Leprechaun Laughs #239 for April 2nd 2014


Spring has Sprung, the Flower is done riz, I wonder under how much snow Impish Dragon still is.

Been nigh on a week now that we not seen a day time temp below 70 or a night time one below 50. Seems as though Spring may have finally made it to the Gulf Coast.

Today we’re rumored to see 80 and some of them famed April showers which we could dearly use.

As for those flowers that done riz, why here at least they are all over. Wild flowers. Particularly Blue Bonnets and Indian Paintbrushes, seen here:

As with much about Texas however, all is not as it seems! See these fields of beautiful wild flowers oft hide a deadly threat, Rattlesnakes  love to sun bathe hidden amongst the flowers!


Opening Logo 6




Dear God

Supposedly true excerpts of kids’ Sunday School letters to God.

Dear God:

  • In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on vacation?
  • How did you know you were God?
  • I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Allison
  • On Halloween I am going to wear a Devil’s costume, is that all right with you?
  • Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
  • Is it true my father won’t get into Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
  • Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
  • Who draws the lines around the countries?
  • Do animals get to use you too or is there someone else for them?
  • I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church … is that OK?
  • I like the Lord’s Prayer the best of all. Did you have to write it a lot or did you get it right the first time? I have to write everything I ever write over again.
  • God, it’s OK that you made different religions but don’t you get mixed up sometimes?
  • Did they really talk that fancy in Bible times?
  • I would like to know why all the things you said are in red?
  • Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours or do you just know him through the business?
  • Did you really mean do unto others as they do unto you, because if you did then I’m going to fix my brother.
  • My grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back DO you go?
  • I know all about where babies come from. I think. From inside mommies and daddies put them there. Where are they before that? Do you have them in Heaven? How do they get down here? Do you have to take care of them all first? Please answer all my questions…I always think of you. Yours Truly, Susan
  • Thank you for the baby brother but what I prayed for was a puppy.
  • Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
  • Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was suppose to be our day of rest.
  • I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had 3 stitches and a shot.
  • If we come back as something, please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her. Thank You. Love, Denise
  • Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year.
  • Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
  • I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
  • I keep waiting for Spring but it never comes yet. Please don’t forget.
  • I think the stapler is on of your greatest inventions.
  • I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
  • Of all the people who work for you, I like Peter and John the best.
  • My brother told me about being born but it sure doesn’t sound right.
  • If you watch in church on Sunday, I will show you my new shoes.
  • I like the story about Chanuka the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones!!
  • I would like to live for 900 years like the guy in the bible.
  • We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said you did it. So, I bet he stole your idea.
  • If you would of let the dinasour not exstinct we would not have a country…I think you did the right thing.
  • It is great the way you always get the stars in the Right places.



    Gun Control Works

    With the exception of the part about the need for an explanation of the ammunition bought by DHS, (every time I hear this the quantity rises) which has been discussed here in Leprechaun Laugh previously where it was IMO adequately explained as a consolidated Purchasing for all of the departments using firearms in the the aegis of the DHS and therefore proven to be an All Natural Organic Bovine Waste Product, I agree with everything said in this video 110%!

    Hey you

    A Difference between Men and Women

    On Friendship between women:

    A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house.

    The man called his wife’s 10 best friends.

    None of them knew about it.

    On Friendship between men:

    A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house.

    The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends.

    Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over. And two claimed that he was still there!


    Easter, for those Catholics among us, is practically right around the corner. I’ve had a comment about my holiday recipe ideas being good but coming too close to the holiday to be of help. SO starting with Easter I’m going to start including a couple more upscale holiday type recipes in each issue starting 2 weeks before I normally would. Today’s Breakfast and Dessert recipes would be great Easter ones.

    The breakfast can go right from fridge into a cold oven (never ever put cold Pyrex, Corningware or glass into a hot oven…un less you like explosions with razor sharp shrapnel) just allow a little extra cooking time for everything warming up. This allows you to have a hot breakfast despite all those extra Church preparations resulting from everyone ‘wearing their Easter finest’.

    Skip the nuts on top of the icing on the dessert substituting candied flower petals, tinting it or sprinkle pastel confections of some kind or if you’re artistic some holiday themed decoration in icing jellies and you’ll get rave reviews for sure.

    Overnight French Toast Casserole


    Molly loves breakfast on Sundays but I hate slaving in a kitchen over it for an hour before she can enjoy it. Plus when I wake up I ain’t got eyes for nuthin’ but my coffee!

    IHOP & Denny’s require getting dressed, being civil and talking in more than Cave Leprechaun grunts. Breakfast delivery is a business model that sadly hasn’t caught on as yet – Lord only knows why!

    That’s why I love any breakfast I can prep the night before and just pop it into a cold oven in the morning while I enjoy a big old mug of Brown Gold and the paper.

    Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 1 hour | Total Time: 1 hour, 20 minutes


    French Toast

    • 1 loaf sourdough bread, tore into pieces
    • 8 eggs
    • 2 1/2 c. milk
    • 1/2 c. heavy whipping cream
    • 2 bananas, sliced
    • 3/4 c. caramel ice cream topping
    • 2 c. Golden Butter Yellow cake mix
    • 2 tsp cinnamon
    • 2 tsp Vanilla Extract

    • Topping

    • 1/2 c. All-purpose Flour
    • 1/2 c. Firmly Packed Brown Sugar
    • 1 tsp Cinnamon
    • 1/4 tsp Salt
    • 1/2 c. butter



    1. Spray a 9×13″ glass baking dish with non-stick spray.
    2. Layer 1/2 of bread in baking dish. Top with bananas and caramel. Then top with the rest of the bread.
    3. Whisk together eggs, milk, heaving whipping cream, cake mix, cinnamon and vanilla extract in a large bowl. Pour mixture over bread.
    4. Cover baking dish and store in the fridge overnight or for several hours.
    5. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
    6. For the topping in a small bowl add flour, brown sugar, cinnamon and salt, stir until combined. Cut in butter to mixture.
    7. Remove french toast casserole from fridge, uncover and drop topping by the spoonful randomly across french toast casserole.
    8. Bake for 1 hour until the center is set and edges are browned.
    9. Serve with syrup if desired.


    Chicken Cacciatore



    Multigrain pasta adds fiber to this classic family favorite.

    PREP TIME: 9 minutes

    TOTAL TIME: 25 minutes





    8 oz multigrain rotini pasta
    2 tsp olive oil
    1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast tenders, cut into ½” pieces
    1 pkg (8 oz) brown mushrooms (cremini), quartered
    ½ med red bell pepper, cut into strips
    1 sm onion, chopped
    2 cloves garlic, minced
    ¼ tsp salt
    ¼ tsp black pepper
    1 can (14.5 oz) no-salt-added basil-garlic-oregano diced tomatoes
    20 lg pitted black olives
    1 Tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley


    1. PREPARE pasta per package directions.
    2. HEAT oil in large nonstick frying pan (with cover) over medium-high heat while making pasta. Add chicken and cook, turning occasionally, until browned on all sides, about 4 minutes. Transfer to bowl.
    3. COMBINE mushrooms, bell pepper, onion, garlic, salt, and black pepper in pan. Reduce heat to medium, cover, and cook, stirring occasionally, until mushrooms exude liquid, about 3 minutes. Uncover and cook until most of the liquid evaporates, about 8 minutes.
    4. STIR in tomatoes (with juice) and reserved chicken with any accumulated juices from bowl. Reduce heat to a simmer.
    5. ADD drained pasta to pan. Add olives and toss gently to combine. Serve sprinkled with parsley.

    Since there are only 2 of us here in the Keebler Towers Penthouse, there are usually leftovers from this which I look forward to almost more than eating it for dinner. To make a fantastic next day soup all you need is a quart of good chicken stock and a can of condensed Tomato w/ Basil soup. Just bring the two of those to a boil add in your left over Chicken Cacciatore and serve as soon as it returns to the boil sprinkled with a little Parmesan or Mozzarella and a piece of garlic bread for dipping .


    In my kitchen, browning bananas are a recurring eye sore. So, determined to put the bananas to good use, I’ve finally pinpointed my ultimate banana dessert for those over-ripened bananas. These Banana Nut Brownies with browned butter frosting are nothing short of sinful!

    By creating a batter that is more brownie than bread, this recipe will stun your taste buds. Moist and flavorful, the brownie is a treat in itself. But then there’s the browned butter frosting that knocks this dessert out of the park.


    Brownie Batter:

    1 1/2 cup sugar
    1cup sour cream
    1/2 cup butter, softened
    2 eggs
    3 ripe bananas, mashed
    2 tsp vanilla extract
    2 cup all purpose flour
    1tsp baking soda
    3/4 tsp salt
    1 cup chopped walnuts

    Browned Butter Frosting:

    1/4 cup butter
    1/4 cup light brown sugar
    3 tbsp milk


    1. 1. Heat oven to 375F. Line a 15×10 inch cookie sheet (jelly roll pan) with parchment paper, or grease and flour, set aside. In a large bowl, beat together sugar, sour cream, butter, and eggs until creamy. Blend in bananas and vanilla extract.
    2. 2. In separate bowl, add flour, baking soda, salt, and whisk (or sift) together. Add this to the banana mixture in two parts. Stir in walnuts. Spread batter evenly into pan and bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown.
    3. 3. Prepare the frosting as the brownies bake by heating butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the brown sugar to the melted butter and bring to a boil, stirring continuously for about 2 minutes. Remove from heat immediately.
    4. 4. Add powdered sugar, vanilla extract and milk. Whisk together until smooth (note: it will be thinner than frosting). Using a spatula, spread the brown butter frosting over bars. This is best done when both ingredients are warm. Serve warm, room temperature or even cold!



    Absence Excuses

    These are supposedly actual excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas Medical Branch (Galveston) during a study of parental psychology.

    • My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
    • Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
    • Dear School: Pleaseekscuse John being absent on Jan.28,29,30,31,32, and also 33.
    • Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
    • John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
    • Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
    • Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
    • Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
    • Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
    • Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
    • Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
    • Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
    • I kept Billie home to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.
    • Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
    • Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
    • My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
    • Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
    • Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
    • Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
    • Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.


    Viral Videos

    Just a flaming tornado of tumbleweeds, nothing to see here! (Video)

    This fiery dust devil began as a prescribed burn but quickly got out of control when the dust devil swept that fire in with hundreds of tumbleweeds…


    10 Life Hacks You Need To Know For Summer!



    If you’re lucky enough for your experience with this type of Pop Rocks to be with a Leprechaun you’d find out we’re magically delicious!

    Advanced Pain Control

    A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.

    He asked if they were willing to try it out, and they were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go head and kick it up a notch.

    Surprised, the doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.

    The husband was still feeling fine.

    The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

    At this point they decided to try for 50%.

    The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him.

    The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

    But when they got home, the mailman was lying dead on the porch.


    Ok, so a couple weeks ago I railed about those 2 reported instances of disrespect by National Guard Troops.

    [ Leprechaun Laughs #235 for March 5th 2013 ]

    One was concerning rendering final honors in less than optimal weather conditions, the other concerned avoiding the simple act of standing at attention and saluting the Flag during Retreat.

    What most of you don’t know is how angry about this I was and how I rallied others than those here to place pressure on the Commanding Officers in both cases to ‘’definitive action for these instance of breech of UCMJ’ (UCMJ = Uniform Code of Military Justice). In short I wanted these people punished and in the case of the Final Honors Squad removed from it.

    Impish often tells me that I just do not understand the reality of Reserve &/or Guard Units with regards to attitude even of those who serve in it full time as a primary occupation. To be honest some of what he relates baffles me. In this case however I didn’t see where the distinction held any significance or merited leniency. I was pissed and in true Marine fashion I wanted some butts chewed and hung from the nearest yardarm. Preferably by their most intimate parts…with barded wire…in a hurricane.

    A lot of support for my attitude exists on military boards and other blog sites where patriotism and support of your troops runs high. However so far nobody I know of has gotten any response from anyone in the command structure that e-mails were sent to.

    I was getting a pretty bad attitude about the entire thing and starting to think that some of the things I read about the quality of our soldiers and their attitudes were not isolated incidents but reflective of the prevalent attitude. Along with my bad attitude I was rapidly growing disgusted with our Military over it.

    That is, until Impish e-mailed me the link (What? He counts as a reader of my and I of his posts!) to this video.

    Enter video caption here


    Thanks Impish, as long as we have children who have this level of respect and pride in our Flag and Country I can hang on to the hope/belief  that instances such as the two viral ones are not the norm for attitude and behavior.

    God Bless those Corps members who can find the time in their day to teach and instill this level of pride and honor in their children.

    Bravo Zulu you Devil Dog Pups! Semper Fi!

    In the course of taking a break to review emails excreta while writing this I came across a related bot that not only brought the faint beginnings of a smile to my lips and twinkle to my eye but a faint glimmer of hope to my heart that these disrespectful duty shirking idiot will be getting what they so richly and justly deserve, at least in one of the cases.

    Soldier’s Disrespectful ‘Selfie’ Gets Her in Major Trouble​


    No matter how many people either get arrested or at least get a heap of scorn for posting stupid selfies, well, people are gonna keep on doing it! There is just something about showing off your antics, be they criminal or just inappropriate in nature, that seems to be irresistible for many. It’s almost like it didn’t happen if other people don’t see it! The latest person to join the ranks of selfie stupidity is Army private Tariqka Sheffey, who posted a pic of herself on Instagram hiding in her car so she wouldn’t have to salute the flag.

    Sheffey captioned the pic:

    This is me laying back in my car hiding so I don’t have to salute the 1700 flag. KEEP ALL YOUR ‘THATS SO DISRESPECTFUL/HOWRUDE/ETC.’ COMMENTS TO YOURSELF cuz, right now, IDGAFFFF.

    Well, I hope she doesn’t give a FFFF about the buttload of trouble she’s gotten herself into. Reportedly, her superiors are investigating her lack of respect, not to mention the lack of actually doing her job. Yeah, maybe you don’t want to salute the flag, but then why sign up for a job where you have to salute the flag? This would be like me refusing to type.

    Also being investigated is Staff Sgt. Cherish Byers, whose picture of herself tongue kissing a POW MIA symbol also went viral recently.

    [Thank God and the Corps I missed that one! –L.L.]

    Over at the Gorgeous Active Duty Females Facebook page, however, most who posted on a thread about Sheffey admitted to shirking flag duty occasionally or running from the barracks to avoid saluting a superior. But no one could seem to understand why she had chosen to brag about it on social media. Wrote one commenter:

    Why would you snitch on yourself????

    Why indeed? I have a few theories when people do these kinds of things on social media: 1) They want to get caught. People on the whole generally feel safer with boundaries, and sometimes they test them. They actually want to see if anyone is paying attention. 2) They have the “I’m special” mentality and think that somehow they are above it all and no one will actually dare to discipline them. 3) They are just generally unthinking and live in a kind of bubble where only the people they want to see things will see them.

    I’m honestly thrilled that I didn’t grow up in the age of social media because I can only imagine what teens and early 20s idiocy of mine would be floating around the web right now.

    Apparently somewhat humbled — or at least worried — about the uproar the pic caused, Sheffey apologized in a video, saying:

    I seriously just want to say thank you to everybody who stood up to me today, like seriously. That shit to me was not serious. I am not a disrespectful soldier, and I really appreciate you all.

    [<Coughing> BULLSHIT!]

    Maybe she was just having a little bit of a laugh and everyone has overreacted. But this is what growing up is about. Taking your knocks and dealing with the consequences of your actions.

    I’ll go one better than that, growing up is about learning to think before acting and considering all the consequences of an action then weighing those consequences against any possible benefit. It’s about not shirking duty and responsibility just because its inconvenient. It’s about doing the right thing always because like it or not it is the right thing. Finally its about learning that when you fail to do all these things and wind up looking like a feckless idiot via your own dumbass action that people are going to take shots at you and that you deserve those shots and any associated punishment.

    So that’s one disrespectful military moron down, now what about that Final Honors Squad?


About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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