Dragon Laffs #1285


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Adult-Content_thumb1_thumb_thumbGood Morning Campers!  Let’s start today with a little Young thug dragonguessing game.  In this morning’s header, above, are pictures of 4 baby dragons.  One of them is me and the other three are my brothers and/or sisters.  Using the beautiful picture of me now, to the right, which one do you think is me as a baby?  I’ll give you the answer later in the issue.

 

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Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when best things in life we do naked.

OH MY GOD!!!!  MY BABIES!!!!

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A redneck named Bubba from Georgia decided to travel across the
south to Virginia to see God’S country. When he got to Franklin,
he liked the place so much that he decided to stay.
But first he had find a job!

 

Bubba walked into the International Paper Company office and
filled out an application as an experienced log inspector. It
was his lucky day!! They just happened to be looking for someone
right then.

 

But first, the log foreman took him for a ride into the
forest in the company pickup truck to see how much he knew.
The foreman stopped the truck on the side of the road and pointed
at a tree and said “See that tree over there? I want you to tell me
what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains.”
Bubba promptly answered, “That thar’s a white pine, and thar’s
383 board feet of lumber in ‘er.”

 

The foreman was impressed! He put the truck back in gear and started
driving again. He stopped about a mile down the road and pointed at
another tree through the passenger window. The foreman asked the same two
questions as before. This time it was a bigger tree of a different class.
The redneck replied, “That’s a loblolly pine and she’s got about 456 clear board feet.”

 

The foreman was really impressed with this good ol’ boy. This redneck was
quick and he got the answers right without using a calculator!
But the foreman wanted to do one more test.
They drove a little further down the road, and the foreman stopped
the truck again. This time, he pointed across the road and said, “And what about that one?”
Before the foreman could finish pointing, Bubba said,
“White oak, and 242 board feet at best.”

 

The foreman spun the truck around and headed back to the office a
little ticked off because he thinks the redneck is smarter than himself.
As they neared the office, the foreman stopped the truck and asked Bubba
to step out of the truck. The foreman handed the him a piece of chalk and
told the him, “See that tree over there? I want you to mark an “X” on the
front of that tree!!” The foreman thinks to himself,  “Idiot, how will he know
which is the front of a tree?”

 

When Bubba reaches the tree, he walkes around it in a circle
while looking at the ground. He reaches up and places a white “X” on
the trunk. The redneck then walked back to the foreman and
handed him the chalk. “That thar’s the front,” Bubba said.

 

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically,
“How in hell do you know that’s the front of the tree?”

 

The good ol’ boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of
his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replied, “Cuz someone took a
shit behind it!”

 

Bubba got the job.

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Excellent 1 minute ad.  Go to the blog to watch this video.  It’s outstanding!

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YOU HAVE GOT TO WATCH THIS! 
WHAT FUN!
Rita et al and the Bee Gees
Can you  imagine the editing involved in this?
Those were the  days!   Pure JOY!
Its amazing how the music fits the chosen scenes.
A great job of putting clips together with the music.

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I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
 
This is the 21st century DAD,” he said. “I don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.
 
I can tell you, that darn fly never knew what hit it!

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The Polish Club Championship

Stan and Stosh are standing on the 18th tee at their Polish Country Club.  They are the final twosome in the Polish Country Club Championship and are tied for the lead.  The 18th hole is a beautiful par four with a deep valley descending down to a dogleg right.

Both Stan and Stosh hit long, straight tee shots which disappear down into the valley.  A short time later, the fore caddie appears at the top of the hill and announces that both balls are within a foot of each other, but there’s a problem.  Both of the golf balls are Titleist #4s.

Stan and Stosh look at each other and realize that they had not informed each other as to what kind of ball they were playing, nor its number.  They quickly descend into the valley and, sure enough, their two Titlist golf balls are right next to each at the bottom of the valley in the middle of the fairway.

Stosh looks at Stan and says, ” We had better get a ruling from a tournament official to straighten this out”.”This is the Polish Country Club Championship and we don’t want to be disqualified for making a mistake and hitting the wrong ball”.  “After all, we are tied for the lead”.

Soon after, a rules official appears and examines the two #4 Titlist golf balls.  He then looks up at Stan and Stosh and says, “Which one of you would be playing the orange ball”.

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Impish Dragon slowly walked into an Ice Cream Parlor close to the offices of DL&LL Electronic Media, LLC.  He shuffled up to a stool and painfully eased himself up.  After catching his breath, Impish asked the waitress for an ice cream sundae.

The waitress gently asked, “Crushed nuts?”

“No,” Impish replied, “arthritis.”

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We all know it’s not true…but it’s funny anyway…

Q: Why are Democrats better than Republicans in bed?
A: You’ve never heard of getting a good piece of elephant, have you?

It’s an Olympic games joke…
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Mitt Romney attended the Olympics opening ceremony in London
Friday before his trips to Israel and Poland. He’s rehearsing in
case he’s elected. It’s important for America’s leaders to talk to
other countries, because they’re the ones who have all the jobs.


President Obama was chided by a Romney aide who said he doesn’t
understand our Anglo-Saxon traditions. He’s not a fan of those
traditions. The historic Magna Carta that limits the powers of the
king directly conflicts with at least six of his executive orders.


A church official, Monsignor William Lynn, has been sentenced to
prison for covering up priest’s sex crimes. He has been sentenced
to 3-to-6 years in federal prison and four to five years of coaching
at Penn State.


Scotland announced that it will legalize gay marriage. I don’t know
what’s bigger news, that Scotland did that or that a country where
guys wear plaid skirts didn’t already have gay marriage.

Okay, so some of them were in really poor taste….but still funny!

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Motivational Sarcasm

Motivational Sh t Happens

Motivational She Starts

Motivational Ski Lit

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HEALTH MESSAGE

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a crap. It’s the tortoise life
for me!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be
immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me!

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A golden oldie and probably the worst blonde joke of all time.  What else could you possibly ask for?

Sarah comes skipping home from school one day. “Mummy,” she says, “we were counting today and all the other children could only count to four, but I counted to 10. Like this – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.”

“Very good, dear,” says her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?” Sarah asks.

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” replies her mother.

The next day, Sarah comes skipping home from school. “Mummy,” she says, “we were saying the alphabet today and all the other children could only say it to D, but I said it to G. Like this – A, B, C, D, E, F, G.”

“Very good, dear,” says her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” replies her mother.

The next day Sarah comes skipping home from school. “Mummy,” she says, “we were in gym class today and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I don’t. Like this.” And Sarah lifts her tank top to reveal a firm pair of breasts.

“Very good, dear,” says her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

“No dear, it’s because you’re 24.”

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My Favorite all time Ronald Regan Clip

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“I’ll never find the right guy,” I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. “Don’t give up,” urged an older woman. “Every pot has a lid.” “Or,” a cynical voice behind her offered, “you could just be a skillet.”

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can’t tell, except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.

  
When one slow set of golfers allows another faster group to play through ahead of them, that’s really the fairway.
 
1a1We had a transvestite letter carrier. He was arrested for male fraud.
 
 
It’s a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
 
I can never wear glasses. They make me see-sick.
 
People read gossip columns to get the lowdown on their higher ups.
 
‘There was considerable consternation among the big cats in the Coliseum when it was learned that the tigers were taking the lions’ share of the prophets.
 
When I worked for the laundry, I would go daily to the convent to ask the sisters if they had any dirty habits.
 
An inebriated orthopedist tried to apply a cast on his patient’s broken arm, but failed as he was plastered.

196

The Holy Email

The other day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the wicked behavior going on…He sent one of his angels to earth to look into it.

When the angel returned, he told God, “Yes, it is bad on earth; 85% are misbehaving and only
15% are being good.”

God was not pleased so he decided to e-mail the 15% that were good, because he wanted to encouragethem and give them a little something to help keep them going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?

NO?


Okay, I was just wondering because I didn’t get one either.

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Today’s Last Word is going to cover a couple of different topics.  So, without further ado, let’s get into it…Part 1

Since we asked the question in the opening, it’s only right that I give you the answer to the question in the Last Word…
and the answer is…
The baby picture that is me is…
Are you ready for this????
The one furthest to the right….
Is NOT me!
(ha,ha, gotcha with that one, didn’t I?)
The first one to the left…
Isn’t me either!
Ha! Ha!
I can see that the anticipation is killing you!
Okay, so it’s either the second from the left or the second from the right…
Right or left?
Left or right?
Far be it from me to EVER be on the left of ANY issue, so yes, IT’S THE SECOND FROM THE RIGHT!!!!
How many of you got it right?
Raise your hands… no…keep them up… one, two, three, um…four … uh … everyone?  Everyone got it right?  Really?  It was that easy?  Did Lethal give it away?  No?
Dang!  I really thought all of us looked so much alike that no one would be able to tell us apart!  Geez!

Part 2…
Well, it’s that time of year again.  Time to pay the piper…also known as the wordpress people for the pleasure of hosting our blog.  So, again (I hate this part) it’s time to ask for your donations to help us keep this newsletter ad free.  You all have been so very generous in the past with your donations, and I truly dislike asking for more, but we aren’t generating income on our little experiment here like we thought we would by this time, so…
At the top right hand corner of the blog is a place that looks like this:

CaptureIf you click on the words (in purple here, but probably blue on your computer) it will take you to a paypal site where you can use your own paypal account, a credit card, bank account, or a debit card.  And if that doesn’t work for you, you can write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I can give you an address to send a check.  I would REALLY prefer that you go to the website at dragonlaffs.com to donate, but if you must…if it’s between not donating if you have to go to the website, then you should be able to click here: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4X2MEADWHBYE8 and it will take you to the same place.  But, we get hit credits for everyone who visits the website…which is also why we try to get everyone to read the newsletter on the blog site instead of in the email.
Okay, enough pleas for money for right now.  But I’m sure this isn’t the last you will see of this topic.

Part 3…  I really thought I’d have some pictures of last weeks war games by now, but I only have a couple that I personally took on my cell phone. So, of course, none of me…yet.  Stay tuned for this area for further developments.  In the mean time, here’s a couple to get you by.

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1285

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    When people asl me if you’re around and where you might be found I respond…”Look for the nearest possible food source of any type. He’ll be around its someplace”

    • impishdragon says:

      Well, this is true. I do enjoy the a nice buffet. I like the ones that are a bit old fashioned, with wooden sides and displays. The new ones annoy me, the stainless steel pans tend to get stuck in my teeth.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Do I even want to ask about the plexiglass sneeze shield and how you deal with that if the pans bother you?

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    I guessed ‘the fat one’. Looks like I was right!

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