The seems to be a great deal of hustle, bustle and activity going on as you exit the escalator on the conference room floor. Building security is apologetically denying anyone the use of the elevators which now apparently temporarily require pass keys to access.
At every level when you change escalators there are strange looking guards. They appear to be CyberLethals dressed in body armor very reminiscent of the Mega City Police Force in the Judge Dredd movies. Magical Dancing Shelleigh seem to have replaced stun batons but there are holstered side arms that look astonishingly like Lawgiver 2000s.
As you cautiously enter the Conference Room, you see a bevy of activity on the stage area. People in suits at tables labeled for different agencies talking on phones, headsets and at computer screens. Four others are busily updating a very large Plexiglas map of the US while several dusty, dirty dwarves smelling strongly of peat smoke alternate between coughing, drinking water and updating two other people in front of a diagram that resembles a mine cross section. Roughly 20 % of the tunnels are colored in red.
Lethal looking slightly the worse for his near capture of Impish is sporting a black eye and bruised left side of his face, his customary top hat, abet with a hastily scrawled sign “BOSS MAN” jammed in the hat band is currently standing in the middle of the seating area talking up at the big screen which has been divided into 6 smaller screens.
“Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for approximately One Hundred Twenty hours now. His average waddle speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 1.5 miles-per-hour. While his flight speed maxes out at Mach 0.9 That gives us a radius of between 180 miles and just about anywhere inside CONUS.
What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every Restaurant , residence, warehouse, Pasta house, farmhouse, Pizza house henhouse, Taco house outhouse Sorority house cat house bawdy house and doghouse in that area.
Checkpoints go up every fifteen miles Air patrols every One Hundred miles Concentric . Your fugitive’s name is Impish Dragon. He’ll scream he has Diplomatic Immunity, well not from his business partner he doesn’t. When you have him located advise the nearest JudgeCyberLethal team and wait for them before attempting to apprehend him.
Now go get him.“
Lethal turns to you all looking in nervously from the hallway and smiles motioning you all to enter. Once done he turns toward the stage and lets out a piercing whistle. Several people look up at him and he mimes working a curtain rope. Suddenly the stage curtains start closing and shut off your view of the activity going on on stage.
“Beg your pardon folks. Come on in nothing to be concerned over. Security! Please relieve Diaman of that rolling pin and frisk Ginny for concealed weapons but be aware she’ll probably like it being from Jersey.”
Having taken a moment to reach the relative if not dubious safety offered from behind the podium on stage he continues:
“NOW I know a few of you, especially the wimmin folk are a wee vexed with me over putting out that wanted poster on Impish. A few of you have even gone so far as to suggest improper treatment by me of Impish and even hint at unwarranted Dragon persecution by me. Please allow me to explain what exactly Impish has done for you since the events of Saturday as witnessed by all of us and the subsequent Wanted Poster apparently didn’t spell it out well enough.
Those tunnels that he’s made such free use of were in fact part of an old coal mining complex on that side of the mountain. The particular tunnels in question were left open and connected to our corporate complex and designated a ‘Dragon emergency escape route’ largely because they were big enough to fit his robustly rotund rump through and the rails made a very handy set of runners for a sort of auto piloted skateboard/flatbed to assist Impish with exiting with all due haste in the event of trouble.
Mr. Lazy decided to start making use to them to get to the Saturday Morning Meadow instead of taking the longer public way around. NOW he’s apparently added all manner of unauthorized extra equipment and mechanics to the area (at corporate expense & with corporate manpower w/o approval) which the mine was never intended to have and for very good reason.
That reason is the type of coal that was mined here, Lignite specifically, Lignite has a high content of volatile matter which means its very easy to burn. Unfortunately, its high moisture content and susceptibility to spontaneous combustion can cause problems in transportation and storage. Or when some dolt of a dim bulb dragon starts hydraulic and electrical fires simultaneously in an abandoned Lignite mine!.
I think you can see where many of the charges are stemming from now. Some of the Dwarves Impish strong armed into assisting him are missing, and are presumably still someplace in the smoke, heat & fire filled mine. A mine which runs under a good part of the meadow, especially the seating area.
When I contacted our insurance company about a construction related catastrophe they responded ‘what construction? You said the Recreational & Reception Center was completed. A few fast questions with the local contractors and building department revealed that Impish had not followed proper procedure or planning.
As for the last 2 charges:
1.) He was serving my Brown Gold yesterday not the Patron’s Special Roast to Patrons. He knows better and has been warned I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. The cost of making my blend has become so cost prohibitive that I may have to stop making it. If I choose to share it that’s my prerogative, its not his.
2.) As you can see from his Part 2 post, he’s fleeing and hiding necessitating a Country Wide Dragon hunt. This to say nothing of what occurred when I did manage to locate him hiding in the underground bunker in his old back yard. To wit:
I did what to who???? No. No. No. I didn’t start any fires!!!! I was above ground at the time!! You all SAW me!!! And I did NOT serve your brown gold!!! When have I ever even had ACCESS to your Brown Gold? And when have I ever been the one who served ANYTHING at an issue? That’s what we have kitchen staff for!
No. I’m staying in hiding and keeping away until these horrible and salubrious charges are dropped! You’ll never find … … Hang on a sec. Someone’s at the door.
Oh hey Lethal, come on in. I was just sending a … LETHAL!!!!! How did you find me?!?! Ow! No!! Ouch!! Not the shillelaghs! Ouch!
Leprechaun down! Leprechaun is down! We need those medics up here now!
Impish had door way trapped. Cleaned Lethal off his feet with a swinging pony keg of Lethal’s own Ale!
Impish shouted about being innocent and escaped out the back.
Repeat negative capture subject on the run. No eyes on subject
See? All very simple. legal and justifiable by the circumstances.
I would ask that if he contacts any of you for aid or information that you not aid him but rather urge him to turn himself in instead. He will get a fair and impartial hearing and though they will be checked for files, hack saw blades and other contraband, Ginny will be allowed to send him as many Taylor Pork Rolls as she wishes.
NOW if you’ll excuse me, I have a scared out of his none too reasonable mind Dragon to find and you folks have an issue to get to. OH would someone do me a favor and strap Ginny into the 4 point seat harness I’ve taken the liberty of having installed on her seat and tipping it back slightly? Pumpkin Spice French Toast Casserole is one of today’s recipes and I’m concerned for her knees.
A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems.
Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!”
The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed…”
“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?”
“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.”
“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?”
“Well, I really don’t know …”
“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.”
“Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.”
“Well let’s go inside and settle this”
“No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.”
“You’re on!” said the guy.
The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please”
The bartender sighed and said, “Is that darn nun out there again!?!”
Charity is supposed to begin at home! Take care of those who defended us not those who’d attack us! America and Americans first!
You don’t need to understand this weird Viking game to laugh out loud at it
I’m not entirely sure what the rules are to this game, but I think I get the general idea. It might be fun to play, but it’s definitely fun to watch! Enjoy this weird traditional Viking game where burly men try to hit each other with pouches or satchels.
A klaxon starts sounding and various screens around the room begin flashing the above message. Lethal who has been mingling with you and periodically sticking his head through the curtain for updates makes a mad dash for the curtain while calling out, “ Excuse me folks we have a possible Impish sighting.” A moment or two passes before Lethal comes out form behind the curtain and in response to all the questions just shake his head then clicks his remote silencing the klaxon and replacing the alert message with the following image on the screens.
I can see why this hit, it might well even have been Impish in his frantic confusion. However a confused contrail does not an Impish sighting make. Still we’ll be checking out the directions flown at both ends of the contrail just to be sure. Back to the issue~
The Top 5 More Appropriate Songs for the Kim Davis Rally
The band Survivor is upset over the use of the song “Eye of the Tiger” at the rally for imprisoned Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis.
5. God Only Knows (How Much You’re Gonna Burn In Hell)
4. Take This Job and Shove It (But Not Up Your Ass Because That Would Be Gay)
3. You Can’t Always Get What You Want Even If The Supreme Court Rules That You Have A Constitutional Right To Get It And I Am Obliged By Law And My Elected Office To Grant It
2. My Old Kentucky Homophobe
And the Number One More Appropriate Song for the Kim Davis Rally…
1.) Hey Prude
That boys and girls is one quarter of an entire muffaletta, this particular one is an Italian muffaletta which is the traditional style however other interpretations abound. It beats the hell out of a Jersey hard roll with Taylor Pork Roll on it hands down everyday of the week. Too bad Impish had to pull his chicanery, I had ordered and extra whole one for him alone since the entire thing will weigh in at about three pounds.
The muffuletta is both a type of round Sicilian sesame bread and a popular sandwich originating among Italian immigrants in New Orleans, Louisiana using the same bread.
A muffuletta is a large, round, and somewhat flattened loaf with a sturdy texture, around 10 inches across. It is described as being somewhat similar to focaccia. Bread used for the Muffuletta is different from focaccia, however, in that it is a very light bread, the outside is crispy, and the inside is soft. It also has no additional seasonings baked into it, aside from the sesame seeds. The bread is more like French bread, but slightly heavier.
A traditional style muffuletta sandwich consists of a muffuletta loaf split horizontally and covered with layers of marinated olive salad, Moraxella, salami, mozzarella, ham, and provolone. The sandwich is sometimes heated to soften the provolone. Quarter, half, and full-sized muffulettas are sold.
The signature olive salad consists of olives diced with the celery, cauliflower and carrot found in a jar of giardiniera, seasoned with oregano and garlic, covered in olive oil, and allowed to combine for at least 24 hours.
The traditional way to serve the sandwich at is cold, but many vendors will toast it.
The muffuletta sandwich has its origins at the Central Grocery in the French Quarter of New Orleans.
According to Marie Lupo Tusa, daughter of the Central Grocery’s founder, it was born when Sicilian farmers selling their produce at the nearby Farmers’ Market would come into her father’s grocery for lunch and order some salami, ham, cheese, olive salad, and either long braided Italian bread or a round muffuletta loaf. In typical Sicilian fashion they ate everything separately sitting on crates or barrels while precariously balancing their meals on their knees. Her father suggested cutting the bread and putting everything on it like a sandwich, even if it was not typical Sicilian fashion. The thicker braided Italian bread proved too hard to bite and the softer round muffuletta loaf won out. Shortly thereafter, farmers that came for lunch began merely asking for “muffulettas”.
Enough with the food lessons some of you are beginning to scare me they way you’re looking at my sandwich! GO find your own! Mean while lets cooks something. First something tasty and healthy before we get to the knee buckling.
Butternut Squash and Bacon One-Pot Pasta
As sweater season descends upon us, we usher hearty flavors into our kitchen. Pasta enveloped in a thick, rich sauce of butternut squash and bacon seems just right for this time of year. Goes well with breakfast sausage or diced smoked ham too.
This butternut Alfredo-style sauce is velvety-smooth and satisfying, but it’s far from heavy. In fact, it’s actually healthy. The dish packs 5 grams of fiber and a whopping 100 percent of your daily value for vitamin A. Yes, you will use a bit of bacon, but because you’re swapping out the butter you’d normally use to make the classic Alfredo sauce — and using the same amount of bacon fat instead — it’s basically a wash in terms of calories. Happily, the scant 1 tablespoon of bacon fat infuses the entire dish with smoky yumminess.
Butternut Squash and Bacon One-Pot Pasta
Makes 6 to 7 servings
1 medium butternut squash
13 ounces (3 1/2 cups or about 1 box) penne pasta*
2 pieces center-cut bacon, chopped
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
3/4 cup 1% low-fat milk, warmed 30 seconds in microwave
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving
1 teaspoon fresh thyme (or 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ea. ground black pepper, garlic powder & onion powder or to taste
Using a fork, poke a few holes in skin of squash. Place entire squash in microwave and cook on high power for 5 minutes. Remove squash using towel or oven mitts and allow to cool for a few minutes.
Place squash on cutting board and hold warm squash with oven mitt (or latex dishwashing glove) , slice squash in half and scoop out seeds. Place one squash half face-down on a microwave-safe plate and cook on high power in the microwave for 3 to 5 minutes until soft. (Reserve second squash half for another use.)
Scoop cooked squash into a blender or food processor and puree with about 3 tablespoons water until smooth; set aside. (Makes about 1 1/2 cups puree.)
In a large pot, cook penne (whole-grain and regular white pasta together) according to directions on the regular pasta box (as it takes a little longer to cook than whole-grain pasta). Drain pasta, reserving about 1/2 cup pasta water.
In same large pot, brown bacon over medium-high heat. Remove bacon to a paper-towel-lined plate, reserving bacon fat (about 1 tablespoon).
Whisk flour into bacon fat over medium heat. Slowly whisk in warm milk and cook, stirring, until beginning to bubble. Cook, stirring, about 2 minutes, until thick. Reduce heat to low and stir in reserved squash puree; cook until warm, about 2 minutes. Stir in cheese, thyme, salt, pepper and 1 to 2 tablespoons pasta water if sauce seems too thick. Gently toss in pasta and reserved bacon. Serve with additional shredded cheese if desired.
* For the best flavor and good nutrition, use half whole-grain and half regular white pasta.
Per serving (1/7 of recipe made with half whole-grain and half regular pasta without additional shredded cheese on top): Calories 285; Fat 6 g (Saturated 2 g); Sodium 336 mg; Carbohydrate 47 g; Fiber 5 g; Sugars 4 g; Protein 12 g
Pumpkin Spice French Toast Casserole
This autumn-inspired casserole is both custardy and crunchy and perfect for brunch–or even dessert. We use pumpkin pie puree, which comes pre-sweetened and spiced, lending an extra touch of warmth. Since the unbaked casserole needs to rest overnight, this is an ideal make-ahead company-worthy dish.
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, at room temperature
One 1-pound loaf Italian-style bread, sliced 1/2-inch-thick
4 large eggs
1/3 cup sugar
2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
2 cups whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup pumpkin pie puree (not pure pumpkin puree)
Brown Sugar Crumble:
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 stick unsalted butter (8 tablespoons), cut into cubes
1 cup chopped pecans
For the casserole: Generously grease a 3-quart casserole dish with the butter. Arrange the bread slices over the bottom of the dish, overlapping them slightly.
Whisk the eggs, sugar, pumpkin pie spice, vanilla and salt in large bowl until smooth and well combined. Whisk in the milk and cream. Pour the egg mixture evenly over the bread slices, making sure that all slices are well coated. Cover the casserole dish with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or up to overnight.
Position an oven rack in the center of the oven, and preheat to 350 degrees F.
For the brown sugar crumble: Whisk together the brown sugar, flour and salt in a medium bowl. Add the butter and work it into the dry ingredients with your fingers (or a pastry cutter) until the mixture is crumbly with pea-sized bits of butter. Mix in the pecans.
To assemble: Give the bread slices in the casserole dish a gentle push into the custard, dollop the pumpkin pie puree over the bread slices and sprinkle the crumble evenly over the top.
Bake the casserole until the top is puffed and browned and a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, about 45 minutes (it will still be a little jiggly when the casserole dish is tapped but it will continue to cook a bit out of the oven). Check the casserole about halfway through the baking time and tent it with foil if the topping is browning too quickly. Let rest 10 minutes before serving.
As the klaxon sounds Lethal is off the arm of a newly minted Patron’s chair at a dash. “Here we go again folks!” Again a short two minutes later he returns shaking his head but with apparently optimism as he points the remote at the screens and clicks it.
“This was found along the West South Westerly track flying off the directions of both ends of that loopy contrail that was spotted earlier. I’d say it’s a safe bet we’re looking at evidence of Impish passing these areas at speed. MY guess is he’s trying to fly, watch in all directions and looking for a place to hide until dark simultaneously. If I’m right we’re probably due for a near miss mid air event or crash report of some sort very soon. Then I’ll have his scaly (black and) blue hide!”
There’s something ingenious in the Baltimore Harbor that could change an entire city
If you’ve ever been to Baltimore, you know the Inner Harbor doesn’t have a great reputation. But now there’s something amazing and ingenious that could change everything about the waterfront. You have to see it to believe it.
A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and given VD to his cousin.
I was appalled, but as the days went on I came to realize that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk…
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”
This reminds me of a valuable lesson I learned early on in the service. I’m not sure if it really had a name but I have always called it “The 4 Don’ts”
- Don’t be first in line for anything, unless its an ammo resupply.
- Don’t be last in line for anything.
- Don’t volunteer for anything.
- Don’t be caught looking like you have nothing to do or no place to be.
Had a few of these left in strategic places Impish might check out as possible hides. Female Virgin Barbarian Dragon Hunters. Very rare, very expensive but highly effective!
As Lethal rounds the podium to introduce his Parting Shot Commentary for the week, yet again the klaxon sounds causing him to make the just one minute gesture and disappear behind the curtain yelling “Someone tell me we got him this time!” A minute later his head and hand appear, Lethal says, “Sorry to duck out early but I’m apparently going to have to teach a few Feds their primary fricken colors!” and the remote is clicked.
“See what I mean? Anyway enjoy the Parting Shot, the majority of you should have no trouble relating to it. Mean while once I get the Feds some primary color flash cards I’m off to see how the Eryl King, head of the Wyld Hunt feels about looking for Impish tonight.”
International Day for the Elderly
When: Always on October 1st
International Day for the Elderly is dedicated to honor, respect and care for the world’s elderly. Remember, someday you hope to be included among this group!
In 1990, the United Nations General Assembly designated October 1st as the International Day for the Elderly, also known as the “International Day for Older Persons”. The holiday is the result of the UN World Assembly on Aging which was formed in 1982 to explore and tend to the needs of the elderly in the world.
Did you Know? According to the United Nations, “one of every 10 persons is now 60 years or older. By the year 2050, one of five will be 60 years or older; by 2150, it will be one of three persons”.
Let’s face it what they are talking about appreciating is old farts, and there are more than a few of you out there reading this. Recently I heard a member of the iGeneration rather rudely and loudly proclaim in apparent frustration that all old farts should just “STFU and get out of our way, have the good manners enough to just die already or should all just be put down.” No, I don’t need bail money or a good criminal defense lawyer, Molly managed verbally pull me off him before I could drown him in his own pool. His mortified mother figures I saved her from committing filicide and his father decked him once he stopped choking on pool water and stood up.
He couldn’t figure out why we all reacted hostilely towards him (which earned him a solid cuff to the back of the head from his mother that I swear I could feel.) The I proceeded to read him the riot act about old farts, their values, their pride and their right to it. Too bad I didn’t have this to ball up and shove in his wide open mouth:
OLD FART PRIDE
It’s not a bad thing to be called an Old Fart.
Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the National Anthem,
Old Farts remove their hats and stand at attention and sing, without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
Old Farts remember World War II, Normandy, Spitfires and Hitler.
They remember the Atomic Bomb, Vietnam, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Moon Landing and all the Peacekeeping Missions from 1945, to 2005.
If you bump into an Old Fart on the pavement, he will apologize.
If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap, to a lady.
Old Farts trust strangers and are polite, particularly to women.
Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old Farts get embarrassed if someone swears in front of women and children and they don’t like any filthy language on TV.
Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity.
They seldom brag, except about their children and grandchildren.
It’s the Old Farts, who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women, in the Air Force, Army, and Navy.
This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.
We need them now more than ever.
Thank Goodness for Old Farts!
Pass this on to all the “Old Farts” you know.
I was taught to respect my elders. It’s just getting harder to find them. It’s rapidly becoming a situation like that old comics line from Walt Kelly’s strip ‘Pogo’… “We have met the enemy and he is us,”