WHAT?! So I’m cleaning out the cheesy files too!
We’ve been under Extreme Heat Indices since Sunday night, the first one lasting until Tuesday (48 hour warning). This means the feels like temp with the addition of the humidity to the actual temperature feels in excess of 105. Judging by the forecast as I am writing this, we might not see any relief until Thursday and then only for a day.
Exactly how hot is it in terms you can relate to? My coffee pot is starting at 5 AM and then it contents being allowed to cool off so that when I get up it only requires 1 iced cube and some cold milk. It also means its too hot to be sitting here raising a sweat by type jawing with you.
My Latest Entrepreneurial Venture
Canned Dragon Meat – Death for dinner
We go the extra mile to bring you the freshest and most dangerous cuts of meats on the planet. Did we use a virgin to lure the dragon out of hiding or a team of knights to slay it? Sorry, trade secret. But we guarantee there is love in every chunky bite; love from your friends at
DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises.
Impish uncharacteristically has refused to invest or benefit from my latest venture. It’s not like him to miss an opportunity for me to do all the hard work while he rides the biscuit wheeled gravy train. I’m a bit confused as to his rational since he’s the one constantly asking me to dispose of these bodies.
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA…… FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES,
WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
5. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
6. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
7. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
8. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
9. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
10. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
11. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
12. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
13. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
14. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
15. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
16. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
17. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
18. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
19. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?
20. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?
21. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
22. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
23. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
24. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, ‘GUIDE DOGS ONLY’, THE DOGS CAN’T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?
The Top 10 Things You Should Never Do If Your Last Name Is Weiner
10. Introduce yourself to an elementary school class.
9. Refer to disciplining your child as “spanking my little
8. Agree to be John Boehner’s running mate.
7. Become a partner in a law firm with Small, Johnson and Wang.
6> Use your name in vein.
5. Perform magic at your high school talent show as “The Amazing,
Astounding, Magnificent Weiner.”
4. Open a tattoo/piercing or massage/waxing business named after
3. Co-sponsor meat-industry regulation bills with Barney Frank.
2. “This is America. If Disney can have a theme park, I can have
a theme park.”
and The Number 1 Thing You Should Never Do If Your Last Name Is Weiner…
1. Behave like one.
[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]
Because we already have enough dickheads in government!
Police in Detroit announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 200 pounds of heroin, 5 million in forged US banknotes and 25 trafficked Latino prostitutes — all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library on Woodward Ave.
Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said:
“We’re all shocked; we never knew we had a library.”
Details Of U.S. Army’s First Openly Gay Unit Released.
In a potentially controversial move, the Pentagon will announce
The formation of a new all-gay, all male company named the
“Fighting 69th Sodomites.”
Sources credit the creation of the 69th to House member
Barney Frank, who has reportedly been working
“very, very closely” with gay Pentagon officials.
Good thing I have a hard and fast rule about not drinking and then using heavy equipment!
Tomato-Basil Zucchini Recipe
This simple skillet dish is the perfect solution when you’re wondering what to do with all that end of summer garden zucchini…but this dish is so good, you’ll want to make it year-round.
What You’ll Need
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Condensed Tomato Soup (
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon dried basil leaves, crushed
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
4 medium zucchini, sliced (about 6 cups)
1 small green pepper, cut into 2-inch strips (about 1 cup)
1 large onion, sliced (about 1 cup)
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
How to Make It
Heat the soup, lemon juice, basil, garlic powder, zucchini, pepper and onion in a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat to a boil.
Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 15 minutes or until the vegetables are tender-crisp, stirring occasionally. Stir in the cheese.
This next one was sent in by a reader and while neither Impish or I have yet have the opportunity to test it, it’s right up there on our kitchen To-do lists
Banana Bread with Honey & Applesauce
Banana Bread with honey and applesauce instead of sugar & oil. Delicious & Healthy.
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sugar free applesauce
3/4 cup honey
2 eggs, beaten
3 mashed overripe bananas
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan.
In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, mix together applesauce and honey. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.
Bake in preheated oven for 60 to 65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack.
‘Beer Can House’ morphs into landmark
By Ramit Plushnick-Masti, Associated Press
STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES! Count yourselves thankful the feature isn’t on the Funeral Museum that’s less than 5 miles away from me!!
A visitor leaves the back entrance to the beer can house, a Houston landmark, Wednesday, July 10, 2013. Former owner John Milkovisch covered the outside on the house with siding made of cut and flatten beer cans and garlands made from the lids. The Orange Show Center for Visionary Art, a local nonprofit that preserves art installations in the city, bought the property about 10 years ago, restored the house and it opened it to the public. (AP Photo/Pat Sullivan)
HOUSTON — A child of the Great Depression, John Milkovisch didn’t throw anything away — not even the empty cans of beer he enjoyed each afternoon with his wife
So, in the early 1970s when aluminum siding on houses was all the rage, he lugged the cans he had stored in his attic for years downstairs, painstakingly cut open and flattened each one and began to wallpaper his home.
“The funny thing is that it wasn’t … to attract attention,” said Ruben Guevara, head of restoration and preservation of the Beer Can House in Houston’s Memorial Park area. “He said himself that if there was a house similar to this a block away, he wouldn’t take the time to go look at it. He had no idea what was the fascination about what he was doing.”
Milkovisch passed away in the mid-1980s, but his wife, Mary, still lived there. Her sons would do work from time to time, replacing rusty steel cans with new ones and restoring a hurricane-destroyed beer wall. And when they feared for her safety because of the gawkers, they put up a privacy fence, embedding beer cans in that as well.
Beer bottles and different parts of beer cans line a fence in the yard of the beer can house, a Houston landmark, Wednesday, July 10, 2013. Former owner John Milkovisch covered the outside on the house with siding made of cut and flatten beer cans and garlands made from the lids. The Orange Show Center for Visionary Art, a local nonprofit that preserves art installations in the city, bought the property about 10 years ago, restored the house and it opened it to the public. (AP Photo/Pat Sullivan)
The neighborhood has rapidly transformed since Mary Milkovisch’s death in the mid-1990s, going from a working middle-class area to the condo- and loft-lined upper-class sector it is today. But the home remains a well-known entity.
Determined to preserve this accidental piece of folk art, local nonprofit Orange Show Center for Visionary Art bought the property about 10 years ago, began a careful restoration of the house and opened it to the public.
“It shows the human nature of the individual is supreme. You can take the simplest thing, and it can actually affect a lot of other people,” said Houston resident Patrick Louque, who lived in the area when it was John Milkovisch’s pet project. “It’s totally grabbed me, and it’s probably totally grabbed the imagination of more people than I could possibly imagine.”
Milkovisch began redecorating the home’s exterior in earnest in 1968, when he purchased a metal canopy for his backyard so he and his wife could have some shade while drinking their afternoon beers. Fed up with lawn-mowing, he began installing concrete blocks throughout the yard, embedding them with marbles he had collected as a boy.
The back wall of the canopied area became a cacophony of colors — sunlight playing tricks as it shone through the colorful beer bottles and marbles.
Then he moved on to the side and the front, using long-collected materials and gathering discarded items from the railroad track nearby, where he worked as an upholsterer refurbishing rail cars. Lugging home the things he wanted in a satchel or a wheelbarrow he inherited from his father, Milkovisch would spend a few hours each day outside, where his wife — who barred him from doing too much to the interior — had given him free rein.
“He used cans, bottles, marbles, redwood,” Guevara said. “He drank a lot of beer, him and Mary, and he collected all the beer cans that he would drink. He stored them because he knew he was going to use them, but he didn’t know for what.”
A lot of beer it was, too. The art center estimates Milkovisch had 50,000 beer cans that piled up by drinking a six-pack daily over the span of 20 years. For 17 months, working from bottom to top, Milkovisch coated the home with cans of Budweiser, Texas Pride, Shiner — really, whatever brand was on sale. He created long, decorative garlands from beer can tops and hung them along the eaves at the front and sides of his home.
“The front of the house, when that went up, that’s when all the buzz began,” Guevara said, referring to the garlands that nearly hide the entire front porch and door.
People would drive by, slow down, stare and honk. Often, they would stop and ask questions.
So, Milkovisch would do what came most naturally to him.
Invite them in for a beer.
BeerChime A wind chime made from strips cut from old beer cans hangs outside the beer can house, a Houston landmark, Wednesday, July 10, 2013. Former owner John Milkovisch covered the outside on the house with siding made of cut and flatten beer cans and garlands made from the lids. The Orange Show Center for Visionary Art, a local nonprofit that preserves art installations in the city, bought the property about 10 years ago, restored the house and it opened it to the public. (AP Photo/Pat Sullivan)
Read more/see other images at the following:
You know it occurs to me that it’s a shame coffee cans aren’t made of metal anymore. I could do the same thing and with a lot less of them too!
Sorry couldn’t help it- it’s the perfect lead in to this next section!
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher’s“cute,” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug-infested“homes” you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing and free cell phones, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to incentivize NOT working with 99 weeks of unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they applied but can’t find work, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more “safe”according to the government, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If the government pays a special contractor to identify people on Medicare who could be moved to even more costly Government disability programs simply to shift unfavorable statistics, you live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If you are offended by this article, you may have voted for the idiots who are running and ruining our great country.
How to Cop Proof Your Cell Phone
The California Supreme Court reached a decision in People v. Diaz that police may lawfully search mobile phones on arrested individuals, without first obtaining a search warrant. So with this ruling, should we just call privacy dead or are there still tricks to keep your personal information safe? Competitive Enterprise Institute’s Ryan Radia explains.
I don’t want to hear about it! I said I was spending the summer cleaning out my hard drive that includes the political stuff too!
After the Boston bombing the news media has spent days and weeks trying to determine why these men did what they did. They want to know what America did to make these brothers so angry with us. They want to know why these men were not arrested before they did something so terrible. The media is in a tizzy about this new era of home grown radicals, and about why they could live among us and still hate us.
A friend of mine here Texas explained it all to me:
“Here in west Texas I have rattlesnakes on my place, living among us. I have killed a rattlesnake on the front porch. I have killed a rattlesnake on the back porch. I have killed rattlesnakes in the barn, in the shop and on the driveway. In fact, I kill every rattlesnake I encounter.
I kill rattlesnakes because I know a rattlesnake will bite me and inject me with poison. I don’t stop to wonder why a rattlesnake will bite me; I know: It will bite me because it’s a rattlesnake and that’s what rattlesnakes do. I don’t try to reason with a rattlesnake…I just kill it. I don’t try to get to know the rattlesnake better so I can find a way to live with the rattlesnakes and convince them not to bite me…I just kill them. I don’t quiz a rattlesnake to see it I can find out where the other snakes are, because (a) it won’t tell me, and (b) I already know they live on my place. So, I just kill the rattlesnake and move on to the next one.
I don’t look for ways I might be able to change the rattlesnake to a non-poisonous rat snake…I just kill it. Oh, and on occasion, I accidentally kill a rat snake because I thought it was a rattlesnake at the time. Also, I know, for every rattlesnake I kill, two more are lurking out there in the brush. In my lifetime I will never be able to rid my place of rattlesnakes. Do I fear them? No!
Do I respect what they can do to me? Yes! And because of that respect I give them the fair justice they deserve…I kill them….”
Maybe as a country we should start giving more thought to the fact that these jihadists’ are just like rattlesnakes, and act accordingly!
Newspaper spanks Obama: ‘Shove it, Mr. President’
Editors scorch ‘umpteenth different’ jobs plan
A newspaper editorial today greeted Barack Obama in an entirely new way as he traveled to Chattanooga, Tenn., to visit an Amazon.com business center and lobby for his newest strategy to try to create jobs for Americans.
“Take your jobs plan and shove it, Mr. President: Your policies have harmed Chattanooga enough,” said a commentary in the Chattanooga Times Free Press.
“Forgive us if you are not greeted with the same level of Southern hospitality that our area usually bestows on its distinguished guests. You see, we understand you are in town to share your umpteenth different job creation plan during your time in office. If it works as well as your other job creation programs, then thanks, but no thanks. We’d prefer you keep it to yourself,” the newspaper said.
“That’s because your jobs creation plans so far have included a ridiculous government spending spree and punitive tax increase on job creators that were passed, as well as a minimum wage increase that, thankfully, was not. Economists – and regular folks with a basic understanding of math – understand that these are three of the most damaging policies imaginable when a country is mired in unemployment and starving for job growth.”
At Amazon’s Chattanooga fulfillment center, Obama praised the operation for being “kind of like the North Pole of the south right here. … Got a bunch of good-looking elves here.”
He boasted of creating “7.2 million new jobs over the last 40 months” because of the “grit and resilience of the American people.”
“But as I said last week, and as any middle-class family will tell you, we’re not there yet,” Obama said. “Even before the financial crisis hit, we were going through a decade where a few at the top were doing better and better, but most families were working harder and harder just to get by. And reversing that trend should be Washington’s highest priority.”
He said he wanted to lay out his ideas for creating good jobs but lamented that the Republicans in Congress wouldn’t give him everything he asked for.
Obama cited a strategy to offer incentives for manufacturers to keep jobs in the U.S. or bring them back from overseas, spending billions to catch up on “deferred maintenance” in the U.S., creating jobs in wind, solar, and natural gas industries, and exporting more.
He also said he wants corporations to hire more people.
“We’re not lacking for ideas, we’re just lacking action, especially out of Washington,” Obama said.
The newspaper noted “64 percent of Chattanooga respondents said they would rather you hadn’t chosen to visit our fair city,” but the editorial said it actually was good that Obama visited.
“It will give you an opportunity to see the failure of your most comprehensive jobs plan to date, the disastrous stimulus scheme, up close and personal,” the newspaper said.
The commentary cited the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009′s funding of the “Gig to Nowhere.”
That’s a $552 million “socialist-style experiment in government-owned Internet, cable and phone services orchestrated by EPB – Chattanooga’s government-owned electric monopoly.”
“The Gig to Nowhere is a Smart Grid, a high tech local electricity infrastructure intended to improve energy efficiency and reduce power outages. After lobbying for, and receiving, $111.6 million in stimulus money from your administration, EPB decided to build a souped-up version of the Smart Grid with fiber optics rather than more cost-effective wireless technology. This decision was supposed to allow EPB to provide the fastest Internet service in the Western Hemisphere, a gigabit-per-second Internet speed that would send tech companies and web entrepreneurs stampeding to Chattanooga in droves.”
The reality, however, is that the project is “an absolute bust.”
“While the Smart Grid will cost taxpayers and local electric customers well over a half-billion dollars when all is said and done, there has been little improvement in the quality of EPB’s electric service. Worse, despite being heavily subsidized, EPB’s government-owned Internet, cable and telephone outfit that competes head-to-head against private companies like AT&T and Comcast is barely staying afloat, often relying on loans from electric service reserve funds to afford its business expenses,” the newspaper pointed out.
“Further, there has been no credible evidence to suggest that EPB can even provide a gig of service consistently and reliably. Any companies hoping to utilize the Gig to Nowhere are quoted monthly billing costs that make the service unfeasible. As a result, Chattanooga has remained a relative ghost town for technological innovation. Almost no economic development whatsoever has resulted from the gig,” the newspaper said.
The newspaper said what the government program has achieved is a “shocking price tag.”
“Because of your unwillingness to balance the budget, Mr. President, the $111.6 million federal handout to subsidize the Gig to Nowhere will actually cost federal taxpayers $158.2 million, due to interest. Once EPB received the stimulus infusion to fund the pork project, the electric monopoly took out a $219.8 bond that will balloon to $391.3 million by the time Chattanoogans are done paying it off.
“The bond’s first payment comes due this fall and there remain significant questions about how EPB can manage to pay the debt without hiking electric rates on EPB customers,” the newspaper said. “Building a Smart Grid to get into a telecom sector already well-served by private companies was a bad idea from the start. But getting government involved in places it doesn’t belong is a hallmark of your administration.”
Obama’s explained his newest strategy is a plan that “simplifies the tax code for our businesses and creates good jobs with good wages.”
He said he would be willing to tax code reform – but only if it allows the government “to use money from transitioning to a simpler tax system for a significant investment in creating middle-class jobs.”
Seems as though even the liberal lame stream media is growing disenchanted with Obama’s Hype & Crap. When you couple that with Congress’s all time record low approval rating of about 17%,
[ http://realclearpolitics.com/epolls/other/congressional_job_approval-903.html ] (wouldn’t want you liberal loons lurking the the shadows crying I made the figure up! ) it seems pretty clear to me that we ARE in fact headed for a change come mid-term elections.
What is scary to me however is, given the demonstrated sheer idiocy of the American voter in the last election, the fact that the change could be for the even worse yet! See there are people on the state and local level being approached by the DNC & RNC as potential Congressional Candidates for districts where they have no potential candidates for the next election who are well thought of by their current constituents. The thing is these people are turning down the chance to run for higher office because they see a Congressional term as a waste of their time based on the current epically & criminally irresponsible level of Partisan gridlock bullshit that has dominated this session of Congress!
This means we’ll get another Congressional term of more of the same nothing gets done and governmental workers suffer the newest level of Sequestration effects (unemployment) while Congress and the President continue to rake in full salaries and the country picks up more speed in its hand basket to hell!