Good Morning Campers…
It’s Tuesday again
The second day of the work week
The second farthest from the weekend without having a cool gig like Monday does
There really isn’t a whole lot that Tuesday has going for it … except … it is one of the days of the week that you can get Dragon Laffs! That means that it’s a fantastic day!
Another rousing round of Dear: (Blank)
(and yes, before you say anything, I do, in fact know, that some of these are repeats)
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea…Just kidding! They’re all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Dear Ugly People,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up…
The Girls of Jersey Shore
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Chocolate vs. Sex.
1) You can GET chocolate even if you are ugly and fat.
2) “If you love me, you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won’t mind.
8) You can safely have a chocolate while you are driving.
9) The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can have chocolate any time of the month.
12) You don’t get curly hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) When you have chocolate it does not keep the neighbors awake.
14) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
15) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
16) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
17) With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.
18) Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
19) Good chocolate is easy to find.
20) With chocolate, size doesn’t matter.
21) You can have some dark chocolate if you want something different.
22) You can get creme filled chocolate and suck out the creme and swallow it.
So, is it wrong that I thought this song was good? And accurate? LOL!
Except the slaying dragons part, of course!
It might be Shark Week at Discovery channel, but hot dogs & high school football kill more people than sharks. A good reminder that a fear of sharks is irrational. Check out this list of 20 things that kill more people than sharks every year. Among them….hippos, lightening, tornadoes….oh, and hotdogs (which target CHILDREN!).
Q: Why did the orchestra have such bad manners?
A: Because it didn’t know how to conduct itself!
Q: Why do tropical fish live in saltwater?
A: Because pepper would make them sneeze
It’s true…the democrats don’t have a lock on this whole stupidity business. The Republicans have been digging their own holes and leaping in head first for quite some time now. Independent, Libertarian, Constitutionalist, Moderate … it’s been said many, many times before, but why do we pick from so many for the Miss America Contest and from only two for the president? You ought to get your one, four year tour and then stop the friggin’ campaigning and get to work! While you’re running the country the Presidential Pageant could take place on the boardwalk in Atlantic City and the fifty top candidates from across the country could compete (after winning bigger and bigger local pageants). It could be a multi-week event where candidates get eliminated through different competitions they’d have to participate in. Some of the competitions might include:
■ The Honesty Panel – Representatives from the FBI, CIA and IRS do extensive background checks on all the contestants. They don’t make any judgments about what they find, just about whether or not the contestant was up front about it or not. The panel wouldn’t care if they found out if you smoked pot in college or not (whether you inhaled or not) but if you were open and upfront with it, then it would be up to the judges (the American People) to decide if that was presidential activity or not. We all know we’re all human, so it may actually work in your favor.
■ Military Service Panel – Pretty much just what it says. Not that you have to have served (necessarily, although service certainly would get you higher points here) but a straight Q and A with the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
■ Public Speaking – with and without teleprompter.
■ Meeting Foreign Nationals – This one has several parts…knowing which Foreign Nationals to treat with respect and which ones to snub … proper dress and attire for official travel … properly representing the United States as the world’s leading super-power.
■ Business suit competition
■ Your FAMILY’S dress and appearance
You get the idea… At every step of the way the lowest five candidates are dropped by the Electoral College, until we get down to the last sweet 16 and at that point, the American people vote in an 8 day event. The first day the bottom 8 are eliminated, then there is one day off to reset the voting places and again, half, this time 4 are eliminated. Another day off followed by the play-offs and we get down to the final two.
In a gala all day televised marathon the last two compete for first and second place. First place will be the president while the first runner up becomes the vice-president, ready to take over for the president if he is ever unable, or unwilling to do the will of the people.
If American Idol, America’s Got Talent, Dancing With the Stars, Top Shot and all the other competition shows can get it done with far less at stake, this ought to be a TV channel’s DREAM SHOW!
I’m sure there’s bugs to be worked out, but it can be done and would probably get us a better quality of candidate than what we do now. Tell me what you think…
It’s even too hot for the dogs outside. If we’re going to swim, we’re swimming in the house, dammit!
Today’s Last Word…comes to us in part, from Fox News, with this pretty good look at the “Blame Game”
History Shows Presidential Blame Game Is a Risky Political Move
In 1979, as the U.S. was reeling from skyrocketing interest rates, high unemployment and an energy crisis, President Jimmy Carter delivered a televised address that would later infamously be labeled, “the malaise speech.” He never used the word, but rather blamed the poor economy in part on a “crisis of the American spirit.”
In hindsight, that speech now seems like a hard lesson on the political liabilities of the blame game — something critics say President Obama has failed to grasp more than 30 years later.
This tactic from the Obama administration is not new. Five days ago, the president suggested “messy democracy” bore some blame for economic stagnation. “When I said, ‘change we can believe in,’ I didn’t say ‘change we can believe in tomorrow,’” the president said.
He has at times leveled blame at Wall Street, commodity traders, natural disasters, Washington inaction and Republicans — specifically the previous administration.
Obama’s top Republican critics say there comes a point in any administration when the passage of time means a president should take responsibility for the problems he inherits.
“Presidents who try to blame circumstances on their predecessors don’t fair very well with voters,” conservative pundit Michael Barone of the Washington Examiner said. “[V]oters sense they have greater responsibility for the situation America is in after they’ve been in office for one term.”
But Barone concedes this old tactic has worked for some.
“You know President Franklin Roosevelt for many years did continue to blame the depression on his predecessor President Hoover,” Barone said. “That was a pretty good political tactic for Roosevelt.”
In an undeniable sign that Obama is facing one of the deepest crises of his term, once supportive friends on the left are now echoing the complaints heard from the right.
Over the weekend, the New York Times featured an opinion piece by Obama supporter Drew Westin, a professor of psychology at Emory University in Atlanta, and it was far from friendly.
“Those of us who were bewitched by his eloquence on the campaign trail chose to ignore some disquieting aspects of his biography: that he had accomplished very little before he ran for president, having never run a business or a state; that he had a singularly unremarkable career as a law professor,” Westin wrote. (As has been said in this venue many times before, the only thing that Obama brought to the presidential table is the ability to speak.)
Perhaps most daunting to Obama is that the tide of bad news this summer is not limited to the economy. Months after President Carter delivered his “malaise speech,” the media was saturated with images of Carter’s failed hostage rescue mission in Iran. Pictures of burned American bodies and wrecked planes in a Middle Eastern desert left many Americans with a vivid image of a nation whose better days had passed. It helped seal the fate of a doomed presidency.
The day this August that marked the S&P downgrade of U.S. credit was also the deadliest day for America in the Afghanistan war. Thirty Americans, including 22 Navy SEALS from the same team that killed Usama bin Laden, died in the crash of a Chinook helicopter, apparently at the hands of the Taliban.
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/08/08/history-shows-presidential-blame-game-is-risky-political-move/#ixzz1UWQqEnRJ
So, do the American people catch on? Do they stop drinking the Kool-ade? Or do they allow the charlatan to continue to push this country toward economic, social, and political ruin? The election is coming! Pay Attention!