Good Morning. Saturday Morning. Nice, three day weekend. You could probably expect to get a couple of things posted to your favorite ezine site…no, that’s not “Comics 2 Laff @” or “Funny Stuff R Us”! It’s your own “Dragon Laffs”! Now, run along, go tell all your friends.
And for now…….
With 49 of the 50 states having snow right now, (Florida seems to be the only hold out) this is exactly the way I feel:
And to go along perfectly with the above cartoon (from our dear camper friend Jeannie):
Just a note here. Last night I saw on the news how Southern California got hit with snow—they had 100 mile backup on the freeway! Then they showed clips of people just spinning in circles. It was hilarious! They interviewed one guy and he says, “I ain’t never seen snow except for in the movies!” Lighweights!! hehehe (Bet people from Minnesota were laughing their asses off at them!)
Satire from “The Onion”
If you know an idiot, please make sure they’re safe and not standing naked in a snow embankment on a dare.
I shall take you to bed and I will make you ache, shake and sweat til you moan, I will exhaust you till your begging me for mercy untill you beg me to stop and after I’m thru you’ll be sore and unable to walk for a week. Sincerely Yours ~ The Flu (Now get your mind off sex and go get a flu shot already!)
You’re going to agree and laugh at every one of these!
More Words That Should Exist
Arachnidiot – Description of a person who wanders into an “invisible”
spider web and flails around, gyrating wildly, trying to rub it off.
Cheedle – The residue left on your fingers after eating Cheetos
Choconiverous – Used to describe a person who bites the head off a
chocolate Easter bunny first.
Deodorend – The last 1/2 inch of a stick deodorant that won’t push up,
making the tube good only for underarm lacerations.
Jiffylust – The passionate desire to be the first person to dip into a
brand new jar of peanut butter.
Kawashocky – Pulling into what you thought was an empty parking space,
only to discover a motorcycle is parked there.
Mowmuffins – The accumulated clumps of dried grass on the underside of
the lawn mower.
Nocturnuggets – The deposits you have to rub out of your eyes every
morning after a good night’s sleep.
Pajangle – Waking up to find your pajamas have turned 180 degrees
around while you were sleeping.
Prestofrigeration – When searching for a snack, this is the act of
returning to the refrigerator time and again in hopes something new
will have materialized.
Scribbobics – Warm up exercises to get the ink in a pen flowing.
Slackjam – The act of being stuck in your trousers while trying to
remove them without taking off your shoes.
Snackmosphere – The empty yet explosive layer of air at the top of a
bag of potato chips or other snackage.
Spudrubble – The unclaimed fries that have fallen to the bottom of the
fast food sack.
It’s snowing like crazy here today.
My friend says that since it’s been snowing,
all his wife does is look through the window”.
He reckons if it gets much worse he’ll have to let her in.
THE WOODEN LEG
A man and his wife, moved back home to West Virginia,
from Ohio. The husband had a wooden leg, and to
insure it back in Ohio cost them $2000 per year!
When they arrived in West Virginia, they went to an insurance agency
to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said: ‘$39.’
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in
West Virginia to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Ohio!
The insurance agent turned his computer screen
to the couple and said,
“Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure,
with a sprinkler system above it, is $39… You just
have to know how to describe it!”
Most Direct quotes
If the rich could hire other people to die for them,
the poor could make a wonderful living.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue,
says more than the fool when he speaks .
What you don’t see with your eyes,
don’t invent with your mouth.
A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut
when he is right.
One old friend is better than two new ones.
One of life’s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t
good enough to marry your daughter can be the father
of the smartest grandchild in the world.
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
“Don’t be so humble –
you are not that great.”
Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex.
It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage
to move in the opposite direction.
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance,
you must keep moving.
Intellectuals solve problems;
geniuses prevent them.
You can’t control the wind, but you
can adjust your sails.
I don’t want to become immortal through my work.
I want to become Immortal through not dying.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Sign hanging in Einstein’s office at Princeton .
We can’t solve problems by using the same kind
of thinking we used when we created them .
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”
The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
‘Oh my, I am so sorry,’ the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
‘Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,’ she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterward they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! ‘You know,’ he said, ‘you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?’
‘No,’ she replies …
Wait for it.
The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?
She says, ‘You just happened to catch my eye.’
Tim Tebow, former Florida Gators quarterback, and now the Denver Broncos quarterback has NEVER fumbled !!!!
In 2007, Florida ‘s Tim Tebow was awarded the Heisman Trophy as a sophomore, the first time ever the award has gone to a second year player..
In addition to his amazing passing, running and TD stats is the fact that he has NEVER fumbled the ball! How is he able to hold on to the football so well? What grip does he use??
Note the grip on the football shown here!
“But I feel that I can still improve my game if I stick with Amber’s training method just one more year”
Introducing the Amazing Tim Tebow Grip Master Training System!!!
Any Questions? I didn’t think so!
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
- The captain of the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier has been relieved of command for appearing in raunchy videos on the ship. They are calling this the most embarrassing video involving Navy personnel since that guy from the Village People.
- The top things people give up for the new year are junk food, alcohol, smoking, and gambling. So basically, people are giving up on 7-Eleven.
- Over the weekend, thousands of dead birds fell out of the sky in Arkansas. Apparently this is Arkansas’ version of the New Year’s Eve ball drop.
- According to the Japanese press, Sony is coming out with a smartphone that has a PlayStation built in to compete with the iPhone. It’s called the “I-just-crashed-my-car-phone.”
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
- Hugh Hefner reportedly gave his new fiancée a $90,000 diamond engagement ring. It’s not that impressive. Back when he bought it, it was still a lump of coal.
- Nickelodeon just renewed “SpongeBob SquarePants” for a ninth season. You can tell SpongeBob is growing up because he wants to be called “SpongeRobert.”
- As Nickelodeon announced the ninth season of “SpongeBob SquarePants,” the NFL announced that this was the last season of “Brett Favre NoPants.”
- Kate Middleton’s uncle is reportedly getting over a drug problem so that he can be invited to her ceremony, and Prince William’s uncle has to clean up his act too. At a luncheon last week, he used his salad fork on the beef tenderloin.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
- A photograph of Justin Bieber kissing Selena Gomez came to light. If you don’t know who Selena Gomez is, she’s the sweet little girl from the Disney Channel — whose car is now covered in eggs.
- On Twitter, there were death threats directed at Selena Gomez. This is exactly what happened to me when I was 16, and I started dating Kenny Loggins.
- Season three of “Jersey Shore” premieres Thursday night on MTV. Didn’t season two just end on Christmas Eve? You’d think it would take a month just to sterilize the hot tub.
The discovery of an amazingly large cave in Vietnam is big news. National Geographic has an interesting article, linked, accompanied by a number of spectacular photographs. The cave, Hang Son Doong, is located in a remote jungle. Still, it is hard to understand how it could have gone undiscovered for so long. Vietnamese caves have a long history, but this one could comfortably house a skyscraper.
Wow, we are just full of awesome stuff today. This one was sent in by Lynn and it is WAY COOL! I’ve watched it several times just to see it go through the stages…
This is the making of a Boeing plane in time lapse photography. Really interesting.
It is amazing….
Our three children like to spin in our home office chairs. One of the chairs makes this annoying popping noise whenever they are spinning in it that is not conducive to productive thought processes. We have told the children time and time again NOT to spin in the chair.
Either they forget or it is an act of defiance, but they continue to spin in the chair from time to time, leading us to believe that this is an act of swivel disobedience. — Tiff Wimberly