True Tales From the Life of Impish Dragon Chapter 4


Impish offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of his
next-door neighbor. She arrived in time to prepare breakfast.
Impish laid a generous helping of bacon and eggs in front of the
child.

“Mother always serves hot biscuits for breakfast,” said the
eight-year-old.

So, Impish, grumbling somewhat but very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and quickly prepared a plate of hot biscuits, which he laid in front of the girl.

“No, thank you,” she said.

“But I thought you said your mother always prepares hot
biscuits for breakfast!” said Impish in surprise.

“She does,” said the child. “But I don’t eat them.”

============

A foursome of guys including Impish Dragon is waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies’ tee.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady (Mrs Dragon) is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet and then hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says, apologetically, “I guess all those “FUCKING  LESSONS” I took over the winter didn’t help”!!!

Impish immediately responds, “Well, there you have it. You should have taken “GOLF LESSONS” instead.”

He never even had a chance to duck…he was only 52.

============

Impish had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so he decided to try to figure out what it meant. He figured it had something to do with the computer, so he started trying to find the sex drive on his.

Impish looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel then he got out all the manuals and went  through them. He finally came to the conclusion that his computer is not equipped with one.

So Impish decided to go to the computer store and see if he could buy one. Impish wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so he wore his ‘Proudly Polish’ hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. Impish gave her the make and model of his computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at him and asked him if he was trying to get smart  with her. Figuring (wrongly) that she had been impressed with his  ‘Proudly Polish’  hat, Impish replied that he tried to be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely Impish thought, that she couldn’t help him and walked away.

 

HUH, Impish thought, must not have had any in stock.

In the second store, Impish gave the salesperson the make and model of his computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock.
The salesperson kind of snickered and asked if Impish meant a hard drive. Impish thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. The salesperson started laughing at him said something about Impish trying to kill him. “You’re killing me!” Something like that and walked away.

Impish thought,” Hmmmm… must be out here too.
Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn’t trying to kill him I wasn’t even hurting him.”

The guy in the third store laughed and asked Impish if he’d just fallen off the turnip truck. Impish assured him he’d never been on a turnip truck, but he’d fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. “He’s fallen off the wagon, that explains it,” like that and walked away laughing.

The guy in the fourth store said something like, “noob” under his breath and walked away. Impish wondered why the guy thought he was a newly hatched Dragon?

 

Anyway Impish figured they must  not carry them in stores, he’d maybe have to order one  from a catalog or something.

So that’s where Impish is at now, my catalog file. If any of you have some computer skills and could help him locate his sex drive, Impish would appreciate it then all he’d have to do is figure out what to do with it.

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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