You walk in and see Lethal impatiently standing at the podium practically bouncing up and down in apparent eagerness to get started.
Hi-how-are-ya-good-ta-see-ya!-Take-a-load-off.-Great-bustin-at-the-seams-issue-today. Gotta-go-lots-to-do!-Finals-and-Christmas-approaching-so-lots-of-loose-ends-to tie-up.-Plus-my-busy-season-is-right-around-the-corner-might-need-to-take-a-semester-off-cause-it-looks-like-it-might-be-pretty-busy-for-a-change.
The haste of his exit causes several papers to be pulled off the podium in his wake. Impish and Diamen ,who are just entering (both some what suspiciously glowing and disheveled) attempt to stop Lethal for a word but Lethal pulls a fake out on them worthy of Emmitt Smith or Walter Payton and disappears down the hall yelling
Impish looks thoughtful (a rare occurrence to be sure) for a moment, then turns to ask Diamen “You’re sure Ginny got all of the liquid Schwartz while you were distracting Lethal the last time?” She nods and winks at Impish murmuring something you cannot quite make out. Impish appears incredulous at what she said “He actually told you where he was keeping it?!” Again she nods obviously very pleased with herself. “What did you say or do to induce the most stubborn mythical creature I know…and that’s saying something…to tell you?” Diamen grabs Impish by the ear and whispers in it for almost 30 seconds before flicking his ear lobe with her tongue and again winking very saucily at him. As this is occurring you see Impish’s facial expression morph from one of incredulousness to one of pure lust. He grabs Diamen up and yells as he rushes out of the room “Something very urgent just..umm popped
out err… up err… that is came to my attention. Enjoy the issue!”
The Bellamy Brothers – Jingle Bells (A Cowboy’s Holiday)
Let’s kick this holiday season off Texas style!
Coffee in St. Peter’s Square
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St.Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,
SLIM, TALL, 38D BUST, 24″ WAIST and 34″ HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.
“Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant.
“Aye, she spoke without interruption for about forty years,” said the Irishman.
The holidays mean celebration. That translates into parties. Parties require eating drinking and merry making to be a success. Here are a few easy recipes that are even travel friendly
Five-Minute Fudge Wreath
Total Time: 10 min
Prep: 5 min
Cook: 5 min
Yield: 32 servings (2 pounds)
1 (12-ounce) bag semisweet chocolate morsels
9 ounces (3/4 of a 12-ounce bag) butterscotch morsels
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (8-ounce) can walnut halves
1/2 cup (a couple of handfuls) currants
8 -inch cake pan, lightly greased with softened butter
Candied cherries, red and green, for garnish, optional
Place a heavy pot on the stove and preheat it over low heat. Add chips and milk and stir until chips are melted and milk combined. Save the empty condensed milk can. Stir in vanilla and remove fudge from heat. Add nuts and currants and stir in immediately.
Cover empty condensed milk can with plastic food wrap and center it in the greased cake pan. Spoon fudge into pan around can, making sure to recenter can if it drifts.
The fudge will set up almost immediately. Garnish can only be added in the first minute or 2 the fudge is in the pan, so work quickly. Decorate your wreath with “holly” made from cut candied red and green cherries. A wreath left plain can be garnished with a pretty fabric bow when serving. Chill covered in the refrigerator and slice fudge very thin when ready to serve, a little goes a long way.
Total Time: 1 hr 20 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 1 hr 10 min
Yield: 4 cups nuts
1 large egg white
2 cups unsalted pecan halves
2 cups unsalted roasted cashews
1/2 cup sugar
1 tablespoon ground cumin
3/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees F. Beat the egg white with 1 tablespoon water in a large bowl until foamy. Add the nuts, sugar, cumin, cayenne, cinnamon and 1/2 teaspoon salt and mix well. Spread the mixture on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake until the nuts are mostly dry but still slightly sticky, about 40 minutes.
Remove the nuts from the oven and stir. Reduce the temperature to 200 degrees F. Return the nuts to the oven and bake until crisp, about 30 more minutes. Stir to loosen the nuts from the baking sheet; cool completely on the sheet.
Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms
Make these ahead then transport and finish in the hosts oven at your party. Use a disposable baking tray doubled for stiffness for transport and you don’t need to worry about getting your dish back!
Total Time: 35 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 25 min
Yield: 24 large stuffed mushrooms
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, one turn of the pan
24 large gourmet stuffing mushroom caps, stems removed and reserved brushed with damp towel
Salt and pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, half a turn of the pan
3/4 pound sweet bulk Italian sausage
4 cloves garlic, chopped
20 stems mushrooms, finely chopped
1 rib of celery and green, leafy top from the heart of the stalk, chopped
1/2 small onion, chopped
1/2 small red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 (10-ounce) box chopped frozen spinach, defrosted and squeezed dry
3 slices white bread, toasted and buttered, chopped into small dice
1/3 cup grated Parmigiano or Romano, 2 handfuls
Preheat oven to 500 degrees F.
Heat a large skillet over medium high heat. Add oil and mushroom caps and season caps with salt and pepper. Sauté caps 5 to 7 minutes, until they are lightly browned and tender on edges. Turn caps up and let juices drain away from caps. Transfer caps to a small nonstick baking sheet. Wipe out skillet and return to heat. Add a touch of oil and sausage to the hot skillet. Brown and crumble sausage for 3 minutes. In a food processor pulse and chop the garlic, add mushroom stems and pulse to chop the mushroom stems. Add celery, onion and red bell pepper to the mushrooms and pulse to chop. Remove mixture from the processor and sauté veggies and mushrooms over medium high heat another 3 to 5 minutes. Add dry, defrosted spinach and stir into stuffing. Add chopped bread and cheese to the pan and toss stuffing until bread is moist and stuffing is combined, 2 or 3 minutes. Fill caps with stuffing using a small scoop or large spoon. Place caps in hot oven and reduce heat to 450 degrees F. Bake 6 to 8 minutes to crisp edges of stuffing and set stuffing in mushrooms. Transfer stuffed mushrooms to a serving plate.
Before Kindles, This Is How People Carried Around Their Collection Of Books
Today’s generation barely knows what real books look like anymore. Instead of leather covers and actual pages, they’re more accustomed to a bright, digital interface and e-ink. Carrying around your favorite books is now easier than ever, but avid readers have always wanted to keep favorite books at their fingertips. That’s why, centuries ago, someone invented this curious creation.
According to a recent discovery from the University of Leeds, this is how people carried around their collections in the 17th century: tiny, portable libraries.
It may look like just another large text from the outside…
But when opened, three shelves of miniature texts are revealed.
This is one of only four that exist, dating back to 1617.
You might need a microscope to read them, but the books include mostly classical text.
The inside cover features an ornate illustration of columns and arches with text explaining the categories of text found on each shelf.
Three sections: theology and philosophy, history, and poetry.
Included are works by works by Cicero, Virgil, Ovid, Seneca, Horace, and Julius Caesar.
Reportedly, a man named William Hakewill MP commissioned this “Jacobean Kindle” for a friend of his. Within the next five years, Hakewill would go on to commission three more for friends.
Old world meeting new.
The whole thing doesn’t seem too much bigger than an iPad, but quite a bit bulkier.
We Three Kings (Piano/Cello) – ThePianoGuys
Merry Christmas Impish!
Come back next week pal and I’ll have another prezzie like this for ya…if you’re still on the nice list that is!
The Top 20 Frosty the Snowman Complaints
20.Two words: Global warming
19. Never seems to get a corncob pipe from Colorado.
18. Without legs, you’re a sitting duck if that Zimmerman guy comes snooping around.
17. Picking up hot chicks is life threatening.
16. “What? ANOTHER mother@#$%ing Wendy’s gift certificate?!”
15. Perpetual blueballs.
14. Top hats are so frigging boring. Why not a magical jaunty beret?
13. The never-ending onslaught of “snow balls” jokes.
12. His apparel? Totally gay.
11. Really REALLY hates the smell of carrots.
10. That Calvin is a sadistic little fella.
9. I swear, it’s only small because it’s so cold.
8. Of course I dance around. But those snotty Dancing With the Stars people are all “We’ll be in touch.”
7. Total lack of racial diversity among his people.
5. Every year, some bratty kid makes a “tail” by removing his nose and shoving it up his butt.
4. Mrs. Frosty? Frigid.
3. Thanks to the old silk hat and corncob pipe, everybody thinks I’m a hipster.
2. “Obamacare” doesn’t cover melting.
And the Number 1 Frosty the Snowman Complaint…
- There’s never a snowblower around when you’re in the mood.
Copyright © 1994–2013 Chris White All rights reserved.
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
“Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth.”
He continued, ” So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here.”
“That’s amazing!” said one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”
“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his.”
Little Drummer Boy – Pentatonix
Fishing Leprechaun style
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
Lethal Leprechaun stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
Fishing,’ replied the Leprechaun.
‘Poor old fool’ thought the gentleman, so he invited Lethal to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked,
‘And how many have you caught?’
‘You’re the eighth.’
The music from Today’s issue can be downloaded as MP3s here.
The songs are in a compressed file. You’ll need to be able to download it and decompress it your self using a program such as WinRar or 7Zip to access the MP3s.
DO NOT ASK FOR TECHNICAL SUPPORT HELP FROM US!
Those who do will get a decidedly naughty reply full of attitude from Marine Gunnery Sargent Grinch!
In addition I will remove the music downloads from both of the next two issues.
Say what you will about the Texans, J. J. Watt is proving himself a cut above the majority of professional athletes.
Texans JJ Watt buys pizzas for all HFD, HPD stations
Author: Matt Aufdenspring, Web Managing Editor, Click2Houston.com Published On: Nov 25 2014 01:21:09 PM CST
HOUSTON – Houston Texans superstar JJ Watt is getting just as much praise off the field as he does for his play on the field and Tuesday was no exception.
We told you last month how Watt surprised some lucky Texans fans by delivering pizzas to their door through his charity partnership with Papa John’s Pizza. Now Watt has taken it one step further.
On Tuesday, Watt reportedly bought Papa John’s pizzas and had them delivered to all Houston Police Department and Houston Fire Department stations for lunch, along with a handwritten note.
“Even though he has a lot going on, he still thinks about us here in Houston and wants us to know that we’re still appreciated,” said Perry McClendon, HFD Station 51 engineer-operator.
Local 2 viewer David Hsiung posted a photo of the handwritten note addressed to HFD and HFD on our Facebook page. It read in part, “I just wanted to send you a small token of appreciation for everything you do… As athletes, we often get the headlines and big crowds but just like the men and women in our military, y’all are the ones who truly deserve the credit, appreciation and admiration. I know it’s not much, but please enjoy lunch on me today.”
The note is signed by Watt.
The Houston Police Department tweeted out a photo of Officer L. Lindquist holding the note and boxes of pizza at the HPD South Central Patrol station.
Each week through football season, Papa John’s will donate 10 percent of Tuesday sales to the Justin J. Watt Foundation, which supports middle school athletes.