Leprechaun Laughs # 288 for Wednesday March 4th 2015


As you exit the elevator and stairwells you are greeted by new discrete but prominently placed signs indicating the unacceptability of possession of a certain type of baked good on this particular level. As you entered the building you also noticed signs listing several levels where such baked items were not allowed and directing you what to do with any in your possession.

As you enter the room you notice quite a few of the DL/LL Electronic Media Senior Staff in attendance today. Obviously they are expecting something noteworthy to occur here this morning.

A few of you are surprised to see Impish in his recently unused but accustomed place curled up on the side of the dais. While appearing thinner and gaunter as though he’d recently been quite ill, his appearance is remarkably pristine and his manner low key. His scales seem freshly polished, no food drips can be seen down his front and nothing (nobody?) is currently stuck in his teeth. His eyes are clear and sharp and lack the sedated look that they had recently as well as the previous familiar look that his mind was always on something else even when he was here with you readers.

Uncharacteristically he actually appears quite intently focused on what Lethal and the two unfamiliar figures with him, (one obviously by the cut of his suit and mannerisms a lawyer the other, female ,exceptionally professional looking, polished and at ease) seem to be discussing with him. Not only that but Impish looks to be actually following along on the sheaf of papers in his hand and asking questions which cause all three to debate before providing an answer which Impish then makes margin notes of.

As you find your seats they seem to be finishing up their meeting. Suit hands Impish a card which he places under the paper clip on the papers in hand as does the female who’s hand rather than lick 1/2 way up her arm Impish politely takes and appears to be sincerely thanking her.

Lethal gestures them off stage. While Impish store his papers carefully in a  budging satchel which has been between his feet the entire time Lethal approached the podium. He is joined by his assistant Terrance who seems to be inventorying the contents of the satchel and insuring that everything is secure in it.

Good Morn’ ta ya all. If you’d be so kind as to settle we’re a wee pressed for time at the moment.

As you can see Impish is here this morning rather than in Draconia. Weather conditions here and along the flight route plus the loss of power for roughly 6 hours in single digit weather at his human aspect residence caused Queen Tiamat to grant Impish 3 days hardship delay for his required appearance. He’s to leave shortly but the staff and I wanted to wish him all the best as I’m sure you do was well. In fact the staff and myself have prepared a little going away surprise for him to show our support in our own inimitable way.

So lets get this rolling!


Opening Logo 22


OK. The obligatory proprieties having been observed lets get on with our good by for Impish.

The curtain pulls back to reveal a complete girl band consisting of Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Lethal Personal Assistant Friday whom are all sisters. They all dressed in skin tight LBDs, hair severely pulled back into buns, fire engine red lip stick, black seam up the back nylons and four inch stiletto heels. The kick drum sports a ‘No Pie’ symbol and the bands name which is apparently Forbidden Desserts. All the guitars are wedge bodies which have had graphic skins applied to resemble pies slices and the guitar necks done to resemble cans of aerosol whipped cream. they immediately strike up a familiar chord as Lethal leans into the mic once more.

Ladies and Gentleman I give you our surprise guest vocalist…ROBERT PALMER!



Lethal appears slightly miffed as do the girls in the band. As Friday tightens Mr. Palmer’s already perfect tie Lethal unbuttons his coat and reaches into his vest meaningfully, but does not withdraw what ever it is he’s grasping. He places a hand over the mic but you can still hear him if you listen hard

Bobby bubala, you’re going to do it again, this time just like I rewrote it…or next time you sing, it’s going to be thru one of them electronic voice boxes you hold to your throat.

We simpatico now? GOOD!

Ahem! Ladies and Gentleman I apologies, as great as that was it was not what we had planned Mr. Palmer apparently didn’t understand my lyrical changes for today so we’re going to try this again.

Perverted Prose Header

Lethal Leprechaun’s  Addicted to Pie

Your lights are on, but your brains not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart races, you’ve got the shakes
Another wedge is what it takes

You can’t sleep, you constantly eat
There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
Your stomach is tight, you can’t breathe
Another sliver is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t ever get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to pie

You see the signs, but you can’t read
You’re flying at ludicrious speed
Your heart beats in double time
Another bakery and you’ll be fine, you’ve one track mind

You can’t be saved
Sweet or Savory its all you crave
If there’s a slice left or two
You don’t mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t ever get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to pie

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie

Your lights are on, but your brains not home
Your will is not your own
You’re heart sweats and teeth grind
Another wedge and you’ll be fine

Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to pie

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to pie

And now we all bid a Bon Voyage to Impish, wish him all the best, and a speedy (rescue not required) return, both to us his friends, as well as his duties for the blog and the Draconian Ambassadorship to the Mundane World.

Impish shoots Lethal a thumbs up to which he responds with a curt nod and then becomes heavily invested in cleaning his glasses vigorously with his handkerchief. Waving to you all he turns to shuffle off stage towards the 2 waiting figures from earlier at the start of a green carpet runner and the elevator pausing to talk to Robert Palmer and the band for a moment with Terrance in tow.

As he leaves the band Terrance  turns the band’s microphone towards his self in a faux Jersey accent calls out:

“Dead Dragon walking the Green Mile!”

Instantly all of those in the Patron Reader’s Area rise en masse and bow their heads. Impish stops looks around bemusedly looks at the carpet then at a barely maintaining solemn composure Terrance before smartly fishing his turn towards the carpet and with a swish of his tail swatting Terrance arse over tea kettle…literally into the hot water kettles set on the table for the instant beverages in the gallery seating area.

That’s for mixing your movie metaphors and spoiling it Terrance you wannabe wise guy.

OK folks we’re done for today though I’m going to try to get Mr. Palmer to sing again at some point.

Enjoy the rest of the issue!


A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex:
Husband: “Sukitaki. Mojitaka!”
Wife replies: “Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!”
Husband says angrily: “Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!”
Wife on her knees literally begging: “Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!”
Husband shouts angrily: “Na miaou kina Tim kouji!”

I can’t believe you all just sat there trying to read this – you don’t know Japanese!   I swear you guys will read anything as long as it’s about sex…. Your all in need of serious help!!!  Sometimes I worry about you folks.





(CNN)Leonard Nimoy, whose portrayal of “Star Trek’s” logic-driven, half-human science officer Spock made him an iconic figure to generations, died Friday. He was 83.

Nimoy died this morning in Bel Air, California, his son Adam Nimoy told CNN.

According to his granddaughter, Madeleine Nimoy, the cause of death was chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

His “Star Trek” co-stars, including William Shatner and George Takei, expressed sadness at his death.

“I loved him like a brother. We will all miss his humor, his talent, and his capacity to love.” -William Shatner http://t.co/U8ZN98tVYp

— William Shatner (@WilliamShatner) February 27, 2015

“We return you now to the stars, Leonard. You taught us to ‘Live Long And Prosper,’ and you indeed did, friend,” Takei wrote.

    Nimoy’s career in show business spanned more than six decades and included stints as a stage actor, television guest star, series regular and movie veteran. He also directed a handful of films, including the box-office hit “Three Men and a Baby” in 1987. He was a singer (of sorts), a published poet and an accomplished photographer.

    But his lasting claim to fame remains Spock, a native of the planet Vulcan whose pointed ears, unemotional manner and frequently uttered “fascinating” endeared him to millions. Astronaut Chris Hadfield remembered him as an “inspiration.”

    Leonard, you lived long and prospered, and were an inspiration to me and to millions. Rest in peace. pic.twitter.com/NESJKvTepm

    — Chris Hadfield (@Cmdr_Hadfield) February 27, 2015

    He felt a close connection to the character.

    “Spock is definitely one of my best friends. When I put on those ears, it’s not like just another day. When I become Spock, that day becomes something special,” he told Starlog in 1989.

    To the stars

    Leonard Simon Nimoy was actually born in Boston, far from Vulcan, on March 26, 1931. (His longtime “Trek” colleague, William Shatner, was born four days earlier in Montreal.) His parents were Russian immigrants, and he was raised in an Orthodox Jewish family.

    He incorporated some of his religious heritage into the “Star Trek” character, most notably the hand gesticulation accompanied by the phrase “Live long and prosper.” It was adopted from a blessing given by a Jewish priestly class called the kohanim. Nimoy credited writer Theodore Sturgeon for the phrase “Live long and prosper,” a variation of a spoken blessing.

    Nimoy continued to use the phrase long after his “Star Trek” days: On Twitter, he would close his tweets with the abbreviation “LLAP.”

    A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP

    — Leonard Nimoy (@TheRealNimoy) February 23, 2015



    FCC adopts historic Internet rules

    Commission approves measure 3-2

    NEW YORK (CNNMoney) –

    The FCC has passed a historic measure to more strictly regulate the Internet.

    The new rules, known as “net neutrality,” act to provide equal opportunity for Internet speeds and access to websites.

    The central question was whether network owners — like Comcast or Time Warner Cable — can discriminate what runs on their cables. The FCC’s answer on Friday was: No.

    The Democratic-led commission approved 3-to-2, split along party lines, to assert extra government authority over the Internet.

    Now for the wild claims on both sides: “We saved the Internet!” or “We’ve destroyed it with government bureaucracy!”

    Don’t believe the hype. Take a deep breath. It’s a long, tricky road ahead.

    The FCC rules won’t be official until maybe summertime. Then major telecom companies will challenge new rules in court. A judge might put the rules rules on hold. The next president, if Republican, could let this fizzle away.

    That’s why, in the near term, nothing changes. No, Netflix won’t suddenly stream any faster. No, AT&T and Comcast won’t abruptly stop laying down high-speed fiber cables in your neighborhood as retaliation. And yes, Netflix can still cut deals with broadband companies for faster access to a network.

    So what just happened, exactly? The FCC just granted itself the power to defeat a raging, fire-breathing monster: the monopolistic network owners who can kill Internet freedom by blocking websites — or by creating an Internet fast lane for the privileged few rich tech companies that can pay for it.

    But this monster is actually a phantom menace. Sure, in the past, telecoms have been bullies. Verizon blocked Google Wallet. AT&T can’t block video chatting apps. Comcast slowed down file-sharing websites like BitTorrent. Rural telephone provider Madison River blocked Vonage’s over-the-Internet phone calls. However, the FCC used existing rules to fix those problems.

    That’s why some worry about how the FCC just ensured net neutrality. To enforce fairness rules, the agency will regulate network owners by scooping them up under Title II of the 1934 Telecommunications Act, a specific set of regulations that apply to phone companies. Telecoms say the rules don’t match the services they provide. They don’t trust the FCC’s promise that it will apply only a tiny fraction of those rules and won’t regulate rates and increase taxes.

    “Assurances like these don’t tend to last very long,” warned Republican FCC Commissioner Ajit Pai. “Expect … regulation to ratchet up as time goes on.”

    Meanwhile, Tom Wheeler, the FCC chairman who ditched his original dialed-back plan for this one, assured this isn’t a government power grab.

    “This is no more a plan to regulate the Internet than the First Amendment is a plan to regulate free speech,” he said. “They both stand for the same concept: openness, expression and an absence of gatekeepers.”

    How did we start caring about this? Credit comedian John Oliver, who got enough viewers of his HBO show that a record 4 million Americans sent comments to the FCC.

    He framed it from the point of view of the average person dealing with their Internet service provider. Plans are expensive, service is inexplicably spotty and you have little choice. Clearly, the network owners are the bad guys.

    But wait, there’s a third option. As this fight makes its way through the courts, Congress has the opportunity to stand up and write rules that work too. [Because gee THAT happens so very often! ]

    After all, both network owners and the websites that flow data through them have a point. Outright blocking and anti-competitive behavior is unfair and should be illegal. On the other hand, for technical reasons, network owners need to manage traffic. Your video stream needs to move faster than your email for your experience to feel smooth.

    That’s why critics call the Title II approach — what the FCC did today — a blunt instrument. But it’s not clear that it’s as wonderful — or terrible — as everyone says.

    3 questions YOU should be asking about net neutrality

    Despite outlining new rules in a five-page press release, no one outside the FCC has actually seen the 300 pages of regulations that will now govern Internet access in this country. The two dissenting votes, Republicans Ajut Pai and Michael O’Rielly, said that part of the reason they opposed the Open Internet Order was because of the lack of public, transparent debate over the specific contents.

    The first question you should be asking your congressman is what’s with all this secrecy? Most insiders expect the full text of the regulations to be released within the next few days, but it’s disappointing to me that the whole debate took place behind closed doors.

    The second question you need to ask is what was the problem in the first place? My data wasn’t slowed down and I haven’t met anyone who says theirs was, either. I don’t like the idea of making more rules and laws and growing government especially when there isn’t really a problem that needs to be fixed in the first place.

    It’s true that Verizon has publicly admitted to throttling speeds of customers who purchased unlimited data plans as an “incentive to limit usage.” On the surface, this seems like a ploy to force customers to pay more for un-throttled data plans, however, Verizon assured everyone that it’s to optimize speeds for more customers. Netflix users also experienced heavy, systematic slowdowns of their streaming content. However, Netflix worked out a deal with Comcast and other ISPs to pay undisclosed sums to avoid future slowdowns. That’s the free market at work.

    The third question is how could the Internet be more free and open than it is right now? Have you seen the kind of websites there are operating these days? Tom Wheeler “promises” that his new rules will keep government out of the Internet, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

    I don’t know about you, but I want answers to these questions. The FCC isn’t a lawmaking agency. Congress can still pass new laws that override these regulations. On top of that, you can expect these rules to be met with serious legal challenges. We may have to wait a long time for the courts to decide before we have closure on this issue. In the meantime, I encourage you to contact your representatives in Washington to let them know what  you think the future of the Internet should be.





    Meet the Gutsy Dad That Started a Car Wash to Help His Son Find Purpose


    Breaking News

    The Federal Witness Protection Program has come up with a sure-fire method for making absolutely certain that people entering the program are NEVER found by anyone.
    They just change the witness’ name to G-Spot.


    WIse & Worthy Words


    Might I be so bold as to suggest this applies to the Abortion issue and should be a guiding rule for all those Sharia Law zealots in the US insisting we kiss their camels?












    Prep time: 15 minutes
    Cook time: 20 minutes
    Serves: 8

    You can make Olive Garden Chicken Gnocchi soup just like the Olive Garden does. Just a few ingredients and you can enjoy this famous soup at home.


    • 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
    • 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
    • 1 cup finely diced onion
    • 1/2 cup finely diced celery
    • 2 garlic cloves, minced
    • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
    • 1 quart half-and-half
    • 2 (14-ounce) cans chicken broth (if you enjoy a thicker soup, use 1 can)
    • Salt
    • 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
    • 1/2 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
    • 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg (optional)
    • 1 cup finely shredded carrots
    • 1 cup coarsely chopped fresh spinach leaves
    • 1 cup diced cooked chicken breast (you can use a rotisserie chicken)
    • 1 (16-ounce/500g) package ready-to-use gnocchi


    Melt the butter into the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion, celery, and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onion becomes translucent. Whisk in the flour and cook for about 1 minute. Whisk in the half-and-half. Simmer until thickened. Whisk in the chicken broth. Simmer until thickened again. Stir in 1/2 teaspoon salt, the thyme, parsley, nutmeg (if using), carrots, spinach, chicken, and gnocchi. Simmer until the soup is heated through. Before serving, season with additional salt, if necessary.

    Sauteed Vegetables with Garlic & Soy Sauce


    • 3 tablespoons soy sauce
    • 1 tablespoon honey
    • 2 teaspoons minced garlic
    • 2 tablespoons Canola or Peanut Oil
    • 2 medium zucchini, cut into matchsticks
    • 2 cups fresh snow peas
    • 2 cups matchstick carrots
    • 1 teaspoon sesame seeds (optional)

    1. COMBINE soy sauce, honey and garlic in small bowl.

    2. HEAT oil in large skillet or wok over medium-high heat.

    3. ADD zucchini, snow peas and carrots. Sauté 1 to 2 minutes, just until tender. Add soy sauce mixture. Cook an additional 1 minute, stirring constantly. Top with sesame seeds, if desired.

    Oven-Fried Chicken Chimichangas

    Campbell's Oven-Fried Chicken Chimichangas Recipe

    Prep 20 min.

    Total 45 min.

    Serves 6

     1 chimichanga each

    Bake: 25 min.


    Here’s a delicious way to enjoy chimichangas without all the mess from deep-frying…and guess what?  They actually taste better this way.

    What You’ll Need

    2/3 cup Picante Sauce
    1 teaspoon ground cumin
    1/2 teaspoon dried oregano leaves, crushed
    1 1/2 cups chopped cooked chicken
    1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (about 4 ounces)
    2 green onions, chopped (about 1/4 cup)
    6 flour tortillas (8-inch), warmed
    2 tablespoons butter, melted

    How to Make It

    • 1 Stir the picante sauce, cumin, oregano, chicken, cheese and onions in a medium bowl.
    • 2 Place about 1/2 cup of the chicken mixture in the center of each tortilla. Fold the opposite sides over the filling. Roll the tortillas up from the bottom and place them seam-side down on a baking sheet. Brush the tortilla rolls with butter.
    • 3 Bake at 400°F. for 25 minutes or until they’re golden brown. Serve with additional picante sauce.

    Don’t have Picante on hand? No problem just use salsa as is instead or give it a quick pulse in blender or food processor and it basically becomes Picante


    That’s Norris on of the Ninja Kitties Kitty-Fu masters thrashing one of the local subversive squirrels. He seems pretty perturbed which isn’t like Norris at all. Wonder what that’s all about?


    Well THAT goes along way to explaining why Norris is mad at the squirrels, that was either the last piece of Pepperoni & Anchovy pizza (I always save him a piece  of any Anchovy topped pizza to stay on his good side) or a piece of that Bacon Crusted Deep Dish pizza.

    Speaking of Norris and the rest of the Ninja Kitty Clan they’ve been really busy of late so I was forced to look into getting them some help.


    Better watch out! George isn’t curious anymore! Now he’s a poo flinging monkey with a phenomenal aim, a diaper full of ammo, hair trigger temper and a mean streak!



    President vetoes Keystone bill, confused frat houses begin protesting outside White House

    Bill O’Reilly in virtual tie with Brian Williams, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert for Press Association’s “Most Trusted Name in Fake News” award.


    The Top 5 Signs Your Candidate Doesn’t Have a Chance of Winning the Democratic Primary

    1. Their first speech demands equal rights for the BLT community.
    2. They were recently released from Guantanamo Bay.
    3. Promises to pick a running mate with “Bobby Kennedy’s heart and Dick Cheney’s balls.”
    4. He’s currently the vice president.

    And the Number One Sign Your Candidate Doesn’t Have a Chance of Winning the Democratic Primary…

    1. His name isn’t Hillary.


    When we last left our zero err hero(?) he had been more or less pinning in place on his back by a sleeping cat after several mishap adventures/discoveries having recently been introduced to unicorns and bacon. We now more on the the second of the diaries (dragon claws write fairly large and boldly when used as pens to say nothing of size being a relative term to them)

        Dragon Diaries Part Two

    Merchant had big trunk of amethysts. Purple Sparklys! Purple Sparklys! Purple Sparklys!Purp…oh, little woozy there. Time for a lie down.

    Met a knight-at-arms, alone and palely loitering. Ated him. Ated pretty lady he kept whining about too. Hard and cold on the outside, but soft and warm on the inside. Yummy!

    Thinking of lounging on my hoard today. Dragons are supposed to do that sometimes, aren’t they? And Nap + Sparklys = Win!

    Was thinking about gardening, heard you could grow your own food from cuttings, but cat says it doesn’t work with knights. 😦

    A man with a skinny bendy sword came to the cave. He said he was more nimble than armor-knights and he would slay me easily. When he poked me, skinny sword broke on skin. I ated him.

    Saw the pointy-face horse again today. Still looks delicious. Want! Maybe cat is wrong about obsession being unhealthy…

    Just realized that pointy-face horse is kind of Sparkly… Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!

    Sadness. Sticking fake horn on normal horse doesn’t make it sparkly. Doesn’t improve flavor either. Ated horse anyway.

    Very long day. Ated 2 knights, 5 squires, 3 pages, 2 horses, and a quintain. Ated 11 bystanders and a set of bleachers too. Maybe overdid it a bit. Tired now. Zzzzzz




    About lethalleprechaun

    I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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    2 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 288 for Wednesday March 4th 2015

    1. lethalleprechaun says:

      Geeze! Them Chinese! Can’t trust them for nothing! They PROMISED that Impish’d little excursion would remain just between us. Now look- a book!

    2. Christopher Brugman says:

      Found a New book about Dragons. It’s Called “The Great Zoo of China” by Matthew Reilly. The theme is similar to “Jurassic Park”.

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