Dragon Laffs #1149


Well, I sure hope that Christmas was as good at your house as it was at my cave.  We had an 1aextra special great time!  Santa brought us a Wii for the family.  I wonder if I should be concerned that he brought my littlest girl “How To Train Your Dragon.”  Both the game and the movie!  What is this?  She’s supposed to get instruction from the movie, practice from the game and then real-life exercise from working on her poor, old, dad?…Here’s a horrible thought…I wonder if Lethal Leprechaun had anything to do with those gifts?  … Okay, so here’s a worse thought… I wonder if her mom had anything to do with those gifts!  I’d love to ask Santa about it, but him and I aren’t on speaking terms and according to the paperwork, I have to stay at least 50 yards away from him at all times.  Anyway…

Let’s get on with the laughter!

9

Way cool stuff from Makeuseof.com
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/gadget-anatomy/

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DragonPapa1 (83)

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This one requires major warnings, flashing lights and stop signs!  Please be careful and handle only with PPE (Personal Protective Equipment).  The scary part is that this one is from our dear friend, K²

A man goes to the doctor.  He says, “Doc, you gotta check my leg.  Something’s
wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you’ll hear
it!”

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man’s thigh, only to hear, “Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks.”

3

“I’ve never seen or heard anything like this before.  How long has this been going on?” The doctor asked.

 

“That’s nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee.”

 

The doctor put his ear to the man’s knee and heard it say, “Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!”

 

“Sir, I really don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never seen anything like this.” The doctor was dumbfounded.

 

“Wait Doc, that’s not all. There’s more, just put your ear up to my ankle,” the man urged him.

 

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, “Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will.”

 

“I have no idea what to tell you. There’s nothing about it in my books,” he said, as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.  “I can make a well educated guess though,” he continued.  “Based on life and all my previous experience, I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places.”

9a

And of course our dear Zack has to have return fire…
Groaner Zack
Two good Montana buddies were out hunting for a cougar that was killing their sheep. They staked out an area of the woods near their fields, and waited. After a while, sure enough, there came the cougar. They patiently waited until it was close, and then they both jumped up and shot it at the same time.
They couldn’t tell whose bullet had taken the cougar’s life! They decided to share the credit, and also to have the cougar stuffed, and they decided to take turns keeping the 4stuffed cougar. However, this arrangement turned out not to be to their liking. Instead, they decided to divide the stuffed cougar in two, and flip a coin for who would get which end.

Bill lost, and ended up with a mounted trophy of the cougar’s rear. So even though shooting the cougar was a great sporting victory, Bill thought … it was nothing but a catastrophe.

 

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Public2

Driving in the snow is like eating pussy…………….


 

If you don’t slow down and pay attention you could slide into the asshole in front of you!

BE CAREFUL THIS WINTER!

9b

New way to launch Aircraft off a carrier….we are watching new technology being born!  Way cool stuff and Lakehurst NAS is very close to what was “home” to me.
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/12/24/navy-uses-railgun-launch-fighter-jets/?ref_dom=foxnews.com&ref_url=/us/2010/12/24/epa-moving-unilaterally-limit-greenhouse-gases/

 

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9d

The Table Book Clock ($29.99) proves that not all fancy gadgets have to be obvious. This one masquerades as a set of books on a shelf. Fascinating design decision, don’t you think?
Dang!  Wish I had seen this in time to put it on my Christmas Wish List.  Way cool! There’s always next year I suppose.  LOL. 

9c

Visit 5 of the world’s greatest museums without ever leaving your house!  Do it virtually!  Really, really good stuff here folks.  You could spend hours and hours just going through the Smithsonian alone!
http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/visit-5-virtual-museums-leaving-home/

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1
Oh this is just GREAT!
Now Tom is getting in on the act!

This man walks in to a psychiatrist’s office and lies down on the couch. The shrink says, “What makes you think you need the services of a psychiatrist?”

The man replies that he wakes up every night in the kitchen after some pretty
crazy sleepwalking.

The shrink says, “So, would you like me to try to cure you of sleepwalking?”

The man explains that the sleepwalking isn’t really the problem. Every time he wakes up he is in the same place, doing the same thing – he has his pajamas around his ankles and his dick in a jar of peanuts.

The psychiatrist says, “I think I know what your problem is. You’re fucking nuts.”

Donate322222222

For the man who has everything…..here it is!  Something else!

9f

Magnetic Moose Bottle Opener

Add a little fun and function to your kitchen or bar with this Moose bottle opener. The strong magnetic back attaches to your refrigerator or other metal surface; just put the bottle in the moose’s mouth and it pulls the cap off quickly. 6.5in.L x 4.5in.W x 8.5in.H.

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k6

And speaking of home towns………http://vimeo.com/18213768

9e

Tarzan and Jane were expecting their fourth child and were pretty strapped for cash, so Tarzan decided to go into the used-crocodile business. Monday morning he got up early,
shaved, put on his best loin cloth, swung down to the river, and spent the whole day fighting, haggling over and hassling with cranky crocs.
As dusk fell, a wan Tarzan swung back to the treehouse and demanded, “Quick, Jane, a martini!” Tossing it back he barked, “Another, Jane, on the double!” Gulping it down, he
held out his glass again. “One more, Jane.”
“Aw, honey, don’t you think you’re overdoing it a bit?” she chided gently.
“You don’t understand, Jane… it’s a jungle out there.”

Yes, indeedy deed…that was another awful one from Zack!

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The Bikini

Profess

priorities

 

9g

http://tastelikepizza.com/item/2010/11/france-got-talent—frog-man 

Great Storms
storms1

We were a poor family and it was a bone-chilling cold winter.
My Daddy asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Knowing full-well
that “Santa” couldn’t afford the new bicycle I really wanted, I
answered, “Well, Dad, I’d like a new pair of corduroy pants and
something small to play with, if that’s okay.”
Impatiently, I waited for Christmas morning and of course, I
couldn’t race downstairs until I could hear Mom and Dad stirring
around down there, getting breakfast going.
Cautiously, I crept down the stairs and looked over the banister
rail at our lovely (but scantily decorated) Christmas tree. I could
see at least one box that I was sure was for me!
Trying my best not to rush over to the tree to confirm my hopes, I
went into the kitchen and after we finished breakfast, Mom suggested
we go into the front parlor and see what Santa had brought us. Mom
could tell I was itching to see my gift, so it was the first box she
distributed. Sure enough, it was the box I spied on my way
downstairs earlier.
I eagerly tore off the (re-used) wrapping paper and the little
home-made bow, lifted the lid and….
There was the most magnificent pair of dark brown corduroy pants I’d
ever seen!
Mom said, “Try them on, Son, and see if they fit you.”
I whisked off my pajama bottoms and pulled on my new pants. “Did
Santa bring me something small to play with?” I asked.
Dad said, “Well, Son, put your hands in the pockets of them there
new pants!”
I did as directed. The bottoms of both pockets had been cut out!

888

889

 

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13 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1149

  1. lynn fux says:

    I am so glad to know we were not the only parents to buy a Wii for the kiddies. If my husband ever stops playing I think it might be fun for the kids!!! We bought something called a black wii,what I think that means is the kids keep blackmailing us until we buy every component made for it!!!, Just saying,we also bought a component yo ustep on,it makes a tailored excersize plan if you might need it. Some of those virgins might be high calorie, Merry Christmas to all of you at DL. Lynn

    • impishdragon says:

      Well, the Kiddies weren’t the only ones the Wii was bought for…although, I suppose you could make a case for the fact that it is for the kiddies, but the ages may vary…up to and including the 50’s. lol. We have been having great fun with ours and have determined that the adults, even teaming up against the one child, don’t stand a chance in any game that requires physical dexterity with the remote. And with most of the other games the odds were only 50/50 at BEST.

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Regarding Izzy’s ‘How to Train Your Dragon” gifts:

    As usually you simple saurian you neglected to consider the painfully obvious yet again!
    There WAS a conspiracy, a 3 way one, involving Santa, Mrs. Dragon and meself in Izzy getting those presents! And if its careful you’re not, ’tis a saddle and harness she’ll be getting next!

    • impishdragon says:

      I KNEW you had a hand in this somewhere! I could smell the green and I heard the unmistakable echo of a shamrock! This does not bode well for you my friend.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        TWO hands, a foot, a nose and the numbers off your AmEx Platnium card actually to be honest.

        DO NOT make me order that saddle and harness!

      • impishdragon says:

        I knew it! By the way, the AMEX numbers you have go to the burn account. It is set up so that the next time it is used, who ever uses it gets arrested, so, by all means, go right ahead and order that saddle and harness and see if I bail your ass out of jail again!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Dude THINK FOR ONE MINUTE about who pays the bills around here, handles your finances and who these credit people come to for references and assurances anytime you look even remotely in their direction. THEN try to tell me again how I don’t not ONLY have the numbers off EVERY credit &/or bank card you have but have legitimate copies of them besides,

        You couldn’t use one to pick a $2 lockset with out my getting an alert of some sort that the card was out of your wallet!

        Think I’ll get her that woven barbed wire saddle blanket with that dragon saddle too!

      • impishdragon says:

        GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Was that your stomach growling?
        You should eat something!
        I’d suggest a salad there lead belly ‘lest that saddle be a little tight in the chinch strap!

      • impishdragon says:

        Oh….excuse me! I’m so sorry. It must’ve been those nachos the dwarfs and I had last night. Sorry about that.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        When I said

        “eat something”

        I did NOT have an entire Clan of Dwarves covered in beans and cheese in mind!

        I wondered why there was an empty and licked clean 55 gallon drum of refried beans along with the rind from a 200# wheel of cheddar lying in the middle of the kitchen floor this morning.

        BTW you grabbed the wrong jar of peppers, those were Habanero not Jalipinos! Enjoy them when the pass!

        Never saw a Dragon who flamed at BOTH ends…before now that is!

      • impishdragon says:

        But, it wasn’t like that at all!
        Look, I was doing my nightly rounds of the different guard mount and what not …. okay, so I was in the kitchen look for something to scrounge…anyway, I discovered the kitchen dwarfs playing poker dice and I had some money and one thing led to another….but the thing is, they had some killer munchies. And that’s where I ate the nachos. NOT the Dwarfs themselves!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Where are the missing dwarves then? Why is there a pile of dwarven armor smeared with refried beans in the armory to be cleaned ASAP per YOUR orders? How come the kitchen staff is complaining about the smell of burnt hair coming from the oven and about having to clean burned on melted cheese with dwarf beard stuck in it out of the oven?

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