LeprechaunLaffs # 58 Wends 5/4


Leprechaun Laffs 11

happy_hump_day_lady_bugs

 

Well its Hump Day again. Been a fairly interesting couple of days at least getting here watching all the developments in the Osama bi Laden news cycle. Look for some final comments on the subject before we move on to other issues in today’s Last Word which includes some exceptionally fine words from one of our NYC readers on the subject.

Then yesterday we had the dragon’s mysterious coffee related illness, which if you read my comments at the end of his issue was not so mysterious at all.  More great entertainment for all, unless you were Impish.

Been an exceptionally fine couple of days here in Houston with mild weather and I’m going to take full advantage of today by doing a little outside work on my patio before things get really warm again so with out further ado….

Let’s Get Our Laugh On!

!cid_X_MA2_1302455218@aol

Beats the hell out of dealing with snotty or dumber than doorknob baristas that’s for sure!

Home Security Sign

 

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DL Introspection Header

The makers of Colt 45 malt liquor are introducing Blast, a fruity new drink boasting twice the alcohol as some malt liquors. The drink resembles soda pop, in colorful 23.5-ounce cans, but has an alcohol content of 12% — as compared to the 4%-6% of a typical beer.

( Just what we need, gang bangers getting drunk faster because it’s more powerful and tastes better)

The Top 10 Great Names for Alcopop Drinks

10> Grape We-Hi
9> Dead Bull
8> 7-F#%ku-Up
7> Canada DWI
6> Jolt 45
5> A&W Woot! Beer
4> Dos Wreckies
3> Mountain DUI
2> Orange Crunk

and The Number 1 Great Name for an Alcopop Drink…

1> Coca-Coma

          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

celtic line5004

 

autum fairie

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

“I want to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!”

“Fine,” I said, “then I want to die after an honest Congress gets their heads out of their asses!”

“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.

 

Nobody Knows on the Internet

  Leprechauns Libations 1

 

The Osama Manhattan

Ingredients:   2 shots and a splash!

 

DL Accidentially Priceless Photography

ptp10

ptp11

ptp12

 

dl - LL True Tales Impish Banner

DL - Confused Dragon

 

Mrs. Dragon goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
It’s for my husband Impish, she tells the clerk.
Did he tell you what gauge to get? asked the clerk.
Are you kidding? she says.
He doesn’t even know that I’m going to shoot him!


 

 

THE BOOTS

Impish & family finally heeded the Leprechaun’s wise advice and  moved to Texas.

Impish always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some real garishly ornate ones a real Texan of course would never be caught dead in on sale at Cavender’s, he promptly bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Mrs. Dragon looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Impish stormed off into  the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Mrs. Dragon, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Mrs. Dragon looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Impish, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Impish yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN ?”

“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.

“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!”

Without missing a beat Mrs. Dragon replied, “Shoulda bought a Stetson, Impish. Shoulda bought a Stetson.”

Impish goes for a job interview

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I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!” shouted Mrs Dragon to her husband!

Impish replied, “You should’ve known how stupid I was the minute I asked you to marry me!”

According to what he mumbled to me they should be unwiring his jaw in about 6 to 8 weeks

===========

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. Lethal Leprechaun picks it up,  and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.00.”

“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2012 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price…  and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000…”

“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! But before we hang up, there’s something else…”

“What?”

“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and… I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!!
Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000 – a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, then just go ahead and buy it.”

“OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye…I do too…”

Lethal hangs up, closes the phone’s flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

“This is Impish Dragon’s cell phone isn’t it?”

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The Pasta Diet and Your Health

ITALIAN PASTA DIET — IT REALLY WORKS !!
1.. You walk pasta da bakery.
2… You walka pasta da candy store.
3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4.. You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!

AND….

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
the English.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
5.. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

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When you get it, you’ll be humming it, all day. No need to thank me. Yes I know I’m evil, thank you for the complement.

smsword

Don’t EVEN get me started on this!

Anybody else see a problem with this, or is it just me?

Humm                             image

smsword

 

2 Polish hunters got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.

The hunters objected strongly saying, “Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both…. and he had exactly the same airplane as yours.”

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Stan survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Stosh asked Stan, “Any idea where we are?”

Stan replied, “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.”

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This is from  Dan  from NYC  and taken from our comments section on Monday in response to my Opening Comments lead off announcement that bin Laden was now just a bad memory. Not only his observations on the big picture and how this relates to it but his personal insight as someone living in NYC make his comment well worth reposting. Especially since I know many of you still refuse to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century and view the blog on the website and therefor probably missed his excellent comments. Unlike Impish who (yes I agree I DID give him my permission, I mean what the hell, he foists off most of his work on me anyway to open is schedule up for extra naps already) shamelessly took the easy route out and used my comments for the bulk of his Saturday Last Word I will have some additional thoughts at the end of Dan’s.

Dan writes:
“First, I am really thankful that our troops executed the mission without any injury. I am personally very, very happy that we have finally taken out this sick animal and sent him to his just recompense. We have cause for joy and should savor this moment.
Tonight, I headed over to the WTC site for a bit. It was still a small (for NYC) but full throated celebration with me joining in on the Pledge of Allegiance and The Star Spangled Banner. But my quiet sense of satisfaction and homage at the day’s news didn’t match up well with the exuberance of the crowd.
We have won a victory that is more the winning of a battle of undetermined value than winning the war. It is my sense of things that we must be careful against allowing our joy to transform into smugness. That was the mistake we made following the WTC attack on February 26, 1993 which helped pave the way for 9/11.
The war continues and will continue until the motivation to subjugate others by force to a global Caliphate fades away to the point of becoming a gnat on an elephant’s ass.
Come the morning we will still have work to do and battles to fight and win.”

Well said sir! (Would you perhaps be interested in replacing Impish Dragon? Whoops! Made Impish choke on my coffee with that one! <snicker>)

Mark Twain’s famous quote comes to mind,

“I have never wished a man dead, but I have enjoyed reading a few obituaries”.

I wish I could honestly say that was the truth in my case but, in truth, I have been lusting to see him sport a 5.56mm “beauty mark” in the center of his forehead from about ten seconds after the first plane hit the WTC everyday since September 11th 2001.

Personally, it makes me happy that Frank Sinatra was right when he sang…

“Fairy tale can come true. It can happen to you, if you are young at heart.”

Guess it’s time to start concentrating on rubbing me shamrock and rabbits feet for wish #2 now: the total eradication of Al Qaeda and it’s inherent brand of Radical Fundamentalist Islam. This is not the time, however, to let down our collective guard. If anything, it is a time when every U.S. citizen should carry a heightened sense of awareness. Al-Qaeda, as it has demonstrated, doesn’t get even; it gets ahead. And for that organization the ugly game of one-upmanship could have devastating consequences for the U.S. and its allies around the globe. [Especially in view of the revelation yesterday from the White House that Osama was unarmed when he was shot for resisting. http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/top/all/7548344.html ]

See, as Dan maintains, we are far from done in this thing, we just hit a mile stone that is all. The worth and import of that mile stone is and will continue to be of much debate, even between Impish and myself. Also, I agree with Dan’s point that we must not become over confident and lose our focus, sight of the larger picture or buy into the propaganda that the current administration about limiting the scope of this solely to Al Qaeda. At best what we obtained was a morale (no, not moral..morale) victory and some measure of personal and national closure for the tragedy that befell us on Sept 11th 2001.

Texas State Sen. Brian Birdwell,( R-Granbury, was a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Army, assigned as an aide to a two-star general in the Pentagon on the morning of Sept. 11, 2001), who was badly injured in the terrorist attack on the Pentagon solemnly reflected on the death of the man who organized that attack, saying he hoped that Osama Bin Laden’s death would send a message to potential enemies of the U.S. that “the American public will be unrelenting. The culture that fosters this hatred is not dead,” he said. While Bin Laden was the face of that movement, “it’s very possible someone else will step forward to be that face.”

While his mood was subdued, Birdwell said he was not offended by joyous celebrations that broke out in New York and Washington. “The seminal difference between the jubilation that Americans were feeling last night than the jubilation I saw on tapes of 9/11 of people celebrating in the Middle East when the Twin Towers came down is we have done justice to a murder who got the death he deserved. We were celebrating the justice that was done. Our enemies … were celebrating the slaughter of innocent life.  What we celebrate makes us uniquely special in the United States.”

In a speech on the Senate floor, Birdwell said, “Is this going to bring great retaliation? That’s the wrong question. The question isn’t whether we are making our enemies mad. The question is, what are we doing to make our enemies learn never to make us mad.”
(quotes obtained and edited together by me from the AP & Houston Chronicle)

Obama would have us believe we are not at war with Islam and that simply denuding the Muslim  tree of the evil fruit and branches is sufficient remedy. Were we only concerned with mainstream Islam this might be true. This however does not take into account Radical Fundamentalist Islam, the religion of Al Qaeda which in my opinion bears as much resemblance to Islam as the Inquisition does to a Catholic’s Confession! I am reminded of the following quotation I have kept for some time now.  (In it I see elements of the philosophy espoused in Matthew 7: 17 – 19 but to date I have been unable, despite frequently seeing this quote all over the internet, find out who said it.)

“An evil tree bears evil fruit. You can destroy as much fruit as you want, but it will always grow back and it will always be evil. Tear the tree from the ground by the root and burn it. Burn it to ash and grind out the embers with your boot until nothing is left, not a single spark, not a single seed. This is how you deal with evil.”

Radical Fundamentalist Islam is an evil tree! NO good can ever be born of it.  In order to have stability, safety, security and peace in the Middle East, as well as the rest of the world, it must not be allowed to flourish but hunted down wherever it grows. It must be ruthlessly eradicated lest it return to afflict us again with its malevolent fruit of intolerance, hatred oppression, and discrimination.

Is this a popular job? Nope not in the least. Dirty nasty, filthy, business? Most assuredly. Likely to be over anytime soon? Given the scope of the infection and the difficulty of finding the evil tress to rip them all out, definitely not. Could someone else do this? Yes probably, but then seriously, who are we REALLY going to trust to do such a nasty unpleasant and unpopular job, seeing it all the way through to the last seed is burned and its ashes ground to dust? Any nominees? Any at all? Seriously just one? Didn’t think so!

Our government at the highest levels recognizes the potential for retaliation. We should all do the same. While we celebrate, let us be forever vigilant that Al-Qaeda and evil are far from dead. Only the head of the serpent has been removed. The venom remains as potent and toxic as ever.

I AM the Lethal Leprechaun and I say, “Life, Liberty the Pursuit of Anyone or Anything that threatens it or us, until we eradicate it from the face of the earth like an unwanted medical affliction .”

I know this has been a rather lengthy Last Word (but let’s face it it is a historical event worthy of one) however I would be remiss if I did not make one final point about this accomplishment. In order to be as short as possible I will fall back on using a picture worth a thousand words to make my point.

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Thanks to Graciemj for helping me make this final point so eloquently and tersely. Which is we, and ESPECIALLY President Obama, should give credit where credit is due. It seems only fair after all since Obama is so quick to credit his predecessor for all his failings that he give the credit due Bush for doing the lion’s share of the work for his major success.

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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