Good Morning Readers & Laffers….wait a second folks, Friday my lovely Administrative Assistant and Sexatary has something urgent she wants to breathily relay into my ear….do that again Friday…I MEAN say what? Repeat that please?
IT’S WHAT??!! FRIDAY THE FECKING 13TH!?
BLOODY HELL! What happen to the memo on this?
Impish’s responsibility? Well THAT certainly explains a lot right there. He’s sick again? Infirmary? Late night snack of bad frogs eh? Possibly poisoned again? Having his stomach pumped eh? That will take all day there are 3 of those and they are each the size of a compact pick up bed! Who’s going to run the office whilst I go hide in the middle of a fairie circle under an haystack sized mound of shamrocks and four leaf clovers to ward off the bad luck? Just my imagination you say? Nay nay say I!
Friday the 13th occurs when the thirteenth day of a month falls on a Friday, which superstition holds to be a day of bad luck. In the Gregorian calendar, this day occurs at least once, but at most three times a year. Any month’s 13th day will fall on a Friday if the month starts on a Sunday.
The fear of Friday the 13th is called friggatriskaidekaphobia (Frigga being the name of the Norse goddess for whom “Friday” is named and triskaidekaphobia meaning fear of the number thirteen), or paraskevidekatriaphobia a concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví, meaning “Friday”), and dekatreís, meaning “thirteen”) attached to phobía, from phóbos, meaning “fear”). The latter word was derived in 1911and first appeared in a mainstream source in 1953– [ That’s the technical side of things don’t ya know, now on to the important stuff]:
According to folklorists, there is no written evidence for a “Friday the 13th” superstition before the 19th century. The earliest known documented reference in English occurs in Henry Sutherland Edwards’ 1869 biography of Gioachino Rossini:
Rossini was surrounded to the last by admiring and affectionate friends; Why Friday the 13th Is Unlucky
Consequently, several theories have been proposed about the origin of the Friday the 13th superstition.
One theory states that it is a modern amalgamation of two older superstitions: that thirteen is an unlucky number and that Friday is an unlucky day.
In numerology, the number twelve is considered the number of completeness, as reflected in the twelve months of the year, twelve hours of the clock, twelve tribes of Israel, twelve Apostles of Jesus, twelve gods of Olympus, etc., whereas the number thirteen was considered irregular, transgressing this completeness. There is also a superstition, thought by some to derive from the Last Supper or a Norse myth, that having thirteen people seated at a table will result in the death of one of the diners. Friday has been considered an unlucky day at least since the 14th century’s The Canterbury Tales, and many other professions have regarded Friday as an unlucky day to undertake journeys or begin new projects. Black Friday has been associated with stock market crashes and other disasters since the 1800s. It has also been suggested that Friday has been considered an unlucky day because, according to Christian scripture and tradition, Jesus was crucified on a Friday.
A theory by author Charles Panati, one of the leading authorities on the subject of “Origins” maintains that the superstition can be traced back to ancient myth:
The actual origin of the superstition, though, appears also to be a tale in Norse mythology. Friday is named for Frigga, the free-spirited goddess of love and fertility. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished in shame to a mountaintop and labeled a witch. It was believed that every Friday, the spiteful goddess convened a meeting with eleven other witches, plus the devil — a gathering of thirteen — and plotted ill turns of fate for the coming week. For many centuries in Scandinavia, Friday was known as “Witches’ Sabbath.
Another theory about the origin of the superstition traces the event to the arrest of the legendary Knights Templar.
The Knights Templar were a monastic military order founded in Jerusalem in 1118 C.E. Their original mission was to guide and protect Christian pilgrims along the path from Europe to Jerusalem during the Crusades. Through this mission, the Templars developed a banking system to protect the finances of the traveling pilgrims, then expanded this system throughout their holdings in Europe. Over time, France’s Philip IV of France amassed a debt to the Knights Templar for years of service. He had nearly depleted his money due to his ongoing battles with England. King Phillip became envious of the Knights Templar and their rise to power, so he set his sights on their famed fortunes. Philip devised a plan to arrest all the Knights Templar and charge them with crimes so devastating that no person or group would come to their defense. The charges against them were religious in nature and backed by the papacy of the Vatican and Pope Clement V. His plan had to be swift and carefully put together so as to not alert the Templars in advance. Knights Templar and Philip IV
King Phillip’s orders were sent a month in advance to the King’s Men and other Bailiffs. They were not to be opened till dawn on Friday, October 13, 1307. The charges against the Templars were of the highest accusations of heresy: that the Knights Templar asked members to spit on the cross and step on it, to deny Christ, to perform homosexual acts, and so on. The king’s orders were to engage and arrest every Templar in France. All Templar outposts, homes, wineries, mills, and castles were to be taken in the name of the King of France and Pope Clement V. This nationwide arrest was widely successful, and medieval torture tactics were used to obtain confessions from the Knights. This single act against the Templar Order is now viewed as one of the most unlucky days in History – Friday the 13th. King Phillip attempted to further bury the Templars in a public manner: a large event in front of the Notre Dame Cathedral would have Templar Grand Master Jacques De Molay publicly admit guilt of heresy. Instead, the defeated grandmaster took to his forum and apologized to the people and Templar Knights for his weakness and for signing forced confessions. He then rescinded his original confession and testified to the public that he, his men, and all Templar Knights were innocent, despite their forced confessions. An embarrassed King Phillip was enraged by the old man’s actions and had him burned at the stake along with his second-in-command. De Molay’s dying last words were to curse King Phillip and Pope Clement V, claiming that by the year’s end they both would meet their demise. To add to the superstition of the Friday the 13th and to the power of the Templars both men did die that year.
The connection between the Friday the 13th superstition and the Knights Templar was popularized in the 2003 novel The Da Vinci Code. However, some experts think that it is a relatively recent correlation and is a modern-day invention. For example, records of the superstition are rarely found before the 20th century, when it became extremely common. One author, noting that references are all but nonexistent before 1907 but frequently seen thereafter, has argued that its popularity derives from the publication that year of Thomas W. Lawson’s popular novel Friday, the Thirteenth, in which an unscrupulous broker takes advantage of the superstition to create a Wall Street panic on a Friday the 13th.
In Spanish-speaking countries, instead of Friday, Tuesday the 13th is considered a day of bad luck, commonly referred to as ‘Martes y trece’ (Literally translates to: Tuesday and thirteen). The Fall of Constantinople, when the city fell to the Ottomans, marks the end of the Byzantine Empire. It happened on Tuesday, May 29, 1453. That is why the Greeks also consider Tuesday to be an unlucky day.
(info courtesy of Wikipedia)
Being Irish and given that Scotland and Ireland hid, and gave refuge as well as lands to the Templars, I’m inclined to place me stock in that version. All myths and legends you say? 13 isn’t unlucky? Oh? REALLY? Well how about THIS modern example?
Apollo 13 was the seventh manned mission in the American Apollo space program and the third intended to land on the Moon. The craft was successfully launched toward the Moon, but the landing had to be aborted after an oxygen tank exploded, severely damaging the spacecraft’s electrical system. The flight was commanded by James A. Lovell with John L. “Jack” Swigert as Command Module pilot and Fred W. Haise as Lunar Module pilot.
The mission was launched on April 11, 1970 at 13:13 CST. Two days later (on April 13th) an oxygen tank ruptured which crippled the service module upon which the Command Module depended. To conserve its batteries and the oxygen needed for the last hours of flight, the crew instead used the Lunar Module’s resources as a “lifeboat” during the return trip to Earth. Despite great hardship caused by limited power, loss of cabin heat, shortage of potable water and the critical need to jury-rig the carbon dioxide removal system, the crew returned safely to Earth on April 17.
Now if you’ll all excuse me I have to cancel any and all appointments and get the bloody hell out of here before Impish decided to pull a King Phillip on me in retaliation for them frogs or decides to go all Jason on me!
NOW, LET’S LAUGH – BUT BE EXTRA CAREFUL THE LAUGH ISN’T AT YOUR MISFORTUNE TODAY!
I should have known something was awry when my first cup today came like this!
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!
Wow Impish must be REALLY old as he looks and feels worse than this every morning!
Wow Impish they are playing your song…again. When you going to tell the readers about that cop that got on your case for going too slow?
Umm… do I REALLY need to say it? How many times was it last week the on site medical team rushed into your office with the crash cart and would up waking you up? 8? I heard the last time, they were so annoyed, they hit you with the paddles just for spite!
Impish goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.
Impish obeys and says,”99″. The doctor says, “Great”. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99”. Again, Impish says, ’99’.”
The doctor said, “Very good”. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.
Impish begins, “One… Two… Three…”
Why nobody plays Poker with Impish Dragon
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
View of San Francisco Bay From a Blimp
If you had to pay for a flight it would have been $425 per seat,
Theses pictures are awesome.
Three year old Butchy is sitting on the toilet. After some time had passed, his mother thinks he’s been in there a long time and goes to see what’s up
Butchy is sitting there on the toilet looking at a book. But, every few seconds he puts his book down, grips the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
Mother asks, “Butchy, are you alright? You’ve been in here a long time.” Butchy replies, “I’m okay, but didn’t go doody, yet.”
Mom says, “Okay, you can stay here a little longer but why are you hitting yourself on top of the head?” To which, Butchy replies…
“Works for ketchup!”
Narrowing Down the Field
Today we rule a few Republicans out of the running for good reasons.
Trump Fumbles Abortion Question
Scott Gries / Getty Images
In a 45-minute interview with NBC’s Savannah Guthrie, Donald Trump argued a host of reasons why he should be qualified to run for president in 2012. “I think I’m presidential. I think I have a very high aptitude and I think I was at the best schools and always did good,” he said. But when Guthrie turned the topic to the Constitution, his argument was less cohesive. Guthrie asked if there was a “right to privacy” in the Constitution, to which Trump responded, “I guess there is, I guess there is. And why, just out of curiosity, why do you ask this question?” Apparently he failed to pick up on Guthrie’s reference to the legal principle that was key in the decision to legalize abortion in Roe v. Wade, and her pointed way of asking where he stood on the matter. “Well, that’s a pretty strange way of getting to pro-life,” Trump mused before adding, “What does that have to do with privacy?” CBS News’ Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin the same question during her 2008 presidential campaign. Palin answered clearly, “I do. Yeah, I do.”
Donald Trump Tanks in New GOP Poll
The Donald’s time in the sun may be over: Trump has fallen to 8 percent in Public Policy Polling’s most recent survey, just a month after he led the Republican presidential field with 26 percent. Additionally, 53 percent of GOP voters now say they view him in a negative light, compared to 34 percent who view him favorably. Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney now poll at the top of the GOP race with just about 20 percent each, followed by Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin. Trump and Ron Paul are tied for fifth. The number of GOP “birthers,” meanwhile, has fallen to 34 percent from 51 percent—and even among that smaller group, Trump only polls at 9 percent.
Donald Trump says public scorn greater than he expected
By Ros Krasny
NASHUA, New Hampshire (Reuters) – Real estate magnate Donald Trump suggested Wednesday it’s not much fun flirting with the idea of running for president in the face of relentless attacks and ridicule.
“Nobody said it was going to be easy, but I had no idea I would get hammered in the way I’ve been hammered the past few weeks,” Trump said in Nashua, New Hampshire.
The billionaire host of NBC-TV’s “Celebrity Apprentice” has hinted for months that he will run for the 2012 Republican nomination for a chance to take on President Barack Obama.
But Trump has slipped badly in surveys taken since Obama released his birth certificate confirming he was born in the United States.
The so-called “birther” issue had been a major issue of Trump’s nascent campaign.
Public Policy Polling, which in April showed Trump leading the Republican field with 26 percent support, this week showed him with just 8 percent support.
Newt Gingrich’s Dirty Polluter Money
by Eve Conan
The latest 2012 contender has vacuumed up donations from energy companies that environmental groups say are the some of the worst polluters in the country—as he wages war on the EPA. Eve Conant on where the money is coming from and what’s at stake.
Nixon created it, Newt wants to scrap it.
The newest Republican contender for the White House says the Environmental Protection Agency should be replaced with a more business-oriented model. And it just so happens that Newt Gingrich has drawn big-time financial support from huge energy companies that would love to be liberated from EPA regulation.
The subject has been something of a crusade for the former House speaker, who told a conservative conference in February that “what you have from Obama administration is a war against American energy.”
Why Newt Gingrich Will Never Be President
He’s out to win the White House. But as Michael Tomasky explains, Newt’s campaign is merely comic relief.
I don’t know much in this life. I can’t tell you who’s going to win the NBA championship or when the Pakistani ISI will become a bulwark against extremism or what year Keith Richards’ lungs will finally cry uncle. But I do know this: Newt Gingrich will never be president of the United States.
It will of course be fun to watch him run. Following Gingrich is a form of entertainment—he’s an all-around vaudevillian of political theatre. Journalists have a soft spot for him, even avowedly liberal ones like me, because if nothing else he is sui generis.
Newt Gingrich Can’t Save the GOP
Newt Gingrich will add substance to the Republican field when he declares his candidacy for president, but we already have a professor as president—and the country is looking for something new, says Mark McKinnon.
Out with The Donald, in with The Newt.
Newt Gingrich is unlikely to woo enough voters to win the GOP presidential nomination, but he is certain to make it more interesting. Gingrich is an idea factory, an organizational genius, and a prodigious fundraiser. His issues-oriented American Solutions “citizen action network” reports more than 2.4 million members. And according to The Wall Street Journal, Gingrich has “raised $32 million between 2009 and 2010—more than all his potential 2012 rivals combined.”
But Gingrich also has the whiff of “been there, done that.” And while he can produce an avalanche of substance and process and impress with his intellect, he rarely excites. Gingrich leads with his head and his mouth; great leaders inspire with their hearts.
We already have a professor as president. And voters rarely replace someone with someone like them. Why would voters replace a senior law lecturer with a history professor, albeit one with a Ph.D.? In tough times, the country hungers for something new. Think about how different Barack Obama is from George W. Bush. George W. Bush from Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton from George H.W. Bush. Ronald Reagan from Jimmy Carter. And Jimmy Carter from Gerald Ford or Richard Nixon.
Well at least in my mind that’s two potential candidates down the political tubes. Monday we’ll add two or three more to the mix, just to muddy the waters and confuse and confound the Liberals.