‘Tis the Leprechaun here folks~
Believe it or nae, himself the Dragon asked me if t’was soon to be another chapter in the sordid tales of his life! Not wanting to disappoint him or stress him out I promised I would post it immediately!
Driving Impish Dragon and his wife to the airport, we passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Impish’s wife glanced up at it and announced, “I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I’d look like her.”
“No,” Impish corrected. “If I drank a twelve pack, you’d look like her.”
We were forced to divert to a level 1 trauma hospital to seek immediate care for Impish’s injuries.
Impish once confided in me (from a hospital trauma ward bed) his newly acquired secret to a good marriage: “No matter how many promises you make to be completely honest with each other, never respond to your wife’s ‘What are thinking about?’ question with an answer that involves football, beer or especially her sister’s breasts.”
Impish keep telling his kid they can’t go to Disney World because it’s too expensive and too far away.
It really isn’t, but that’s his story he’s sticking to it, at least until Daisy Duck lifts the restraining order!
Mrs Dragon told Impish he was no longer romantic, so he booked a table for the two of them on Valentine’s night.
The problem was she sucks at snooker & eight-ball.
Now he sucks his dinner thru a straw cause his jaw is wired shut after they removed the cue ball from his mouth!
Impish goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
The doctor asked, “Can you describe the symptoms to me?”
“Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny broad with big blue hair.”
The Red Cross knocked at Impish Dragon’s door and asked if he could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
Impish said “I’d would love to, but my garden hose only reaches to the driveway. “
Impish Dragon finds out that his bookkeeper, Brenda, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.
His bookkeeper is stacked, beautiful and smart but totally deaf. That was the reason she got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Brenda would hear nothing so she would never have be able to testify in court.
When the Impish goes to confront Brenda about his missing $10 million, he takes along Lethal Leprechaun his lawyer who knows sign language ( and how to hide a body). Impish tells the Lethal, “Ask her where my money is.”
The Leprechaun, using sign language, asks Brenda, “where’s the money?”
Brenda signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The Lethal tells the Dragon, “She says she doesn’t know what you are talking about”.
Impish pulls out a pistol, puts it to Brenda’s temple, cocks the hammer back and says, “Ask her freakin’ again!”
The Leprechaun signs to Brenda, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Brenda signs back, OK” You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
Impish impatiently asks Lethal, “What did she say?”
The Leprechaun replies, “She says she’s seen you naked and you don’t have the balls to pull that trigger.”