Dragon Laffs #1379


Dragon Laffs 28
Good Morning Campers!  Welcome to another edition of your all time favorite e-zine.  Grab yourselves a cup of 1acoffee, pull up a log by the fire, grab a seat at one of the picnic tables, donuts are over by the coffee under the pavilion.  Okay, so granted, it’s not Lethal Leprechaun’s “Brown-Gold” but it is good coffee, and the pastries come right from the Entenmann’s Bakery.

I’ve taken time out from Ark building to bring this issue to you today.  We’ve had almost 4 inches of rain over the last 3 days and the flooding is pretty bad.

Here’s a little example of the intersection down the street from my cavern.  The little thing is the fluorescent yellowish-green shirt and maroon pants is my littlest dragonette.  And yes, she doesn’t really have a fashion sense right now (thank goodness).

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At the time the picture was taken, Thursday afternoon, we only had about 2 inches of rain.  You can imagine what it looks like now, if they haven’t gotten it drained off. And now the damn wind is blowing gusts of over 50 mph!  And this was in my back yard:
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The lousy spring weather is here…

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Fun Fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb, the anus forms before any other opening.  Which means at one point, you were nothing but an asshole…sadly, some people never develop beyond this stage.

 

This is too funny to pass up.  Nice way to start the issue:

 

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If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. 
~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. 
~Henry Cate, VII~ 
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. 
~Aesop~ 
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. 
~Will Rogers~ 
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. 
~Nikita Khrushchev~ 
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. 
~Clarence Darrow~ 
Why pay money to have your family tree traced;  go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. 
~Author unknown~ 
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. 
~John Quinton~ 
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich,  by promising to protect each from the other. 
~Oscar Ameringer~ 
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. 
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech,  1952~ 
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. 
~ Tex Guinan~ 
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. 
~Charles de Gaulle~ 
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. 
~Doug Larson~ 
There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen 
~Will Rogers~

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Battle for Dominance

This is an AWESOME wallpaper that was given to me by a very special friend.  It is called “Battle for Dominance” and it’s rapidly becoming one of my favorite dragon pix.

 

For all you Star Wars Geeks…okay, okay … for all of US Star Wars Geeks, here’s a featurette on the birth of the light saber.  Pretty cool and special thanks to Kim Komando for brining this one out.

And here’s one just for the excitement!

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Recently our U.S. Military found an Al Qaeda barracks and like all barracks everywhere they found pinups.  Unlike OUR barracks where there are pinup girls and such, these were…well…disturbing.  See for yourself:

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Emergency Management

I’m sure that all of you have heard about the second active shooter at Ft. Hood, in Texas.  First of all, let me say that my heart and prayers go out to the wounded and the families of the wounded and killed.  If you’ve been under a rock for 3 days, let me tell you that, as of this writing, there were 4 killed (including the shooter) and 16 wounded.  While I sit on top of Lethal Leprechaun to keep him from grabbing his guns and heading off to right this wrong, and the direction he goes in is probably not what you would think,  I won’t try to guess as to the reasoning behind the shooting, so far I have seen or heard about 4 different reasons behind this, but until I hear a definitive explanation, I won’t muddy the waters further by offering my own opinions.  I will say, that the way that I’m leaning is logical and a very, very sad state of affairs for our government and their financial butchering of our military.

No, my mission today is to talk to you about Active Shooters and the best way to make sure you are one of the ones that walks away rather than gets carried away. 

I know, I can hear you out there saying, “But Impish, I don’t work on a military base or a school.”  I know none of you think that active shooters only occur on Military Bases or schools.  It can and has happened in office buildings, post offices, malls, grocery stores, all kinds of different places.  Even out on the sidewalk. 

“Okay, Impish, so what am I supposed to do if someone starts shooting out on the sidewalk?”  Well, I’ll tell you.  You do the same first step that you would do no matter where you are. 

ACTIVE SHOOTER STEPS TO SURVIVAL
You basically have 3 choices when it comes to an active shooter situation:
1.  Run
2.  Hide
3.  Fight back
Which choice you make is going to depend on your situation.  And the best way to make that decision is to think about it and have a plan in mind BEFORE it happens!  Yes, I said BEFORE it happens.  Something that you’ve thought about and decided upon while it’s calm and you have time to weigh your options is much easier to enact under stress than when you have to make the decisions at the time.  Just like the Fire Dept. cautions families to have an emergency fire plan and practice it, you should do the same thing for an active shooter emergency.  Maybe not with your family (although I firmly urge you to talk about this subject with your kids and your spouses, (okay, so is it just me, or should the plural of spouse be spice? You don’t think that would spice up your life?  Anyway, I digress…)  but definitely where you work, go to school, or spend any significant amount of time.

So… the option to run.  If you hear the shots or see the shooter, or can tell where he is at, escape is a viable option.  Move away from the sound of gun fire, put as many solid objects between you and the shooter as you can.  That’s pretty easy and probably your only option if you are outside and hear or see something.

But, if you’re in a building, you’re best bet might be to hide.  If you’re in an office and are able, lock the door.  Move as far from the door as possible and put as many solid objects between you and the door.  Turn off the lights, mute your cell phone and BE QUIET.  Hide under desks, in closets, or any other place that you can’t be seen from the doorway.  If the shooter is just selecting random targets it’s much easier for him to proceed down an open hallway then to try and break down your door.  If you have information or don’t believe anyone has notified the authorities, then you can try to make a phone call.  Again, QUIETLY!  But, your best bet is to be as invisible as possible.

Finally, if you have no other choice, you might have to fight.  If you or you and your mates believe that is your best bet, then be prepared to go all in.  Find something solid to use as a weapon (lamps, coat rack, lap top) anything you can find.  Prepare yourself mentally to get hurt.  Very rarely is a gunshot wound immediately fatal.  Prepare yourself mentally to take a life. Do not stop fighting.  Once in, you’re ALL IN.

If you are able to move towards the good guys, the police or security, keep your hands up and visible.  Do not yell and scream.  Do not stop to give information unless they stop you.  Remember, they have no idea if you are the shooter or not.  Don’t do anything stupid to get yourself injured by friendly forces.  Move in the direction they are coming from and proceed until you reach safety.

These instructions are  not meant to be all encompassing, they are meant to get you thinking.  Where are you right now?  What would you do right now if an Active Shooter Situation developed?  When you move to another location, ask yourself that question, “What would I do right now if an active shooter started firing?  What would I do right now if I heard gun shots?  It’s really no different than being a good driver.  A good driver is always asking himself questions about what he’s seeing.  “If that car ahead of me suddenly slams on his breaks, what is the best action to take right now?”  If that car approaching the stop sign on my right decides not to stop, where can I go and be safe…” You get the idea.

Practice, practice, practice.  Get used to asking yourself scenario based questions.  If a fire breaks out, what are my options for getting out of here?  If a shooter is firing, where can I hide? Or would it be better to run? Or might I have to fight back?  If I fight back, what is close to me that I can use as a weapon?  You’ll find that as you do this over and over it will become second nature and you will find yourself noticing exits and possible hiding spots barely without even thinking.

Above all and most importantly, remain calm.  You may not be able to calm those around you, but your chances of surviving a really crappy situation increase exponentially the calmer and more rational you are.

Thanks for sticking with me through this.  I felt it was something that I could offer.  I’m very willing to answer questions or even to provide information to anyone who might want something to show or talk about at the office or wherever. 

Cheers! ~ Impish Dragon

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I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind. 

3g

 

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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in. 

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

 

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this is
this news

this pic

this stick

this

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Damn Lethal!  What the heck did you do to piss Thor off??!!

EDITORS NOTE: (Impish never has figured out how I’m able to editorialize his issues between the time he sets it to the printers and the time it publishes… and I’m NOT going to tell him!) Of COURSE he does! I win all our bets and he’s a well known hot head and sore loser! Oh no! Another rusty iron potful of Iron Pyrite (aka Fool’s Gold) bites the electrified big one!
 
Besides, the only way he can’t even come close to targeting a leprechaun is to wait for a rainbow. He’s always shaking with rage so bad when he fires off those lighting bolts he’s lucky if he could hit the backside of a Jötunn bent over and mooning him!
 
He’s got no bloody tolerance for April Fools pranks either! Which never would have been necessary if he hadn’t welshed on our last bet and hooked me up on a date with Lady Sif! Norse god or not I’ve a reputation to uphold!
 
You’d think a little crazy glue on the handle of his hammer would be no biggie! How the hell was I to know he’d choose that moment grab it to fling the thing at Loki? It’s not like he can’t regenerate the skin on the palm of his hand while in Asgard or that he’s not used to being towed in flight by the damned hammer!
 
Finally I should point out this is all your fault Impish! I never would have even gotten involved with Thor if it wasn’t for my having to hide you with Odin when your own kind was trying to kill you. After that I owed Odin an honor debt which he chose to have me pay off by attempting to show Thor that he had a gambling problem, specifically that he sucks at it.
 
Now thanks to you, every time a leprechaun is forced to show support for the faire faction by displaying the rainbow, we’ve got an angry uptight unreasoning hothead firing lighting bolts at our decoy pot stashes! IS it then
any wonder we’re bloody reluctant to allow them to march with us on St.Patrick’s Day? Think of all those rainbows on display and all those poorly aimed lighting bolts! All those innocent bystanders! The carnage! The havoc! The loss of beer, whiskey and Corned Beef!

A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?’
Granny replies, the hell with the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
 

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My sentiments exactly!

 

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That is too, too funny!  I would LOVE to see this guys expression when he finds the pictures on his phone!  Classic!  Tom, I dip my tail to you!  You are a GREAT guy!!

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AGREED!

This issue just keeps giving and giving and giving….

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Hey! No complaining!  It’s just a joke!

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Okay, one more…

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Granted, it should have gone under the groaner category, but there it is!

Last Word4

This is a fantastic piece written on November 20, 2013 by Professor Laura Hollis, an Associate Professional Specialist at Notre Dame in the Department of Accountancy.  It was found posted on the Town Hall Website.  Everyone should read this essay.  As usual, you can find my comments in blue.  (And since I just noticed that some of her stuff is in blue, mine are in blue and in parenthesis.)

We Are Not SUBJECTS (and Other Observations About Obamacare)

3dThe unveiling of the dictatorial debacle that is Obamacare absolutely flabbergasts me. It is stunning on so many levels, but the most shocking aspect of it for me is watching millions of free Americans stand idly by while this man, his minions in Congress and his cheerleaders in the press systematically dismantle our Constitution, steal our money, and crush our freedoms.

The President, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid (with no small help from Justice John Roberts) take away our health care, and we allow it. They take away our insurance, and we allow it. They take away our doctors, and we allow it. They charge us thousands of dollars more a year, and we allow it. They make legal products illegal, and we allow it. They cripple our businesses, and we allow it. They announce by fiat that we must ignore our most deeply held beliefs – and we allow it.

Where is your spine, America?

Yes, I know people are complaining. I read the news on the internet. I read blogs. I have a Twitter feed. So what? People in the Soviet Union complained. People in Cuba complain. People in China complain (quietly). Complaining isn’t the same thing as doing anything about it. In fact, much of the complaining that we hear sounds like resignation: Wow. This sucks. Oh well, this is the way things are. Too bad.

Perhaps you need reminding of a few important facts. Here goes:

1. The President is not a king 
Barack Obama does not behave like a President, an elected official, someone who realizes that he works for us. (That’s right campers.  He works for us!  Our Employee!  He needs to be fired!!) He behaves like a king, a dictator – someone who believes that his own pronouncements have the force of law, and who thinks he can dispense with the law’s enforcement when he deigns to do so. And those of us who object? How dare we? Racists!

And while he moves steadily “forward” with his plans to “fundamentally transform” the greatest country in human history, he distracts people with cheap, meaningless trivialities, like “free birth control pills”! (In fact, let’s face it: this administration’s odd obsession with sex in general – Birth control! Abortion! Sterilization! Gay guys who play basketball! — is just plain weird. Since when did the leader of the free world care so much about how people have sex, who they have it with, and what meds they use when they have it? Does he have nothing more important to concern himself with?) 

2. It isn’t just a failed software program; it is a failed philosophy
People are marveling that Healthcare.gov was such a spectacular failure. Well, if one is only interested in it as a product launch, I’ve explained some of the reasons for that 
here. But the larger point is that it isn’t a software failure, or even a product failure; it is a philosophy failure.

I have said this before: Obama is not a centrist; he is a central planner. And this – all of it: the disastrous computer program, the hundreds of millions of dollars wasted, the lies, the manipulation of public opinion, the theft of the public’s money and property, and freedom (read insurance, and premiums, and doctors) — IS what central planning looks like.

The central premise of central planning is that a handful of wunderkinds with your best interests at heart (yeah, right) know better than you what’s good for you. (Like insurance companies overruling the doctors because they know better than the doctors do about what’s best for your health!) The failure of such a premise and the misery it causes have been clear from the dawn of humanity. Kings and congressmen, dictators and Dear Leaders, potentates, princes and presidents can all fall prey to the same imperial impulses: “we know what is good for ‘the people.’

And they are always wrong. (Always!  Wrong!)

There is a reason that the only times communism has really been tried have been after wars, revolutions, or coups d’état. You have to have complete chaos for people to be willing to accept the garbage that centralized planning produces. Take the Soviet Union, for example. After two wars, famine, and the collapse of the Romanov dynasty, why wouldn’t people wait in line for hours to buy size 10 shoes? Or settle for the gray matter that passed for meat in the grocery stores?

But communism’s watered-down cousin, socialism, isn’t much better. Ask the Venezuelans who cannot get toilet paper. Toilet paper. ¡Viva la Revolución!

Contrary to what so many who believe in a “living Constitution” say, the Founding Fathers absolutely understood this. That is why the Constitution was set up to limit government power. (Memo to the President: the drafters of the Constitution deliberately didn’t say “what government had to do on your behalf.”) They understood that that was the path to folly, fear, and famine.)

3. Obama is deceitful
Just as the collapse of the computer program should not surprise anyone, neither should we be shocked that the President lied about his healthcare plan. Have any of you been paying attention over the past few years? Obama has made no secret of his motivations or his methods. The philosophies which inspire him espouse deceit and other vicious tactics. (Don’t take my word for it: read Saul Alinsky.) Obama infamously 
told reporter Richard Wolffe, “You know, I actually believe my own bullshit.” He has refused to be forthcoming about his past (where are his academic records?). His own pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, told author Ed Klein, that Obama said to him, “You know what your problem is? You have to tell the truth.”

Did Obama lie when he said dozens of times, “If you like you plan, you can keep it”? Of course he did. That’s what he does.

4. The media is responsible
And had the media been doing their jobs, we would have known a lot of this much, much earlier.

The press is charged with the sacred responsibility of protecting the people from the excesses of government. Our press has been complicit, incompetent, or corrupt. Had they vetted this man in 2008, as they would have a Republican candidate, we would have known far more about him than we do, even now. Had they pressed for more details about Obamacare, Congress’ feet would have been held to the fire. Had they done their jobs about Eric Holder, Fast and Furious, Benghazi, the IRS scandal, NSA spying – or any of the other myriad betrayals of the public trust that this administration has committed, Obama would likely have lost his 2012 reelection campaign. (A fact which even the Washington Post has tacitly acknowledged. Well done, fellas! Happy now?)

Instead, they turned a blind eye, even when they knew he was lying, abusing power, disregarding the limits of the Constitution. It was only when he began to spy on them, and when the lies were so blatant that the lowest of low-information voters could figure it out that they realized they had to report on it. (Even in the face of blatant, deliberate and repeated lies, the New York Times has the audacity to tell us that the President “misspoke.”) They have betrayed us, abandoned us, and deceived us.  (Treasonous?  Sounds that way to me, but maybe I’m just deceived.)

5. Ted Cruz was right. So was Sarah Palin. 
The computer program is a disaster. The insurance exchanges are a disaster. What’s left? The healthcare system itself. And this, of necessity, 
will be a disaster, too.

Millions of people have lost their individual insurance plans. In 2015, millions more will lose their employer-provided coverage (a fact which the Obama administration also knew, and admitted elsewhere).

The exorbitant additional costs that Obamacare has foisted on unsuspecting Americans are all part of a plan of wealth confiscation and redistribution. That is bad enough. But it will not end there.

When the numbers of people into the system and the corresponding demand for care vastly exceed the cost projections (and they will, make no mistake), then the rationing will start. Not only choice at that point, but quality and care itself will go down the tubes. And then will come the decisions made by the Independent Payment Advisory Board about what care will be covered (read “paid for”) and what will not.

That’s just a death panel, put politely. In fact, progressives are already greasing the wheels for acceptance of that miserable reality as well. They’re spreading the lie that it will be about the ability of the dying to refuse unwanted or unhelpful care. Don’t fall for that one, either. It will be about the deaths that inevitably result from decisions made by people other than the patients, their families, and their physicians. (Perhaps it’s helpful to think of their assurances this way: “If you like your end-of-life care, you can keep your end-of-life-care.”)

6. We are not SUBJECTS (or, Nice Try, the Tea Party Isn’t Going Away) We have tolerated these incursions into our lives and livelihoods too long already. There is no end to the insatiable demand “progressives” have to remake us in their image. Today it is our insurance, our businesses, our doctors, our health care. Tomorrow some new crusade will be announced that enables them to take over other aspects of our formerly free lives.

I will say it again: WE ARE NOT SUBJECTS. Not only is the Tea Party right on the fiscal issues, but it appears that they are more relevant than ever. We fought a war once to prove we did not want to be the subjects of a king, and the Boston Tea Party was just a taste of the larger conflict to come. If some people missed that lesson in history class, we can give them a refresher.

The 2014 elections are a good place to start. Call your representative, your senator, your candidate and tell them: “We are not subjects. You work for us. And if the word “REPEAL” isn’t front and center in your campaign, we won’t vote for you. Period.”

Listen up campers!  This election may be our LAST chance to protect our freedoms from tyranny.  Lethal and I have been preaching, pleading, screaming, pounding our fists and trying to make you laugh about it in any and all ways possible.  It’s reaching the end.  Our children’s future is at stake.  It’s up to all of you, now.

Ending

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1379

  1. clyde gulley says:

    I would like more info for a plan in case of a shooter in the office building.Thanks.

    • impishdragon says:

      Thank you Henry and Clyde for your very nice comments. It’s easy to write about stuff you are passionate about. But it is very nice to be appreciated. Clyde, sadly I’m currently on the wrong computer to provide you with the information you want, but I have your email address and will write to you from my work address on Monday.

  2. Henry says:

    GREAT,GREAT post today, keep it up. Post wise!!

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