Dragon Laffs

A city-dweller who recently relocated to a rural area by was
Surveying his new surroundings. As he walked along a graveled lane he
Couldn’t help but notice a pig on a nearby farmhouse porch. Stretched out
On a chaise lounge as big as you please, it was making itself right at home.
As he stopped to take it in, he noticed that the pig had one leg missing,
Replaced by a tiny wooden one.

“Don’t stare at my pig that way… You’ll make him self-conscious!” yelled
An angry farmer from the window.

“I’m sorry but I’m from the city and I don’t see many pigs and I have to say
That I’ve never seen a pig with a wooden leg before,” explained the visitor.

“That’s a real special pig we got there… Saved my life.” The farmer
Continued, “Why last season I was plowin’ out in the back forty, when my
Tractor turned over on me and pinned me underneath. That pig sensed trouble
And broke out of its pen. It come a runnin’ across the way and come right
Up and started a ‘rootin’ all around me ’till he could pull me out by my
Collar… Yep, that’s a real special pig. We just kinda let him have the
Run of the place since then.”

“Good thing too,” he went on. “Just last month, that pig smelled smoke in
The middle of the night and a started tappin’ on our bedroom door…woke us
Up and saved the whole family this time! That pig is somethin’ else.”

“I can understand that,” said the city slicker. “But that doesn’t explain
Why he has a wooden leg…”

“Well, if you had a pig that special, you wouldn’t want to eat ’em all at once!”

Good Morning Campers!

It’s a new age. Things aren’t done the way they used to be. Change and adapt or die. We are all opposed to change. It’s true, whether you choose to believe it or not. Change is a difficult thing to deal with for a lot of people. We cling to the past, to the familiar, to the traditional…the way things are. “We’ve done it this way for so long, there’s no need to change something that works.”

But that’s not necessarily true. Sometimes change is for the better, whether we like it or not. We believe this to be the case with Dragon Laffs and the new DragonLaffs.com. Who knows. This may be the dawn of a brand new day. It may be the ringing of the death knell for our product as we know it. But it’s got to be what it is.

We are tired of screwing with yahoo and yahoo groups. We are tired of being tied to convention. DragonLaffs.com is a blog. It is a free form chalkboard that we can do what we want with. Through the comments section, you, our loyal campers can get more involved and I can give you a better product from the Dragon perspective with less work (time).

You see…time is the key right now. I have none. It’s a tremendous commodity that I am always out of. I cannot continue to put 4 to 6 hours a day, every day into this, no matter how much I love it. It’s not fair to my family and it’s not fair to the rest of my life. If I was completely retired it might be a different matter, but right now, this is what it is. Time is something I don’t have. This project should make it easier and faster to put out a good product, at all hours of the day or night. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. It’s something new to us. So, I ask that you grow with us and follow with us and give us good advice and criticism. To be the loyal, elite readership that you are.

Now, ….

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me…. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Kids are so great. This one has been around for a long time, but it always brings a smile to my face when I see it.

One Sunday, after counting the weekly offering, the pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

It happened again the next week! Then the following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected. He saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate.”

“Why, yes,” she replied. “Every week my son sends me money, so I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, but $1,000 is a lot; are you sure you can afford this much? How much does your son send you?”

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian.”

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where is his practice?”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada ……… He has two CAT HOUSES. One in Las Vegas and one in Reno”

Ah, that was another oldie, but goodie.

You Know You’ve Had Too Much Caffeine If….
* You don’t sweat, you percolate.
* You short out motion detectors.
* You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
* You help your dog chase its tail.
* People get dizzy just watching you.
* You chew on other people’s fingernails.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* You answer the door before people knock.
* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
* You can jump-start your car without cables.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You’ve got to love the stupidity of criminals. Here’s a tale from snopes.com that will have you in stitches:

Criminals often think they’re smarter than they are. In this particular tale, we’ll look at the escapade of two such individuals who thought they’d come up with a foolproof fraud scheme.

In 1996, a couple of Indiana teenagers believed they’d hit upon an unbeatable system for hanging bad paper: they would inscribe checks to the merchants in disappearing ink… (click here to read the rest of the story)

There is an awful lot of truth to this…not 100%, but the satire is very biting.

Let’s put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education…and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing – ie., shoes, slippers, pj’s – and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.

As for the criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised.
They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out.
“Sounds like justice to me!”

And as for this first blog…..this brings it to an end….for now. I must leave time to experiment and set the settings (set the settings?) correctly. We appreciate your feedback, your ideas and most especially, your understanding.