That’s right boys & girls it’s that second most dreaded day of the year (the foremost dreaded day will be here in 14 more days…Tax Day) it’s April Fools Day again!
One second while I check off my “Prank Impish List”
Swap his coffee for decafe…check
Switch newspaper for prank one announcing Obama & Biden’s joint resignations…check
Drivers seat way forward, radio on Rap Station & all the way up in Dragonmobile…check
Vanity plate “I-H8-Cops” installed (upside-down) over legit back plate… check
“Bad Cop- No Donut” bumper sticker installed (rightside-up)…check
Fake 60 Minutes van parked outside his office entrance & in his spot…check.
Annoying strange noise device hidden in his office & set to random intervals… check
Lotto ticket in his top drawer swapped for fake with winning numbers…check
“Our Founder” picture in outer office swapped for image of Barney in same pose…check
Office staff all primed to comment on excellent likeness of the Our Founder photo…check
Upholstery tacks hidden in his office throne pillows…check
Rear legs of office throne lengthened half inch so chair is pitched forward…check
Favorite pen replaced with a “zapping one”… check
Photo adhesive sprayed in all draw slider tracks in Impish’s desk…check
Shrink wrap across toilet and urinal in Dragon’s personal washroom…check
PAM cooking spray liberally applied to Dragon’s toilet seat…check
Dragon’s personal washroom automatic air freshener refilled with skunk scent…check
Suite of 30 remote command executed pranks installed on his office computer…check
All water bottles in his office fridge replaced with sealed ones full of ocean water…check
Umm lets see did I forget anything…OH! Right!
Spoofed text message from Mrs. Dragon saying results from latest Dr’s visit are back and she’s pregnant with twins…double check!
Emergency Escape Plans (15 total) in place and ready to go…check & double rechecked
Yup I’m ready for today how about you?
Now, Let’s Laugh – Before the Laugh Is On Us!
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
<wickedly evil grin> Just heard the first “Damn it Lethal!” out of Impish on my answering machine awwww….I think he missed me! He’ll be here soon, excuse me a second while I make myself scarce.
Solution to the problem in Libya:
They want a new Muslim leader. I say, give them ours!
Solves two problems.
Makes a HELL of an April Fools Day joke on the Libyans as well!
Get a FREE case of Beer!
I stopped by the Kroger last Friday and the store manager was there talking to a new distributor for Caricacell beer (it’s an Italian beer, pretty good. They had a tasting last Thursday I was told). Anyway, he gave me their web site address, they have a promotion now through April 20th where they are giving a coupon for a free case of beer. The coupon is good anywhere in the U.S. and is valid for a year. All you need to do is go to their web site and click on the “special promotion” on the left side and print the coupon. That’s it. I redeemed my coupon & picked up my free case of beer on my way home last night. Here is the web address: http://snipurl.com/CaricacellBeerPromo
Google Postcard: Search the Web by Snail Mail
Now you can search Google without the computer or a mobile phone Just write your search query on this postcard and send it to Google office via Snail Mail.
Get them at your local Post Office or Starbucks!
Words That Should Never Appear in the Same Sentence
Some things go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Other things go together like peanut butter and spackle.
The Top 5 Pairs of Words That Should Never Appear in the Same Sentence
5> grandma, bikini
4> tasty, panda
3> colonoscopy, barbwire
2> pimp, tractor
and The Number 1 Pair of Words That Should Never Appear in the Same Sentence…
1> amateur, circumcision
[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]
Some people will go to extraordinary time and effort for an April Fools Day prank…
<attempting to stifle hysterical giggles> Begorrah! The blue language coming out of Impish’s office! You know I think it just might be directed at me!
AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at a Monte Carlo casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude’. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, ‘Come on, baby, Lassie needs new clothes!’
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…’YES! YES! I WON, I WON!’ She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’ The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’
MORAL OF THE STORY –
Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men….are men.
<hysterical giggles of mirth> Forgot I replaced the mirror in his office mirror with glass and a picture of Barney! Just heard an angry indignant “I DO NOT LOOK LIKE BARNEY!” followed by a panicked yelp when he looked in the mirror.
April Fools’ Sushi: Rice Krispies Nuggets
Recipe courtesy Food Network Magazine
Looks like: Sushi
Make a batch of Rice Krispies Treats; shape into small oval mounds while still warm. Top with a dab of pistachio paste, then cover with whole or minced red and orange gummy candy (such as Chuckles or Sunkist Fruit Slices). Wrap with a strip of green fruit leather, if desired. To make a sushi roll, flatten a warm Rice Krispies Treat mound into a thin rectangle on a piece of fruit leather and arrange gumdrops down the center. Roll into a cylinder and slice into pieces. Serve the sushi with wasabi, ginger, and chocolate syrup as soy sauce. Cut a sour-candy belt to look like a grass garnish.
Looks like: Pickled Ginger
Soak 2 tablespoons shredded coconut in 1/2 cup water with 1 drop each of yellow and red food coloring.
Looks like: Wasabi
Pulse 2 tablespoons finely chopped pistachios, 1/4 cup cream cheese and 2 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar in a food processor.
Submarine Racing – Awesome Pictures
The 2009 World Submarine Racing Championships held from New London Connecticut to Hamilton Bermuda It was quite a nail biting finish! See below:
Well, ….What did you expect to see? They’re submarines!
Oops! I just heard an string of invectives lasting a full 90 seconds in 6 languages with no repeats ending in “I’m going to KILL that *#$^&@& of a @#$%ing Leprechaun when I catch him” and they are paging the entire maintenance staff to his executive washroom! Time for me to make an early tactical withdrawal. Time sure flies when you’re up to mischief! ‘Tis a shame I won’t be here when he gets that text message from Mrs. Dragon. Oh well better to live to prank another day!
OBTW…those Google postcards? APRIL FOOLS!