving for church on Sunday morning.  No worries as I doubt given the transformation I expect in her that anyone will even recognize her.

    Believe me when I say I will play the cool (but naughty) Uncle role and indulge her every whim. All those things you’ve been saying ‘OH HELL NO! Over your dead body my daughter!’? She’ll get or have them done.

    Piercings (As in multiple and any place she desires them)? Check.

    Shopping at Victoria’s Secret   Sure ‘nuff!

    An hour or so in a couple of  Biker apparel places for all manner of biker chic apparel. You betcha! 

    Next a trip to a tattoo shop for some body art. Knowing how she’s your daughter and your love of all things mythical excreta, I’m sure you can just imaging how heavily dragons snakes skulls, daggers and demonic visages will figure into these tats.

    To take her mind off the tats we’ll follow that up with a trip to a gun shop where she can have her pick of anything she can competently handle- pistol, rifle, shotgun any or all of them. I’ll spend some time on the range with her too to make sure she can hit whatever she wants.

    Meet and Greet time with Queen T along with an hour or so for Queen T to teach her a few of the more deadly arts females employ along with a discussions on the importance of asserting herself in the family dynamic as well as evidence (and body) disposal with relation to those who displease her. Ready and waiting!

    Then its on to the real fun of the day. Partying at The Wolf’s Whistle Biker Bar! .

    Essentially by the end of the date, she’ll have become the quintessential full fledged Jersey Girl Gang Member! Did I say she’d be home in time to do the the Strut of Parental Defiance on Sunday morning?

    In the interests of maintaining our R rating, brevity and mercy to your (questionable) sanity I’m going to  stop there as I think I’ve made my point with regard to your daughter.

    Now with regard to Mrs. Dragon, if that wasn’t enough to induce your compliance. I will largely repeat the performance, adapted of course for a more mature and experienced woman Sunday with Mrs. Dragon commencing with your daughter completing her strut of parental defiance.

    For the Missus I have something different in mind, once she’s suitably pampered and properly gussied up to the point she feels all flirtatious and frisky I think we’ll have to immortalize the event for the ages with some risqué Glamour Shots session photos. By then she’ll be well primed and ready will join me in attending an Irish Fairie Hooley in Tir Na Nog.

    Given what Fae wine does to humans with regard to inhibitions, the number of ‘A’ list male celebrities sure to be in attendance and Fae males love of new women, especially blondes (which she will be- platinum blonde) I’m sure that if she doesn’t find my lucky charms magically delicious we can locate her someone’s whose she does.

    I hear Michael Douglas, George Clooney, Colin Farrell, Colin Quinn and Denis Leary will be in attendance along with Pierce Brosnan, Jason Statham, Antonio Bandaras and  Harrison Ford to name just a few. I know Odin will be in attendance and he’s rumored to have invited Zeus. You know what horn dogs those two are after a few kegs have been broached and I seem to recall them both being smitten with her at the last Christmas Party we invited them too. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, that’s the reason you demanded they be removed to the Company Formal Christmas Party Guest List.

    You’re probably about ready to bust a blood vessel, gout flame or tail smash something about now. Please by all means go right ahead and do so. Indulge your temper as much as is required to get it under control. I want you clear headed and paying attention for the next bit. GO ahead, perfectly alright, I’ll wait. <Lethal is seen tapping fingers and whistling merrily for about 90 seconds while concentrating on something or someone off screen. Then he shrugs, slides a $5 bill across the desk off camera and returns his attention to the camera.>

    Feeling better? Oh do stop ranting at me and pay attention I can’t hear you and you don’t scare me at this point. This is all entirely up to you. Neither knows anything other than I have promised them a fun filled weekend. That can be with you and your idea of fun, OR IT CAN BE WITH ME AND MY IDEA OF FUN. The choice is entirely up to you. You know what you need to do and when you need to do it by.

    Your little campground is where this all started so it seems like a suitable place for it all to end. Dawn on Saturday October 10th 2015 (which will be construed as 06:55 AM CST), I suggest you be there. Oh! And this time? Over flights by ANY other dragons has already been posted as prohibited. Nice touch though that. I have to hand it to you, brilliant bit of misdirection that.

    Oh and should you be thinking of swooping in and eating/flaming/taking me for a one way flight of no return please know you have been anticipated. Such an event will cause certain individuals to take certain actions which will no doubt prove extremely detrimental to your well being as well as your physical/mental health and overall happiness. To give you an idea of just what I mean…your daughter becomes the Caretaker of and the Protected of a certain group of cats. My understanding is the both Bruce and Clan mistress SC have taken a great shine to her. Just imagine for a moment the chaos that a single hormonal frustrated semi rebellious female teen ager can create when angered and employing a clowder of felonious felines with semi feral instincts and a penchant for violence which happens faster than your eye can perceive.

    Mean while after receiving a mysterious fire proof file safe coded to her DNA your wife will no doubt be very busy filing for divorce while attempting to rip your genitals out thru your wallet by running up credit card debt for you rivaling the in default international loans total of some 3rd world nations.

    No worries though pal, to keep you from stewing too much about these things I have arranged a nice round of TAG-The Assignation Game for you to play with a very large chain cigar smoking friend of ours. Uh..that is I THINK what I left him tells him it’s a game.

    Dawn on Saturday October 10th 2015 (which will be construed as 06:55 AM CST), I’ll be waiting for you, or counting the hours until I can pick your daughter up and start her… bad girl awakening. <Screens go blank and dark.>

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    About lethalleprechaun

    I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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    2 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 319 for Wednesday Oct 7th 2015

    1. Ginny says:

      Great issue…and loved all you said about Chris Mintz, the HERO in Oregon. Loved the recipe for the Butterscotch Peanut Butter Bars….knees were shaking! I sure hope Impish shows up before
      the deadline on Saturday….some funny threats for him, his wife and daughter. Just a note…the person that called you the little green fart from Jersey is NOT a blonde. It’s more a pretty, warm and rich brunette.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Thats only because blonde hair dyes no longer cover the grey!
        If it pops it’s gum, hails from Jersy and is brassy enough to call me “that little green fart”
        despite what ever disguise it’s trying to pull off its a Jersey Harbor Blonde

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