Dragon Laffs #1332


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Good Morning Campers!
Well, it’s happened.  We got our 30 day notice last week, furlough days are coming in July.  40% of my usual paycheck…poof!  Gone.  Blown away!  Taken by the Government, because of some stupid power play by the politicians.
They have no integrity.
If they did, the VERY least they would do is take pay away from the rest of the government, not just the peons in the trenches.  They would take it from themselves.  But no.  Just like everything else they force upon we the people, they exempt themselves.
That’s bullshit politics.
That’s chicken shit.
That’s a lack of integrity, honesty and leadership.
I have no intention of re-electing any official who refuses to uphold his oath.
Oath breakers – as Lethal’s video on Wednesday showed.  Well, I have two more videos, in today’s Last Word, from the same session in New Jersey.  I believe you will find it VERY enlightening.  But, until we get there….let’s get our laugh on!

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Okay, I want to start out with this one, right off the bat.  It’s funny, but in a really sadistic sort of way.  I think every man should see this.  Because everyone has a mother who has gone through this and many men feel that women are wimps and can’t take the pain…so, before we go anywhere else, lets watch this video.  And remember, if you want to see it, you have to go to our website.  You can’t watch it in the email.  So, right now, go to http://dragonlaffs.com and you’ll already be there for the rest of the videos that I’m sure will be in the issue.  This is the first item that I’m adding to today’s issue, so I’m guessing there will be more videos, but I’m not really sure.  But, just in case, go to the website anyway and you’ll be all set.

Okay…so they also say (who the hell “they” are is beyond me, but I digress) that the closest thing that a man can come to a woman’s pain in childbirth is having a kidney stone.  Well, since I’ve delivered 6 stones so far in my life, I would consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject of the pain involved.  Let me paint you a picture of my very first kidney stone.
It started out as sort of strange pain.  Kind of made me feel like I had to use the toilet.  But, as the night wore on, it got worse and worse.  Kind of a wavery slippery pain that seemed to move up and down in the same short area in the lower right side of my back.  Finally about midnight, I told Mrs. Dragon, that we had to go to the Emergency Room.  We dropped the littlest dragon off at the neighbor’s house (God bless them for taking our kid at midnight) and started to drive.
Mrs. Dragon was behind the wheel and I was hanging from the sissy bar above the window, (also known as an assist handle for the elderly and the “Oh Shit” Bar for the near accident and tight turn crowd) and I was actually holding myself parallel to the seat, which was laid back.  I was pleading with God not to kill me and telling my dear wife, who bless her heart, was caught between being scared to death and laughing her ass off at me, that I didn’t want to die.  Please don’t let me die.
Needless to say, I have taken a lot of crap over the ensuing years over that infantile display.  But, I’m telling you … it hurt!
Anyway, we pull up to St. Joseph Hospital at about 1 am and thankfully it was early on a Thursday morning, so the ER wasn’t that crowded.  I puked several times from the pain before we even got to the door and by the time I got to the check in desk, there wasn’t a person in Kokomo who didn’t know that I was hurting.
But, the climax to the whole affair came about 30 minutes later when the doctor needed a urine sample and I couldn’t pee, so they used a catheter on me.  I never even felt it.
Now, remember, this is SAINT Joseph Hospital, this is important for the next part.  It was about this time that another really strong pain hit me and I screamed at the top of my lungs, “Oh My Fu*king God it hurts!”  I’m pretty sure that one nun fainted outright, while another turned the prettiest shade of crimson.  The doctor, in a calm voice said, “Yup, take him upstairs, see that he’s sedated.”
Well, long story short, I stayed that way for two days while they tried to allow the stone to pass on it’s own.  When the finally decided it wouldn’t, they sent me to surgery and removed it by sending a tiny basked on a pole down the end of my junior dragon, capturing the stone and pulling it back out.  All I can say about that is that I’m glad they knocked me out for that part.
Even with all the great drugs they gave me, my first taste of morphine, great stuff that, still one of my favorite pain killers, although nowadays I have to take a lot more of it to have any real effect on my arthritic pain, it was indeed, THE WORST pain I have ever had.  Even my knee, at it’s very worst, before they replaced it, was not even a candle compared to the fiery inferno that was that first kidney stone.  So ladies, if that’s the kind of pain that you feel when having a baby, I can only gaze amazedly at you and wonder how in the world you could ever have more than one child…on purpose.  It boggles the mind!

 

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Here’s a great little science quiz.  Not to brag, but I got 100%.  Compare how you do…

See what you know in science . . . it’s a quickie.
 
Thirteen multiple choice, general science questions prepared by Pew Research.
 
Only you will know how well you’ve done.
 
Good luck.
 
 

clickhere

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If Congress got stuff done like roommates….

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Life in thirteen words…no truer words have been spoken…
”Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the fuck happened.”

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Here’s a great example of how both women AND men can enjoy chocolate…9

An older guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very
pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate
today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.

The old guy obeys and says, “99”.

The doctor says, “Great”, now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99”.

Again, the old guy says, ’99’.”

The doctor said, Very good . Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.

The old guy begins, “One… Two… Three “

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Since we are, first and foremost, an e-zine designed to impart wisdom and knowledge, I’d like to share with you a short explanation of common hand and electrical tools. 

SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

BELT SANDER
:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh shit’.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal !!
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

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I really
I'm

 

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

  • O.J. Simpson is waiting to see if a judge will grant him a retrial. Have you seen how fat O.J. has gotten? He’s so fat, he’s changed his name from O.J. to “Au Jus.”
  • O.J. is so fat, he wants the judge to throw the cookbook at him.
  • White House officials continue to insist that President Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until we all heard about it in the news last week. They said because there was an investigation under way, it would have been inappropriate to tell him. And besides, Obama was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi.
  • Anthony Weiner has formally announced he is running for mayor of New York City. He posted a video announcing it just after midnight — and traditionally, being online in the middle of the night has always worked so well for Mr. Weiner.

Conan

  • Last night at midnight, former Congressman Anthony Weiner officially announced in an online video that he is running for mayor of New York. Nothing says “I put my sleazy past behind me” like showing a video on the Internet at midnight.
  • During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener.
  • Brad Pitt said in an interview that he has very few friends. In other words, it’s just one more thing that Brad Pitt and I have in common.
  • In New Jersey a woman found her lost dog by luring the dog back with bacon. She also found the governor of New Jersey.

 

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These two ol’ boys from Beaumont bought a new mule, but had trouble getting him in their barn. Every time they would get him to the door, his ears would brush the top of the doorway and he’d start kicking and go wild. Finally, they decide the best way to solve the problem is to jack up the barn. So, they go out and get a half dozen jacks.

The two Texans are scrambling from jack to jack to try to get the barn raised when this Cajun walks up. “Wot chall doin?” Boudreaux asks.

“We’s raisin thuh barn, yuh stoopid Cajun,” Billy Bob says.

“Why you do dat?”

“Cause thuh mule’s ears keep touchin’ thuh doorway when we try to put him in iss-here barn and he goes haf-crazy wild,” Billy Bob says. “He kicked Ernest Wayne plumb in thuh haid twicet already.”

“Why come you don’ just dig de hole in de doorway? Dat way him got to go down when he get to de do’ an him ear don’t touch nutin.”

“Ya stoopid Cajun,” Ernest Wayne chimes in. “It’s his ears at’s too long, not his laigs!”

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Marriage Quotes
————————-

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

A lady inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

Young son: “Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad: “That happens in every country, son.”

Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.”

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep .

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy: “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

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The Doctor’s Office by Mrs. Hughes

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President Obama’s job approval ratings held steady Monday in CNN’s latest poll. The numbers split exactly along party lines. Fifty-three percent of Americans approve of the job Obama is doing as president while the other forty-seven percent are being audited.

The Vatican is denying that Pope Francis performed an exorcism on a man in St. Peter’s Square. Official say if the Pope really wanted to perform an exorcism he would arrange an audience with Donald Trump.

A study says that health literature is too complex for most patients to grasp. Mostly because these are the same people who can’t figure out how to even open their pill bottles in the first place.

I feel bad for Barack Obama. He’s got the Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and the FBI wiretapping phones. The president is in so much trouble politically, he’s thinking about killing bin Laden again.

President Obama commented on the Oklahoma City tornado damage on Tuesday. He obviously has a lot on his mind now. The president said he’s looking into it, he vowed that folks will be held accountable and he declared that the American people expect better.

IRS official Lois Lerner invoked her Fifth Amendment rights and refused to testify to Congress about targeting conservatives. How embarrassing. Lerner is so mortified over having to cite the U.S. Constitution she ordered herself audited for being a right-wing group.

These scandals at the White House are just getting worse. It turns out that President Obama’s chief of staff knew about the scandal at the IRS three weeks before the president found out. Obama was like, “Anything else you guys aren’t telling me?”
And Joe Biden was like, “Uh . . . I broke the copier.”

Oklahoma Senator Coburn is on record now saying that any tornado relief funds for OKLA must be matched with cuts elsewhere. How much money could we save by cutting Oklahoma down to one senator?

Cannes Film Festival got off to a rollicking start in France when red carpet interviews were interrupted by gunfire from a man in the crowd with a starter pistol. It was chaos. Order was restored when France surrendered to the guy with the starter pistol.
 
A Department of Education survey said Thursday more and more schools are cutting gym classes. It’s to meet the new math and sciences class requirements. From now on, whenever America’s kids get fat and fall down, at least they will know the science behind it.
President Obama met Burma’s newly-elect president Thein Sein at the White House Monday. Sein is overseeing Burma’s conversion from a police state with one-party rule and controlled press to an open democracy. We’re like two ships passing in the night
President Obama said Friday he had no idea the IRS was targeting conservatives last year. He can say nothing else. Barack Obama once starred in a student movie, and when the script called for him to admit to doing something wrong, they had to get a stunt double.
A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said, “We has your son.”

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As a former citizen of the great state of New Jersey, a place I still tend to call “home”, I find I am intolerably embarrassed by the spectacle you are about to view below. You may remember the video link that Lethal presented in his issue on Wednesday, and those of you who follow the comments section may remember the Whelpling’s comments (who also happens to be my son).  If you haven’t seen them, I hope this next section still makes sense to you, since it’s a two video continuation on that video.  From the same session in New Jersey that the first video came from, please follow along with the next part.  The embarrassing part.

Welcome to NJ, Pro Gun Citizen Forcefully Removed From Hearing in the Middle of His Testimony

So, this is NJ huh?

Second Amendment activist, James Kaleda, was forcefully removed from a hearing on a new gun control bill in NJ during his testimony.

Yes, James’ testimony got a little heated, but he was still making an intelligent argument. A little heated?  I didn’t find his testimony heated at all until he was interrupted.  Pure Bullshit!

Notice in the video the legislators laugh as they have their security (armed with guns of course) remove Kaleda before he finished his testimony.

Kaleda receives a standing ovation from the gallery during his ejection.

There is some atonement by the populace as can be seen in this next video which comes almost immediately after the first one.

Amazing Video – Entire Audience at NJ Gun Hearing Disobeys Senators Orders, Recites Pledge

If you’ve seen the video we posted earlier today, then you definitely want to check this one out. There was some question that when Second Amendment activist, James Kaleda, was removed from the hearing if the audience was clapping for him or for his removal. I think this video, which took place immediately following that, should clear things up.

After a Second Amendment activist was forcefully removed from a hearing on upcoming gun legislation in NJ, the audience wasn’t too happy.

Several members of the audience yelled at the state senator in charge from the audience, several called him out of order, and at least one more was escorted from the room.

Then in one of the best displays of civil disobedience I’ve ever seen, the entire audience recited the pledge of allegiance, while most of the lawmakers remained seated.

This is one to share.

It’s working from the top down.  If you don’t care for what the people have to say, throw them out, lock them up, shut them up or just ignore them.  I can’t believe that there are still  people out there who think this administration is doing a good job.  Guns are only one small part of it, an obvious and very visual example.
We must wake up people!

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6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1332

  1. phillipp-tejeda says:

    Aw, this was an incredibly good post. Finding the time
    and actual effort to create a superb article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a whole lot and never seem to get anything done.

  2. bernard_durr says:

    Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thanks

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Go right ahead and share it by all means.
      Our philosophy has always been the more the merrier.
      Just cease your spamming attempts.

  3. Donald says:

    This design is wicked! You definitely know how to keep a reader entertained.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own
    blog (well, almost…HaHa!)

    Excellent job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Donald you really SHOULD consider a blog, you’ll probably do much better at it than you do with your career as a Spammer!

  4. Thank you for sharing your info. I truly appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your further post thanks once again.

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