Dragon Laffs #1170


Good Morning Campers!  I hope everyone is well today.  running out of time this morning, so let’s just say good bye and good morning and good laughing!!!!!

Now. let’s get started!  Let’s laugh!

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And the specialization is even recognized in heaven….

St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven, my son. What did you do with your life on earth?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.”

“Wonderful, my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates.”

A few moments later, a second man walks up. “Welcome to heaven, my son. What did you do with your life on earth?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers.”

“Well done. Pass through the gates into Paradise.”

A few moments later a third man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a Military Policeman, Sir.”

“Excellent, my son. I’ve gotta go pee, watch the gate while I’m gone, will ya?”

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DragonPapa1 (99)

No wonder he spends all his time at the bar…

“Get this,” said one drinker to his friends at the bar.  “Last night while I was here with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.”

“Did he get anything?” his friends asked.

“Yeah… a broken jaw, two teeth knocked out, and a pair of squashed nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”

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The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.

“Well, I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.

“Hon,” I suggested, “Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?”

The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”

The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”

slap1Saw that coming

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And even from Diaman…trying to get into Zach’s act:

The barber opened up a shavings account.

Kidding

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Having lived in Indiana now for the past 22 years (4 years longer than I ever lived in New Jersey…where I grew up….then why do I still fell like New Jersey is home?  Odd…) Anyway, having been in Indiana for a while now, this doesn’t really surprise me that much.  It’s a wonder he wasn’t charged with indecent exposure, too.

 

1c

Great photos taken by a couple guys in an old Piper J-3 Cub who flew from California to New York and then back across the midwest to California.  Beautiful photos.  The Cub is an ideal photo plane since it has that door on the right side that can be left open in flight.  Their average speed on the trip was less than 70 mph.  Really worth looking at if you like aerial photos. 

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Groaner Zack

Q: What happens when bananas sunbathe?
A: They start to peel!

 
Q: What did the mime say to the bartender?
A:

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This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says, “ACTS 2:38!”

The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady: “How did you do this?”

The woman replied, “I quoted scripture.” The cop turned to the burglar and asked, “What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?”

The burglar replied, “Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an ax and two 38’s.”

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failed the exam

test-12

test-13

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God bless

gods

Golden Opportunities

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Sometimes the very best thing to do with scoundrels and thieves is to expose them for what they are and laugh and poke fun at them.  I’ve often heard of the Nigerian scams before, but never have I been lucky enough to receive one.  Well, my dear camper friends and neighbors, my luck has changed.  The other day I received the following email and I was appalled at how transparent a scam it really was.  “How do people fall for these things,” I said to myself.  “They fall for these,” I answered back, “because some people want to believe, so badly, in the tooth fairy, Santa Claus and James Bond’s good fortune that they easily dispel common sense and allow mindless non-sense to take over.  Their greed over reaches their brain cells.”
”Quite an astute observation, Impish.”
”Why thank you very much for noticing, Impish.”
Anyway, if the mutual admiration society meeting is over can we get back to the letter?
”Yes, Impish.”
”We’re sorry, Impish.”
Okay then.  Here is the letter, in its entirety, with comments thrown in by yours truly….enjoy.

Dear friend,
 
I am indeed glad to be in contact with you even though this medium of communication (internet) has been grossly abused by some people making it difficult for other once with genuine struggle to correspond and exchange views without skepticism. (Okay, so stop.  WTF is that supposed to even mean?  Some of those words don’t even belong together in the same sentence.  Again, WTF?)
 
I am Dr. Paul Ouattara (Who actually does exist, and is also listed in a website of commonly used aliases of people who run the Nigerian Scam.  Dude, at least make up a new name each time, can you?  Well, not by the intellegence level demonstrated in the first paragraph, I suppose you can’t). Currently the Audit and Account Unit Manager in Eco Bank Burkina-Faso (Ouagadougou) West Africa (which also does exist, although it’s spelled Ecobank, one word, not two. And if you do a google search using the phrase “Audit and Account Unit Manager in Ecobank Burkina-Faso (Ouagadougou) West Africa, you come up with at least a dozen names of people claiming to hold that position, all of whom are scammers!  Come on!  Do a little research and stretch your imagination just a teenie bit, will you?  Make it a little tougher to figure out, please?), my aim of contacting you is to collaborate with me to transfer the sum of ($15.8 Million Dollars)Fitteen Million Eghty hundred thousand Dollars (Okay, I defy you to make me believe that the Audit and Account Unit Manager of ANY bank would not know how to properly spell “Fifteen Million, Eighty hundred thousand dollars.  Please!) into your personal or Company bank account in your country of origin for investment purpose.
 
I am going to invest this money in your country through your assistance and help, whereby you will be my Investment & deputy/assistant director.
 
Please if you are interested and ready to receive the money into your bank account i will send you the details of the fund and when replying i want you to tell me the type of investment that will be encourage for both of us to invest so that we can talk about the conditions. (Why did we suddenly stop capitalizing the word “I”? Again, you are to be trusted with $15 million and you don’t have the first inkling of proper grammar? But you can use words like encourage and endeavor?  Do you hear those bells going off in the background?  Those are alarm bells telling)
 
Please endeavor to include your full names and address, private phone and fax number for easy communication.
 
Finally keep our dealings very private and confidential as i wait your urgent response.
 
1) Your full names…………
2) Your age…………….
3) Your full address………
3) Your marital status………
4) Your occupation/Profession…….
5) Your direct telephone number……..
6) Your fax number…………….
7) Your country of origin ………..
8) Your present location/country…….
9) Your religion…………………

Thanks,
Yours sincerely
Dr. Paul Ouattara.
(Can we just round this whole thing out with a, “come on now, really?)
Look, Lethal and I play poker at least once a week with the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny (cheats like there is no tomorrow, that bunny does!) and are in the same darts league as Bond and a host of others, so when it comes to belief and mythical characters, we are right up there with the naïve.  But come on!  How could anyone buy something like this?  Does hope really spring that eternal?  Really?  If so, I have this really great water-front property for sale….
 
//and as a last minute update….I’ve received two more letters on basically the same topic from a Daniel Dogulas and  Mr. Kabiru.  Wow, how did I suddenly get so popular? lol//

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