Leprechaun Laughs # 246 for Wednesday 5/14/2014


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<Sneezing fit is heard followed by some impressive nose bugling>

Excuse me folks all this Spring Cleaning, both here of my archives and at Keebler Towers, where the Spring Cleaning ritual has taken on an added dimension due to a impending visit by Molly’s grandparents, has got my allergies getting the best of me. Pardon me a moment… <more nose bugling is heard from behind to podium>

I’m off for a moment to find my friend Mr. Benadryl Caplet and I’ll catch up with you. Go on ahead and get started on the issue. ‘Tis an especially fine end it has today!

Lets Roll-99

Caffeinate

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Limerick Laughs

A bather whose clothing was strewed,
By winds that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless we are wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

There was a young lass from Australia
Who painted her ass like a Dahlia
The shape it was fine
And the color divine
But the aroma–well, that was a faihlia

There was a young lady named Kite
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She left home one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

I once took our vicar to tea;
It was just as I thought it would be:
His rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.

A gourmet dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one, too.”

There once was a slimmer named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn’t be seen.

A young schizophrenic named Struther,
Who learned of the death of his Brother,
Said, “I know that its bad,
But I don’t feel too sad.
After all, I still have each other.”

The incredible Wizard of Oz
Retired from his business becoz
due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients,
He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.

There was an old gent from Hyde
Who ate rotten apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside his inside.

Said an ape as he swung by his tail,
To his offspring both female and male,
“From your offspring, my dears,
In a couple of years,
May evolve a professor at Yale.”

God’s plan made a hopeful beginning,
But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;
We trust that the story
Will end in great glory,
But at present the other side’s winning.

Said an envious, erudite ermine,
“There’s one thing I cannot determine:
When a girl wears my coat,
She’s a person of note.
When I wear it, I’m called only vermin.”

There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

An elderly man called Keith
Mislaid his set of false teeth –
They’d been laid on a chair,
He’d forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

There’s a wonderful family called Stein:
There’s Gert and there’s Ep and there’s Ein.
Gert’s poems are bunk,
Ep’s statues are junk,
And no one can understand Ein.


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and disproving looks from a certain Leprechaun!

dar-happy-46

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Teens blame Michelle Obama for ‘nasty’ lunches

Healthier school lunch options ‘just being thrown out anyway,’ students say

Published On: May 06 2014 10:23:40 AM CD

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Many teens are fed up with the “nasty” healthier lunches they’re getting at school.

And they blame Michelle Obama.

The healthier school lunch standards have been phased in over the past two years as part of the Healthy and Hunger-Free Kids Act championed by the first lady as a way to combat rising obesity levels among children.

But now some schools are asking to roll back some of the new requirements, saying they’ve been expensive and difficult to put in place.

Teens interviewed by The Wire just want their tater tots back.

“The food even LOOKED more presentable before,” Anthony Gallimore, a high school senior from Georgia, wrote. “And if nobody chooses to eat the gross food, then it can’t possibly be helping anyone. It’s just being thrown out anyway.” 

Caitlin Tagner, a high school sophomore from North Carolina, is very clear about who she points the finger at: “I blame Michelle Obama.”

The lunch standards were approved by Congress and the U.S. Department of Agriculture in 2010.

Many of the teens interviewed by The Wire are now bringing their own lunches to school.

OK so let me see if I got it right-

The change part of ‘Hope and Change’ have been things that make us seem week foolish and stupid to other countries. A National Healthcare Plan which no working Adult wants but is being forced fed and made to foot an exorbitant bill for.  The force feeding of lunches our children don’t want so they refuse to eat and thereby more money is thrown away wasted as well.

Mean while Obama  vacations like its going out of style at $20 mil a clip, our Nuclear deterrent force operated on 45 year old archaic technology and our Military academies where our next generation of protectors are supposed to be learning their craft can get cut $100 mil and the weight of our already crushing national Debt grows even greater.

Seems to me the only hope in that ‘Hope and Change’ is the hope we can as people and a nation can survive the remainder of Obama’s Presidency!

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Impish and I hope you remember that only by voting these Obamaphants out of office can we affect change for the better. 

 

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USer & PW Heaven

QR HEadstone

 

News of the Weird

Man’s Life Saved Because His Doctor Watched “House”

And they say TV will rot your brain.

By Kate Knibbs Feb. 07, © Mario Anzuoni/Reuters/Corbis

imageA German man with severe heart failure, fever, blindness, deafness, and enlarged lymph nodes went to a medical center for undiagnosed diseases, desperate to be treated by the best as he struggled to understand his unexplained condition.

But his real savior was Hugh Laurie’s irascible charisma.

The 55-year-old man’s deterioration had puzzled other doctors. But Dr. Juergen Schaefer, who treated the man, told the AP he diagnosed the man within five minutes.

Schaefer didn’t rely on medical textbooks to make his (correct) diagnosis. Instead, he used his memory of the U.S. television show House, which ran from 2004 to 2012 on Fox and told the story of a borderline-sociopathic medical doctor whose abrasive personality and generally poor decision making counter-balanced his uncanny ability to solve medical mysteries.

The unidentified man’s case reminded Schaefer of a House episode in which a woman (played by Candice Bergen) comes in suffering from heart failure and it turns out she has cobalt poisoning from her hip joint replacement. The German man, as it turns out, had cobalt poisoning from his hip joint replacement as well.

Schaefer isn’t just a casual House fan. No, he actually teaches medical students using House as a way to explain rare diseases, so the episode was fresh in his memory. And he literally wrote the book on how to apply House the fictional television show to real life medical practice. It’s called Housemedizin: Die Diagnosen von “Dr. House.”

British medical journal Lancet published a report on this unusual case, but did not mention whether lawyers should start consulting Franklin & Bash whilst trying cases with their best buddy.

Finally got the sink fixed…

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Not to worry, the left  handle does white wine.

 

To  paraphrase W.C. Fields, “I don’t drink water, because fish screw in it.”   

    To  my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. . and  those who don’t..

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom,   in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) – bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop,

Wine/Beer  = Health

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine/beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit .

 There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service! 

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TOLD YOU it was an especially fine end this week!

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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