FAITH, BEGORRAH & BLESSED ST. PATRICK HIMSELF! Will ya be lookin’ at the day it ‘tis! The day of all days of the year be nearly here again at long last ! Ye keen what day I’m speak of right me boy-o? You don’t know??!! WHY ST PATRICK’S DAY OF COURSE LADDIE! Tis but a scant 10 days away!
As it falls on the weekend I’ll have a full day to devote to the celebration and revelry- was well as a day to recover from all that devotion. Impish will be in charge of posting on St Patrick’s day since it’s a Saturday. Now I realize that leaving a Polish Dragon in charge of ANYTHING much less the single Irish Holiday that has become universally observed makes about as much sense as giving a pyromaniac a box of matches and locking him in the powder shed, but hey from a safe distance and with suitable beverage in hand both can still be damned entertaining! Besides I’m SURE I’ll be dropping a few sage words of wisdom on the subject for him and that Mrs. Dragon true daughter of Erin that she is will be watching closely over his shoulder magical dancing rolling pin at the ready.
I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank my Lethal Leprechaun Fan(atic)s for sending me material for use in a St Patrick’s Day issue. I do have to admit though some of it is making me a wee uncomfortable and I think there may well be a liberal and/or a Democrat in your midst, See what I mean right after we get our coffee below.
See what I mean?! I know I keep saying me “lucky charms’” are magically delicious, but BELIEVE ME I am directing that remark toward the female readership and in a sexual connotation!
A wife returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor.
“I did everything all wrong again today,” she said.
“I talked too loud, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in too soon, and I caught more fish than he did.”
Ok right off lets get the nasty bits out of the way and do a little official housekeeping. Recently despite having addressed BOTH of these issues repeatedly in the past (to say nothing of directly with the two malcontents in question prior as well) we have AGAIN been accused in the comments of both lying about the facts in stories and basically when you come right down to it being clueless about how to post content to WordPress and run a blog, despite having a run one more or less successfully for two years.
The first charge frankly pisses us right the hell off. We need to lie to make Obama look inept, incompetent and unqualified just about as much as Impish or I need a 3rd eyeball in place of our navels! As for the rest of the liberals, Democrats & Occupiers, well lets say we could never make up lies and distortions of the truth half as fantastic or incredulous as the actual truth.
The second insinuation is nothing if not downright blatantly insulting, especially in view of the fact that the self anointed blogging expert in fact does not even have one of his own on which to base his expertise pretentions!
Actually this is another case of the truth being even funnier than any story either of us could make up. If your curious, read the following new official disclaimer and search the comments. Should be worth a good giggle or two for your efforts.
Thanks to these two knuckleheads this disclaimer now has a new permanent home amongst the other pages of the blog ( the black stripe separating the blogs title from each issue’s opening banners. This way in the future when they or any other detractors feel the need to get stupid we will no longer have to waste the time and effort necessary to correct their stupidly held misnomers…unless we feel like making fun of them.
Now that all the unpleasant but apparently sadly necessary chores have been taken care of lets get down the the business of making you insanely giggle like you need a straight jacket while you snort coffee out your noses!
Confucius Say …
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
A good woman will do 70 chores around the house. Cooking and 69.
A vagina is like a very small hotel. One must leave his bag outside.
A Platonic Relationship develops after two good friends are tired of screwing each other.
A chicken is the result of a sitting hen, while a baby is the result of standing cock.
Man with one foot on ‘yesterday’ and one foot on ‘tomorrow’ will end up pissing on ‘today’.
Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy
When one man rub lotion on another man, it is called “Men-Gay”.
Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.
If a Bulldog and a Shitsu are mated, it would be called a Bullshits”.
Military-grade mug- Battle Mug is like the Hummer of drinking vessels!
The Battle Mug is made from a solid block of aluminum, features a handle from an AR-15 rifle, and has mounting rails for accessories such as night-vision scopes, the Opmod Battle Mug can hold a pint of coffee along with laser sights and night vision scopes. There’s a tactical bottle opener, too.
What happens when some old army buddies decide to create a mug? Well, in the case of the Battle Mug, they machine the sucker out of a solid block of 6061 T6 billet aluminum, add three military-spec 1913 scope rails on its sides, and stick a carry handle from an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle on one of those rails – they leave the other two open, so users can add their own night-vision scopes, laser sights, or other gear needed for really heavy-duty drinking. Finally, they slap on a US$189 price tag – that’s without the handle, which costs an additional $33.95.
The Battle Mug has a 24-ounce (0.7-liter) beverage capacity, and its handle can be removed when it has to submit to the indignity of being washed. It also has a military-spec Type III anodized finish, a crenellated base, and each one comes with its own serial number.
Tough drinkers of the world can order the mug from the company website: http://www.opticsplanet.net/opmod-battle-mug.html
SITTING BEHIND A COUPLE OF NUNS AT A BASEBALL GAME (WHOSE HEAD GEAR PARTIALLY BLOCKED THE VIEW),
THREE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO MOVE.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, “I THINK I’M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH, THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE.”
THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, “I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA, THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE.”
THE THIRD GUY SAID, “I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO, THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE.”
ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET, CALM, VOICE SAID, “WHY DON’T YOU GO TO HELL … THERE AREN’T ANY NUNS THERE.”
Who Knew….. WATCH WHO YOU SUPPORT WITH YOUR PATRONAGE!
Some time shortly after Thanksgiving 2011 I posted a Celtic Consumer Warning dealing with the subject of which companies went out of their way to support our troops, as well as pointed out a couple who pointedly did not if I remember it correctly. I suggested that you give preferential consideration to those places that were going out of their way to support our troops who were their employees as well as give those who were not the same thing they were giving our troops, primarily the cold shoulder and the fickle finger of fate.
Once again I am coming to you with a similar request a bet for a different reason. to promote our participation in the OMG! Obama Must Go Campaign.
Political donations… This shows both Democrat and Republican information!
Price Club/Costco donated $225K, 99% went to Democrats
Rite Aid donated $517K, 60% went to Democrats
Magla Products (Stanley tools, Mr. Clean) donated $22K, 100% went to Democrats
Warnaco (undergarments) donated $55K, 73% went to Democrats
Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia donated $153K, 99% went to Democrats
Estee Lauder donated $448K, 95% went to Democrats
Guess, Inc. donated $145K, 98% went to Democrats
Calvin Klein donated $78K, 100% went to Democrats
Liz Claiborne, Inc. donated $34K, 97% went to Democrats
Levi Straus donated $26K, 97% went to Democrats
Olan Mills donated $175K, 99% went to Democrats
WalMart donated $467K, 97% went to Republicans
K-Mart donated $524K, 86% went to Republicans
Home Depot donated $298K, 89% went to Republicans
Target donated $226K, 70% went to Republicans
Circuit City Stores donated $261K, 95% went to Republicans
3M Co. donated $281K, 87% went to Republicans
Hallmark Cards donated $319K, 92% went to Republicans
Amway donated $391K, 100% Republicans
Kohler Co. (plumbing fixtures) donated $283K, 100% Republicans
B.F. Goodrich (tires) donated $215K, 97% went to Republicans
Proctor & Gamble donated $243K, 79% went to Republicans
Southern Wine & Spirits donated $213K, 73% went to Democrats
Joseph E. Seagrams & Sons (incl. beverage business + considerable media interests) donated $2M+, 67% went to Democrats
Gallo Winery [Pelosi connections] donated $337K, 95% went to Democrats
Coors & Budweiser donated $174K, 92% went to Republicans
Brown-Forman Corp. (Southern Comfort, Jack Daniels, Bushmills, Korbel wines – as well as Lenox China, Dansk, Gorham Silver) donated $644 K — 80% went to Republicans
Sonic Corporation donated $83K, 98% went to Democrats
Triarc Companies (Arby’s, T.J. Cinnamon’s, Pasta Connections) donated $112K, 96% went to Democrats
Pilgrim’s Pride Corp. (chicken) donated $366K, 100% went to Republicans
Outback Steakhouse donated $641K, 95% went to Republicans
Tricon Global Restaurants (KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell) donated $133K, 87% went to Republicans
Brinker International (Maggiano’s, Brinker Cafe, Chili’s, On the Border, Macaroni Grill, Crazymel’s, Corner Baker, EatZis) donated $242K, 83% went to Republicans
Waffle House donated $279K, 100% went to Republicans
McDonald’s Corp. donated $197K, 86% went to Republicans
Darden Restaurants (Red Lobster, Olive Garden, Smokey Bones, Bahama Breeze) donated $121K, 89% went to Republicans
Heinz Republicans $64,000 … Democrats $21,300… Kerry’s wife’s company!
Traveling and/or dining
Hyatt Corporation donated $187K of which 80% went to Democrats
Marriott International $323K, 81% went to Republicans
Holiday Inns donated $38K, 71% went to Republicans
So as your can clearly see, your patronage of certain establishments and brands has a direct correlation to the Liberals & Democrats Election War Chest and their candidates Coffers. Same of course holds true of the Republicans & Conservatives.
I would ask that you keep this information in mind same as you did who was supporting our troops when you did your Christmas shopping.
If we do this we can not only make it that much harder on the Democrats & Obama come November but we can also send these companies a clear message that playing the political game can be very business costly. Personally I am of the mind that they monies that these corporations donate should either be matching to both parties or go into the same account as the monetary donations you can check off on our Income Tax forms and then again be divided equally.
As for myself, I have already started boycotting those who give only to the Democrats. I used to hit Sonic at least once a week (they are one of the few places in Texas where you can get a decent New York style hot dog of Chili Dog) I refuse to go there any longer. Knowing a percentage of the price of each dog I order goes to the same people who put us even farther in the fiscal hole as well as to help keep someone who likely is not eligible never mind not qualified in the Presidency pretty much kills the taste for the hot dogs in my mouth.
Greatest movie line…
Most people say the greatest movie line was Clark Gable’s delivery to Vivien Leigh in Gone With the Wind: ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn’.
But the greatest, most accurate, and most timely movie line was Bob Hope’s from a real oldie with Paulette Goddard and Richard Carlson in regards to a Zombie.
Or in the immortal words of George Carlin (whom I don’t think realized he was speaking largely of Liberals & Democrats:
But then again George isn’t the only one who has an on point comment/observation about stupidity, before he came along there was John Wayne’s ( a staunch Republican and True American Patriot) memorable quote on being stupid:
Possible Titles For Monica Lewinsky’s New Book
1. I Suck At My Job
2. What Really Goes Down In The White House
3. How I Blew It In Washington
4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President
5. Clear and Present Boner
6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule
7. Going Back for Gore
8. Podium Girl
9. Secret Services to the President
10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton
11. Deep Inside The Oval Office
12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions
13. She’s Chief of MY Staff!
14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes
15. How To Beat Off the Government
16. Going Down and Moving Up
17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet
18. Me and My Big Mouth
19. How To Get Ahead in Business
The Origin of Pets
Where do pets come from?
It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, “Where do pets come from?”
And Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”
And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, “But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said, “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility.”
And the Lord said, “No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration.”
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog wagged his tail.
And Cat did not care one way or the other.
VIDEO: The Navy has a fully operational electromagnetic railgun and it’s awesome!
For those of you who haven’t seen the brilliance that is Eraser, you might be wondering what a railgun is. Essentially, it’s a magnetic Howitzer: the rails are magnetized, and a projectile is placed on them. The intense magnetic fields force the projectile along the rails and fling it out the barrel, where anything in front of it is going to have a very, very bad day.
Why is this so interesting? Two reasons. First, the lack of chemical reactions needed means it won’t be prone to explosions like current munitions. Two, experimental railguns have thrown projectiles at more than five thousand miles per hour. That’s nearly eight times the speed of sound.
You want to see it in action? We can oblige. A test shot fires from the Office of Naval Research-funded Electromagnetic Railgun prototype launcher located at the Naval Surface Warfare Center Dahlgren Division. The test shots begin a month-long series of full-energy tests to evaluate the technology. This prototype, developed by BAE, is the first of two industry-built launchers that will bring the Department of the Navy a step closer to producing a new-generation, long-range, weapon for surface ships
Yes, you just saw that bash through a chunk of concrete like it was paper.
The electromagnetic (EM) railgun prototype launcher that was recently installed at the Naval Surface Warfare Center (NSWC) in Dahlgren, Virginia, has commenced firing, kicking off a two-month-long series of full-energy tests. Predictably, the first full energy shots make for some pretty impressive video.
Following its delivery by BAE Systems on January 30, the first prototype demonstrator was installed and outfitted with a suite of sensors, high-speed cameras and measuring devices to allow for evaluation of the 32-megajoule weapon.
Following a series of low-energy test shots, evaluation of the launcher is now underway and will see tests conducted at 20 megajoules to 32 megajoules – one megajoule is equivalent to a 1-ton object being thrust at 100 mph (161 km/h). Test projectiles similar to those previously fired from NSWC Dahlgren’s laboratory launcher will be fired at speeds of 4,500 to 5,600 mph (7,242 to 9,012 km/h) using electricity instead of chemical propellants.
The U.S. Navy hopes the evaluation will help it reach its near-term goal of a 20- to 32-megajoule weapon for surface ships capable of shooting a distance of 50 to 100 nautical miles (57 to 115 miles/93 to 185 km).
A second launcher being built by General Atomics is scheduled for delivery in April.
First industry railgun delivered [Gizmag]
I want one. They say I can’t have one, but I want one. It would make Impish’s life so much more interesting when he tries to get the last word in by flying off before a discussion is over..
Jill meets Nadine for lunch.. “You’re looking very tired today, Nadine. Did you have a late night?”
“Yes,” replies Nadine, “but it was all very strange. While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp, so I rubbed it and out popped a genie. He gave me a choice of two wishes.”
“Wow,” says Jill, “so what were the choices he gave you, Nadine?”
“He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory or else he could give my boyfriend a bigger willy.”
“So tell me already, Nadine, what did you choose?”
“I can’t remember,” replies Nadine.
There isn’t one this week. I’m backed up with work (for which I’m thankful) but have a nasty cold which is slowing me down badly so I really don’t have the time to do one. Beside I’d been sermonizing too much of late and it needs a rest.
If those reasons don’t cut it for you then how about this one? If Impish doesn’t have to do a Last Word then I don’t have to do a Parting Shot so blame the lack of one all on Impish’s bad influence!