Dragon Laffs

‘Tis the likes o’ one o’ these a day for the next 10 days we’ll be featuring.

Ever wonder what you were like when you were growing up? Two 11-year-old sisters in England will have just that chance, thanks to the amazing birth of their newborn triplet who had been on ice since she was conceived more than a decade ago. When Adrian and Lisa Shepherd decided to start a family in 1998, they underwent in vitro fertilization at the Midland Fertility Clinic because Lisa suffered from fertility issues that made traditional conception difficult. Doctors obtained 24 eggs from the mother, 14 of which were successfully fertilized. Two of those embryos were then implanted in Lisa, who gave birth to twins Megan and Bethany in 1999.

The other 12 embryos were placed in cryogenic storage until the family started talking about having another child last year. The Shepherds returned to the clinic, where doctors implanted a third embryo in Lisa that had been conceived on the same day as Megan and Bethany. Ryleigh was born on November 2010 at 7 pounds 10 ounces — 11 years after her sisters. Experts told the paper it could be the longest age gap between siblings conceived during the same fertility treatment. (Link | Via)

See now this sort of thing concerns me gravely. Why you ask? Well depending upon which side  of the Debate on Evolution you come down on, religious or scientific, SOMEONE’S will is getting thwarted here, not once in fact but 3 times!

If ’tis cheering for religion ya are then God’s will that she be barren is being flaunted by this clinic’s action along with the parents. If you a man o’ science then it’s Darwin’s Laws and  the natural processes of natural selection/evolution, where only the best strongest and brightest conceive to further the evolution of the species, that’s getting short-changed here.

Either way we have 3 kids who should not be. Now ’tis nothing personal I have against the little buggers. It’s just that we ALL know, regardless of which section of the cheering stand we are in, that toying with Mother Nature’s OR God’s will is NEVER a bright idea. The backlash of unforseen consequences far outweigh any possible benefit for tempting fate!

My personal theory is this is how the whole issue of &/or problem with WalMartians started! They are the revenge being reaped on ALL us for this sort of thing!

A United Airlines flight from Chicago to Frankfurt, Germany, was diverted to Toronto this week after the pilot dumped a cup of coffee on the plane’s communication’s equipment. The unwanted liquid triggered a series of emergency codes, including one for a hijacking, according to Transport Canada, the agency that regulates transportation in Canada.

“With the help of their company dispatch staff, the flight crew was confirmed the problem to be a NAV(navigation)/communication issue and not a valid code 7500 (for a hijacking or unlawful interference),” Transport Canada said on its website.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TRAVEL/01/05/canada.flight.diverted/index.html

OK let me see if I have this right, for all intensive purposes you have two or three guys crammed in a walk in closet with about 50 mil in high-tech electronics which control and keep the plane aloft flying at 35,000 feet and drinking hot liquids in the crowded and sometimes turbulent environment yet one of the most critical systems isn’t even spill proofed let alone waterproofed??!!

However it’s US PASSENGERS that have to toss our liquids before getting on the plane??!! To paraphrase Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) in ‘Jerry Maguire’…”Show me the logic!”

If you ask me, there is too much attention and effort being wasted on groping passengers and divesting them of their dignity and practically everything else they carry on board when the actions of the idiots in the cockpit would seem to pose a greater threat!

My $22,000 GMC Yukon had 6 cup holders accessible from the driver’s seat, this double-digit multi-million dollar aircraft doesn’t have a single one? Spill proof beverage containers are not required or beverages are not prohibited by the FAA in an area where a spill can apparently cause such catastrophic damage?

Again I say,”Show me the logic!”

Good morning campers!  I hope everyone is fine, doing well and having a wonderful new year!  I have a request to make of you… in the last week or so we’ve had total hits of between 700 and clear into the 900’s, but we haven’t broken our own record set on 30 Nov 10 when we had 1003 views.  We would love to break that record, but the only way we are going to do that is if you, dear, dear campers, forward our link on to your friends and family. 
And that’s my request.
To forward us to all your friends and family.
Look, do I need to spell it out for you?
Okay, now, did you also know that you can leave comments?
Yup, you can.
At the bottom of each and every posting, whether it’s a full Dragon Laffs like this one or one of the Leprechaun’s wonderful quickies, there is a link that looks like either this:
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
if no one else has left a comment yet; or this:
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
If someone else has already commented.
Also, on the right-hand side of the blog you can read the most recent 15 comments that have been made.  They make for almost as much fun reading as the ezine itself does.

Now that we have all that worked out…

Let’s Laugh!

The Old Country Boy’s:
DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

It goes Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Valentine’s Day. Is that
fair to anyone who’s alone? If you didn’t get around to killing
yourself on Christmas or New Year’s, boom, there’s Valentine’s Day
for you. There should be a holiday after Valentine’s Day called
“Are you still here?” (Laura Kightlinger)

This picture is not here because it’s funny…

…to my friends and family back in Jersey: look closely behind her and I’m SURE you’ll recognize where she is.  If I can recognize it after only being there once in the last 33 years, you guys should be able to pick it right out.  Really gives Jersey a bad name….then again, it doesn’t require this to give Jersey a bad name, Jersey has had a bad name and the “Real Sluts of New Jersey Housewives” reality TV show doesn’t help.  Oh well.  Anyone need any additional explanation as to why I am the way I am? 

It’s been raining in Los Angeles for four straight days. When asked
if they had ever seen anything like this before, most residents
said something in Spanish. (Tim Hunter)

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play
racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing
but a bag over his head and passes the three women. As he passes the
first woman, she looks down at his penis. “He’s not my husband,”
she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down
at his penis. “He’s not my husband either,” she says, also not
recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who takes a
good long look as he runs by her. “Wait a minute,” she says. “He’s
not even a member of this club.”

84-year-old Hugh Hefner is getting married to his 24- year-old
Playmate girlfriend Crystal Harris. Actually, there’s some debate
about Harris’s age. USA Today says she’s 23. And there’s some
debate about Hefner’s age. We’re not sure if it’s Bronze or Stone.

“Playboy” founder, 84-year-old Hugh Hefner is engaged to 24-year-old
Playmate, Crystal Harris. When asked what it is like to be engaged
to an Octogenarian, Harris said, it’s fine, I’m a Sagittarius. (Alex
Kaseberg)

Ezra Klein, you sad little man

Is The Constitution Really Too Hard to Understand?

Written by Jared H. McAndersen

Thursday, 30 December 2010 15:52

You didn’t read the title wrong, get a load of this…

http://www.thelookingspoon.com/blog/29-december-2010/2042-is-the-constitution-really-too-hard-to-understand.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thelookingspoon%2FGprc+%28The+Looking+Spoon+Conservative+Humor+Blog%29

The Luckiest People on Earth

Although the last ones aren’t lucky, they are part of a TV commercial….but still funny!

Another one of my all time favorites:

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road..

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn’t even an American.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!”

“And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a fucking truck hit us.”

“I know I need some kind of athletic activity in my life, so I
subscribed to a couple of health magazines. There’s nothing
better than kicking back with a cigarette, a Budweiser, and
Prevention magazine… and reading about what nicotine, alcohol,
and sloth will do to me. The anxiety alone raises my heart rate.”

To the wonderful campers who wrote to me and asked me about “jack-wagon” …

Gosh, I love that commercial!

Virginia sheriffs reported Friday somebody robbed a bank while wearing a Hillary Clinton mask. The thief had the element of surprise. Every time the security guards see someone from the Obama administration walk into the bank they assume they are bringing money, not taking it. -A. Hamilton

From one of our wonderful campers….Jeannie:

I’m sure I’ve sent this before…but I really, really love this song… Dave Matthews Band – You & Me (GRAMMYs on CBS)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6t78OW-yhM

And lastly, from our dear camper friend Lynn…

Snowflakes Under an Electron Microscope Wired Science Wired.com

Sadly, going back to work today.  While it’s been great fun, getting caught up and being able to talk to friends and stuff, I’m almost looking forward to going back to work.  Maybe I can get a little rest.
Nah, I’m kidding.
Let’s Laugh!

This is weird…amazingly precise Ads from AT&T… in 1993!
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/amazingly-precise-predictions-from-att-in-1993/

And a great send from one of my dearest and oldest friends:

Remember “sniglets”….words that Rich Hall used to come up with that described a feature common to many of our lives?
Like, “Lactomangulation”?   Which meant to open your milk carton on the wrong side and then realized you had to open it on the correct side, resulting in a mangled milk carton.
“Carperpetuation” was the act of running over something on the carpet with the vacuum cleaner repeatedly, hoping it would suck it up THIS time.
Well, I just came up with my own.   “Mousedirection” where you roll your mouse cursor over the thing you THOUGHT you wanted to click on only to find you clicked on the wrong thing.  And, “mouseappropriation” when you click and drag the wrong thing instead of the one you wanted. 
Other sniglets that I use include “furbling” which is the act of standing in line at the bank or DMV while surrounded by the ropes.  
Cheers,

Wheats

A perfect cup of coffee? – Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_weekend/20101230/ts_yblog_weekend/a-perfect-cup-of-coffee

Check out how Wilson manufactures NFL game footballs.

How Wilson manufactures NFL game footballs

By the way, pay attention to how long these folks have been working at their jobs at Wilson.

The Priest had just finished hearing Lethal Leprechaun’s rather lengthy confession and was considering the man’s penitence.
“Are you sure you’re going to try to set aside all sin?”
“Yes, Father, I certainly am going to try.” replied Lethal contritely. “I hereby resolve to double my efforts.”
“And you’re going to attend Mass regularly my son?” the Priest went on.
“Yes, Father, I realize I have strayed.” said Lethal. “I shall both worship and confess every week.”
“And how about your debts and those you have cheated?” inquired the Priest.
“Now just a bloody minute, Father!” said the Leprechaun. “Now you’re talking about business, not religion!”

Exactly!
And why is it that we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Here’s another one of my favorite jokes:

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend ? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and commit my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and  if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.

“I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go upstairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her clothes and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment,then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said,”We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.  “Welcome to the family!”

The moral of this story is this:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Thanks to Stephanie for this GREAT Ads!
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1Abm3q/justpaste.it/2p8

Political Incorrectness
A short lesson
by

Little Johnny…out of work, flat broke, wondering where his next Oreo is going to come from…

“Mommy?  You don’t look anything like I expected!”

An American tourist asks an Irishman:

“Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the Irishman replies:
“If they fell forwards they’d still be in the fookin’ boat.”

The Old Country Boy’s:
DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?
A study of 950,000 Swedish men has shown that taller
men get a better education, a researcher said on Wednesday.

“My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor,” complained the patient.
“What have you been eating?” asked the doctor.
“That’s easy. I only eat pool balls.”
“Pool balls?!” said the astonished doctor. “Maybe that’s the trouble. What kind do you eat?”
“All kinds,” replied the man, “Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner.”
“I see the problem,” said the doctor. “You haven’t been getting any greens.”

I was told we were expecting two feet of snow….well, it’s here:

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I’m following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is…..purified? Oh wait petrified, sorry it’s not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

A very spiritual, devout and holy priest dies and is immediately swept up to heaven. St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates, and says, “Hello, Father, we’ve been waiting for you for a long time. Welcome to Heaven! You are very well known here, and as a special reward, because you are such a spiritual and holy man, we’re going to grant you anything you wish even before you enter Heaven. What can I grant you?”

“Well,” the priest says, “I’ve always been a great admirer of the Virgin Mother. I’ve always wanted to talk to her.”

St. Peter nods his head to one side, and lo and behold who should approach the priest but the Virgin Mary!

The priest is beside is himself, and he manages to say, “Mother, I have always been a great admirer of yours, and have studied everything I could about you and followed your life as
best I could. I have studied every painting and portrait ever made of you, and I’ve noticed that you are always portrayed with a slightly sad look on your face. I have always, always wondered what it was that made you sad. Would you please tell me?”

“Honestly?” she asked, with a little pained grimace on her face. “Well…. I was really hoping for a girl.”

This one is from one of our Alaskan Campers…Bob

Do you like maps? 
Pretty cool:
http://www.euratlas.net/history/europe/index.html
Or, an animated gif moving through the years:
http://i.min.us/id3EVu.gif

This has been sent to me by several different people.  Thank you to each and every one.

From a pissed off gentleman  in Montana who, like many of  us,  has just about had enough. He has called down Senator Alan Simpson!  This should be sent to every career politician in office! There isn’t an insincere or inaccurate word here.
  

Hey Alan,
   Let’s get a few things straight…
   1.      As a career politician, you have been on the public dole for FIFTY YEARS…
   2.      I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63)…
   3.      My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would have made Bernie Madoff proud…
   4.      Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age 67. NOW, you and your shill commission is proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN…
   5.      I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay the bills…
   6.      I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay of YOUR debt…
   To add insult to injury, you label us “greedy” for calling “bullshit” on your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU…
   1.      How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?
   2.      At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?
   3.      How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?
   4.      What cuts in YOUR retirement and health care benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?
   It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators who are “greedy”. It is you and they who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers. And for what? Votes. That’s right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic political careers. You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.
   And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch.

And there’s more; check NOW and AARP’s read… (click below).

http://www.aarp.org/work/social-security/info-09-2010/simpsons_social_security_outburst_may_upend_fiscal_commission_.html?CMP=KNC-360I-GOOGLE-WOR-SOC&HBX_PK=alan_simpson&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=alan%2Bsimpson&utm_campaign=G_Work&360cid=SI_166879880_6659203141_1

Leprechaun here~

Before we get on with more true tales of Impish’s exploits , let me just say that the very fact that he took a book written by mischievous Leprechauns that we leave lying around for the gullible to pick up and follow as a sex help aid to keep the low IQ population down as real and gospel just goes to show the truthfulness behind these stories regarding him I keep revealing!

It ALSO goes a LONG way to explaining why he never seems to get any!

And now, more True Tales of the Life of Impish Dragon!

Impish ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked pretty good for a 50 yrs. old.
Then Impish found himself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. They drank a bit (well more than a bit) they had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked him if I ever had a “Sportsman Double ?”

“What’s that?” Impish asked. “It’s a mother and daughter threesome” she said.

“Oh” Impish said as his mind began to embrace the idea. “No I haven’t.”  Impish wondered what this daughter of hers might look like.

They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink “Tonight is your lucky night.” They went back to her place. They walked in.
She turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs,” MOM YOU STILL AWAKE?

============

Impish met a girl in the park the other evening.

There was an instant spark between them and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at his feet.

As they lay making love, Impish thought “These taser guns are well worth the money”.

============
While shopping for vacation clothes, ImpishDragon & Mrs Dragon passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since Mrs Dragon had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought Impish’s advice.

‘What do you think?’ she asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’

‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’

He’s still in intensive care. Doctor says he should be out in a week (yeah and just long enough for Mrs Dragon to put him back in)

————————————–

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…

Impish looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, my Mother in Law is there and God’s getting what I used to get.’

Foolishly he uttered these words within ear shot of Mrs Dragon.

They immediately buried him (some say alive) right next to his Mother in Law.