Dragon Laffs #1446


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Good Morning Campers!

Well, it’s done!  We are moved!  The old lair is empty and the new lair is full of boxes, but we’re moved!  I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen.  Truly. 

Well, as you know from Lethal’s issue on Wednesday, things are going difficult for me at DL/LL Electronic Media.  I know my issues haven’t been what they are supposed to be lately.  Everyone seems to think that I’m acting out in some fantasy world that I’ve invented for myself and frankly, when I’m sitting here, in this room, talking to all of you, I have to wonder if they aren’t right.

But, when I’m there with this person who is my wife and some kid who’s my daughter, it all seems so real.  And when I come back here, I’ve lost so much time, I can’t put together a good enough issue.

I can’t help but think that something is wrong with me.

I know that I can change shapes.  Little blue dragon, named Impish, who you all know,  and my huge adult dragon size blue dragon known affectionately as Big Blue.  That’s the one that everyone is afraid of.

But, didn’t I have another form?

And who is Mr. Gray.  I know I met him somewhere and for some reason, I can’t help but believe that this human is involved somehow.

At any rate, dear and gentle readers, I’m sure it will all work out.  I’ll try very hard (are you listening Lethal?  You can stop looking for replacements now) to keep my mind focused in this reality.  Not some mythical place called “Indiana.”

Now, how did I know it was called “Indiana”?

It’s so puzzling. 

 

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Here’s a great one, full of laughs, to start the day off with!  This guy is the keynote speaker on a conference on Aging.  His day job is a weatherman, but ought to be a stand up comic.

Thanks to our dear friend Ginny for that one!

 

 

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This makes perfect sense…and also answers why democrats are donkeys

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.
 
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On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.
 
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.” So they did.
 
 
However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
 
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
 
The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtaindonkey my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.” So instead, the King hired the donkey on the spot.
 
And thus began the ancient-old practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions…
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Okay, let’s keep going with videos…this one is hilarious!!!!!

What would you do for sex?

 

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Tis very true…Beware of Dragons.

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A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passer-by remarked, “That guy must have been a very avid fisherman.”
“Oh, he still is,” remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he’s headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife.”

 

 

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You know, that’s probably the most concise synopsis I’ve ever read.

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That’s a really good point.  Everyone keeps telling her to follow the yellow brick road…how the heck could she get lost???

 

Got to love this explanation of religions from Jean…
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This is an oldie but goodie.  Lots o’ laffs here.

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well with one problem – he kept winking at the camera.
The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking is a real problem. I’m afraid we won’t able to hire you unless you get it under control.”
 
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“Oh, that’s no problem,” said the man. “If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking for a couple of hours. More than enough time to get the broadcast done”
“Allright, show me,” said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. First he put his hand in his right pocket, and as he took it out he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety and size, but no pills.

Next he dug into his left pocket, and again pulled out an embarassing amount of condoms in all shapes and colors before finally finding the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and the second take went without a single hitch.

 
 
The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, I’d hire you on the spot, except that we’re not in the habit of hiring such womanizers. We’ve had too many sexual harrassment suits.”
Excuse me!” exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!”
“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?” asked the interviewer.
The man sighed. “Have you ever tried going into a pharmacy, asking for aspirin and winking all the while?

 

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Here at DL&LL Electronic Media, Inc, we are huge fans of the old game Dungeons and Dragons.  The difference in the way we play is that we use real dungeons and real dragons.  This is one of our staffers at the weekly game, getting “into” character.

 

Okay, this was interesting enough we had to share it here…but we also must give the proper accreditation.  This was in an email that I got from makeuseof.com. 

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Thanks to Grumpy for these Poorly Understood Laws of Physics:

. Law of Mechanical Repair   After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2.
Law of Gravity Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.
Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.
Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.
Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.
Law of the Bath  When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7.
Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

8.
Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9.
Law of Biomechanics   The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10 . Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11.
The Coffee Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.
Law of Physical Surfaces

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14.
Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

15.
  Law of Physical Appearance If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

16.
Law of Public Speaking A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18.
Doctors’ Law If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

 

If you don’t forward this to your friends, your belly button will unscrew. Really… It’s true. I read it on the Internet!

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Okay, this one is crazy cool.  The astronauts in the space station have done all kinds of experiments in the past and video taped them and this one is no exception.  What happens when you put an Alka-Seltzer tablet in a globule of water with no gravity?

 

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1987

I saved you a fortune

I see you

The “Grumpy Cat” of babies!

I was a bad boy

I will do it

He’ll make it!  I know he will!

 

 

 

This one you’ll just have to see to believe.  I can’t put the video here, so you’ll have to click on this link to see a guy jump out of an airplane at about 9000 feet without a parachute…and live.

Incredible!  http://tremendumpictures.com/

 

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Yeah George…I’m really not getting it either.

 

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Lethal Leprechaun is sitting behind his desk, pondering Impish Dragon’s fate.

I don’t know what to do with my poor buddy.  He’s been my best friend for all this many years, but I’m afraid that he’s losing it.  And fast.

I know that ancient dragons get either crazy or wicked smart.  And Lord knows Impish will never be wicked smart.  I didn’t think he was that old.

What am I going to…

Lethal’s intercom buzzes.

What is it Friday, I’m very busy.

Um…I know you didn’t want to be disturbed Mr. Leprechaun, but this is really important.  There’s … um… someone here to see you.

You take care of it Friday.  I told you, I don’t want to be disturbed.

In a much lower voice she says, I know boss, but you’ll want to see this guy…

In the background of the speaker you can hear a man’s voice say, “Oh for crying out loud!  Is that his office right there?  I’ll just go on in.”

Lethal is spellbound.  He knows that voice, but it couldn’t be….  He pushes a button under his desk that both unlocks his office door and secures the outer doors to his office suite.

The door opens and a human man walks in and stops in front of the desk.  They look at each other in silence for a few seconds, then finally the man says, “Good Morning Mr. Leprechaun.  My name is Mr. Gray and we need to talk.

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1446

  1. Ginny says:

    Great issue considering moving from an apartment to your OWN home and congratulations and best wishes to you all in the new house.

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