Dragon Laffs #1306


Header58camper signGood Morning Campers!  Welcome to the New Year!
I hope you all had a wonderful New Year and hope that the start has been everything you expected and more.  Hopefully all of you made it home from your parties and what not. 
This issue was supposed to be put out on Saturday, but for reasons I’m sure Lethal explained, I was unable to complete it on time.  I actually finished this off last night and am going to try to get another issue ready for Saturday, but if that’s not possible, I’m sure my brother Lethal will cover for me again.  That’s what partners do.
Monday I go in for Knee surgery and I found out today that I will be in hospital for anywhere from 1 to 3 d01a2ays.  It’s going to depend on what they have to do, how I handle it and how I recover.
So, Monday Jan 14th at about 1300 hrs Eastern Time, stop and say a little prayer for the dragon for a successful surgery, a partial instead of a full knee replacement and a comfortable and full recovery. 

In the mean time, I think it’s about time to get your laff on!

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Wisconsin. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping near zero and the north wind is increasing to gale force.

His wife has done nothing all day but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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Dragon Pix2DragonPapa1 (204)

Just wanted to let you know – today I received my Fiscal Cliff Survival Pack from the White House.  It contained a parachute, an ‘Obama Hope & Change’ bumper sticker, a ‘Bush’s Fault’ poster, a ‘Blame Boehner’ poster, a ‘Tax the Rich’ poster, an application for unemployment, an application for food stamps, a prayer rug, a letter of assignation of debt to my grandchildren and a machine to blow smoke up my ass. All directions were in Spanish. Keep an eye out. Yours should arrive soon.

01a3

Thanks to Dad for this one….

Daughter is visiting her father and is helping him in the kitchen.
She says,“Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new I-Pad
we gave for your birthday?”
(This is in German but you’ll understand, so turn on your sound.)

Fantasy pix2f2009052801

Next…. A bevy of blonde jokes… (yeah, I really did go there…)

       DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland. 
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.
They started crying and turned around and  went home.

      FLORIDA  OR  MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were  sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the  other, ‘Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the  moon?’
The other blonde turns and says ‘Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida  ?????’

       CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas  station. She tells the
  mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, ‘What’s the  story?’
He replies, ‘Just crap in the  carburetor’
She asks, ‘How often do I have to do  that?’

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     SPEEDING  TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for  speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her  license.
She replied in a huff, ‘I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to  you!’

     RIVER  WALK
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She  comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank  ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts, ‘How can I get to the other  side?’
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,  ‘You ARE on the other  side.’

     AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE (my favorite)
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the  doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
‘Impossible!’ says the doctor.. ‘Show  me.’
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed  even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed  her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her  scream.
   The doctor said, ‘You’re not really a  redhead, are you?
‘Well, no’ she said, ‘I’m actually a  blonde.’
   ‘I thought so,’ the doctor said, ‘Your  finger is  broken.’
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     KNITTING
   A highway patrolman pulled alongside a  speeding car on the freeway.
   Glancing at the car, he was astounded  to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,  turned on his bullhorn and yelled,  ‘PULL OVER!’
   ‘NO!’ the blonde yelled back, ‘IT’S A  SCARF!’

      BLONDE ON THE  SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!’
The American said, ‘We were the first on  the moon!’
The Blonde said, ‘So what? We’re going to  be the first on the sun!’
The Russian and the American looked at  each other and shook their  heads.
‘You can’t land on the sun, you idiot!  You’ll burn up!’ said the  Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, ‘We’re not  stupid, you know. We’re going at night!’
    
     
IN A  VACUUM
   A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one  night… It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
   Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum  and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’
   She thought for a  time and then asked, ‘Is it on or  off?’
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           FINALLY,
THE  BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE  JOKES!
   A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who  had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. 
   The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one  was named Timex.
   Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming  dogs like that?’
   ‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blonde.
 ‘They’re watch  dogs.’

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After all those blonde jokes, this one may very apply to your old buddy Impish very soon…
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Yeah, well, the guy in this next picture is in a hell of a lot more trouble than I am…

327

Okay, this is definitely going on next years Christmas list!!!!
Lenovo to release giant 27-inch tablet PC; stands up as a regular PC, lies flat as tablet

Gadget Show Lenovo Coffee Table TabletJan. 7, 2013: The Lenovo IdeaCentre Horizon Table PC — which the company calls the first “interpersonal computer.” It’s a PC the size of a coffee table that works like a gigantic tablet and lets four people use it at once. (AP PHOTO/LENOVO)

Dismayed that family members are spread out over the house, each with a separate PC or tablet? Lenovo has something it believes will get them back together: a PC the size of a coffee table that works like a gigantic tablet and lets four people use it at once.

Lenovo Group Ltd., one of the world’s largest PC makers, is calling the IdeaCentre Horizon Table PC the first “interpersonal computer” — as opposed to a “personal computer.”

At first glance, it looks like a regular all-in-one machine in the vein of the iMac: It’s a 27-inch screen with the innards of a Windows 8 computer built into it, and it can stand up on a table.

Read the rest of the story here.

To my military brothers, can I get an AMEN!!

3a

This has got to be THE greatest question of all time!!!

3b

The ONLY time a “like” would save a life…
3c
coollogo_com-7318770
Birth
couch
Disneyland
Dragon Balls

Storm Photo

The devastation and ignorance being caused by this catastrophic occurrence will forever destroy the fiber and character of a once great nation with little hope for correction or rebuilding at the present rate of duplicity and complacence being displayed by the American public.


I don’t know who came up with the idea for this drawing, but it is GREAT!

3d

Amazing how something with no vulgarity can be one of the most powerful messages about the Obama team that I have seen to date!

NOT RACIST…NOT VIOLENT…JUST NOT SILENT ANY MORE!

coollogo_com-9566296

coollogo_com-80429861

If these stats are correct, this should scare the shit out of a lot of folks. PLUS they have some of the most restrictive gun laws in the U.S. Wow, is Illinois and Chicago great or what?
Perhaps the U.S. should pull out of Chicago?
Body count: In the last six months 292 killed (murdered) in Chicago.
221 killed in Iraq AND Chicago has one of the strictest gun laws in the entire US.

PRESIDENT: Barack Hussein Obama
Senator: Dick Durbin
House Representative: Jesse Jackson Jr.
Governor: Pat Quinn
House leader: Mike Madigan
Atty. Gen.: Lisa Madigan (daughter of Mike)
Mayor: Rahm Emanuel

The leadership in Illinois – all Democrats.
Thank you for the combat zone in Chicago .
Of course, they’re all blaming each other.
Can’t blame Republicans; there aren’t any!

Chicago school system rated one of the worst in the country.
Can’t blame Republicans; there aren’t any!

State pension fund $78 Billion in debt, worst in country.
Can’t blame Republicans; there aren’t any!

Cook County ( Chicago ) sales tax 10.25% highest in country.
Can’t blame Republicans; there aren’t any!

This is the political culture that Obama comes from in Illinois.
And he is going to ‘fix’ Washington politics for us???

George Ryan is no longer Governor, he is in the big house.  Of course he was replaced by Rob Blajegovitch who is…that’s right, also in the big house.  And Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. resigned a couple of weeks ago.  That is because he is fighting being sent to…that’s right, the big house.

The Land of Lincoln, where our governors make our license plates.

But you know what?  As long as they keep providing entitlements to the population of Chicago, nothing is going to change, except the state will go broke before the country does.

3eNow, let’s look at where we are heading… we’re just a couple years behind Australia. 

I hope you have cleaned your guns this month and put them in a secure place you can access quickly.

Hunting season is now open.

Australian Gun Law Update ——–
Here’s a thought to warm some of your hearts….
From: Ed Chenel, A police officer in Australia
Hi Yanks, I thought you all would like to see the
real figures from Down Under.
It has now been 12 months since gun owners in Australia were forced by a new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by our own government, a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million dollars.

The first year results are now in:
Australia-wide, homicides are up 6.2 percent,
Australia-wide, assaults are up 9.6 percent;
Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44 percent)!
In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up 300 percent.(Note that
while the law-abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not and criminals still possess their guns!)

While figures over the previous 25 years showed a steady
decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed drastically upward in the past 12 months, since the criminals now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed.
There has also been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the elderly, while the resident is at home.
Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how public safety has decreased, after such monumental effort and expense was expended in ‘successfully ridding Australian society of guns….’ You won’t see this on the American evening news or hear your governor or
members of the State Assembly disseminating this information because
they are to biased and liberal motivated to report the truth when it conflicts with their beliefs .

The Australian experience speaks for itself. Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws affect only the law-abiding citizens.

Take note Americans, before it’s too late!

Or you Will be one of the sheep to turn yours in?

One of my all time favorite cartoons.  Came out right after 9-11, but is still very appropriate today…
3f
and now finally, what may be the hope (possibly the ONLY hope) for the country:

A Novel Idea. Register non-gun owners

Subject: A Novel Idea

Vermont State Rep. Fred Maslack has read the Second Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution, as well as Vermont ‘s own Constitution very carefully, and
his strict interpretation of these documents is popping some eyeballs in New
England and elsewhere.

Maslack recently proposed a bill to register “non-gun-owners” and require
them to pay a $500 fee to the state.
Thus Vermont would become the first state to require a permit for the luxury of going about unarmed and assess a
fee of $500 for the privilege of not owning a gun

Maslack read the “militia” phrase of the Second Amendment as not only affirming the right of the individual citizen to bear arms, but as a clear
mandate to do so.
He believes that universal gun ownership was advocated by the Framers of the Constitution as an antidote to a “monopoly of force” by
the government as well as criminals

Vermont ‘s constitution states explicitly that “the people have a right to bear arms for the defense of themselves and the State” and those persons
who are “conscientiously scrupulous of bearing arms” shall be required to “pay such equivalent.” Clearly, says Maslack, Vermonters have a
constitutional obligation to arm themselves, so that they are capable of responding to “any situation that may arise.”

Under the bill, adults who choose not to own a firearm would be required
to register their name, address, Social Security Number, and driver’s
license number with the state.
“There is a legitimate government interest in knowing who is not prepared to defend the state should they be asked to do
so,” Maslack says

Vermont already boasts a high rate of gun ownership along with the least
restrictive laws of any state ..
it’s currently the only state that allows a citizen to carry a concealed firearm without a permit.
This combination of plenty of guns and few laws regulating them has resulted in a crime rate
that is the third lowest in the nation

“America is at that awkward stage.
It’s too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the b*******.”

This makes sense!
There is no reason why gun owners should have to pay taxes to support police protection for people not wanting to own guns.
Let them contribute their fair share and pay their own way.

Having read the 2nd amendment several times…. A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. … and the fact that it really isn’t that hard to understand, Rep Maslack makes some excellent suggestions.  I think it would be an excellent idea to charge non-gun owners for the defense of their property and families by other people and the police.

What do you think?
1Impish Dragon 4Live, Love, Laugh

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1306

  1. rprice@miamicountyin.gov says:

    FRED MASLACK FOR PRESIDENT!!!

  2. “There is no reason why gun owners should have to pay taxes to support police protection for people not wanting to own guns.” I wasn’t aware that people who don’t own guns were exempt from paying taxes to support the police, or firefighters, or any other taxpayer supported services. How nice for them if they are, how do I get to reduce my tax bill in similar fashion? This idea of charging extra for not engaging in commerce of some kind may be enshrined as law in some minds, but it is precisely that kind of thinking that is behind the unpopular Obamacare. It may have been declared a constitutional tax by the Supreme Court, but it is still not acceptable to those of us who believe that we should not be forced to participate in commerce just because some politician wants to grab more money with a penalty if we choose not to participate. Commerce is not even that if it is enforced with a penalty whether monetary or otherwise. What is the next step to be, prison terms for those who still refuse to buy what the government wants to buy at the cost of individual liberty?

    • impishdragon says:

      Okay, Lethal, you got me. I didn’t check that Australia one as well as I should have….(I KNEW I couldn’t trust THAT source!!)

      Tom, you make a really good point! We shouldn’t have things that the government forces us to buy, like obamacare…but maybe…maybe it could be like … um … say a discount, or a tax deduction. Having just recently been working on my taxes, there are literally hundreds of different deductions for all sorts of stuff. There are also deductions on, say, your insurance. Things like good driver, proximity to a fire dept or even a fire hydrant. All perfectly acceptable for many years.

      So we come up with a gun owner’s credit, home protection deduction, anyway you want to word it. It amounts to rewarding gun owners rather than punishing non gun owners. The only difference in the overall plan, is we have less of an armed militia. But then again…. if we make the incentive good enough, maybe we’ll get the REAL enthusiasts taking advantage, and those would be the ones we’d want for a militia anyway.

      The only other option I see is issuing weapons to the populace and give them training and make it mandatory for ALL. Israel comes to mind. There are ways of doing, what I and others, believe is the RIGHT thing to do.

      Just one dragon’s opinion…

  3. skndrbg says:

    Good Job Impish! As always very entertaining. As far as the Oz-Snopes thing … let he who has never been bit throw the first stone. Australia represents quite a lot of lebensraum for many nearby Asian nations. Indonesia probably features prominently in their defense planning. And one can actually dance to the sounds made by China’s sabre rattling. In light of Yamamoto’s quote on US gun ownership I hope Oz knows what it is doing. Neighbouring NZ has quite a liberal gun ownership policy and I don’t recall any tales of blood running in their streets….. though I won’t risk providing any numbers. (Ouch!)
    Good luck with the knee thing.

  4. lethalleprechaun says:

    Sorry Dude but you seem to have found a steaming pile strategically left by that 500# of Angus Prime on the hoof that the local village gave you in 1st quarter bribe I MEAN tribute.

    Yup I’m calling BULLSHIT! on part of your Last Word Dude. Sorry but if we are going to have any meaningful discussions about guns, gun control or gun laws then we ALL need to be using cold hard and VERIFIED facts. NOT spun, and tweaked misleading figures and facts which conveniently support what ever side of the argument we sit on.

    With regards to those Australian gun facts & figures might I suggest you check out:
    http://www.snopes.com/crime/statistics/ausguns.asp

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