The Dragon is already busy stuffing himself (big surprise there) under the guises of supervising the meal prep so it falls to me to write our Thanksgiving message (another BIG surprise right?).
Just HOW busy and concerned was he in his supervising and tasting? Well SO busy in fact that he forgot I had placed this message in the drafts folder yesterday and when pointedly reminded of the fact I was told he was too greasy of claw and full of maw and belly to attend to it as he needed a nap to digest his supervisory tasting before dinner. THEN he told me to send out for more pies as we were already out of them!
So here goes:
“Two hundred years ago, the Congress of the United States issued a Thanksgiving Proclamation stating that it was ‘the indispensable duty of all nations’ to offer both praise and supplication to God. Above all other nations of the world, America has been especially blessed and should give special thanks. We have bountiful harvests, abundant freedoms, and a strong, compassionate people. I have always believed that this anointed land was set apart in an uncommon way, that a divine plan placed this great continent here between the oceans to be found by people from every corner of the Earth who had a special love of faith and freedom. Our pioneers asked that He would work His will in our daily lives so America would be a land of morality, fairness, and freedom. Today we have more to be thankful for than our pilgrim mothers and fathers who huddled on the edge of the New World that first Thanksgiving Day could ever dream. We should be grateful not only for our blessings, but for the courage and strength of our ancestors which enable us to enjoy the lives we do today. Let us reaffirm through prayers and actions our thankfulness for America’s bounty and heritage.” —Ronald Reagan
Today is Thanksgiving. we here at DragonLaffs have plenty to be thankful for, including our wonderful families and staff. You readers make our labors worthwhile every day. We will always be thankful for your attention.
Since it’s Thanksgiving, We’ve decided to give our great staff a break. Instead of going to the office, they’re coming to my house. They will cook a huge meal, wait on me and then, wash my car! Naaah, that’s a joke. They’ll be off Thursday (saves on the payroll gold for which I’m personally thankful as Thanksgiving dinner for a Dragon is near to financial ruin).
We hope you and yours have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving Day. Let’s not forget to be thankful for all the brave men and women at home and abroad who are at their posts to protect us military and non military alike. Say a prayer for our troops who are in harm’s way. Enjoy your holiday, and thank you for your continued loyal readership again this year.
Irish Thanksgiving Prayer
May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey be plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!
We at Dragon Laffs Enterprises wish to express to you, our loyal and most wonderful readers, how thankful we are that we have you all in our lives. As we’ve mentioned before, this is a project that is a work of love. Our goal, is to defeat the B.S. in the world with laughter. And we can’t do that without you…each and everyone of you. Thank you all for being a member of our family.
Have a wonderful day.
The Old Country Boy’s:
DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would say, “And just what is THAT supposed to mean?”
Thus, Webster’s Dictionary was born.
Sometimes, these little warnings just aren’t strong enough!
Q: Why did the math book visit the doctor?
A: Because it had problems.
Q: Why are cakes similar to baseball teams?
A: They both need good batters.
————————————————————
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for
A pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf
Club.
“You’ll be driving later,” replies the bartender.
————————————————————
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A FROZEN POLICEMAN?
A: A copsicle!
Not long after their wedding, the newlyweds awoke early one morning. The couple had been up for quite a while before they met up in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with the husband, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning.
“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”
“Great! What are we having for breakfast?” he asked.
“Toast and juice,” replied the bride.
Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines upon us to let us know they are happy. ~old Eskimo saying
This is an interesting, and fun set of games that claims to predict your brain age. If your brain age is less than your actual age, via this test, you are doing OK and Dr. Alzheimer hasn’t paid you a visit, or at least not done any real damage yet. I would like to see the statistical proof that this test is real and it can predict what is says it can. http://www.freebrainagegames.com/ Well, it put my brain age at 43. I guess that isn’t bad for a 52 year old on meds and with pneumonia.
A tramp who had hiked many miles along a rough outback track came to a small pub named ‘George and the Dragon’ and made his way around the back in search of a handout. Before he had time to ask, the publican’s wife came on the scene and gave the tramp the greatest verbal thrashing of his life. She called him a lazy good for nothing loafer and added if he was hoping to get even a crust of bread he could forget it.
The tramp heard her out in silence, then just stood there.
“Well,” she snapped, “now what is it you want?”
“I was wondering,” said the man, “if I could have a word with George?”
You’ve to be fucking kidding me! A THEME PARK!!!!!
DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?
People who have computers in their homes tend to watch 40 percent less television than average.
(Does that mean we also watch 40 percent fewer
commercials)?
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. “Obviously the Air Force knows there’s no such thing as a ‘perfectly good aircraft,'” the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, “because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump.”
“You’ve got it all wrong, Major,” an Air Force sergeant replied. “The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary.”
A man came home from the office and found his new blonde bride sobbing convulsively. “I feel terrible,” she told him. “I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.” “Oh, just forget it,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.” “Yes, I know. And it’s lucky you have!” said the blonde bride, drying her eyes. “I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!”
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’ ~Steven Wright
And the fact that we have the best parties!
A woman touring Ecuador was shown a bullfight. The guide told her, “Señorita, this is our number one sport.” The horrified woman said, “Isn’t that revolting!” “No, Señorita,” the guide replied, “that’s our number two sport.”
My sister felt she was well prepared for her in-depth interview with several members of the police-academy board who would determine her suitability as a candidate. The first situation they presented to her was: “On routine patrol you see a car traveling at excessive speed, with undue care and attention. You pull it over and discover that the driver is your brother. What do you do?” Without hesitation she replied, “Tell Mom!” She was accepted.
Sometimes kids don’t quite get what their parents do for a living. After learning that a student’s father worked as an engineer developing hard drives, a teacher questioned the boy about his Dad’s job. He replied, “My Daddy drives trains, and he drives them hard!”
Many of you know of and use Snopes.com as a resource in your internet surfing and as a verifier of facts. But, did you also know that the Mikkelsons also have several essays on subjects ranging from A to Z? Today, very appropriately I might add, we are highlighting a terrifically funny one on the Turkey Cooking Hotlines entitled:
Let’s Talk Turkey
Origins: Key to the celebration of Thanksgiving is gathering with family and friends to partake of a sumptuous feast prepared in honor of the day. Central to that feast(or at least to our common mental image of it) is a roasted turkey laid on a platter before the hungry guests, the bird presented in all it’s mouthwatering crispy-skinned perfection.
Yet, not every aspiring Thanksgiving-maker knows how to properly roast a turkey. The bird proves an utter mystery to some, resulting in many a holiday mishap of a culinary nature.
Luckily, those confounded by the fowl can access a great deal of help by calling a number of turkey preparation hotlines. While some offer only recorded tips on how to prepare and roast the bird, others provide live assistance from trained experts well experienced not only with poultry but with nervous and overwhelmed cooks. Over the years, these talk line mavens have fielded all manner of queries from those bewildered by the fickle bird.
One of the more unusual questions handled by Butterball’s Turkey Talk-Line (which the company has operated since 1981) comes from those who have mistaken a well-traveled joke for an actual recipe: They call to ask if they can pop popcorn in the turkey’s cavity during the roasting process. (The joke’s punch lines is: “You know the turkey is done when the popcorn pops and blows the rear off the bird.”) And no, you can’t.
The hotline has heard from a gal who couldn’t find the turkey she buried in a snow bank, a guy who wanted to know how to carve his bird with a chain saw, and a mechanic who worried about using motor oil as a baste.
Then there was the young mother who failed to notice her children playing near the oven-ready bird. The kids decided the turkey’s cavity was a good place to park toy cars. Their mom didn’t discover Ol’ Tom was doubling as a garage until after the turkey had been roasted.
Another confused cook called the Butterball line after cleaning her turkey because she wanted to know how to get the metal pieces out. “Apparently,” said one of the Butterball economists, “she had scrubbed her bird with a steel scouring pad.” A West Coast woman who had taken anti-bacterial precautions too far called Butterball to find out how to get the bleach she’d used off her bird.
Butterball turkey experts still talk about the Kentucky woman who called in 1993 to ask how to get her dog out of her turkey. It seems the woman’s Chihuahua had dived into the bird’s cavity and become trapped there. The woman tried pulling the pooch and shaking the bird, all to no avail. A Butterball economist finally suggested the woman carefully cut the opening in the turkey wider to release the captive canine.
The Reynolds Wrap Turkey Tips Line (800-745-4000) took a query from a woman who wanted to know if she could cook her turkey by placing it in a Reynolds Oven Bag, putting it in the window in the back of her car, and letting the heat from the sun bake the turkey. (She was told that would be an uncontrolled heat source and was instructed to use an oven instead.)
The folks at Butterball have also dealt with cooks determined to roast turkeys on the back ledges of their cars. And they’ve had people call to ask if they could cook their holiday birds on radiators. Then there was the bride who had a small, apartment-size range and was worried the turkey would get larger as it cooked (similar to a loaf of bread rising) – she was fretting she wouldn’t be able to get it out of the oven after it was done. Some other howlers include the woman who cleaned out her turkey with a scrub brush, people who thawed their turkeys in the bathtub while washing their kids, and a man looking for a quick way to cook his turkey who put it in the oven on the cleaning cycle.
There are those whose problems are not how to get the turkey out of the oven, but when. Said Nancy Rodriguez, coordinator of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line in 1985, “One lady in Arkansas had her five-pound turkey in the oven 24 hours – did we think it was done? Another caller wanted to know the best method for reattaching the thighs and drumsticks when they fall off. His 12-pound turkey had been in the oven since 8 a.m. the day before.”
The self-cleaning option offered on a number of ranges has caused its share of Thanksgiving troubles when confused cooks have inadvertently started its cycle while their birds were in the oven. Others have different range-related questions, such as: “Your directions say to roast the turkey, but my oven says only bake or broil; how do I set it?”
We’ll leave it to others to provide the more mundane advice regarding thawing and cooking times, how to prepare the bird for roasting and how to prepare stuffing, and instead offer these useful tips, as gleaned from the experiences of turkey hot line counselors:
Do not leave your turkey on your back porch, either to slow thaw it or to keep it chilled until the big day. Those who have failed to heed this advice have discovered themselves birdless on Thanksgiving morning. Their loss was the local raccoons’ gain – those masked marauders celebrated the day in fine style.
If you choose to bring home your frozen bird within the car proper rather than in the trunk, do take care to seatbelt the fowlsicle lest a sudden stop transform the star of the upcoming dinner into a weighty frozen projectile. One woman who failed to belt down her bird was rewarded for her lack of foresight with a broken toe when a sharp tap of the brakes caused the iced fowl to slide off the seat and onto her foot.
Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.
If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she will give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart.
She multiples and enlarges what is given to her.
SO, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of $&*%!!!!
“Why We Love Thanksgiving, The Best Holiday Of ‘Em All”
by Mitch Albom
I’ll take Thanksgiving. You can have Halloween, New Year’s, Christmas, Fourth of July, Easter, Hanukkah and any day dedicated to presidents. You can stack them all up on one side, and the turkey and I will stand on the other. I’ll take Thanksgiving. It is, to me, exactly what a holiday should be. For one thing, there are no gifts. You never have to worry about what to get someone for Thanksgiving or how much to spend. There are no lectures about ‘greed’ or ‘commercialization’ or how we’re ‘forgetting the spirit’ of Thanksgiving. No way. The spirit of Thanksgiving is eating. Who could forget that? Secondly, it comes with football. What other holiday does that? New Year’s Day? But at least with Thanksgiving, you don’t have a hangover. There is no ‘right’ place to go on Thanksgiving except home. There is no church or synagogue. No graves that must be visited. No trekking out to watch fireworks. You just sit on the couch, or sit at the table, and you laugh and eat and laugh and burp and ta-da you are credited with knowing the ‘true meaning’ of the holiday. Also, it comes with a parade. Did I mention the dressing? Not the turkey dressing. The human dressing. There isn’t any! Oh, sure, maybe you put on a nice pair of pants. Maybe. But who really dresses up for Thanksgiving? You can celebrate in a sweatshirt. Can you say that about New Year’s Eve?
And Thanksgiving doesn’t require some smarty-pants history known only by your geeky cousin from Baltimore. Uh-uh. There’s no quoting Lincoln or Washington. No reading from the Declaration of Independence. What do you need to know about Thanksgiving? The Pilgrims and the Indians had dinner.Pass the gravy. Thanksgiving never moves. It is always on a Thursday, strategically placed so that you might as well take off Friday as well, since Saturday and Sunday are next, and, while you’re at it, maybe half of Wednesday just to pick up everyone from the airport. Thanksgiving gets you half a week off. What does Labor Day get you? Monday? And there is no shopping on Thanksgiving, unlike Memorial Day or Presidents Day. Sure, there are Thanksgiving sales, but you do them on FRIDAY! How cool is that? Also, there are no masks. You don’t beg for candy from strangers. And nobody eggs your house. Tell me there’s anything better than a meal that goes all night, that doesn’t have an event tied to it, that doesn’t come with a bill at the end. Tell me there’s anything better than only having to catch up with your aunts, uncles and cousins to feel like you did the holiday proud. Tell me there’s anything easier than passing plates. Tell me there’s any better place to appreciate what you have than in a kitchen filled with good smells. Tell me there’s a better invention than ‘the kids’ table. And what holiday not only condones but pretty much expects you to fall asleep on the couch? So let’s sum up. No costumes, no presents, no services, no tuxedos, no time limit, no guilt trips, and all the food, naps and football you want. I’ll take Thanksgiving. After all, no one tries to sit on the turkey’s lap and ask for an X-box.
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