Even before entering DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises HQ, you see several signs announcing that todays issue of Leprechaun Laughs would be taking place on Impish’s Saturday Campground/ Party Field. You are directed to waiting shuttle buses to be taken to the field.
Things look actually more or less normal, if you discount being here for an issue of Leprechaun Laughs instead of Dragon Laughs, that is except for the 2 airport style fire apparatus and their attendant personnel in silver fire suits deployed around a large awing at the far side of the Pavilion from which Impish usually makes his opening remarks. An awning from which deep periodic rumbles seem to be emanating.
You can smell the coffee….and is that a hot breakfast line you see? Certainly that is Lethal sitting at a picnic table under the Pavilion with a pen in one hand an enormous coffee mug in the other and several people either hovering nearby waiting for a word with him or assisting him with an astonishing array of files and paperwork being brought to him and taken from him to one of two utility carts which seem to be laden to capacity.
Suddenly you hear a beeping noise begin ramping up. Frantic scrambling takes place around the files. A large piece of plywood is slapped down atop all the papers on the table in front of Lethal and two women clamber atop the plywood flashing more than a little well developed calf and thigh. Others are returning covers to the file boxes on the carts and throwing large stiff blankets over the entire carts.
Just as the beeping transitions to a steady electronic scream an amplified voice from one of the truck is heard to yell “STAND BY! HERE. IT. COMES!” This is immediately followed by the loudest longest and deepest rumbling belch you have ever heard, accompanied by approximately 30 to 40 feet of flame shooting out from under the far end of the tent down the length of a trench you failed to notice before. As this occurs there is a terrific localized wind gust through the Pavilion going towards the flames. The reason for Lethal’s staff’s frantic actions of the few prior moments immediately becomes clear, they knew it was going to happen. Instantly the 2 giant fire trucks spring into action directing their truck mounted cannons to quell the burning trench. The shrill screaming warning is no longer heard and one of the silver suit men can be seen deploying a long cord with some sort of attached wand on the end from one of the trucks to under the awning returning momentarily with what might be the remnant’s of a similar device now much scorched and blackened. He pauses to stare at some instrument inside the cab a moment before the amplified voice calls out ‘OK All Clear! He’s good for at least another hour, I think he’s starting to empty out finally.
As Lethal’s staff makes to get back to business he shakes his head and points to you folks making shooing motions to his people toward the service stations on the breakfast line. Lethal momentarily jumps up on the table and you can here his voice through the Pavilion’s PA-
“Top o the Morn Folks! Come on down it’s safe and all is clear I mean well! Hope you don’t mind a wee bit o fresh air and sun. I’ve laid on a full Irish breakie for the like o ya ta be makin’ up for dragging ya all the way out here without so much as a by your leave. What do you say we all get some and I’ll explain why the venue change and we’ll get to the laughing eh? Race you to the eats!”
At that, he’s off with a dash down the table and makes a six foot leap out of the Pavilion and hits the ground running, straight passed all the food, right to the coffee urn topping off his prodigious mug and returning to the line in time to still be one of the first 10 served
Once you’ve all gotten something to eat and drink he pauses, from putting away an impressive amount of food and you hear the PA again.
“Now don’t ya be expectin’ this sort o’ thing every time from now on! You’ll be back inside all air conditioned comfy and back to the Continental Breakfast next week ta be sure. We just out here because I’m sort o responsible for that (he jerks a thumb towards the awning) being where it is in the condition it is and by unforeseen extension for the frequent flarin’ ups it’s experiencing. As you might o guessed that awning is keeping the sun off o an out cold Impish. NO! I DID NOT hurt the poor bugger, on the contrary I helped him. See I got ta feeling sorry when I read his issue Saturday for him. He’s been working really hard and had a few ,even by his standards, breaks the last couple o’ weeks when it comes ta him and I. Then Diaman went and had some more surgery and has ta be away from us for a while so he sort o lost his sympatric ear and my vector for slipping him a daily dose of mood enhancer.
Just a moment for an aside if ya don’t mind before I forget in all the hustle and bustle. I’d like to shout out to another loyal reader and regular commenter undergoing surgery John Z whom is apparently having his entire left side replaced from the way his comment on the blog reads. Replaced with what I’m not entirely sure, but hey we thrive on surprises around here, so I’m sure whatever he has it replaced with (except transplant parts from a liberal) we’ll handle. Get back here with us soon John Z- and you too Diaman just as soon as the Doctor says its ok for you not to be prone and them Dragon and Shamrock tattoos on your <location gentlemanly censored> heal enough so they don’t pain you.
OK! BACK TO BUSINESS! As I was saying, Impish was feeling pretty down last Saturday that much was plainly evident. So much so it was a wee bit o’ a concern around here. So I took piety on him and applied a massive dose of Irish Mental Health Pub Therapy. Or in your vernacular I got him fallin’ down, texting Ex-wives @ 2AM, dead black out drunk.
Now this is NOT as bloody easy as it sounds! First off Impish HATES drinking alone. Secondly he tends to be suspicious of me if he’s drinking something I’m not which means I have to drink with him and the same thing. Third his idea of a Old Fashion glass (holds about 6 ounces plus a couple ice cube comfortably) is a 5 gallon plastic bucket.
So you see getting Impish schnockered takes some doing and should only be attempted by someone who can hold his liquor…and the liquor of roughly a dozen other guys too. In short a legendary Irishman which meant me. My problem was compounded by the fact that Impish wasn’t in the mood to drink, he just wanted to cry in his coffee. I had to reach deep, not only into my pocket (getting a Dragon drunk ain’t cheap!) but into my private bartending book and stash of multidimensional bar stocks besides. See Impish is a sucker for Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters (PGGBs), anyone care to take a shot at that obscure literary reference? Extra bragging rights if you can name the bar too)], so I was able to get him started on PGGB Ice Tea. After 5 dragon sized ones ( 5 gal each) consisting of 95% PGGB and 5% Iced Tea he was singing (badly), but to my amazement, still conscious and still sad.
See there is a reason I went with the PGGB, there is a couple quotes about them which go something like-
“After two of those babies, the dullest, most by-the-book Vogon will be up on the bar in stilettos, yodeling mountain shanties and swearing he’s the king of the Gray Binding Fiefdoms of Saxaquine”,
(a rough translation/explanation would be that 2 drink would cause the Pope to become a cross dressing drunken horny frat chick),
“never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters unless you are a thirty ton mega elephant with bronchial pneumonia.”,
(fortunately Impish comes close to this),
“the ‘Best Drink in Existence’. Its effects are similar to having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick”
Anyway when the PGGB didn’t quite have the desired effect I pulled out the biggest club in my bag, Fae Wine- Elder Berry Fae Wine to be exact. Since a mere thimbleful of this stuff will cause a mortal human to sleep 100 years I gave Impish a water glass (his idea of a dragon sized shot glass) full. Well lets just say he tossed his head back, tossed it down and then just kept right on going back, until his was flat on his and snoring like an idling Diesel Locomotive!
I came back later that night to check on him and found him still passed out…and gassy. He had burped and accidentally instantly burnt up most of a carnival he had gotten to surprise you folks with. So I had the awning set up and the fire crew come out to deal with the burping issue and I’m watching over him until he wakes up. I’ve brewing and concentrating espresso and Red Bull. If by tonight he doesn’t show any signs of starting to sober up we’ll use a 2.5 off another pumper truck we have to get those down him in between those flaming belches like the one you witnessed. That should start bringing him around so he’s in a fine hung over head pounding condition for your regular Saturday morning here.
Since you folks are here can ya be doing me a favor? Watch Impish for me? Just until the end of the issue. Please? See while this has been going on here there’s been a wee ‘domestic accident’ at Keebler Towers according to a text I received just before you all arrived. See what I mean?”
Ya see had to stuff all that money from liquidating my assets in San Marino into my safe at Keebler Towers and apparently a few bundling straps broke. Well the money expanded (I used a bailing machine to really compress it so I could fit it all in a tool case and sneak it in. The next thing I know Ka-Bluwie! My Master Bedroom’s sitting area has suffered the first ever recorded Currency Blizzard!
He should sleep though the issue just just don’t go near him or get between him and the coffee if he wakes up and we should be good. I’ll be back before the end of the issue I promise
What’s Coffee w/o a Donut?
Much has been said about what Obama should do to hurt the Russian economy. To me the plan for Russia is simple:
1) ban their use of coal
2) mandate that Russia goes on Obamacare
3) don’t allow any drilling on Russian public land
4) have the EPA pass rulings on Russian business
5) re-define the full time Russian work week to 30 hours
6) raise the Russian minimum wage
7) mandate overtime pay for government employees
8) Demand the Russian Government pay free Welfare benefits to Illegal immigrants
I could go on but I guarantee these measures would bring the Russia
economy to its knees; after all, it has been working in the U. S. since 2009!
It’s tough trying to keep your feet on the ground, head above the clouds, your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel, your finger on the pulse, your eye on the ball, your ear to the ground and concentrate on thinking outside the fecking box all at the same bloody time!
This video has gone viral in practically the space between two heart beats. See and judge for yourself.
‘Man’ on the moon mystery solved? NASA claims the strange figure was just a ‘scratch on the negative of the film’
- YouTube user Wowforreal posted a video showing the ‘alien’ figure
- Image was originally captured by either the Apollo 15 or 17 missions
- Figure can been seen on Google Moon at 27°34’26.35″N 19°36’4.75″W
- NASA claims it was either ‘dust, an eyelash [or] scratch on the negative’
- Seeing familiar things in random objects is a known as Pareidolia
- Scientists claim we also tend to use this ability to ‘enrich our imagination’ and recognize meaningful shapes, even when they’re not there
An eerie video claiming to show an ‘alien’ figure walking on the moon went viral earlier this week.
Theories ranged from shadows cast by a nearby boulder to an ancient alien statue placed on the lunar surface.
Now NASA has announced the figure is simply ‘dust, an eyelash [or] scratch on the negative’ of the film that took the image.
Noah Petro, a deputy project scientist for the Lunar Renaissance Orbiter (LROC) mission that is currently orbiting the moon, told Pix11 that the image was taken by either the Apollo 15 or 17 manned missions to the moon in 1971 and 1972 respectively.
He points out that a current LROC doesn’t show any lunar feature that could cause that pattern on the ground.
‘My best guess, is that something (dust, an eyelash, scratch on the negative) was on the film,’ Dr Petro told Pix11.
‘Remember, this was in the pre-digital days when all sorts of nasty things could happen to film.’
The popularity of the video can be explained by a psychological phenomenon called Pareidolia, which is the brain’s response to seeing faces and other significant objects in random stimulus.
Wowforreel said he started investigating the shadow, which can also be seen on Google Moon at 27°34’26.35″N 19°36’4.75″W, after receiving an online tip from another web user named Jasenko.
‘An irregularly shaped dark spot he noticed on Google Moon looks like it could be a cast shadow from a massive standing object, or figure,’ Wowforreeel told UFO Sighting Daily.
‘At first I thought maybe it was something drawn into the picture but after going to Google Moon, whatever it is or isn’t…uh, is there.’
Tom Rose, a paranormal explainer, wrote in the Examiner the figure bears an uncanny resemblance to what the ancient statue, ‘The Colossus of Rhodes’, is thought to have looked like before it was felled a massive earthquake in 226 BC.
This isn’t the first time that Wowforreel has spotted strange objects after sloughing through Google’s moon series.
In January, the user highlighted controversial images which showed what some people believed could be a secret alien base or spaceship on the moon.
The triangular anomaly, spotted on Google’s map of the moon, had rows of seven light-like dots along its edge.
Personally I have an easier to swallow theory, Rastas. After all they’ve been singing about it for years-
Oh I don’t think they misunderstood at all! On the contrary, I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand!
You just plain got to love this recipe. Not only does it make a superior to commercially available product, but the recipe is so simply you don’t even need instructions just a few pictures!
I will give you a couple hard won nuggets of info about this recipe that might not be readily apparent unless you’re used to wrapping things in prepared dough.
Be sure you use the Turkey variety of Pepperoni as the 705 less fat is key to this not coming out a grease soaked soggy mess. Otherwise you’ll need to microwave the Pepperoni on Paper towels and get as much grease out as possible which will lead to it being over cooked in the end product.
They show using 1/2 sticks of cheese. I found 1/3rd sticks did better made less mess and retained more inside. Cut the cheese into portions then let them sit in your fridge until you’re ready to roll them and then get them into the oven as fast as you can. This keeps them cold as possible and allows for maximum stringiness when eating
We thought them slightly bland the first time so I mixed a bit of onion & garlic powders with some Italian Seasoning and sprinkled it over the dough before filling them.
Speaking of rolling them the ends are not closed for a reason. You need any moisture to escape easily
You want a pizza sauce not a pasta sauce for dipping. Progresso makes a very good one in a small jar but you can make your own by buying Marinara sauce and heating it with a generous pinch of Oregano. Like a little kick? Add some crushed red pepper
Bake them for the minimum length of time stated on the dough wrapper then check them roughly every 30 secs to minute. IF you like them darker than shown spray them with a light coat of Cooking spray. Also spray the cookie sheets themselves prior to placing them on the sheets.
If you get brave or adventurous and decide to try adding things to the basic recipe or swapping things out; a.) Be mindful of the moisture &/or grease your substitute ingredient[s] might give up. I suggest precooking any ingredients you use. b.) Know that shredded cheese melts too quickly to work in this recipe Use block cheese cut into wedges or sticks. c.) Finely chopped onion and pepper sautéed well drained and then combine with Italian sausage cooked with casing removed well drained and chopped fine before combining with the onions and peppers makes a killer filling when paired with Provolone or Asiago cheese.
Finally, when they come out of the oven I make sure they are not stuck to the pan with a spatula and move them all close together. Instead of hitting them with salt I hit them with a couple shakes of Parmesan cheese which sticks and semi melts into place and just puts these over the top
Individual Peach Cobblers
Since you already have the oven on you might as well make dessert right? Don’t forget the French Vanilla Ice Cream!
Total Time: 1 hr 20 min
Prep: 25 min
Inactive: 10 min
Cook: 45 min
Yield: 8 servings
Nonstick cooking spray
2 1/2 pounds ripe peaches, pitted and cut into large chunks
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons ground flax seed
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
3 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
2 tablespoons reduced-fat buttermilk
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Lightly coat eight 6-ounce ramekins with nonstick cooking spray and place on a rimmed baking sheet.
Toss the peaches with the cornstarch and 2 tablespoons sugar in a large bowl. Let stand until juicy, about 10 minutes. Divide the peaches and juices among the ramekins.
While the peaches sit, combine the flour, remaining 1/2 cup sugar, flax seed and salt. Cut in the butter, using a fork or pastry cutter, until the mixture forms medium-size crumbs. Stir in the buttermilk until well moistened and large clumps hold together.
Sprinkle the topping evenly over the peaches. Bake until the fruit is bubbling and the topping is golden brown and crisp, 40 to 45 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature
Use Rolled oats or a few of your favorite (unsalted) nuts toasted in a pan and spun in blender in place of the ground Flax seed unless you already have it on hand.
Avicii Vs. Lurgan – “Wake Me Up” as Gaeilge
Ok an wee bit o’ an explanation is required here.
First off those of us who understand the Irish Language and its translation into English would read the above as reading “ ‘Wake Me Up’ in(Irish) Gaelic” (there also being a Scottish Gaelic. While the two share the same roots there are some marked distinctions which have developed of the centuries)
Secondly, in a private conversation after Impish’s post of Avicii’s version on Saturday last, I had inquired if he was aware of this version. He was not so I offered to post it this week for him as a spirit lifter. That was of course before I got him (unbeknownst to him) lifting actual (Fae) spirits!
Sorry Dude there aren’t enough mosquitoes, even using all 3500 varieties, on the planet for what you’ve got in mind!
I had promised Impish one more video this issue and it would seem fitting to post it as tribute to these two shining souls as they were as innovative and unconventional as the group doing their tribute.
Brilliant responses to ex-texts
You know I SWEAR I went out with a chick that was a combination of those last 2! Fortunately that was before cellphones and text messaging.
Ok this last one sounds like an obsessive someone here at DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises! I just can’t quite pin the tail on the individual though.
Make Mine Obama Faces!
I’m taking the easy way out on the Parting Shot again this week. In fact I’ll probably being taking a lot of easy ways out and short cuts for a while as soon as school starts on the 25th. A (GASP!) non reader friend of mine sent me both of these and they dovetailed so nicely I figured I might as well use them stitched together with a few thoughts by yours truly.
Puzzle for you all: Imagine you are a 3 year old to 8 year old child. You are on your own without adults. You are asked to walk from Houston, Texas to Minneapolis, Minnesota on your own with no food or belongings to sustain you. Then you are asked to walk an additional 100 miles past Minnesota.
Could you do it?
How long would it take you as a 6 year old?
That is the minimum distance these poor, helpless little ones have supposedly walked from Central America to the border of Texas, again, on their own. They didn’t get lost.
And they survived the journey without help (unless you buy in to the notion that a destitute out-of-work family run out of their homes by gangs and living in squalor somehow came up with $6,000 to $8,000 for EACH child to pay a coyote to take them to the border).
Now, on the map above, Puzzle Two, you must start somewhere in the green area: L
Let’s make it easy and start where green meets orange, so that you had the least mileage by not having to cover the whole green area. Just start where the green meets the orange. Blue, of course, is water.
Your task is to figure a route from the green area to the purple area without going into the blue area and while avoiding towns and cities in the orange area. The black line is the distance from the nearest town to Mexico’s southern border that touches the green area to Laredo, Texas, one of the CLOSEST purple towns.
1220 miles across desert and mountains with no equipment or food or help.
If orange had stopped these innocents where orange touches green, problem would not have occurred. However, what six year old do you know who could walk 1220 miles (minimum), probably more like 1500 miles on their own without dying?
How many days would it take for a 6 year old to walk 1220 miles without help, directions, food, sun protection, etc.?
The truth is not being provided to us.
Imagine that, our government not telling us the truth. Now That’s the first time that that has ever happened in America………
Someone created and assisted this, and the media should be figuring out who it is.
BIG FREAKIN’ CLUE….I don’t know his name, but his initials are B.H.O……
Still baffled? Dubious? Claim I’m Racist?, Conspiracy Theorist? Or just hating on the Liberals & Obama?
Then try this on for size in the proof department-
SR 304 – Why the Illegal Immigrant Kids?
If you’re going to tell me that the Politicians and our Government have sudden become clairvoyant, then I’m going to start calling you naïve, gullible, ignorant, Sheeple and quite possible Liberals.
There is clearly more going on here than we are aware or the liberally biased lame stream media is telling us about. While I don’t doubt they aren’t being told everything either they love their liberal hero and his socialist vote buying agenda so much they are not bothering to ask questions of investigate for themselves either so that makes them at least complicit in what ever deception is being played on us in regards to this problem.
Ask yourself why there is no Federal Investigation into who is providing these kids with those coaching sheets or how all these kids are making it all that way w/o help? It’s simple, because Obama and his minions in the government already know the answers but doesn’t want it to stop.
It is plain to me however it has to stop, for two reasons. First our shaky unstable economy cannot sustain the increases to welfare and subsidized Federal Program they hand these kids and whom ever takes care of them on Goose That Lays the Golden Egg Logo Gold inlayed Silver Platters of Entitlement.
Second of all, the next generation American Born Children are fast becoming a minority in their own country and unless this stops soon they will cease to be a dominate voice of American beliefs and values in their own country and wind up instead the Anglo minority in the Hispanic States of the Americas!