Dragon Laffs #1329


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Subtle, right?  Yeah, I thought so too.  If you are looking for an explanation of today’s header, then look no further than today’s Last Word.
Lots of funnies to go through today, lots of stuff to peruse and think about and quite a few videos… so do you all know what that means?
That’s right, if you’re reading this on email, you might as well click on this link:
http://dragonlaffs.com
and start reading there, ‘cause you can’t view the videos on the email.
So go ahead and save yourself some time and hassle right now, click on:
http://dragonlaffs.com
and get on with it.
So, if that’s not enough of a lead in for you…. then …

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My wife said “Fix that gutter downspout TODAY!”

So I invited the boys over.

One brought his welder, the others brought beer.

Took us about 4 hours, mostly for the beer, but we got the downspout fixed.

Wife is still speechless…

I am certain not for much longer, though…

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This guy is really good.  I suppose there is a certain amount of comedian in every juggler, but this guy is especially good at both.  What makes it even better is Ronald and Nancy Regan laughing along with Tip O’Neil over this guys act in Ford Theater.  BUT!!!!!! In order to see it, you MUST go to our website.  http://dragonlaffs.com
It comes in two parts, so let’s watch Part 1

And then we move on to part 2

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And this one sent to me by my dad…thanks dad!  Guess where you have to watch it at?
Jonathan Winter and The Stick Shtick from the Jack Paar show in April 1964.

A medical alert bracelet is used to save a person’s life in case of serious problems.  Since we’re both married and worked for the government at one time or another, Lethal and I wear one exactly like the one pictured.  If you can’t figure out why, then there’s no need to explain it to you.  
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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said:
Two Prostitutes – $50.00
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them, and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that moment, another car passed with a sign saying: “Jesus Saves.”
One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?”
“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer said. “Their sign pertains to religion.”
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter — $50

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fourAnd we wonder why the cashier at McDonald’s needs a calculator to give back correct change from a fiver.

good signYup, that’d be all the hint that I needed.

This one is great!  Hot pursuit interrupted!  Can you remember where you have to go to view this video?  That’s right!  http://dragonlaffs.com

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You can just look at a kangaroo and know they are party animals.  They just have this look, you know?

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a62You know, I had the same problem with Lethal when he told me the exact same thing.

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Rumors are circulating in California that radical Muslims

Are planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing

Anyone who is white and born in the U.S.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 23.

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The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

  • This week marks the 40th anniversary of the Watergate hearings. For those of you too young to remember, back then the administration had an enemies list. They were spying on reporters, and they used the IRS to harass groups they didn’t like. Thank God those days are gone forever.
  • A lot of critics are comparing President Obama to President Richard Nixon, which is unfair. Nixon’s unemployment rate was only 5 percent.
  • This whole IRS thing has become a huge story. They apparently were targeting conservative groups like the tea party. You know it’s bad when President Obama says, “Hey, why don’t we talk about Benghazi?”
  • The National Aquarium in Washington is going to close. But don’t worry. If you’re in D.C. and you still want to smell something fishy, stop by the White House. They’ve gone from “Change you can believe in” to “Changing the story until you believe it.”

 

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Last week an Air Force office who headed the sexual assault prevention
office was arrested for allegedly groping a woman, now the Army said a
soldier coordinating a sexual assault prevention program is under
investigation for “abusive sexual contact.” Jeez. This is worse than
having a Congress full of adulterers and divorced men defending marriage.


One of those rare serious thoughts,  The National Transportation
Safety Board is recommending that the benchmark for DUI be
lowered from 0.08 blood-alcohol content (BAC) to 0.05. If they
really want to make a difference, how about instead a
recommendation that restaurants/bars have breathalyzers
available to patrons?


Dick Cheney says that President Obama is involved in an ongoing
cover up over the Benghazi attack. When asked to describe the
President’s actions, the only word he could come up with was
“Amateur!”


The Justice Department has seized phone records from the Associated
Press, to which one reporter says he is mad the government doesn’t
take what they do seriously. To which the government responded
“Now you know how we feel.”


The FBI says it will investigate IRS “targeting” of conservative groups
. The FBI says spying and harassing any insurgent political groups is
their job.


Senator Rand Paul says that President Obama is “drunk on power.” As
opposed to Congress, which is carrying out business like they
are just drunk.


U.S. airlines collected a record total of $6 Billion in extra fees last year
which has returned them to profitability. Which explains why the
airlines treat luggage better than passengers. The baggage brings
in money, doesn’t get drunk on flights or need to be told to turn off
its iPad 12 times.


Donald Trump will have to testify at a civil trial in Chicago over one of his
condos. The worst part is when he takes the witness stand and swears
in with “I swear to tell the truth…so help me Me.”


A Florida chiropractic office is being accused of forcing its employees to
practice Scientology. The state says a business has no right to force
employees to participate in a belief that is nothing but a sham and a
fraud. But enough about chiropractors.

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Conan

  • In a new interview, Joe Biden says he spends four or five hours every day with President Obama. In response, Obama said hiring that Obama impersonator was the best decision he’s ever made.
  • Since President Obama took office, the Democratic Party has lost nine governorships, 56 members of Congress, and two Senate seats. In his defense, Obama said, “Well, I did promise change.”
  • China announced it will no longer buy recycled trash from the U.S. I don’t have a joke here. I’d just like to give a round of applause to whatever genius has been selling trash to China.
  • O.J. Simpson was in court this week trying to overturn his conviction on armed robbery and kidnapping. O.J. said, “I’m tired of everyone thinking of me as a robber and kidnapper and forgetting what a great murderer I am.”

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The Late Show With David Letterman

  • Have you folks been paying attention to what’s going on in Washington? In a matter of six weeks we have three big scandals, and it looks like President Obama and all his buddies in the White House may go to prison. Finally, some good news for the Romney campaign.
  • People always say this to me: “Hey, Letterman,” they say. “Why don’t you make jokes about Obama?” All right, I’ll tell you why. I don’t make jokes about him. Because I don’t want the FBI tapping my phone, that’s why.
  • They see Benghazi as a real powder keg. This scandal, they believe, may go as high as Dennis Rodman.
  • Here’s the problem. When you get scandals in Washington — like the IRS, Benghazi, and the FBI — it really gets in the way of not getting things done. If they don’t fix these crises pretty soon, honest to God, it could bring gridlock to a screeching halt.

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Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

  • President Obama is not having a good week. With three scandals shaking the White House, they’re saying this is one of the worst weeks of Obama’s presidency. Obama was like, “How could things get worse?” And Joe Biden was like, “You rang?”
  • A town in Minnesota has appointed a 4-year-old boy to be its mayor. People got pretty annoyed when he said his first plan was “waising taxes.”
  • Next season “Dancing With the Stars” will be cut back from two nights a week to just one — while “American Idol” will be cut back from two nights a week to a puppet show at Ryan Seacrest’s house.

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You may have remembered last Wednesday’s issue of Leprechaun Laffs where it started out really well for me when Lethal actually turned down Leno to replace me as side kick.  I thought, Man, it’s gonna be a great issue!
But then…
right off the bat, I get reminded of how many times I get thrown under the bus…
then…
I couldn’t get a piece of tail and I couldn’t fly a kite.
I thought that was going to be it, but then…
I lost the three chocolate bars that I had legitimately stolen from the candy store AND Lethal turned around and got them all FOR FREE!
Sheesh!
But then, Lethal turned around and offered to share with me any money that anyone felt like they wanted to throw away on the fake Facebook lottery. 
I know
I know
There isn’t  a worm’s chance in a bird factory of any actually sending us any money, but still….
But then he flips on me again and tells everyone about my blind date at the beach.  Lethal, I thought we were friends buddy.  I told you that in confidence…well, when you came to collect my catatonic body you’d of figured it out anyway, but you said you wouldn’t tell!
Then, THEN he talked about my leaky brain (the Elmer’s glue didn’t work EITHER, by the way!)
and my addiction to sniffing glue!
Well…
this time, I got a picture!
This time, the WHOLE world will know exactly what goes on around here!

I present to you…

evidence!

busUntil next time my friends…

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