Leprechaun Laughs # 144 for May 30th 2012


Leprechuan tailor Opening Banner

Well I can see by the number of sunburns,  miscellaneous athletic related injuries and the odd still lingering hangover that this bunch has NO idea what moderation or pacing one’s self is about. DAMN I AM SO PROUD!

hangover-cat

My remarks area wee bit shorter than normal today as is the issue. With the Holiday issue this past Saturday this makes the 3rd issue in a row for me and as Impish kindly admitted in his comments to it, I did the lions share of the work on the holiday issue besides. So basically for the last 14 days all me other personal projects have suffered. I’m about 3/4 of the next issue done already so I’m taking a brief break to pay attention to the other irons I have in the fire.

Besides most of you can barely focus on not spilling your coffee let alone handle advanced concepts in your present conditions so lets be off then shall we?

 Opening Logo 8

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Cause its so hard for us to get together for a cup of coffee

1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON OPEN ENJOY!

to start click

COFFEE MACHINE

 

 HeresYoursign_thumb1

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So do Impish, Godzilla, Stay Puff and the Michelin Tire Man they were all starting to feel threatened!

Angry Birds Addicts Anonymous

 

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case.

The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked, “Are you all right?” He then put his ear over the mannequin’s mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, “Oh my God! She said she can’t feel her legs!”

 Lep Movie Sage words

Deep thoughts and words of wisdom!

I am sending this particular email only to my intellectual friends
…..ponder the statement below.

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Truer words…truer words….

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Love those Church Ladies..They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
————————–
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
————————–
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation…
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
————————–
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
————————–
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
————————–
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
————————–
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
————————–
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
————————–
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
————————–
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
————————–
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
————————–
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
————————–
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
————————-
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
————————–
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
————————–
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday:
“I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”.

martha Gluegun

 

WHO SAYS MEN DON’T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room,”Why are you down here at this time of night?” The husband looks up from his coffee, “I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?” he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. “Yes, I do” she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?” “I remember that too” she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says … “I would have gotten out today.”

geekorder

 

OMG-Terror Watch List

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Specifically, but not limited to, Obama’s entire Social Media Staff, a larger bunch of Twitter twits a tweeting I have never seen!

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muslim-brotherhood1

Acorn voter reg

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imageGuess I should apologize to Impish for associating him with anything P.C. even if it WAS only to make a joke. Okay here goes: 

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I just did, more or less anyway, publically, to Impish. You might want to mark that down on your calendars. I promise to do better by him.

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Here’s a picture of Impish just voguin’ & chillin’ for the ladies. See? That’s better already!

 Wednesday's Wanton Wench

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Best T-shirt EVER!!

Introspection Outside the Box

Imponderable Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.
4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
5) You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
7) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
8) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
9) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
10) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
11) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
12) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
13) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
14) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
16) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
17) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 Special Announcement

Ok so it has come to my attention that a (used to be anyway) regular commenter and fan had a birthday with the obligatory party on Sunday last, TO WHICH NEITHER IMPISH OR MYSELF WERE INVITED!  (Can you believe that?!) We didn’t even get saved a slice of cake!

Now our weekend commitments and the logistic would have precluded our participation but the proprieties MUST be observed at all times! Such a slight demands we embarrass the offender by posting notice of this event!

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There! I think THAT about covers the slight!

Of course if anyone wants to send us a video of the Restaurant staff at Riscky’s in the Fort Worth Stockyards Train Station standing a top chairs and singing to her, we’ll be just  ecstatic to post that too!

 

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Pakistan convicts doctor who helped find bin Laden

CHRIS BRUMMITT, Associated Press, RIAZ KHAN, Associated Press Updated 12:29 p.m., Wednesday, May 23, 2012

PESHAWAR, Pakistan (AP) — A doctor who helped the CIA hunt down Osama bin Laden was convicted Wednesday of conspiring against the state and sentenced to 33 years in prison, adding new strains to an already deeply troubled relationship between the U.S. and Pakistan.

U.S. officials had urged Pakistan to release the doctor, who ran a vaccination program for the CIA to collect DNA and verify the al-Qaida leader’s presence at the compound in the town of Abbottabad where U.S. commandos killed him in May 2011 in a unilateral raid.

The lengthy sentence against Dr. Shakil Afridi will be taken as another sign of Pakistan’s defiance of American wishes. It could give further fuel to critics in the United States that Pakistan — which has yet to arrest anyone for helping shelter bin Laden — should no longer be treated as an ally.

Pakistan’s treatment of Afridi since his arrest following the bin Laden raid has in many ways symbolized the gulf between Washington and Islamabad.

In the United States and other Western nations, Afridi was viewed as a hero who had helped eliminate the world’s most-wanted man. But Pakistan army and spy chiefs were outraged by the raid, which led to international suspicion that they had been harboring the al-Qaida chief. In their eyes, Afridi was a traitor who had collaborated with a foreign spy agency in an illegal operation on its soil.

Afridi, in his 50s, was detained sometime after the raid, but the start of his trial was never publicized.

He was tried under the Frontier Crimes Regulations, or FCR — the set of laws that govern Pakistan’s semiautonomous tribal region. Human rights organizations have criticized the FCR for not providing suspects the right to legal representation, to present material evidence, or to cross-examine witnesses. Verdicts are handled by a government official in consultation with a council of elders.

Afridi was tried in the Khyber tribal region, where he was raised. In addition to the prison term, he was ordered to pay a fine of about $3,500 and is subject to an additional 3½ years in prison if he does not, according to Nasir Khan, a government official in Khyber.

Afridi can appeal the verdict within two months, said Iqbal Khan, another Khyber government official.

An official with Pakistan’s main Inter-Services Intelligence agency said the decision was in Pakistan’s “national interest,” and he dismissed earlier appeals by U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and other American officials that Afridi should be released. The official did not give his name because the ISI doesn’t allow its operatives to be identified in the media.

Asked in Washington to comment, Pentagon press secretary George Little declined to talk about the specific case, but added: “Anyone who supported the United States in finding Osama bin Laden was not working against Pakistan. They were working against al-Qaida.”

Afridi was working for local health authorities in northwest Pakistan when he began working for the CIA. Nurses working for him reportedly knocked on the door of the compound in Abbottabad, but were not successful in obtaining a sample from the house to confirm bin Laden was living there.

Despite the tensions, most analysts believe the U.S. cannot afford to turn its back on Pakistan entirely.

Pakistan is seen as vital to negotiating a peace deal with the Afghan Taliban and their allies, given the country’s historical ties with the militants. Many in the Pakistani government realize it needs to repair relations with the U.S., partly to receive more than a billion dollars in American aid.

Talat Masood, a retired Pakistani general who is now a defense analyst, said the ISI likely preferred to see Afridi tried under the FCR because it was easier to get a prosecution than in a regular court. He said the verdict may reflect Pakistani annoyance at perceived ill-treatment at the Chicago meeting, but that improved relations could see him released.

“If things go well with the U.S., it’s very likely that he will be pardoned,” he said.

[Excerpted from: This Houston Chronicle Article ]

Yeah right! “If things go well” MY SHRAPNEL RIDDEN ARSE!  When was the LAST time things “went well” between Pakistan and the US where Pakistan actually kept any of its promises or sides on a bargain let alone conducted themselves as a people of honor?

Let’s get something straight, Pakistan’s ONLY friend is Pakistan.  The ONLY people who cannot clearly see that are the imbecilic utter morons in the State Department led by the Wicked Fairy of Liberal Fantasy Hillary (I’ll do anything to be President) Clinton They will con job anyone and everyone they can for as long as they can while repeatedly doing them dirty and stabbing them in the back for as long as they possibly can or as long as it is in their best interest to do so. Pakistani Government and Military officials KNEW where bin Laden was hiding, they could not help but know. BY denying us the intelligence on his location and helping to hide him they aided and abetted an international terrorist and mass murderer!

We need to cut all foreign aid to Pakistan, freeze all Pakistani assets in the US and levy trade sanctions and embargos against them the will force them back into the stone age that they so desperately cling to in their religion.

Then, just to be hissy about it I say we support India’s claim in the U.N. over Pakistan’s to the Kashmir region. NOT that I’m a fan of India either but that shows you how much Pakistan has my ass out of line)

As for Afridi I’d suggest that Pakistan be served an ultimatum, (preferably written on the pages of a Koran in pigs blood and delivered by a dog) hand Afridi over to us, unharmed and in good condition, along with his family, or our much hated unmanned drones are going to take out that military compound down the road from bin Laden’s hide out that was so blind to him being less than 5 miles down the road as well as EVERY suspected military official that was involved in hiding him and then start on the government officials that are suspected of helping in the deception as well! While we’re at it i say arm a few Predators with Pigs Blood bombs and shower a few mosque sites from the air!

Barring that another SEAL TEAM raid should be undertaken to liberate him and bring him to safety.  If the SEALS decline I’m sure there is a FORCE RECON Team who will go get him. No man should be punished for doing the just and moral thing.

Lastly I’m ashamed that the Clowns In Absurdity (the CIA) has not already done something to get this guy out of there and are waiting for someone else ONCE AGAIN to clean up their operational cock up.

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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9 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 144 for May 30th 2012

  1. Gita says:

    It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate
    to this superb blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
    I look forward to fresh updates and will share this website with my Facebook group.
    Chat soon!

    • impishdragon says:

      It’s a pity you didn’t look closer at the page. The donate button is in the upper right hand corner. It’s also a pity that I believe you were only trying to get your own url in there to spam us, if you were serious, then prove it and donate. Otherwise, thanks for the nice comments, truly felt or not, they are appreciated.
      Impish

  2. I forgot to mention the other event. It was Memorial Day Observation at Laurel Land Memorial Park, with five-hundred other folks, who came to pay their respects to U.S. Veterans, sharing memories of those no longer with us, and expressing our appreciation to those who are still around to appreciate.

    I came home with loads of photos, an interview scheduled for an article on the Marine Corps League – Longhorn Division, and an impressive sunburn. It was a really good day. 🙂

    femme

  3. Lethal and Impish,

    My apologies for not seeing it sooner. With the campaign season on local levels coming to a close, followed by the state Republican Convention, and the National Convention around the corner, things have been a bit hectic in the southwest. However, I had two exceptional events that pushed away my thoughts on at least most of the interview material, and other smithing projects I’ve got going on, well out of mind for at least a little while.

    My birthday was on Sunday, May 27th. I’ve now graduated to 48. Not bad, since my parents weren’t sure I’d make it to 20 before I fatally injured myself. The party at Riscky’s, in the Fort Worth Stockyards, has been thrown by my local friends since I moved back to Texas. I tend to not be the one in charge of the arrangements or invites, however, henceforth, you are cordially invited to attend the future birthday bash, for as long as the tradition is maintained. 🙂

    I’d have posted this an hour ago, but I got tied up with your Memorial Day Issue, and it took a while to get the tears and sniffles under control. Awesome job, guys. 🙂

    femmeflashpoint

  4. paul says:

    while the cat w/the coffee cup is cute – i was suprised to see it w/a starbucks cup –
    have you heard of the boycott agains starbucks?? – their management came out in favor
    of gay marriage as a corporate image and the people in favor of “marraige between a man
    and a woman have started the boycott – check out dumpstarbucks.com
    thanks

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Hey! I’m NOT giving decent coffee to a stray cat JUST for a photo op!
      I got it from some yuppie who found out about the cause de jouir after he bought it as he was going to throw it away. Dumpster kitty was more than happy to get her fix w/o allowing politics into it

  5. paul says:

    I bet the dragon didn’t notice a taste difference in the new coffee machine 🙂

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I just told him it was the next logical step in the Kopi luwak or civet coffee craze.

      Kopi luwak or civet coffee, is one of the world’s most expensive and low-production varieties of coffee. It is made from the beans of coffee berries which have been eaten by the Asian Palm Civet a type of monkey) and processed thru its digestive tract.

      I convinced Impish that if “pretreating” the beans in the digestive tract of a monkey was good, post brewing treatment in the same monkey’s Renal tract was better!

      Best yet the coffee goes for about $160/ pound, he’s paying $25 a cup and me personal blend stash is now safe again!

  6. Peter Bell says:

    Bloody hilarious, wonderful!!!

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