Dragon Laffs #1398


Dragon Laffs 16
Good Morning Campers,

I know that Lethal and I have been having a nice seesaw back and forth with our handling of the same situation, and I’ll get to the lies my rebuttal in just a moment, but first, I want to address the Baby June issue. 

I’m not sure exactly how accurate Word Press is in keeping track of how many members we have it was 443 and now it says 441, but that would mean that we’ve lost some people and doesn’t take into account the people who come to visit us who aren’t subscribers or who get it forwarded to them. 

Regardless, we’ll use the number 425 as the number of people who read Dragon Laffs on any given week.  A couple of issues ago, I asked each and everyone of you to donate to Baby June.  Even a dollar or so, whatever you could spare.  As of this writing, 7 of you, that I know of, have contributed to this little girl. 

I’m sure there are some of you who have given and didn’t mention Dragon Laffs, but there haven’t been many people contributing at all.  The word has not gotten out.

I know things are tough.  And I know that the average, honest, hard-working Dragon Laffs reader probably has it a little harder then most because you are dammed proud of making your own way and not taking anything that doesn’t belong to you and you didn’t work for.

But I’m asking again.  And I KNOW that I am overstepping my bounds here, possibly the reason that two of you decided to leave, but I have to try again. There are only 26 days left.  They are still only at 12% of their goal and they could sure use your help. 

Here’s the website again: https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/8lv4/baby-june-s-fight-against-cancer 

1bSo, Lethal is back.  Complaining that he has to take another week off to take care of his yard work, that was supposedly my fault for not taking care of.  Did he take into account that I have spent almost my whole time while he was gone holding together DL &LL Electronic Media running smoothly or even just running.

And he brought up my humble beginnings.  I had fully intended to spend the first part of this issue bantering back at him over the things he wrote, but I’ve changed my mind.

Maybe it’s because I’ve spent most of this evening watching different tributes to Robin Williams, and maybe its because I’ve spent a huge part of the last couple of days revisiting some of my own demons and shadows that I’ve struggled with and to some extent still do struggle with.  I know that Lethal has had his own battles this week as well.  I know for a fact that there are an awful lot of you out there who have larger battles than I do.  Have bigger shadows to dispel.  And I’ve been told many times that the reason so many of you tune in here each week is for that little bit of laughter and smiling that we deliver.  You tune in for that like-mindedness that you find in our words.  You tune in to hear a friend express to you those things that you may not be able to say yourself. You tune in for those three things that are so special to all of us. 

Those three things that, through all my own trials and tribulations, I have found are the only things that ever really help in the long and the short run.  Those three things that give us the power to push back the bullshit that the world is throwing at us every week.  Those three things that we try to put into everyone of our issues…

1aI use this venue to exorcise an awful lot of my own demons, and I encourage each of you to do the same thing.  You can comment, you can email us, you can use us to help yourself.

For those of you who don’t know, my own email address is impishdragon@(just about any ending you can think of).  The ones I can remember are:
impishdragon@gmail.com
impishdragon@yahoo.com
impishdragon@hotmail.com
impishdragon@sbcglobal.net
I know I’ve got a couple more, but I tend to have them all tied to the same one or two emails so that it doesn’t really matter where you write, I end up getting it.

If you have something to share, then write to me.

This song seems to have struck me very hard recently. 

To be honest, I’ve never seen this video until just now. I believe it fits with the words, but it’s not really what I’ve been getting out of the song. But I show it here for your enjoyment.

Here are the lyrics:

“Wake Me Up”

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

[2x]
So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

[2x]
So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

Didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know (didn’t know, didn’t know)

 

Okay then.  Two things at this point.  Enough maudlin and it’s time to start laughing.  Since we’ve already started with music videos, we may as well keep on and you are really gonna love this next one.

 

The Band Steve N’ Seagull plays AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” like you’ve NEVER heard it before

They do a really awesome cover of Iron Maiden’s “The Trooper” too.  Believe it or not, they are a Finnish band.  Do a YouTube or a Google search.  You will be justly rewarded.

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I found this one very interesting.  How much sleep do you really need?

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TO WHOM DOES THE LAND OF ISRAEL BELONG?


An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began:
‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses:
When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, “What a good opportunity to have a bath!”

Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
A Palestinian had stolen them!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, “What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren’t there then.”

The Israeli representative smiled and said, “And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.”

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You guys know that my job involves some really weird stuff sometimes and this one falls right in my lap!  It all started with the following article from Kim Komando. 

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As technology evolves, researchers have begun to focus more intently on health-based gadgets. There are plenty of activity-tracking bracelets, apps that can monitor your heart rate, and other medical breakthroughs in the tech field.

But none of these are as sophisticated as the computer system that can predict and monitor disease outbreaks around the world. Named “HealthMap,” this program identified the Ebola outbreak in West Africa nine days before the World Health Organization (WHO) made its official statement.

HealthMap works by sifting through publicly available and free resources to determine where diseases are emerging. A complex algorithm puts outbreak points on a map, and color codes these points by intensity.

The HealthMap system isn’t designed to replace the communication or resources for the medical community to identify and control diseases around the world. It’s specifically designed to bring more accurate and up-to-date information to the public when diseases, like the newest strain of Ebola, are on the rise.

HealthMap will automatically pinpoint your location on a world map and display local disease reports from the last week. You can see where the diseases were reported, sign up for updates about diseases in your area, and see the latest news about diseases in your area and around the world.

When you go to the website, by clicking on the blue box with the word HealthMap in it, you get taken to the site that has a real time map of the world with outbreaks.  Each outbreak is clickable that leads you to the news article or whatever source they used to get the information.  You can sign up for email alerts and there is even an ap for android and apple products.  So yes, I’m really weird and find this stuff cool as hell.  I guess I’ve got the right job for me when I get to play with stuff like this every day.

5b

5d

GOD to ST. FRANCIS:
Frank
,…you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet?  What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago?   I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
    It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with
 grass.

GOD:
    Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
    The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
    Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
    They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
    Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
    They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
    No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
    Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
    Yes, Sir.

GOD:
    These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
    You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
    What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.
 

ST. FRANCIS:
    You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
    No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
    After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
    And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
    They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
    Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
    ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

 

GOD:
    Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

5c

5e

AMEN!  Truer words have never been written, spoken or anything else!  Amen

Thanks to Blues Clues, my little Izzy Dragon could use sign language before she could even talk.  Because of that, her and Mrs. Dragon have had a special interest in sign language.  This next video takes that to a whole new level.

 

 

Pretty cool, right.

 

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Okay, this one is just plain cute.  Watch just for fun…

 

1016

 

 

And this video is just damn impressive.

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Epiphany

Extreme hobbies

fiber

Firearms

Flash Mob

 

 

This is absolutely amazing.  All of history in two minutes….

 

 

1017

Okay, so what’s the down side of using the door?

 

1

a1

a2

a15

a16

a17

 

 

1018

This is so much fun for such obvious reasons!  They had to know there were being filmed this way…right?

 

1019

Sure!  I’ll take a cup of free coffee!  Here’s my dollar!  Wait…what?

 

1020

And the very next case the Kentucky Judge heard was the assault of 18-year-old Austin Whaley by fourteen blue haired old ladies who were sick and tired of his shit.  They beat the tar out of him with their bingo purses.

 

1021

It’s definitely false advertising…maybe product tampering, but most assuredly it’s grounds for assault!

 

1022

Okay, run that by me again.  Slower this time… See!  Even the right wing has loonies.  They’re everywhere!!!

 

 

1023

Okay, that’s just wrong, on so many levels.  I wonder if he can mail himself someplace nice like that?  That’s all I can handle, we’ve got to move on to today’s…
Last Word4

There are so many harsh and horrible news stories out there right now.  From the problems in Russia to the war in Israel, to our own inept administration and the crap they are piling on our shoulders, to the death of one of our worlds brightest and most kind stars.  Robin Williams took his own life this week, reportedly due to a huge fight with depression. 

What a sad world we live in that a man so famous for making people laugh, suffered underneath so badly that he felt this was the only option he had left. 

Then we’ve got moronic people saying horrible things like how a man who seemed to have everything could possibly have anything to be depressed about and crap like that. 

If you have never suffered from depression, if you have never suffered from PTSD, if you’ve never felt those feelings, been in those places, those dark, lonely places where you wondered why you felt the way you do, wondered how the hell you had ended up there and knowing NOTHING of what you could do about it.  If you haven’t been where they’ve been then you don’t have a right to an opinion.  You have no point of view that is valid.  You have no right to comment on another persons problems if you’ve never had them yourself. 

I just want to add one thing to that, and then we’ll change gears. 

Gene Simmons, this is for you:

coollogo_com-114201216But, you know what?

I’m sick shit full of that stuff right now.

I want to end this week on a positive, up lifting note.

So here…..

Try these on for size….

5h

Bet it was one of those trucks my doctor had hired out…trying to get me to jog every day.  Bastard.

5i

 

5j

 

5k

 

May today be your favorite day and may tomorrow be your favorite today, tomorrow.

Be well and happy my dear friends.

Until we speak again.

Ending

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12 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1398

  1. Ginny says:

    It’s a bond that that I have with Impish, he was at one time a JERSEY guy! So no you aren’t chopped liver, half of me is a proud Irish girl….my Mom’s family was Quigley. I love your blog too and the many yummy recipes you post. Both of you are GEMS to alot of people who really look forward to your weekly blogs.

    • impishdragon says:

      Lethal, you’re repeating yourself.
      And yes, the Jersey girl and I have a bond that goes WAY back. We both been there.
      How you feeling today Ginster? Hope you’re doing well.
      And I hope we hear from John soon to find out how his left side turned out.

    • impishdragon says:

      Oh…and once a Jerseyite, always a Jerseyite.

      • Ginny says:

        That’s my DRAGON….you can’t get Jersey out of ya, no matter where you roam. I also was wondering about John’s LEFT? Sounds like a knee and you have been there and did i! For me it’s a good day without tripping or falling on my arse….I love when we park in a handicap space and people stare….I always think…you want to trade …I know I don’t look handicap….so watch me stagger….lol

      • impishdragon says:

        I had a handicap sticker for my car for about 3 months while I healed. Rarely used it because I always figured there was someone else who needed it more. Yeah, had the same knee done twice cause I liked it so much. lol.

  2. John Z says:

    Thanks for putting a smile under my nose today I needed itas I am going for a total left replacement this Tuesday. I love you mail & always look forward to it

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Best wishes for a speedy recovery John.
      Come back to us soon!

      • impishdragon says:

        Ginster and John Z,
        Thanks very much for your comments and John, I agree with Lethal when I say my prayers and best wishes are with you for your surgery tomorrow. You didn’t say what you were having replaced, only that it was on the left hand side, so I’m praying that your left replacement goes well for you.
        Ginster, you pluck my heart strings when you say that I touched you deeply. I’ve said so many times before that this blog is as much for me as it is for anyone else. It is a way to laugh with friends, but it’s also a way to reach out and lean on friends and let them lean on me.
        My mother-in-law, a dear woman who was as close, if not closer to me than my own mother, succumbed to ALS, a form of MS several years ago. I feel for you and understand completely what you are going through. My prayers and best wishes are with you as well. Thank you for your comments.
        Impish

      • Ginny says:

        Friends and laughter are the best medicines for me. I treasure your friendship, and always look forward to your weekly blogs. Your compassion and understanding of MS helps me a lot.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Hey! I’m starting ta feel a wee bit liked Chopped Liver here Ginny!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Hey! I’m starting ta feel a wee bit liked Chopped Liver here Ginny!

  3. Ginster says:

    You either have me laughing “out loud” or at times like today, you have touched me deeply. Tears in my eyes, I agree with all that you said about depression and anxiety. The world doesn’t understand any illness if they can’t see it. Robin Williams had us laughing but it’s hard for some to understand….that he was DEPRESSED….you didn’t see it hidden behind his talent. I can so relate, when people say to me, you look so good having MS. You can’t imagine what goes on with the wires shorting out in our brains. You walk up stairs, and trip because the brain said I lifted my leg high enough,..when in fact I didn’t. So for 19 years I fight my demon with an upbeat attitude and laughter.

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