Dragon Laffs #1227


DL.com
Good Morning campers.  I thought I had plenty of time this morning but the doctor’s office just called and wanted to see us early, so please expect a bit of an extra out of me this afternoon and for now, just go ahead and start the laughter!
I’ll catch up later.

 

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure
to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a sun
worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of
cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn
for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get
used to this kind of heat? At least, it’s kind of windy though. But
getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of
my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned
my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died
and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a
water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned
my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol’ Mr. Sun
strikes again.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it’s
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to
order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house
and I can’t even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever
come here?

Aug. 4th:
Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It
cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid
state.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked
cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on
the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted
to the seat. I lost 2 layers of
flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my
car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do shit for 2
damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next
week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will
be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over.
Even the cactus can’t live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the
car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? “Hot
enough for you today?” My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out
of jail. Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick demented idiot would
want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial
goes.

543

Some fantastic battle video here…and of course great music by Toby Keith

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Mapping the 2010 Census

Just glide your cursor over the map and it displays every county.
Can’t imagine how long it took to create this map!!
Amazzzzzing!!!

Mapping the 2010 U.S. Census – NYTimes.com

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This one’s just plain fun!

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Just an ordinary guy…

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Thanks for this so-nice reminder from Sammemom

I was going to complain about how hot it is,
then I realized that:
1.) It isn’t 109 degrees;
2.) I’m not 5,700 miles from home;
3.) I’m not dressed in a full BDU uniform
and helmet and carrying 70+ lbs.; and
4.) There is very little chance that
anyone will shoot at me or that I might
drive over a bomb in the road today!
Thanks to all who serve.

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tailgating

spot

Seatbelts

A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started, he injured his back.

He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The smart aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and
promptly stapled the tie to his chest.

….. Dead silence …

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

SEMPER FI!!

Remember……..age, treachery and deceit will overcome youth, stamina and toughness all the time !!!

550

 

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Midwestern  tycoon Warren Buffett, pictured here adorably eating a parfait, presented his quick and easy solution to America’s debt problem today on CNBC:

“I could end the deficit in five minutes. You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than three percent of GDP all sitting members of congress are ineligible for reelection.”

I really love that idea!

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3a
Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot mug is exactly what I need for work.  For those of you who don’t recognize it, it is written in military alpha code…

And for those of you who still don’t get it, find a G.I. and ask him/her.  I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to fill you in.

 

 

 

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The student ninja tries out her new move for the instructor.

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My Good Buddy Wheats sent this to me….I hope you enjoy his writings as much as I do…

Y’know, I mentioned how I really dig the sci-fi series “FarScape”.  It took awhile to grow on me but it is in full swing and I’m especially liking the crafty, emobodiment-of-evil villain they created, known as “Scorpius”.  He is a hybrid species resulting from the forced mating (rape) of a Scarran and a Sebacean.  He is most likely the only one of his kind in existence.  

However, he is evil, evil, evil.  

While watching the show, I was struck that he reminded me of someone.  Someone who I was unfamiliar with until a few years ago when the government set about doing nasty things to the American people on a monumental level.  

Then it hit me.   

Harry Reid is Scorpius.   (See photo)

I mean, it’s now blatantly obvious.  The parallel is uncanny.  The nasty temperament, the conniving, underhandedness, the smart-ass comments, all of it.   I now really enjoy it when Scorpius gets defeated time and again by John Crichton in the series.  Sort of makes me feel better about what Reid tries to pull in government….knowing that it’s unlikely that he ever gets really defeated but…it’s nice to dream about.

3b

Wheats then wrote back and sent me these… more proof:
3d3c
I know… it’s spooky!

554

Idle Thoughts of a Retiree…from our own Diaman:

 
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it 
********************
I had amnesia once—or twice 
******************** 
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what? 
******************** 
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic. 
******************** 
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy 
******************** 
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle. 
******************** 
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free? 
******************** 
They told me I was gullible and I believed them. 
******************** 
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll
never be able to merge his car onto the freeway. 
******************** 
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. 
******************** 
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people. 
******************** 
My weight is perfect for my height–which varies. 
******************** 
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure. 
******************** 
How can there be self-help “groups”? 
******************** 
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? 
******************** 
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who
can’t get his pants off 
******************** 
Is it me –or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

555

What a Classic!  Thanks to Lynn for pointing me towards this one:

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Poetry1

There was a young man named Sweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
Not being uncouth,
He added vermouth,
And slipped his girl a martini.

Let’s try it this new way,” said Jack
As he winked at the girl in the sack.
She turned and she grunted,
“I should be affronted,
But this time I’m taken aback!”

There was a young woman named Susan
Who found it delightf’ly amusin’
To make love to three men
Although who did what when,
Was frequently rather confusin’.

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Here’s an article sent to us by our good friend and fellow camper K².  The following are his comments prior to the article: Just received this item…… It’s rather interesting that “supposedly” this little ditty was never covered by the TV news people.  It’s the basis behind his push for a Health Care plan.  But then again, ALL politicians lie sooner or later.

Obama Lied About His Mother’s Fight With Insurance Companies

by Stephan Tawney on July 12, 2011


A new biography written by former New York Times reporter Janny Scott reveals that Barack Obama lied about his mom’s fight with insurance companies during her battle with cancer.
(Byron York says most of the book casts Obama in a favorable light, so there’s no reason to believe Scott is engaging in character destruction.)

Here’s the story Obama told when trying to sell government-run health care to the country:

“I remember in the last month of her life, she wasn’t thinking about how to get well, she wasn’t thinking about coming to terms with her own mortality, she was thinking about whether or not insurance was going to cover the medical bills and whether our family would be bankrupt as a consequence,” Obama said in September 2007.
“She was in her hospital room looking at insurance forms because the insurance company said that maybe she had a pre-existing condition and maybe they wouldn’t have to reimburse her for her medical bills,” Obama added in January 2008.
“The insurance companies were saying, ‘Maybe there’s a pre-existing condition and we don’t have to pay your medical bills,’ ” Obama said in a debate with Republican opponent Sen. John McCain in October 2008.

It turns out that that wasn’t the case at all.

First of all, she was in Jakarta when she first started having abdominal problems. Her employer, who provided her with insurance, offered to fly her back to the states for treatment. She refused. Instead, she stayed in Jakarta and was treated for appendicitis — the diagnosis of an Indonesian doctor.

After the pain still didn’t subside, she left Indonesia for America — months later. It was back in Hawaii where she was was sadly diagnosed with uterine and ovarian cancer. She soon began treatment that included a regimen of surgery and chemotherapy.
This is when she was supposed to be battling the insurance company for her cancer coverage. But she wasn’t.

CIGNA, her insurance provider, covered almost all of her medical bills. She only had to cover the deductibles and a few smaller expenses totaling, by her count, a few hundred bucks. In fact, the hospital billed the insurance company directly, and the insurance company paid.
Her problem was with her disability insurance. She wanted not only payments for her costly medical expenses, but payments from her employer’s disability insurance program as well. Those payments were denied because she didn’t start on that policy until after the condition was discovered.

She then threatened to sue CIGNA for not paying her disability insurance. Her lawyer? Barack Obama, her son.

But that’s not the story Obama told. He told Americans the insurance company didn’t want to pay her medical bills to help her fight cancer. You were supposed to come away wondering what kind of evil company could possibly deny a woman medical bills related to cancer treatments. Surely we would need government intervention.

But he lied. CIGNA was covering her medical bills, as agreed upon. She paid only deductibles and a few minor expenses. Otherwise her treatments were covered. What wasn’t covered were her disability payments. But that policy began after her condition was discovered, so she was never supposed to receive those payments in the first place.

 

It’s no big deal that Obama lied to further his agenda, he has a long track record of skewing the “facts” to suit his argument, those facts to be quickly abandoned when they no longer serve his purpose or the wind changes. And as K² so eloquently pointed out, sooner or later ALL politicians lie.
What annoys me is that no news agency picked this story up.  None of them picked up the fake birth certificate (that one’s been completely forgotten) but we’re going to spend news cycle after news cycle after news cycle on which friggin’ celebrity is in rehab today. 
I used to think that it was the American public’s fault because newspapers and news sources in general are only going to focus on what sells.  Like the song “Dirty Laundry” by Don Henley “You don’t really need to find out what’s going on; You don’t really want to know just how far it’s gone; Just leave well enough alone. Eat your dirty laundry.”
But I’ve come to understand that they are all, every friggin’ one of them, pushing their own agendas.  ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, FOX, NPR, Rush, Beck, who-the-hell-ever
They ALL tell us what they WANT to tell us in the WAY they want to tell us and all of them tell us that the other guys are wrong, or misguided, or biased.  What do you have to do to get to the truth?
One of our readers once told me that the way he does it is to take a sampling from several different news sources and average them out.  At least that way you are getting close.
I gathered that he didn’t have to work for a living.
It’s no wonder that the average working person doesn’t have the time or the inclination to dig for the truth…we’ve always relied on our news sources to keep us honestly informed.
  And that has obviously stopped quite some time ago.
Must’ve gone right past me.
 
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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1227

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    Impish You’re right I did like today’s banner. So much so I think it should be used as the permanent Blog Site banner in fact.

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Hopefully you remember to give credit where credit is sue so that our fame might spread and we might grow. Wouldn’t Podcast be cool? LOL Impish and Lethal the Morning Radio Personalities?

  3. toni says:

    Great issue! I “appropriated” a lot. Thanks for all you do.

    Hugs,
    Toni

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