Leprechaun Laffs # 44


DL - Leprechaun Laffs

 

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That’s right boys & girls it’s that second most dreaded day of the year (the foremost dreaded day will be here in 14 more days…Tax Day) it’s April Fools Day again!

One second while I check off my “Prank Impish List”

Swap his coffee for decafe…check
Switch newspaper for prank one announcing Obama & Biden’s joint resignations…check
Drivers seat way forward, radio on Rap Station & all the way up in Dragonmobile…check
Vanity plate “I-H8-Cops” installed (upside-down) over legit back plate… check
“Bad Cop- No Donut” bumper sticker installed (rightside-up)…check
Fake 60 Minutes van parked outside his office entrance & in his spot…check.
Annoying strange noise device hidden in his office & set to random intervals… check
Lotto ticket in his top drawer swapped for fake with winning numbers…check
“Our Founder” picture in outer office swapped for image of Barney in same pose…check
Office staff all primed to comment on excellent likeness of the Our Founder photo…check
Upholstery tacks hidden in his office throne pillows…check
Rear legs of office throne lengthened half inch so chair is pitched forward…check
Favorite pen replaced with a “zapping one”… check
Photo adhesive sprayed in all draw slider tracks in Impish’s desk…check
Shrink wrap across toilet and urinal in Dragon’s personal washroom…check
PAM cooking spray liberally applied to Dragon’s toilet seat…check
Dragon’s personal washroom automatic air freshener refilled with skunk scent…check
Suite of 30 remote command executed pranks installed on his office computer…check
All water bottles in his office fridge replaced with sealed ones full of ocean water…check

Umm lets see did I forget anything…OH! Right!

Spoofed text message from Mrs. Dragon saying results from latest Dr’s visit are back and she’s pregnant with twins…double check!

Emergency Escape Plans (15 total) in place and ready to go…check & double rechecked

Yup I’m ready for today how about you?

Now, Let’s Laugh – Before the Laugh Is On Us!

CoffeeCARTOON5

 

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

AFD on Death Star

<wickedly evil grin> Just heard the first “Damn it Lethal!” out of Impish on my answering machine awwww….I think he missed me! He’ll be here soon, excuse me a second while I make myself scarce.

Solution to the problem in Libya:

They want a new Muslim leader.  I say, give them ours!

Solves two problems.

Makes a HELL of an April Fools Day joke on the Libyans as well!

chickenfools

DL PSA Header

Get a FREE case of Beer!

I stopped by the Kroger last Friday and the store manager was there talking to a new distributor for Caricacell beer (it’s an Italian beer, pretty good. They had a tasting last Thursday I was told). Anyway, he gave me their web site address, they have a promotion now through April 20th where they are giving a coupon for a free case of beer. The coupon is good anywhere in the U.S. and is valid for a year. All you need to do is go to their web site and click on the “special promotion” on the left side and print the coupon. That’s it. I redeemed my coupon & picked up my free case of beer on my way home last night. Here is the web address: http://snipurl.com/CaricacellBeerPromo

Google Postcard: Search the Web by Snail Mail

Now you can search Google without the computer or a mobile phone Just write your search query on this postcard and send it to Google office via Snail Mail.

googlepostcard

Get them at your local Post Office or Starbucks!

 

Words That Should Never Appear in the Same Sentence

Some things go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Other things go together like peanut butter and spackle.

The Top 5 Pairs of Words That Should Never Appear in the Same Sentence

5> grandma, bikini
4> tasty, panda
3> colonoscopy, barbwire
2> pimp, tractor

and The Number 1 Pair of Words That Should Never Appear in the Same Sentence…
1> amateur, circumcision
          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

finger down

 

 

finger down[3]

aprilfools

 

Some people will go to extraordinary time and effort for an April Fools Day prank…

<attempting to stifle hysterical giggles> Begorrah! The blue language coming out of Impish’s office! You know I think it just might be directed at me!

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at a Monte Carlo casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand  Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, ‘I hope you don’t  mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude’. With  that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish  brogue yelled, ‘Come on, baby, Lassie needs new clothes!’
As the  dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…’YES! YES! I  WON, I WON!’ She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her  winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared  at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she  roll?’ The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were  watching.’

MORAL OF THE STORY –

Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men….are men.

<hysterical giggles of mirth> Forgot I replaced the mirror in his office mirror with glass and a picture of Barney! Just heard an angry indignant “I DO NOT LOOK LIKE BARNEY!” followed by a panicked yelp when he looked in the mirror.

DL Larder Header

April Fools’ Sushi: Rice Krispies Nuggets

Recipe courtesy Food Network Magazine

 

Directions

Looks like: Sushi

Make a batch of Rice Krispies Treats; shape into small oval mounds while still warm. Top with a dab of pistachio paste, then cover with whole or minced red and orange gummy candy (such as Chuckles or Sunkist Fruit Slices). Wrap with a strip of green fruit leather, if desired. To make a sushi roll, flatten a warm Rice Krispies Treat mound into a thin rectangle on a piece of fruit leather and arrange gumdrops down the center. Roll into a cylinder and slice into pieces. Serve the sushi with wasabi, ginger, and chocolate syrup as soy sauce. Cut a sour-candy belt to look like a grass garnish.

Looks like: Pickled Ginger

Soak 2 tablespoons shredded coconut in 1/2 cup water with 1 drop each of yellow and red food coloring.

Looks like: Wasabi

Pulse 2 tablespoons finely chopped pistachios, 1/4 cup cream cheese and 2 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar in a food processor.

april-fool

 

Submarine Racing –  Awesome  Pictures

The 2009 World Submarine Racing Championships held from New London Connecticut to Hamilton Bermuda   It was quite a nail biting finish! See below:

Subrace

Subrace 2

 

Well, ….What did you expect to see? They’re submarines!

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Oops! I just heard an string of invectives lasting a full 90 seconds in 6 languages with no repeats ending in “I’m going to KILL that *#$^&@& of a @#$%ing Leprechaun when I catch him” and they are paging the entire maintenance staff to his executive washroom! Time for me to make an early tactical withdrawal. Time sure flies when you’re up to mischief! ‘Tis a shame I won’t be here when he gets that text message from Mrs. Dragon. Oh well better to live to prank another day!

 

DL Closing Credits

OBTW…those Google postcards? APRIL FOOLS!

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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