Well as you can clearly see I’m still in the process of cleaning out my hard drives. Being I have about 200 gigs of graphics files on the Lap Top and a stand alone with roughly 2 Terabytes capacity that has an unknown quantity haven’t gotten there quite yet) I’m thinking this might take all summer.
Before we get started as you know Monday was Impish’s 18th Wedding Anniversary. Yup for 18 years he’s been making Love AND War simultaneously. I just wanted to grab the opportunity to publicly wish him..
In school the lattes always got picked on by the
black- no sugars.
It is with great pleasure we announce the the enemy of every veteran in America Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, who declared returning Veteran’s potential domestic terrorists and has led the embattled agency for the entirety of President Obama’s administration, said Friday she is resigning!!
Ms. Napolitano is expected to leave the department in early September, according to an administration official.
I’m Learning Arabic!
The current administration wants us to learn more about Muslims and accept them into our culture. So, I’m making a sincere effort to learn to communicate with our Muslim friends and am learning Arabic for the sake of ‘cultural diversity.’
This is my first attempt at it.
You know I think I just might have a talent for this!
Here’s an old joke updated in honor of Impish’s Anniversary
Impish wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot (again).
The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were hit by a bus crossing the street to the pie store.
You’re going to be okay. You’ll waddle again, fly and everything. However, your penis was severed in the accident, and we couldn’t find it.”
Impish groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming, and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”
Impish perks up. “So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for eighteen years so this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now she might not be able to handle it.
But If you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed.
It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make such an important decision.”
Mrs. Dragon visits him in the hospital and the man talks it over with her. The doctor visits Impish the next day
— and the doctor says:
“So, have you spoken with your wife?”
“Yes I have,” says Impish.
“And did she make any suggestions?”
“Yes” says our (beloved?) Dragon.
“So, what’s your decision? — a five incher or a nine incher?” asks the doctor.
“We’re getting granite counter tops.”
Quityerbitchen Impish! We BOTH know that after 18 years that is EXACTLY how it would go!
I KNOW MANY OF YOU LIKE ME, ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO FOOTBALL SEASON. WELL, HERE’S A LITTLE RECAP OF LAST YEAR …
Alabama beat Arkansas and they fired the coach.
Alabama beat Tennessee and they fired the coach.
Alabama beat Auburn and they fired the coach.
Then Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigns.
Coincidence?? May be, but I can’t help but wonder what would happen if we could get Alabama to play Congress?
What the heck since I have another football joke let’s just make this a double!
The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States.
A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Houston and asks, “So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?”
“I don’t think so. It’s a long drive; your mom isn’t as young as she used to be, we’ll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee.”
“Don’t worry about it, Dad, I’ll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door,” she said.
“I don’t know… that’s taxpayer money, you know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”
“Oh, Dad,” she replied, I’ll pay the tab! I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York.”
“Honey,” Dad complained, “You know we can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”
The President-elect responded, “Don’t worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. And I’ll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come.”
So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 20, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States.
The parents of the new President are seated in the front row. The President’s dad notices a Senator sitting next to him and leans over and whispers, “You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States ?”
The Senator whispered in reply, “Yes, I do.”
The proud Dad says proudly, “Her brother played football at Texas A&M.”
Another One of Those Moments That Make You Say..
TAKE BACK THE NIGHT?
Elizabeth Daly, 20, was fresh from an evening of sexual assault survivors’ stories at a Take Back the Night rally at the University of Virginia when six men and one woman came after her and two sorority sisters who were with her.
One drew a gun. One jumped on the hood of her car. When she started her car — a necessary step to lowering the windows to speak — they tried to break the windows. So she drove off, trying to go to a Charlottesville police station, and one of the students called 911. When a vehicle with lights and sirens appeared, Daly stopped, and only then discovered that her assailants, who had “unidentifiable badges,” were plainclothes Alcoholic Beverage Control officers.
They’d suspected Daly of buying alcohol while under 21. Naturally, they arrested her — not for buying beverages, since the only beverage she’d bought was bottled water — but for eluding them and grazing them with her SUV when she drove off.
The local prosecutor declined to prosecute, and after a widespread outcry, the ABC, whose first review of the incident said its agents had done nothing wrong, announced that it would include a uniformed officer in future confrontations. (AC/Charlottesville Daily Progress) …
The ABC maintained, however, that the young women should have done whatever the armed men demanded, just in case they were some sort of law enforcement.
For their aggressive SWAT like tactics (attempting to break the windows of the vehicle over a Class 1 Misdemeanor which most likely would have resulted in a declining to prosecute and probation for a first offense under Virginia Law [ http://www.virginiarules.com/juvenile-law-handbook/offenses-alcohol-drugs ], their mobbing such obviously dangerous and violent young women while failing to properly announce themselves, coupled with their epic total lack of understanding and sensitivity to the problems young women face after dark in places like University campuses and finally their stubborn refusal to acknowledge even in the face of overwhelming public opinion that they screwed up instead offing a suggestion that any SANE individual would recognize as completely & utterly ASSININE…
THE CHARLOTTESVILLE VIRGINA ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE CONTROL BOARD & ENFORCEMNT OFFICERS ARE HEREBY AWARDED THE DL/LL ELECTRONIC MEDIA ENTERPRISES
ASSHOLE AWARD FOR JACKASSARY ABOVE & BEYOND THE LIMITS OF COMMON SENSE & DISTINGUISHED BY THEIR ARROGANT WANTON DISREGUARD FOR PUBLIC SAFETY.
Words that will get you in trouble
The attachment is a portion of the list of keywords the Dept. of Homeland Security scans e-mails for — to find out who is planning terroristic acts. Some watchdog group asked for the info via a request for information and when that was ignored, sued the bastards. You will notice such suspicious words as “ice,” “twister,” “flood” and “storm.” Better not tell me about the last blackout you had: that’s on the list too. “Crest” is on the list. I wonder what Proctor & Gamble thinks about that. All their sales reps are on DHR’s watch list.
This article is on Forbes web site. The author wonders out loud how the DHR monitors e-mails, so as to catch these suspicious words. He speculates that they have some kind of high-bandwidth filter.
Did we ever vote to have our e-mails checked like this? Hell, no. Did Congress ever instruct the DHR to do this? Hell, no. Did even the great Shit-head-in-chief (I don’t know if that’s on the list or not) authorize it? Of course he doesn’t know a thing about it, like everything else going on in his administration.
So, let’s suppose that you write to me about a local storm you had. That gets flagged by the DHR because of the suspicious word storm. So, presumably some flunky reads your e-mail to see if you are planning to storm the White House or whatever. Does anybody in their right mind think that the word “storm” gives the government the right to read your private correspondence? Would any judge sign a consent order to allow your mail to be read because it contained the word storm? It is unreal.
Apparently its also best to avoid talking about your trip to your favorite big box store that starts with ‘T’ [1st column 1st section] and anyone who works in the computer security industry like me better forget sending anything privately because all those terms are used by us on a daily basis in the course of our jobs. Don’t write about Twitter Facebook etc. and use the collective term for them, that will get you big brothers nose in your business as well.
I see the names of two very popular bar drinks on that list as well. Finally be careful about how you refer to the veggies from your personal garden because an oft used phrase to describe those is on the list as well!
Personally I’m strongly considering making a signature for the bottom of my e-mails which includes a rude and unkind message to our government suggesting they do to themselves in their dark little high security basements what they have been doing to us without our knowledge or consent followed by about 10 of the most innocent words on the list. If everyone did that then their system would overload bog down and eventually crash or be rendered nearly useless on the scale is being used now.
SPEAKING of words that will get you in trouble-
It’s my code,” says a mailman named Drew,
“To unzip, then deliver a screw.
If virgins, when nervous,
Resist postal service,
I explain that the male must get through.”
Said Crystal, who hails from Poughkeepsie:
“I ball guys on top when I’m tipsy.”
Then we peeked in the tent
Where her binge time is spent,
And we found Crystal balls on a gypsy!
In a strip-poker parlor called Dante’s,
When a maiden had just lost her panties,
She blushed, glanced around-
And guess what she found?
All the male players raising their antes!
When asked to do something salacious,
She answered, “Of course not! Good gracious!”
But the sight of his tool
So induced her to drool
That her view in the end proved fellatious.
This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
Sitting in a crowded church with his family, who
Turned to his father, Bart,
And whispered, “Dad, I’ve got to fart!”
Said Bart, “If you do, you must sit in your own pew.”
There once was a bald man named Carey
Who grew his hair back in its glory
Just by rubbing some cream
On his head. It does seem
Rogaine is a hair-raising story.
Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend’s gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one i sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my mum happened to walk in
Bless the shit I’d be in.
There was a young lady from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
“If they pay to get in,
They’ll pay to get out of it too.”
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn’t much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
Yes you’re quite right we ARE self sustaining and do this sans ad revenue. So in effect our sponsors are Impish and I. Therefor the word from our sponsor today comes from me.
Its about the ‘Help keep us going by helping us pay for the blog’ Drive Impish kicked off last Saturday. Don’t worry I’m not going to take up a bunch of time whining about it. Impish was already fairly eloquent in his plea. He’s always the speak softly one and the big stick part falls to me. So what I am going to do is strip the nice-nice off the facts and speak the plain unvarnished truth behind the situation.
We do maintain this out of our pockets. Past donation drives have helped to defray those costs but that’s it. They have never made it to the point where we have not had to chip in. Up until now that’s been ok.
However this time around thanks largely to the asininity that is ‘Sequestration’ and Congress’ callous indifference to the plight of those effected by it, Impish cannot afford to foot any portion of the bill.
As for myself the recent revelation of the callous indifference of the majority of you when it comes to simple appreciation for the miles stones (which make the 2 guys footing the bills for this which you enjoy for free feel good about what we are doing) coupled with the name calling in the comments for expressing my view about the apathy has left me unwilling to financially stress my household in support of the blog. We here at Keebler Towers might not quite be as bad off as Impish is but the bottom of my pot o gold isn’t that far away either and frankly my family and my sick pet come before you do.
Short version- you want DragonLaffs to continue as it is, for free sans monthly or yearly subscriptions? Then use the donation button at the top right of the page. You don’t have to give until it hurts, we don’t expect that, but if everyone of the 427 e-mail subscribers gave just $1 or our on average 200/ issue blog readers gave just $2 (less than the cost of 1 Starbucks coffee) we could take care of all expenses for the year and recoup our personal out of pocket expenses as well thus improving both our attitudes.
Thank you for your kind attention, I now return you to the rest of the issue.
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked, the Iranian said,”I have just one question about what I have seen in America.”
The General said, “Well, anything I can do to help?”
The Iranian whispered, “My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is… Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn’t understand why there aren’t any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek.”
The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador and whispered in his ear,”That’s because it takes place in an utopian future…”
From Utopian future joke to factual Dystopian present graphic with a single mouse click!
Before we get to today’s Parting Shot it occurs to me that it’s not fair that I wished Impish a Happy Anniversary and not Mrs. Dragon who has obviously had the much harder side of the 18 years putting up with Impish. I figure maybe she needs a shot of Marital Morale Booster so, to Mrs. Dragon I’d just like to say..
[Good luck Impish! I did my part so I expect that $500 regardless]
Remember all that BS about Hope, Change and Transparency? Well thanks to WikiLeaks we now have the words that were edited out of those concepts when they were voiced.
NO Hope, Change FOR THE WORSE & MORE OPPRESIVE, finally, Transparency IN THE FACT WE ARE LYING TO YOU
The article belongs to the Denver Post, the inserted graphics are my commentary as well at the thoughts at the end in my usual green.
Obama’s FOIA changes would let government lie to you
By Denver Post Editorial Board
The federal Freedom of Information Act was supposed to be a torch that journalists, advocates and ordinary people could use to cast a light on the operations of their government.
It’s profoundly disappointing to see the Obama administration proposing changes to FOIA that would allow federal agencies to lie about the very existence of information being sought.
That’s not progress, and it’s certainly not transparency, a principle the president has repeatedly and publicly pledged allegiance to.
We hope the U.S. Department of Justice backs away from these and other FOIA rule revisions it has proposed.
The worst among them, in our estimation, is the proposed change that would allow the government to tell those requesting information under FOIA that the material does not exist when, in fact, it does.
The change would apply to certain law enforcement or national security documents.
Currently, the government can issue what is called a Glomar response, which is when the government neither confirms nor denies the existence of the material.
That term was coined after a Los Angeles Times reporter in the mid-1970s attempted to obtain information about the CIA’s Glomar Explorer, a vessel built to raise a sunken Soviet submarine from the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
Moving from a Glomar denial to outright deceit would have even broader ramifications if the person denied information were to decide to take the matter to court.
In that case, would the government be in a position of lying to the court about the existence of information? That’s dangerous territory.
“What’s more, the change seems unnecessary,” said Mark Hamrick, an Associated Press journalist who is president of the National Press Club, in a prepared statement.
“If agencies are exercising legally allowable exceptions to the law and withholding certain records, they can just continue to do as they do today: neither confirm nor deny the information’s existence,” Hamrick said.
From the moment FOIA was signed into law in 1966, there was government resistance to disclosure of information.
President Lyndon Johnson grudgingly agreed to sign the bill, but did so with a companion signing statement that was designed to weaken the measure.
The relative strength of the act has waxed and waned over the years with amendments and procedural changes. Yet it remains a potent tool for citizens to learn about what their government is up to.
We hope the Obama administration respects the intent of FOIA and declines to undercut it by giving official sanction to government deceit about whether information exists.
So do I, but if we go by the track record of the Liberals so far since our Liar in Chief made it into office I’ll be nearly heart attack inducingly shocked if he doesn’t make lying to the public the law of the land and National policy.
A little free abet late advice for all you Depends wearing, Prune juice swilling, liberal “cupcakers” out there.