Dragon Laffs

Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.
If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she will give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart.
She multiples and enlarges what is given to her.
SO, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of $&*%!!!!

This is a story about a Fly, a Fish, a Bear
A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.


There is a moral to this story……

In the dead of summer, a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream. The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,

Good morning.  Many of you have written in inquiring as to my well being and I wish to publicly thank you for all your kind words.  I’m still alive and it doesn’t look like I’ll end up in the hospital so it seems all is as well as can be.  Moving slowly and resting so that I can have a chance at spending Thanksgiving with the family instead of in solitary confinement.  Anyway, let’s get to the laughs. 

 

When it’s appropriate to say, “Oh Shit!” I wonder why they cut the camera off so soon.  The next couple of frames would have been better to be left on the picture.  Oh well.  Still a great wreck anyway… and the rest can be left to your imagination.

 

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have
been more specific.
~Jane Wagner

Thanks to Sue for this way cool website!

Your first car? This can be considered from many perspectives and I leave that up to you as to which one is applicable. . . . . .

This has to be one of the neatest web sites whether you have
gasoline in your veins or not.
This is a web-site featuring the original factory brochures for nearly
every American car you have ever owned.
Pick the manufacturer, the year and the model.  Enjoy!
http://www.lov2xlr8.no/broch1.html

To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
     – Theodore Roosevelt, 1858 – 1919

Okay, so how’s that again?

“Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I’m still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.”
–California Senator Barbara Boxer (Dem.)
“I can’t believe we are going to let a majority of the people decide what’s best for the state.”
–Louisiana state representative John Travis (Dem.)
“Those rumors are false … I believe in the sanctity of marriage.”
–former Dem. Senator John Edwards, on cheating on his wife
”Can I explain to you what happened? First of all, it happened during a period after she was in remission from cancer.”
–former Dem. Senator John Edwards, on cheating on his wife
“There is no terrorist threat. Yes, there have been horrific acts of terrorism and, yes, there will be acts of terrorism again. But that doesn’t mean that there’s some kind of massive terrorist threat.”
–Michael Moore
“We have a lot of kids who don’t know what work means. They think work is a four-letter word.”
–Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

Stupidity is becoming more and more visible in society today, partly because communications technology is bringing examples to us at an ever faster pace, and partly because there’s more freakin’ stupid people around than ever before…
Now don’t get me wrong… it’s not like I think there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but to make things easier, why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

This has got to be the world’s smallest working cannon.  NOT a toy!

 

Waaaay Beyond Hula Hoops

 

Thanks to my dear friend and sis-in-law Lisa for sharing this great video with us

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

• The major pilots unions are complaining about the use of full-body scanners and these pat-down techniques at the airport. Pilots say the searches make it almost impossible for them to smuggle in liquor.
• President Obama said on “60 Minutes” that he wants to bring back the 8 million jobs we’ve lost. Today India said “no.”
• President Obama’s overseas trip has been such a disaster that people in Kenya now claim that he has an American birth certificate.
• The U.S. Postal Service announced today they lost $8.5 billion this year. They said they blame it on people using e-mail. And the fact that terrorists have switched to UPS.

 

10 Bizarre Medical Discoveries

And they are absolutely correct!  Bizarre is an understatement! 

 

I’d just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I haven’t eaten for two days.’  I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power.’

Top tip; if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it’s so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it’s not necessarily an invitation to casual sex……….. Wish me luck; I will be arraigned next Monday.

The Old Country Boy’s:

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?
The average woman consumes six pounds of lipstick in her life.

The fellow stormed into the postmaster’s office in a fury. “I’ve been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped.”

“Of course,” said the postmaster. “Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who’s sending them?”

“Yes,” shouted the man. “It’s those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service!”