Dragon Laffs #1340


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Good Morning Campers.  Today marks the one week anniversary of this years push for donations and I have to tell you….it ain’t going so well.  Not that we haven’t had a couple of very generous donations.  We have and I’d like to thank those of you who have donated.
But sadly, we need more folks.
So today, we are starting a new push.  And it’s called, buy a dragon or a leprechaun a Starbucks.
  The average price of a Starbucks coffee is $4.25.  If everyone of you reading today gave $4, less than the price of a coffee, we’d have more than enough to see us through!  Now, come on.  Can’t you afford the price of a good cup of coffee for us?  Are we not worth four bucks a year?  That’s all we’re asking.  Go to the website at http://dragonlaffs.com go to the right hand column and click on the donation link.  It’ll bring you through PayPal and they’ll take a lousy four bills out of your credit card or checking account and we’ll end up with three dollars and change and more importantly, we’ll keep the blog going for another year.  It’s really not that much to ask. 

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Thanks to my dad for this great joke…

Rugged Outdoor Woman

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about
her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week,
every week in the outdoors. “Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I
took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I
waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of
brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping
on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind
some big trees. I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away
from one angry bull Elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
At the end of it all I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine. Amazed
by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoor
woman!” “No,” the woman replied,

“I’m just a really, really shitty golfer”.

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Okay, really?  The news anchor, editor, guy who puts the words on the screen, NOBODY realized what those names REALLY said?  This hilarious video shows a News Anchor giving out the names of the pilots and then on the next show, retracting them.  And they vote!  Can you believe it?

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An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversa
tion with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know shit?”

And then she went back to reading her book.

 

Animal Chatter 2

a105
a106
a108
a109Okay, all together….Awwwwwww!!!

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51DragonLaffs is another good one.
Don’t run out of DragonLaffs by donating today.
The link is up the top on the right.
As for the other- good luck your on your own!

 

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Pun Queen

The bikini was invented for orthodox Jews.  It separates the meat from the dairy sections.
 
 I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Susie asks her mother, “Can I go over to my big sister’s house and watch the magic show?” Mother replied, “Whatever do you mean, dear?” Susie said, “The one she performs. I heard her tell from her room-mate she did six tricks last night.”
 
Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm.  One drunk says to the other drunk, “Did you sleep with my wife last night?” To which the other drunk replies, “Not a wink.”
 
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, “Depends on what’s in it for me.”
 
You’ve heard of ‘Restless Leg Syndrome’? I’ve got something like that, except it’s my penis, and it keeps me awake at night.
 
Nobody is a virgin anymore, life has screwed us all.
 
You can now buy Viagra online. Kinda gives new meaning to the term “uploading to your hard drive”.
 
I know I’m really good in bed because women always ask me if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.
 
The Little Dutch Boy speaks up: “Never stick your finger into a dyke unless you are sure you can outrun her.”

Two coeds are gossiping on their way home after high school. “Do you ever put out for your teachers?” asks Betty Jane. “No way!” says Norma Jo. “With me it’s strictly a matter of principal.” 
She was only the Cattleman’s daughter, but she couldn’t keep her calves together.
 A woman riding in a Boston taxi asks the driver where she can get scrod. “I didn’t know that the verb had that past tense,” mutters the cabbie
 
A staff researcher has come up with proof that most girls wouldn’t stay out late if fellows didn’t make them.
 
Since I’ve been depressed I’ve completely lost the urge to masturbate. I guess I just haven’t been feeling myself lately
 
The young man was trying to impress his Jewish girlfriend during Hanukkah, and was totally shocked when she slapped him after he asked if he could light-up her labia minora.

 

Dragon pic 2My damn brother gets all the good print!
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Here’s a great video from our dear friend Kim Komando!  How close are we to actually wearing our computers?  Maybe closer than you think.  Yes, you have to go to the website to view this video, and while you’re there, why not click on the donation link and donate us a Starbucks coffee?  http://dragonlaffs.com

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Okay, so this one is absolutely great! This Norwegian groom-to-be is deathly afraid of heights. So naturally, his groomsmen decided to take him bungee jumping for his bachelor party. This prank is the last thing he was expecting! But the results are hilarious.  And yup, you gotta go to the website, so why not buy us a coffee while you’re there?

Fantasy Pixf2009063005

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened. “I did a terrible thing,” sniffed the drunk, “Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort.” “That is awful,” said the other guy, “And now that she is gone you want her back right?” “Right!” said the drunk, still crying. “You’re sorry you sold her because you realised, too late, that you still loved her,right?” “Oh, No,” said the drunk. I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”

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This long line of people are queueing up to get served in a shop. Suddenly one bloke starts massaging the person in front’s back. The other bloke immediately turns round and says to him, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The bloke behind tells him, “Well, I’m a chiropractor and I can’t help myself. I can’t help practicing my art.” “Are you crazy?” says the bloke in front, “I’m a lawyer, but do you see me f**king the bloke in front of me?”

1achievement
bad writers
dating
divorce
domination

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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“This little computer,” said the sales clerk, “will do half of your job for you.” Studying the machine, the senior VP said, “Fine, I’ll take two.”

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Journal Lancet warned that sitting on a couch and doing nothing
is as dangerous to your health as smoking or obesity. They said
doing nothing can kill you. That’s silly, if inactivity could kill you,
the floor of the U.S. Congress would be littered with dead bodies.

 

Attorney General Eric Holder ripped Florida’s stand-your-ground
law. He said anyone who is confronted by violence should be
encouraged to retreat safely. Before entering law school Eric
Holder was a drill instructor for the French Foreign Legion.

 

San Diego mayor Rob Filner refused to resign after he admitted
sexually harassing women. His fiancee just left him for lewd-texting
other women while they were at dinner together. Ladies, when a
man tells you the tart looks good, be sure he’s looking at the menu.

 

Teamsters chief James Hoffa slammed ObamaCare as a disaster
for labor unions and their gold-plated health care plans. No one
wants it. The very mention of Hoffa’s name made the White House
wish ObamaCare would just go away and disappear without a trace.

 

I’m not surprised that Queen Elizabeth approves of gay marriage.
Iread somewhere that most queens do.

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A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. “Tell me,” said he, “if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?’ The inmate said, “It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful.” “Marvelous,” said the head of the institution. “Or else,” ruminated the inmate. “I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one’s life in bringing up a new generation of scientists.” “Absolutely,” said the head. “Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution.” “An interesting possibility,” said the head. “And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle.”

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Donate
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George was describing his new secretary enthusiastically to the family at dinner: “She’s efficient, personable, clever, punctual, and darned attractive, to boot. In short, she’s a real doll!” “A doll?” said his wife. “A doll!” re-emphasized George. At which point, their five-year-old daughter, who knew about dolls, looked up from her broccoli to ask: “And does she close her eyes when you lay her down, Daddy?”

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Last Word4
Today marks the one year anniversary of the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shootings.

Saturday marks 1-year anniversary of Aurora movie theater shootings

Click to enlarge

AURORA, Colo. — It is not a small club, the survivors of the shootings at Theater 9.

The Century 16 auditorium was packed — 421 men, women and children who had turned out for a midnight showing of “The Dark Knight Rises.” When a bizarre figure, helmeted and clad in black, appeared before them in a cloud of smoke, they reacted with bemusement and amazement, shock and confusion and — finally — horror.

Twelve people died, 70 were injured, and more than 300 fled into the night and into the arms of loved ones.

A year later, the survivors cannot forget their terror, or the injuries they suffered, or their losses. But they search for meaning, and sometimes find it: the victims whose faith has strengthened; the father who lost his son but found a cause; the couple who believe that the anniversary of a hateful act can be transformed by love.

For the rest of this great article, clickhere
We here at DL&LL Electronic Media wish to offer our heartfelt sympathies and prayers on the anniversary of your loss.
So, what the hell is wrong with our society?  We really have our priorities screwed up.

53Ain’t it the sad, sad truth.  We need to wake up folks.

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1340

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    With regard to those idiots reading the names of the pilots (to say nothing of the NTSB intern whose asinine idea it was to use those names) I think the entire bunch are SUM DUM GAIS

  2. kris72663 says:

    I tried to donate, but the Paypal links bring me back to this page 😦

    • kris72663 says:

      Never mind … I was using the embedded links. They don’t work. The one in the upper right did. I sent you my weekly Starbucks budget. I’ll have withdrawals this week, but I’ll be laughing because of you, so it’s all good 🙂

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Lethal here Kris~
        On behalf a a certain dumb dragon Let me apologize for your hard time donating. I just tried contacting Dimbulb Dragon but I’m thinking he must be working. I’m sure Dunce-o will fix this as soon as he gets home. If not I’ll be getting HIM fixed!

        Also thank you for your generosity and to help offset your withdrawals here is a gift card good for a week’s worth of brown gold fresh from my own private pot. You’ll have to schmooze my secretary Friday however for flavored creamers as she hides all but the Bailey’s one from me

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