I’m trying here my friends, I truly am. It’s late on Sunday and I’m trying to put together an issue for you for Monday. It may not be much of one, but it will be one.
I just had to escort an unwanted “guest” out of Izzy’s room a little while after we both got home from work today. We both had to work the UTA and it was a LONG HARD one and we come home to this crap! Here’s her intruder after I escorted him out side…
Yup, that’s a little bitty bat. He was about 4 inches tall I would guess. Come on! Our house is 125 years old. There’s gonna be the occasional bat that gets in the attic and works its way down into one of the rooms. Just because it was hanging on the wall hanging in her room and made her scream just made it all the more funny from my perspective.
Boy, ain’t that last one the truth! Thanks Stephen!
What can I say? We’re happy people here in Indiana.
My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.
He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache.
He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: “Put two drops in R ear every four hours.”
YEAH BABY!!!!
Two drunks are in a tavern sitting at the bar, staring into their drinks.
One gets a curious look on his face and asks, “Hey, Pete, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?”
“Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years!
No kidding!!!!! I want one, too!!!!!
That is a GREAT caricature!
Because I often have to catch a pre-dawn bus to get to my job, I was concerned that I wasn’t always visible to bus drivers in the darkness.
So, I attached a reflector to my lunch box and put on a jogger’s vest that was bright orange and had small flashing lights.
The first morning I wore my new gear, the bus zoomed past but then stopped.
I ran to catch up with it and, as I boarded, asked the driver, “Didn’t you see me?”
“I saw you,” he replied, “but I thought you were a road sign.”
I’m not sure if I used that one or not yet.
But then rogtif88 put in: “That’ll buff out” which I really like and Alan F sent in “You gotta flat?”
And since we’re talking about comments that were sent in, Cornelius sent in a quick joke that goes like this:
my wife runned off with my best friend –You bitter? –Yep. Bit him too.
And with that, we’ll move on to one more set then I gotta go!
Our world is a fallen place. Our poor household has gotten some really horrible news over the past couple of days. I’ll start here and work downward.
As expected, our dear sister Faye, moved on to Heaven early Monday morning…around 3 am. Her dear husband called me on Monday and told me. He called me before he called the Pastors. He seemed to be doing okay with it.
But then, when I got home from work on Monday, my daughter, Izzy had gotten news that one of her friends, a girl that she had grown up across the street from, was murdered in Puerto Rico. There are no real details right now. Her boyfriend was also killed. The short article mentioned something about “femicide” whatever that is and how bad of a problem that is. That murder suicide is on the table, but it is all still under investigation.
Poor Izzy is crushed. She was actually talking to me about going down there for a visit!! These two were dear friends. Now, her friend wasn’t walking the straightest of lines, and I won’t go any further than that, but NOTHING that should have gotten her murdered.
And she wonders why I like living in our little cornfield surrounded, country bumpkin little town. And even here, things are beginning to turn for the worse. She doesn’t see it because she doesn’t know what to look for and she doesn’t go to the jail once a week and she doesn’t interact with the sheriff and the deputies and the police chief and the … you get the idea. I am MUCH more connected in this little town than the average bear. And it doesn’t hurt that I “been there and done that” on BOTH sides of the fence.
It’s more important than ever to follow the advice of Galatians 6:10-18 and put on the Armor of God!
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,15 and with your feet fitted with the (shoes of) readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Okay, enough. I’m going to force myself to move on to other things. I do have some good news to share with you. I got a present in the mail last week that Izzy bought me. I’ll show it to you first then explain it.
It is a replica A-10 GAU-8 blast diffuser. You can tell by the pens and pencils that it’s holding that it is NOT true to size. But it is a WAY cool gift! And looks extra special cool sitting on my desk! She even made the gif for me so I could share that with you. ‘Cause I sure don’t know how to do that stuff.
And now…. let’s move on to the other stuff, shall we?
I’ve been reading this book that my ministry partner lent to me on Isaiah 53. That’s the book of the Old Testament that the Jews leave out of their bible because it point to Jesus as being the Messiah and they teach that the Messiah has yet to arrive. So yeah, if you have something that disproves what you’ve been teaching, just delete it.
Anyway, it’s a really good book. It’s called Isaiah 53. Catchy title, right? Anyway, a Hebrew term that they’ve used a couple of times that I had to look up was Tikkun Olam. I had to look it up. It literally means “Repair the World.” But, as you can see further into the explanation, it teaches that people should perform acts of kindness to improve the world.
Did you know that there is a kindness week coming up? February 14th to the 22nd. The lady who runs the base Airman and Family Readiness office brought it up at our last CAN meeting. CAN is Community Action Network. I am part of that because of my Base Grief Group that I started. I said that we needed to come up with something for Kindness week. Maybe punch cards. Everytime you perform a kind act for someone, they punch your card and whoever has the most punches wins a prize or something.
Or I just thought of another one that’s better. You can tell of a kind act that someone has done for you over the week and whoever has performed the kindest act wins something….I don’t know. Everytime I think of something, I think of ways that these guys will try to play the system…I’ll have to give it some thought.
People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Alexei Sayle (1952 – )
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.
At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day.
He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?”
There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, “He’s the one you can move diagonally.”
I LOVE this next one. I forget what magazine it was in, but this was a cut-out that you could fold and then walk around it and it would behave just like you’re seeing.
Some of you may not get that one.
Two angels are cruising around heaven, bored, looking for something to do. Then one says, “Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s go down to Earth! I know a great disco we can check out!”
Angel Two says, “Well, I don’t know, we’re not supposed to leave heaven without permission. And what would we do with our harps? You know we’re supposed to have them with us at all times! And what if we’re late for roll call? We’ll be in trouble!”
“Oh, stop your babbling,” said Angel One. “We’ll take our harps with us, the mortals can’t see them, or even recognize us, if we don’t want them to. Roll call’s not for another 6 hours. We’ll have plenty of time to fly on down there, party a bit, and get back. Come on! I know the perfect place to go. The owner’s a friend of mine.”
So, the two angels head on down to Earth, and arrive at the disco. They walk up to the door man, who recognizes the first angel and waves them on in. He tells his buddy, “Come on, I’ll introduce you to Sam, the guy who owns this joint.” They go over to a short, stocky guy and the first angel says, “Sam, this is my buddy Harold. Harold, this is Sam.”
Sam smiles slightly and nods, then beckons the two angels toward the bar. As they walk away, the first angel explains, “Sam doesn’t talk much, everybody calls him Sam Clam.”
The two angels drink and party and dance, and generally have a good old time. The time slips by unnoticed. Suddenly, Harold looks at the clock and gasps. “Hey man! We’ve gotta fly! We’ve only got 20 minutes until roll call!”
The other angel says, “Relax! We’ve got plenty of time. But you’re right, we’d better get going.” He starts going around, saying good-bye to everybody, with Harold trying desperately to hurry him up. “Come on! Come on! We’ll be late!”
Finally he’s ready to go, and they take off for heaven. “See?” he says, I told you, plenty of time.”
Just as they arrive at the Pearly Gates, Harold suddenly stops short, a panicked look on his face. “Oh no!” he gasps. “We’re gonna get caught! Oh man, we’re busted! We’re in trouble!” “Why? Why?” asks the first angel. “We’re almost there! We can make it!”
“No, it’s not that,” cries Harold. “I left my harp in Sam Clam’s disco!”
There is a new virus going around, called “work”.
If you receive any sort of”work” at all, whether via email,internet or simply handed to you by a colleague…DO NOT OPEN IT.
Work has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter “work” via email or are faced with any “work” at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words “Sorry…I’m off to the pub”. The “work” should automatically be deleted from your brain.
If you receive “work” in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the “work” to your garbage can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three beers.
After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that “work” will no longer be of any relevance to you.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I’m afraid the “work” virus has already corrupted your life.
It was said, that we needed to check with Aussie Pete and see if the above facts were true or not.
And those are Aussie Pete’s three words. And NO ONE ELSE has put in a submission! What’s wrong with you people!? Come on!!! I want some three word submissions, so let’s go!
Man, what a great picture that is.
AND was ANY of it a SURPRISE?!?!
Like my first or second day of Basic Training, far from home for the first time, a little scared, I’m sitting in a classroom and this instructor walks in and draws the exact same picture on a chalkboard in the front of the classroom. I didn’t even think we would be IN a classroom in basic training. And he yells really loud, “DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT THAT IS?” And of course, no one said a word. You could’ve heard a pin drop. Then he says, “THAT’S TWO AIRMEN WALKING ABREAST!” And then he starts laughing hysterically at himself like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, even though he’s probably told that exact same joke a thousand times over. It was at that point that I KNEW that this was going to be a cake walk.
OH MY GREAT AUNT SALLY !!!!! I don’t have the words. I really would not know what to say to this person if I met them in the wild.
…to everyone who wrote me an email, message on the website, the few of you who have my personal contact information who texted or even called to offer condolences over my friend who passed and about the delay in the issues and all the love and support. Like the Grinch, my heart has swollen three times.
And one of the Johns sent me a message on the website and mentioned a favorite song/hymn of mine. It is Well With my Soul. And I told him of the time, at one of our training sessions for Kairos, the music director said he thought that was one of the greatest songs ever written for a men’s choir. Now we were about the furthest thing from a choir that was ever put together, but when you had about 30 guys singing that song … man! Like I told John, you could just feel the Holy Spirit come crushing down on that place! Not a men’s choir, but I REALLY like Matt Redman’s version…
It’s not the traditional “hymn” version. It’s more upbeat and “happy”. I really like it. I have it on my phone and it plays on my rotation.
Anyway … today is Sunday, and so far, Faye is still alive. I told you about her yesterday. One of my Pastors went and visited her after church today and said she looks worse. Personally, I didn’t think that was possible. But, they are doing what they can to make her comfortable. Keep her in your prayers.
So, let’s move this on to other things, while we have a little time, shall we?
I’m going to start with stuff that is topical that I got recently…and stuff that I found particularly funny and well … just stuff.
And this next one is just Aussie Pete being obstinate…
And we’re STILL waiting to see what happens with THIS guy…
Too true people. We don’t compare ourselves to OTHER people, we compare ourselves to the one perfect person…we’ll never stack up, but the closer we get the better we are.
Well, if I understand it correctly, that’s not right either, because didn’t Trump pardon the 1,600 or so January 6 people who have been illegally locked up for four years?
This next one is from Brother Sasquatch, who just seems full of good news…
44 Statistics From 2024 That Are Almost Too Crazy To Believe
2024 was definitely one of the wildest years that any of us have ever experienced. During the past 12 months, Donald Trump was convicted by a New York jury, he was almost assassinated, he won the presidential election, and he was named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. Nobody has ever had a year quite like that.
Of course 2024 was also a year of war. Israel battled Hamas, Hezbollah and Iran, the government of Syria was overthrown by radical Islamists, long-range missiles provided by NATO started raining down on targets deep inside Russia, and Russian forces stormed even deeper into eastern Ukraine.
2024 also brought us Hurricane Helene, a “Great American eclipse”, and “the comet of the century”. Now here we are at the end of the year, and we are being told to brace ourselves for a bird flu pandemic.
I have a feeling that the year ahead is going to be absolutely nuts, but for a moment I wanted to look back at the crazy year that we just went through.
The following are 44 statistics from 2024 that are almost too crazy to believe…
#1 Over 155 million votes were cast in the 2024 presidential election. Donald Trump’s win in that election capped what many consider to be the greatest political comeback in U.S. history.
#2 Nearly 11 billion dollars was spent during the 2024 election cycle. That is the most money ever spent on an election by a very wide margin.
#3 1.2 billion dollars was spent on political ads in the state of Pennsylvania alone.
#4 Prior to the election, one survey found that 79 percent of Americans believed that the nation was on the wrong track.
#5 The U.S. government is currently $36,144,183,375,647.43 in debt.
#6 If our politicians keep spending money at the current rate, the U.S. government will be 51 trillion dollars in debt four years from now.
#7 Total U.S. household debt is nearing 18 trillion dollars.
#8 The number of shoplifting incidents per year in the United States is up 93 percent compared to pre-pandemic levels
#9 On a single day in December, Joe Biden announced that he was commuting the prison sentences of nearly 1,500 criminals and he issued full pardons to 39 others.
#10 The U.S. Census Bureau says that 37 percent of Americans are having trouble even paying their most basic bills.
#11 According to Bank of America, almost a third of all households “spend more than 95% of their disposable income on necessities such as housing costs, groceries and utility bills”.
#12 The price of orange juice is up 327 percent over the last 3 years.
#13 The average household in Miami spends 327 dollars during a single trip to the grocery store.
#14 It now takes more than $100,000 a year for a typical U.S. household to live “the American Dream” in all 50 states, and in 29 U.S. states it takes more than $150,000 a year.
#15 For the average person, it now costs 4.4 million dollars to live “the American Dream” over the course of a lifetime.
#16 Thanks to rampant inflation, the average American now believes that it takes an income of $270,000 a year in order to be “financially successful”.
#17 Overall, U.S. home prices are up more than 1,000 percent since 1974.
#18 Only 10 percent of Americans believe that becoming a homeowner is “easy or somewhat easy”.
#19 37 percent of U.S. cardholders have already maxed out at least one credit card.
#20 The amount of money that Americans owe on their credit cards is twice as large as the GDP of the 100 poorest nations on the entire planet combined.
#21 30 percent of all student loan borrowers have “gone without food or medicine due to their monthly bills”.
#22 At one food bank in New Jersey, demand has actually quadrupled since the peak of the pandemic.
#23 An all-time record high 770,000 people are homeless in the United States, and that number grew by 18 percent in just one year which is also an all-time record high.
#24 We are being told that more than 3 million Americans are now living in their vehicles.
#25 The number of job openings in the United States has fallen by about 4 million since 2021.
#26 U.S. retailers have announced 7,100 store closures in 2024.
#27 For the 12 months ending June 30th, the number of business bankruptcy filings was up more than 40 percent compared to the previous 12 months.
#28 An office building in Manhattan that sold for $332 million dollars in 2006 sold for just $8.5 million dollars in 2024.
#29 Half of all workers in the U.S. make less than $43,222.81 a year.
#30 According to Bank of America, from 2019 to 2024 there was a 10 percent jump in those that are living paycheck to paycheck.
#31 According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 29 percent of all U.S. households were one person households in 2024.
#32 40 percent of Americans report feeling lonely at least some of the time.
#33 30 percent of Americans have been clinically diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives.
#34 The market capitalization of Fartcoin is currently 973 million dollars. Meanwhile, the market capitalization of Office Depot is just 680 million dollars.
#35 According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 46.2 million people that were not born in the United States are now living here.
#36 The federal government has admitted that there are approximately “425,000 convicted criminals living in the U.S. illegally”.
#37 According to North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper, the total damage caused by Hurricane Helene in his state exceeds 50 billion dollars.
#38 According to the official website of the GAO, Congress had appropriated a total of 174 billion dollars for the war in Ukraine as of April.
#39 According to the Institute for Economics & Peace, there are 56 active military conflicts raging around the world right now. That is the highest number that we have seen since World War II.
#40 According to the United Nations, there are over 2 billion people that eat insects as part of their normal diets right now.
#41 It is being projected that the market for insect protein in the United States will be valued at 274 billion dollars in 2031.
#42 Sperm counts have fallen by more than 50 percent since 1973. If this trend continues, soon we will not be able to produce enough viable offspring and the human population of this planet will plummet dramatically.
#43 Our brains are slowly but surely filling up with plastic. One team of scientists discovered that human brain samples from 2024 had concentrations of microplastics that were 50 percent higher than human brain samples from 2016.
#44 If the amount of plastic in our brains continues to rise at a rate of 50 percent every 8 years, 28 percent of our brains will be plastic 80 years from now and everyone will be dead.
I was JUST sent this as a video from facebook from a dear friend in Florida, so I’ll have to transcribe it for you.
Jesus, Moses and an elderly gentleman were out golfing.
Moses is up first. Hits his shot.
Whack!
Terrible shot, right into the water. Moses ambles over to the pond, parts the water, walks down onto the dry land, hits his second shot, right onto the green.
Jesus says, “Nice shot, Moses.”
Jesus is up next, hits his first shot.
Whack!
Worse than Moses’ first. Farther into the pond. Jesus walks out to the pond, walks across the water, the ball rises to the surface of the water, Jesus hits his second shot, right onto the green.
Moses says, “You too, Jesus.”
Elderly gentleman is up, hits his first shot.
Not even a whack.
Worst shot of the bunch. Goes about 40 yards down the green. Sparrow flies down and grabs the ball in its beak, flies over the pond and loses the ball. The ball falls into the pond. Carp leaps up into the air with the ball in its mouth when an eagle screeches and snatches the carp out of the air and flies over the green where the carp coughs up the ball and it lands right near the cup where a squirrel runs out and nudges the ball into the cup for a hole in one.
Jesus says, “Nice shot … Dad.”
You know, if Jesus doesn’t come back and Rapture all of us by then, I should seriously think about doing something like that. My grandfather lived to be 91 and my dad is still alive at 90. There is a good chance that with my genes I could be one of those people who are interviewed at 100 and them asking me, “So, Impish, what is it that you attribute your long life to?” and then I’d have to come up with something like, “Well Chris,” (they’re always named Chris. They couldn’t send me an Annette or something?! They had to send me a Chris?!) “Well, Annette, (see, I changed it around on them! Can’t keep me down! I’ll insist on Annette!) “Well, Annette, I attribute my long life to clean living, following God’s word and one other little secret that I’ll only tell you.” Then I’ll whisper in her ear and she’ll smile real big, take my hand and we’ll both walk off the stage together. And that will get EVERYONE talking! And you know what I’ll whisper in her ear?
This is exactly what I’ll whisper in her ear, “I’ll give you a thousand dollars right now if you’ll smile real big, grab my hand and walk off stage with me and don’t look back.”
The notorious Washington, D.C. jail, often referred to as the “Gulag,” is finally seeing the release of some January 6 detainees who were granted pardons or commutations by former President Donald Trump.
Despite these pardons, their release had been delayed by officials aligned with the Democratic Party. For many, this marks the first time in years that they can reunite with their families, leave behind the oppressive environment of the prison, and experience life outside a cell.
Jonathan Pollock, one of the individuals released, expressed a sense of newfound freedom and emphasized the severe persecution faced by January 6 participants and their families, orchestrated by the January 6 Committee and the Biden-Harris administration.
Jake Lang, who endured four years of imprisonment without a trial, celebrated his release by proclaiming, “This is what being American is all about!”
However, not all detainees have been freed yet. The U.S. Marshals, a judge named Nichols, and prison authorities are reportedly delaying releases, citing paperwork issues and pending state charges.
Representative Eli Crane from Arizona, a member of the Freedom Caucus, visited the jail to investigate the refusal to comply with Trump’s orders.
According to Crane and reporter Ben Bergquam, this D.C. facility was the last in the nation to drag its feet on releasing January 6 detainees.
Among those released are individuals who received some of the harshest sentences, including Enrique Tarrio, who was sentenced to 22 years despite not being at the Capitol, Joe Biggs with 17 years, and Stewart Rhodes with 18 years, neither of whom entered the Capitol building.
Meanwhile, the country still awaits the sentencing of numerous violent Antifa and pro-Hamas rioters and clients of Jeffrey Epstein.
Jake Lang recounted a troubling incident during his out-processing when he was reportedly assaulted and handcuffed by guards, led by a Lieutenant Allen. Despite false assurances about the timing of releases, prison authorities eventually freed Lang and other January 6 detainees.
Witnessing Lang’s emotional reunion with his fiancée and father, free from the confines of guards and bars for the first time in years, was a powerful moment. Lang expressed, “These are the people who make America great. This is what we fought for … we are witnessing an indelible moment in American history, where freedom is finally able to reign again.”
Lang criticized the current administration, stating that “this weaponization” has caused institutions to “crumble,” but under Trump, they are “being restored.” He tearfully shared how faith, trust, and hope are being rekindled in America, attributing their survival to divine intervention.
Displaying his prison Bible, Lang shared messages from young prisoner Isaac Thomas, highlighting the spiritual support that sustained him.
In another incident, former Green Beret Jeremy Brown was reportedly returned to his cell during the release process, while his mother waited outside. He described the setback as, “Back to ZERO. So close, but yet so far.”
Supporters are urged to pray for those still imprisoned and for those who have just been released, as they begin to rebuild their lives with their loved ones after enduring a harrowing four-year ordeal.
How women shop for a shower head…
And that’s it my friends. Out of time. Until next time, may God Bless you with Love and Happiness, Comfort and Strength.
Well, here is my explanation for this week. It has been a bad week and it’s not over yet. I have about one hour before I have to go to a funeral, so I’m going to get as much of this out before I have to go.
Obviously, the week started out by finding out that a dear, dear friend of mine passed.
Suddenly.
His wife, who is also a great friend, is taking it very well. We all know that he is in Heaven. He was a staunch member of our church. A retired fireman. Last night at the viewing, there was a fireman standing beside the casket all night. I could go on for hours and hours about the goodness of David.
I also found out that another couple … two of MY people … were in the midst of suffering. This is an older man and a woman (I’m 66, so you know what I mean when I say older). He is in an electric wheelchair and she is using a walker. I watch for them every Sunday and when they pull up, I go outside, open their doors, help him around to the back of the van to get his wheelchair and get her walker out of the sliding door of the van, help her out of the passenger seat, grab any things that they have close up all of their doors and then hold the church doors open for them so they can get inside. We joke with each other and they call me their personal valet. I care about them deeply. Jerry and Faye. They are two of MY people. There are other people that are MY people, too.
They were missing last Sunday, but as bitterly cold as it was and as much sickness as there is in the church right now, it wasn’t really surprising.
But no. Faye was in the hospital. She needed medical care and then developed worse problems that I don’t want to go into because it’s not my place. Suffice it to say that I found out on Thursday through a passing remark by the Pastor while I was at FBI that she was now in hospice and not expected to live through the night! One of MY people and nobody told me!
Well, I was a little annoyed. I had already run around from pillar to post (as my mom used to say) all week long with dentist appoints for Izzy and post exercise appointments and meetings and all kinds of things, and I may have gotten a little snippy with Pastor. “Where is she and what room is she in?” He told me, but said before I go over, to text him and he would let me know “her status”. In other words, if she was still alive.
Friday morning I had an important meeting that I rushed through and then went out to see her. Jerry was tired. Family was all around her and she looked awful. She could barely breathe. Jerry told me that he was ready, that if she took her last breath right then and there it would be fine, so he was ready. We all knew where Faye was headed also. She had been 99% unresponsive for the last day. But her eyes tracked me when I came in and I came around the side of the bed where Jerry was and I took her hand and I leaned over and said, “I love you, Faye.”
And clear enough to be understood, she said, “I love you too, Bob.”
I spoke with Jerry, told him that later, when he wanted someone to talk to, that I’ve been exactly where he is, to call me. Anytime, day or night. Then I kissed Faye on the forehead and left. And sat out in the parking lot and cried.
And went back to work, because I had to leave early to go to Dave’s viewing.
That’s what my weeks been like. I’m sorry you guys have been left in the wake. I’m going to try to put together an issue with the remainder of this weekend, but I just don’t know. I’m headed over to the church right now to see if I can help with the funeral preparations. Then I know, soon, we will have another one to prepare for.
I have a guy in jail with size 14 shoes that will be homeless when he gets released in a week that has no shoes when he gets out that I’m going to try to go to Goodwill and see if I can find something for him to wear.
Okay, first shot at the new and condensed, but more often produced Dragon Laffs. I have no idea, nor plans to see how this works out, this is just a go with the flow kind of thing, so let’s see what happens and…
Pearls Before Swine
Joe from NJ sent this and I know I’ve used it before, but it is one of my all time favorites. It is one of the funniest jokes I’ve read. And I agree with him that it’s older than I know. So, here goes..
This is older than I can remember:
_______________
To Whom It May Concern;
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.
I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.
Who were the 5 House Republicans who didn’t vote!?!?
I’m currently listening to President Trump’s inauguration speech. I hope he gets to do EVERYTHING he says he’s going to do. Close the border, send back the illegals who are criminals, official policy being only two genders, stop the stupidity in the military (that’s a big one for me), and drill baby drill!
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
-Thomas Edison (1847-1931)
I just love this next picture:
I would have done the same thing!!!!
So sad…I wonder how many of them knew Christ when they died.
TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book…if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my bank account because I was too busy on the Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
There is so much truth in that meme. When you hurt from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed and then even throughout your sleep, so that even your sleep is not restful, and people wonder, why is it that Impish is such an angry dragon…therein lies your answer!!!!
One day many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons.
They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children.
Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us.
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would always turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn’t matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. Let’s call the boys Towards and Away, suggested the fisherman.
His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, “Boys, it’s time that you learned how to make a living from the sea.”
They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three-month voyage.
The three months passed quickly for the fisherman’s wife, yet the ship had not returned.
Another three months passed, and still no ship.
Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband.
My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?” she cried.
The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:
“We were just barely one whole day out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.”
“Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been! What a horrible fish. What a horrible, horrible fish!”
“Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away!”
Impish Dragon can do it in 3 words before Aussie Pete can do it. Here’s his 3 words:
Meanwhile, in Australia!
This one brings a tear to my eye because it was just over the weekend that I was so overly reminded of things that I could no longer do. I won’t go into details, but TRUST me. It is NOT fun for us. And it is a HUNDRED times more frustrating for us than it is for you who have to put up with us, wait for us, or are behind us as we try to do what it is that you find so easy and we USED to find just as easy.
My deputy, who is also a farmer, and an elder at our church deserves your thanks and your prayers.
Have you seen a recent commercial for Viagra?
The guy comes home, he’s rushing around, he’s cleaning the house, he’s cooking dinner, he’s setting the table, he’s putting flowers and candles out before his wife gets home.
Don’t you think that most women watching that commercial say, “The heck with the sex. Where can I get a pill to make my husband to do all of that?”
This is beautiful. If Mary was still alive, I would definitely get this for us!!!
Okay, so that’s it. That’s probably more than I can do on the average day, since I have the day off today, but what do you guys think? Truly, give me your feedback. What if it was about half that much? I think I could do about half that much every day…maybe every other day. What would you guys feel about that? Seriously, let me know.
Dragon Laffs 