True Tales of the Life of Impish Dragon Chapter 6


‘Tis the Leprechaun here folks~

Believe it or nae, himself the Dragon asked me if t’was soon to be another chapter in the sordid tales of his life! Not wanting to disappoint him or stress him out I promised I would post it immediately!

Driving Impish Dragon and his wife to the airport, we passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Impish’s wife glanced up at it and announced, “I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I’d look like her.”

“No,” Impish corrected. “If I drank a twelve pack, you’d look like her.”

We were forced to divert to a level 1 trauma hospital to seek immediate care for Impish’s injuries.

========

Impish once confided in me (from a hospital trauma ward bed) his newly acquired secret to a good marriage: “No matter how many promises you make to be completely honest with each other, never respond to your wife’s ‘What are thinking about?’ question with an answer that involves football, beer or especially her sister’s breasts.”

==========

Impish keep telling his kid they can’t go to Disney World because it’s too expensive and too far away.
It really isn’t, but  that’s his story he’s sticking to it, at least until Daisy Duck lifts the restraining order!

========

Mrs Dragon told Impish he was no longer romantic, so he booked a table for the two of them on Valentine’s night.

The problem was she sucks at snooker & eight-ball.

Now he sucks his dinner thru a straw cause his jaw is wired shut after they removed the cue ball from his mouth!

=======

Impish goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
The doctor asked, “Can you describe the symptoms to me?”

“Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard  and Marge is a skinny broad with big blue hair.”

========

The Red Cross  knocked at Impish Dragon’s door and asked if he could help towards the floods in Pakistan.

Impish  said “I’d would love to, but my garden  hose only reaches to the driveway. “

========

Impish Dragon finds out that his bookkeeper, Brenda, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.

His bookkeeper is stacked, beautiful and smart but totally deaf. That was the reason she got the job in the first place.  It was assumed that Brenda would hear nothing so she would never have be able to testify in court.

When the Impish goes to confront Brenda about his missing $10 million, he takes along Lethal Leprechaun his lawyer who knows sign language ( and how to hide a body). Impish tells the Lethal, “Ask her where my money is.”

The Leprechaun, using sign language, asks Brenda, “where’s the money?”

Brenda signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The Lethal tells the Dragon, “She says she doesn’t know what you are talking about”.

Impish pulls out a pistol, puts it to Brenda’s temple, cocks the hammer back and says, “Ask her freakin’ again!”

The Leprechaun signs to Brenda, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”

Brenda signs back, OK” You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”

Impish impatiently asks Lethal, “What did she say?”

The Leprechaun replies, “She says she’s seen you naked and you don’t have the balls to pull that trigger.”

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s