As you enter you catch a receding roar and faint smell of brimstone exhaust from an infernal combustion engine along, with a couple bars of Bad to the Bone as Ginny makes her way to her reserved seat. Diaman is walking under her own power abet slowly using Thor’s arm and a spectacularly designed custom cane to a special recliner which offers leg massage to increase the circulation in her legs and aid in healing. On either side of the room are 2 groups of gentlemen in dark suits and fedoras glaring alternately at each other and around the room. They appear to be looking for someone or something. Several Cyber Lethals enter and take up strategic positions near the 2 groups of suits causing to visibly blanch. You are just in time to hear Lethal say in an uncommonly threatening voice which he usually reserves for a certain wayward (and currently absent) dragon-
“Gentleman I said this neutral territory UNDERSTOOD? I’ll not be saying it again or standing for another incident like what occurred in the executive dining room. I hope I’ve made myself and my ability to have my way in this clear?”
You think you hear one gentleman on one side mumble something that sounds like ‘Mia maxima culpa Don Lethal, con il nostro massimo rispetto’ in what might be heavily accented Brooklyn Italian.
One of the men from the other side takes his hat off “My Bad Don Lethal we wuzn’t expecting no udders would be here. My associate is outside now watching our ride. He won’t be making no trouble wid dat broken shoulder your tin goons done gived him”
Lethal give cut nods to both side al turns his attention to you folk.
Good Morning Readers! As you can see we have some unexpected guests this morning, well technically they are Impish’s unexpected guests but he seems to have momentarily stepped out just about the time they arrived. The gentlemen on my right are from the New York City Pizza Promoters Council and represent the five
families I MEAN boroughs while the gentleman on my left are from Chicago’s Deep Dish Pizza Defense Coalition and represent the West Coast Mob I MEAN pizza styles interest! Both are rather unhappy with some publically made comments by Impish in his last issue and wish to break a foot off in his I MEAN lodge their protests and physically vigorous voice their displeasure with his comments. My apologies for agreeing to host this meaning gentleman and then have the Impish bolt like a rabbit being chased by a pack of hungry hounds. I’m sure security will locate his hiding hole shortly. Mean time please help yourself to the cannoli and espresso.
You know folks as I started laying this issue out I was starting to feel badly about all the jokes which were finding there way in at Impish’s expense, especial;y in light of a promise I made to him privately to lighten up on picking on him. However then Saturday’s issue came around where not ONLY did he blow a once in a life time shot to get rid of all the Welfarian’s to say nothing of negate the effects and embarrassments of Obama’s Presidency in their entirety, but he had the unmitigated gal and poor taste to try talking smack on the subject of pizza and tout New Jersey pizza as the best.
NOW I don’t feel bad about the fact the Maniacal Dragon Targeting Bus Driver has apparently returned with a vengeance. Impish deserves it and besides he needs to waddle off all that pizza and beer! Speaking of pizza the gentleman have kindly bought Dragon sided quantities of their respective products and I am informed by a text message that the 1st ones are on their way up from the kitchen as I speak. I can stick around just long enough to grab a slice of each then I have to jet off to class.
Enjoy the issue, class dismissed.
Before we get to all the Laughing (most of it this issue at Impish’s expense) I have a happy announcement. Today is a very special day for a member of our Dragon Laugh’s Family, one that causes Impish’s chest to rightfully puff out in pride. Please join with me in saying…
Izzy, here’s a tip for you, if you expect to be driving shortly after your 16th birthday, the time to start conditioning your Dad for that is now. Especially if it’s your own car you’ll be wanting (and given you’re a single car family TRUST ME you WILL want your own).
Lastly start by shooting for the moon- look at sporty fast convertibles. That way when compromise time rolls around you’ll not wind up with an on its last legs has 6 but runs on 4 calendars soccer Mom van but something a little less embarrassing and more fun.
Happy Birthday Littlest Dragon!
I really don’t see there ever being much of a danger of that buddy! Now, on the other hand, looking back and thinking “Good Lord! WHAT was I thinking when I ate that?”…might be an entirely different story all together. Inferior (to New York City) New Jersey shore pizza and beer from a genie in a lamp being a point in case.
Well I see Impish ordered pizza for dinner! His usual Extra Extra Extra Large with Double Extra Everything (hold the anchovies) no doubt…and a diet coke of course! The genie must not have had enough magic for conjuring up one of these!
Spicy Chipotle Beef Bites
Easy to make, sure to please, great football food at home or tailgating the big game.
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Makes: 24 appetizers
1tsp. Extra Light Olive Oil,
1/2lb. Lean Ground Beef,
1c. Chipotle Salsa,
2 garlic cloves peeled, crushed & chopped
1/3c.crumbled Cotija cheese * (see below)
2c.corn masa mix, ** (see below)
1/4c. All Natural Purpose Flour,
4Tbsp. Extra Light Olive Oil,
1 Heat a heavy bottom skillet over medium high heat 2 minutes. Add oil and ground beef. Cook until crumbly and brown. Add chipotle salsa. Reduce heat to low, cook 15 minutes. Place cooked meat mixture in a food processor, pulse a couple of times to a chunky texture. Set aside.
2 Combine remaining ingredients in a mixing bowl. Knead dough 1 minute. Divide into 24 balls. Place a dough ball between 2 sheets plastic wrap or wax paper. Use tortilla press or bottom of plate to press dough into 3-inch round. Place 1 tablespoon meat mixture in center, top with 1/2 teaspoon Cotija cheese. Bring three sides together and pinch corners almost closed. Spray with olive oil non-stick spray, place on a sprayed baking sheet.
3 Heat oven to 450°F. Bake Spicy Chipotle Beef Bites on center rack 20 minutes or until golden.
Serving size: 1, Calories: 200, Total Fat: 7g, Saturated Fat: 2g, Cholesterol: 55mg, Sodium: 250mg, Carbohydrates: 11g, Dietary Fiber: 1g, Protein: 23g
* Cotija is a Mexican dry grating cheese similar to Parmesan. IF your supermarket has a large enough cheese section you can probably find it. If not feel free to substitute your favorite taco night cheese and don’t worry about it.
** Masa mix is just finely ground corn meal used to make tortillas and can generally be found in most stores near the flour. Aside from this recipe you can use it for breading most anything. Can’t find Masa mix at your store? Use a 3” circle cut from corn tortillas and shorten the baking time. Also use a muffin tin to hold the bites cupped while baking.
Watermelon Tequila Shots
A sure to please hit at your next football party!
Total Time: 12 hr 5 min
Prep: 5 min
Inactive: 12 hr
Yield: 30 to 50 shots
1 large seedless watermelon
One 750-milliliter bottle tequila
6 to 7 limes, cut into wedges
Cut a hole in the watermelon large enough for the tequila bottle’s neck. Insert the tequila bottle upside down. Refrigerate and let the liquor soak into the watermelon’s flesh overnight.
Cube the melon, and skewer each cube with a wedge of lime sprinkled with salt.
Cinnamon Doughnut Muffins
Total Time: 35 mins
Prep Time: 10 mins
Cook Time: 25 mins
To my way of thinking Blueberry jam or Apple Butter with some plumped up raisins (use apple juice to soak them) are perfect in this. I’ll bet a little Nutella wouldn’t suck either!
Jelly Doughnut Muffins
Yield: 12 muffins
For the topping
Use the good stuff, the kind with the little bits of fruit in it. Peach also works surprisingly well in these.
OK enough jokes at Impish’s appetite’s expense. I didn’t plan for that to happen it just sort of did. Besides he’s been looking a little out of shape time for him to start waddling swiftly across streets worrying about buses again!
I have a couple course where the software for them makes me feel like doing that!
Seems like I’m having to trot this section header graphic out with all too much regularity recently.
Since Impish already made mention of this great lady I won’t say more, but as Impish’s lawyer I do have a statement on his behalf:
We categorically deny the rumors of Impish’s involvement in Mz. Rivers passing. Any mention of Mz .Rivers accessing Impish’s Bedroom as a method of deterrence &/or punishment for Impish was purely speculative and hypothetical in nature.
Mz. Rivers was never contacted and to our knowledge was not aware of Impish’s existence or location. We can say this with some assurity, because if she were, he’d undoubtedly have found himself the butt of multiple jokes by her
The only person mentioned in those threats (see comments section of blog where you miss a great deal of discussion and behind the blog fun if you’re not reading it regularly) to breach Impish’s private suite was Roseanne, who did so of her own volition and not at the behest of anyone connected to/with DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises.
Impish has expressed his regrets over the untimely mention of Mz. Rivers in relation to his potential punishment for non co-operation with my requests as well as his involuntary night with Roseanne for which he is currently seeking psychiatric counseling.
ONE DAMNED GENIE WISH- just ONE would have been ALL it took! Bloody Dragon!
Impish found a note in his pants from the genie when he started second guessing his wishes after Paul warned him he’d better start worrying about cab, limo & sanitation drivers crossing the street too…especially in NYC.
Ok so actually it wasn’t mail but more of a comment in the comment section requesting I expound on something from last week-
Howard SbrBiker Zang (wrote)
Enjoyed the issue as usual!! I do have one request though, just where is that diner?? If you can find out, please let me, I mean us, know!! Thanks!!
Well Howard I’m no second rate pizza conjuring genie in a lamp, but here’s your wish:
Wicked Wheel Bar & Grill http://www.yelp.com/biz/wicked-wheel-bar-and-grill-panama-city-beach
I’d like to put out a shout and say thanks to a few biker pals who helped me locate the place. So Cereal Killer, Saddle Tramp, Mad Dog and Fireball thanks for the assist, I owe you a round on me!
I’m posting this photo for 3 reasons, as it demonstrates 3 things I’ve been saying for years.
1.) It’s taken just down the road from me after our latest round of torrential rains and proves the veracity of what I’ve been saying about what happens down here when it finally does rain. Some neighborhoods flood to the point you can swim, kayak or water ski down them.
2.) You’ve heard me say a few times after posting an innocent joke which all you perverts immediately took as dirty to ‘get your mind out of the gutter it’s clogging Impish’s snorkel tube’. Well there’s proof of the statement right there. That is in fact Impish in his human form snorkeling his way thru the gutters of my neighborhood. Any additional people or minds in that gutter could well run the chance of clogging his snorkel tube.
3.) The third thing it proves? That Impish will go to any length and do anything to steal material from me!
Not exactly a normal Parting Shot banner because this isn’t my normal Parting Shot. Sure I’m still disgusted disillusioned and fed up and angry. What different this time is its not with the government liberals, welfarians, Obama, anti gun nuts or any of the usual stuff.
This time I’m fed up with a portion of the scientific and medical community that we’re supposed to trust to keep us healthy and alive.
There’s a dirty secret about tilapia, the mild-tasting, inexpensive white fish that’s probably a staple of your weeknight dinners. Although certain kinds of fish guarantee a healthier heart, more beautiful skin and even a longer life, research has found farmed tilapia to be worse for you than burgers, doughnuts—even pork bacon!
The true chicken-of-the-sea, tilapia is a mild-tasting white fish that’s cheap to breed and easy to sell. In fact, for the first time in 2012, farmed fish production topped that of beef, reaching a record 66 million tons, compared with beef at 63 million. But there’s a dirty secret about tilapia, the lean-meat alternative that beckons you in the supermarket–promises of muscle tone, a healthy heart and beautiful skin ringing in your ears. While most health experts agree we should be eating more fish (for all the reasons listed above), research has found the inflammatory potential of farmed tilapia to be greater than a burger, doughnuts—even pork bacon! It gets worse …
Compared with other fish, farmed tilapia contains relatively small amounts of beneficial omega-3 fatty acids–the heart-healthy and essential fish oils touted by health and nutrition experts as the main reason to eat fish frequently. While a portion of salmon has over 2,000 milligrams of omega-3 fatty acids, a serving of tilapia has a mere 135 milligrams. Moreover, because farmed tilapia subsist on a diet of corn and soy instead of lake plants, they’re proportionally sky high in omega-6 fats, which studies have proven to harm the heart, the brain, and even your mood. The Wake Forest University study that produced the tilapia vs. bacon findings revolves around this dangerous omega 6:3 proportion.
There’s a good chance the tilapia on your plate was raised on a poop diet (that’s poop as a noun, not an adjective). Research from the Johns Hopkins Center for a Livable Future revealed the gory details of disease-ridden fish farms in Asia, where pig and chicken feces serve as a cheaper alternative to standard fish food. While the FDA vehemently denied any of these goings-on, the Johns Hopkins investigation revealed only 2 percent of imported seafood to the United States is actually tested for contamination. It’s not just mega gross. Experts worry that the large amounts of antibiotics given to the fish to ward off infections may give rise to antibiotic-resistant strains of salmonella.
Virtually all tilapia sold in American supermarkets has undergone a sex change–the result of being fed methyltestosterone during the early, sexless stage of life. Tilapia pumped full of hormones grow bigger quicker than their natural bros, because they don’t expend energy developing reproductive organs and require less food. Seafood experts consider the effects of methyltestosterone in fish to be insignificant to our health. However, there’s research to suggest the drug can be highly toxic to the liver. In fact, methyltestosterone has been taken off the market in Germany due to its high potential for liver toxicity.
When it comes to choosing a fish that’s healthiest for your body—and the Earth—abide by the number one rule: Stay off the farm. Farmed seafood, not just tilapia, can have up to 10 times more toxins than wild fish, according to Harvard Researchers. Your best choices at the fish counter include: Wild Alaskan Salmon, Alaska Pollok, Atlantic Cod, Clams, Blue Crab, Atlantic Mackerel, Striped Bass, Sardines, Herring, Rainbow Trout and Flounder.
Better yet its just a hop skip and a jump in my store from the Seafood Counter to where they keep the ham, bacon and other meats they don’t feed Poop to or harvest from BP oil spill polluted waters!
Get yer azz back in
the smoker I MEAN the dry sauna Porkie. What?! Yer damned right I’d eat a talking pig!