Dragon Laffs

And what a wonderful morning it is, too!  It’s threatening rain, the base is having it’s annual family day (read “picnic” or “BBQ”) and I’m running the Emergency Communications Center and teaching a class in the middle of all that!

Yes, it’s definitely a wonderful day!

Really gotta work on that sarcasm font.

Tune in later on in the issue, if I can somehow find the time, and I’ll give you an idea of how incredibly wonderful my whole WEEK has been.

And yes, before you ask, THAT should have ALSO been in the, yet to be invented, “Sarcasm” Font.

Yeah, that didn’t work out so well.  Bastard probably didn’t want anyone to scratch his ride.

 

Time is a river – You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.  Enjoy every moment of life.

Yesterday, Friday, June 2nd, was National Doughnut Day!  Needless to say, I was a little busy.

”$2.99!!!!!! On National Donut Day they are supposed to be free!” is exactly what I said to the store manager and consequently, the police officer whom he called.  Absolutely no sense at all!  I won’t go so far as to say the name of the grocery store, due to possible legal issue with a still “possibly” pending lawsuit, but I’ll bet if you look around a little you can probably figure it out.

National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for Chicago‘s The Salvation Army. Their goal was to help those in need during the Great Depression, and to honor The Salvation Army “Lassies” of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers.

Soon after the US entrance into World War I in 1917, The Salvation Army sent a fact-finding mission to France. The mission concluded that the needs of US enlisted men could be met by canteens/social centers termed “huts” that could serve baked goods, provide writing supplies and stamps, and provide a clothes-mending service. Typically, six staff members per hut would include four female volunteers who could “mother” the boys. These huts were established by The Salvation Army in the United States near army training centers.

About 250 Salvation Army volunteers went to France. Because of the difficulties of providing freshly baked goods from huts established in abandoned buildings near to the front lines, the two Salvation Army volunteers (Ensign Margaret Sheldon and Adjutant Helen Purviance) came up with the idea of providing doughnuts. These are reported to have been an “instant hit”, and “soon many soldiers were visiting The Salvation Army huts”. Margaret Sheldon wrote of one busy day: “Today I made 22 pies, 300 doughnuts, 700 cups of coffee.”

Soon, the women who did this work became known by the servicemen as “Doughnut Girls”.^[6]

A misconception has taken hold that the provision of doughnuts to US enlisted men in World War I is the origin of the term “doughboy” to describe US infantry. But, the term was in use as early as the Mexican-American War of 1846–47.

In Chicago and other cities, National Doughnut Day is still a fundraiser for The Salvation Army. In 2017, the organization joined with Russ’s Market, Super Saver, LaMar’s Donuts, Hurts Donuts and Krispy Kreme in Lincoln, Nebraska to raise funds on National Doughnut Day.

In the Second World War, Red Cross Volunteers also distributed doughnuts, and it became routine to refer to the Red Cross girls as Doughnut Dollies as well.

There are three other doughnut holidays, the origins of which are obscure. International Jelly-Filled Doughnut Day is widely recognized as June 8 (occasionally as June 9). National Cream-Filled Doughnut Day is celebrated on September 14. Buy a Doughnut Day occurs on October 30.

The birthday of the United States Marine Corps was once referred to as National Donut Day, in a successful ruse by American prisoners of war at Son Tay prison camp to trick the North Vietnamese into giving out donuts in honor of the occasion.

Wow!  Now THAT was some interesting information on Doughnut Day.  So, I guess you have to be being shot at in order to get free doughnuts!  And then you only get them from the Salvation Army or the Red Cross.  Now THAT sucks!

Hey, they’ll probably be some more donut stuff later…. just sayin’.

Okay, so that’s a really good question!  What the hell people?  The amount of money that you put into those spikes for all your different locations, you could have built inexpensive housing for some of the homeless…especially some of the homeless vets that are out there.  Just like the point that instead of sending money to other countries who hate us, how about spending that money right here on people who love us!!!!  What kind of sense does that make?  Why do we have men and women who have served our country, went places and did things that no sane human being would EVER do on purpose, and made it back home only to be living in a cardboard box (and that’s if their lucky!)?  THAT IS NOT RIGHT!

Okay, so time to kick that soap box back under the counter.

I’m guessing this is next on my list…

Okay, I’m rapidly running out of time, and for that I’m very sorry, but I want to give you this other article from the Washington Post on National Donut Day because it’s got some really cool information on it.

The brutal war and sweet patriotism that led to National Doughnut Day

A century ago, not long after the United States entered World War I, the Salvation Army deployed hundreds of volunteers to France to soothe and bolster American troops.

The men were homesick. They were hungry. They wanted a slice of apple pie.

But that, of course, was impossible. The many indignities of war include this undeniable one: A fox hole is a terrible place to bake.

So the Salvation Army troops improvised, frying dough in soldier helmets, producing such delicious doughnuts that when the war was over, when the troops finally came home, the government produced a guide for veterans to open doughnut shops.

This is how the doughnut came to America. This is what led to National Doughnut Day. This is why the line at Dunkin’ Donuts was extra long on a recent Friday morning — free doughnuts, not as a marketing ploy (well, maybe a little), but to remember the sacrifices those men made and the Salvation Army volunteers who comforted them.

[The U.S. joined the ‘Great War’ 100 years ago. America and warfare were never the same.]

They called those volunteers, mostly women, “Doughnut Lassies.”

“As they dipped doughnuts for their boys, they dispensed motherhood,” John T. Edge wrote in “Donuts: An American Passion,” a seminal volume in the genre of historic deliciousness.

The recipe called for:

• 5 C flour
• 2 C sugar
• 5 tsp. baking powder
• 1 ‘salt spoon’ salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 3/4 C milk
• 1 Tub lard

The most important instruction: “Dust with powdered sugar. Let cool and enjoy.”

Edge, a food historian (what a gig!), identified three important rounds in the popularization of doughnuts. The first was the Salvation Army effort.

“By the close of World War I, the Salvation Army was among the strongest charitable forces in America,” Edge wrote, “and their chosen totem, the doughnut, was an ingrained symbol of home.”

The second was the invention of — the following words are completely true — the Wonderful Almost Human Doughnut Machine, invented by Adolph Levitt, a Jewish immigrant from Eastern Europe.

“When filled with his proprietary dough mix, it cranked out hundreds of perfectly round doughnuts per hour,” Edge wrote. “Placed in a window for all to see, the machine stopped traffic in Times Square.”

Let us pause to consider whether any other food has stopped traffic at The Crossroads of the World.

Nope.

Anyway, there’s one more round — the third. Edge calls this one “glamour.” It takes place during the Great Depression. By this time, doughnuts are an industry — not big and important like, say, steel, but important. And tasty.

“As the nation slid into economic depression, the industry feared that doughnuts might go the way of the street corner apple,” Edge writes. “So they aligned themselves with America’s emerging aristocracy, the ladies and gentlemen of Hollywood.”

Frank Capra put doughnuts in his movies. There’s that scene in “It Happened One Night” where Clark Gable teaches, as Edge puts it, “doughnut etiquette.” On Shirley Temple’s list of works is this: “Dora’s Dunking Donuts.” Laurel and Hardy posed for photos holding doughnuts.

And you know what?

Doughnuts survived the Great Depression. Hurrah for doughnuts.

While their nutritional value is questionable, their patriotic value is as certain as the round hole at their center, through which eaters can look back through time and see not just food history, but the story of America — of our soldiers fighting for what’s right, fueled by what would become the country’s favorite pastry.

I’m sorry my friends, but it’s late and I do have to work tomorrow.  God Bless you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

When you arrive at the conference room all appears back to normal from the Memorial Day Weekend Event with one exception. On stage there is no podium with Lethal standing behind it sipping his coffee and splitting his attention between the door and his pocket watch.

Instead an iLethal stands in its place under the video projection screen which has been drawn down, the blue blinking light informing you it’s camera is active. On the screen you see the above scenery, so peaceful and tranquil. Once you are all seated and the doors closed you hear Lethal’s voice:

Mornin’ ta ya all-

I see many of you are still sporting some painful looking sunburns and judging by the way some o’ you are sitting so gingerly some o’ them burns are in right interesting places! No worries, chilled tubes of Aloe Gel with Vitamin E will be made available ta ya as you leave.

Now, as to my not being there today- ‘Tis been a right while since I’ve attended ta affairs here in Leprechonia so I decided to take a couple days after the stress and strain of not only putting together the Memorial Day Issue but two issues back to back.

As soon as I’m done with my Japanese style bath soak, I’m sure my Leprechonian Sexatary err… Secretary Luscious will take me well in hand and have me hard on err hard at the piled up work here in no time.

If you find the issue a bit abbreviated, I do apologize but I flat ran out of time after niggling with a annoying computer glitch in my system that is happen too damned swiftly for me to see what is going on.  Not to worry, there will be a full length issue next week when all is back to normal.

Mean while I’ll let you folks get to work on the issue and slathering each other in Aloe Gel.

 

Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber’s truck in the driveway.

“Lord,” he pleaded, looking skyward, “please let her be having an affair.

 

 

School district slams sixth grader with suspension over haircut

BAYTOWN, Texas – Xavier Davis had no idea his hair could cause him so much trouble.

Xavier is a sixth grader at Cedar Bayou Junior High School in Baytown.

When he walked into class last Thursday, he said he was promptly sent to the office.

“I was walking into class, and she saw my hair and said, ‘You can’t have two lines in your hair. Go to the office,'” Xavier said.

The school, he said, ordered him to fix the haircut by Monday, or be punished with in-school suspension.
“I don’t think it’s fair,” Xavier said.

“He’s had his hair cut like this for six months and now all of a sudden it’s a problem?” said his father, Matt Davis.

One day of in-school suspension was enough for Xavier.

A new school-approved single line has been created, courtesy of his mother.

“He had a space here and a space there,” Matt Davis said. “She took a Sharpie permanent marker and colored the bottom of his hair in, so in order for him to get an education, we have to treat his hair like a coloring book, I guess.”

The district dress code listed in the code of conduct says:

“Letters, symbols, and designs beyond a single straight line which draw attention to an individual shall not be permitted. The administrator/supervisor reserves the right to determine if a hairstyle is disruptive to the educational process.”

“I don’t know if having one line or two is a distraction to learning, it’s not a distraction to me,” Matt Davis said. “It’s nonsense. We send him here to get an education. We send him here to learn. It’s not about his haircut.”

And Parent reserve the right to determine if the administrator/supervisor is an idiot and requires replacing.

OK! (Crosses that off post lottery win list of things to do)

On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
“Be still, my heart,” thought the doctor, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!”
Then the child spoke into the instrument, “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”

Guardian’s of the Galaxy Then & Now

When my daughter was about 6, my sister was baby sitting for the day.
My sister had a soap opera on the TV and during a love scene, my daughter expressed how gross she thought it was that a man and a woman were kissing.
My sister explained that when a man and a woman are in love, kissing is not gross. She then said, “your Mommy and Daddy kiss – they’re in love.”
My daughter’s rebuttal to that was “No they’re not – they’re married!”

 

James Walker: Teenagers? Let’s call them the new adults

At first, I thought it was just me being hypocritical about people who didn’t conform to my views on life.

After all, we do live in a society where everyone has the right to do their thing and under most circumstances, not be criticized or ostracized for doing so.

But once again, my role as an editor continues to badger me with a persistent question that has been nagging at me for years but one that I have found no answer to: Where are all the adults?

That is a question that judges are asking, police are asking, social workers are asking, teachers are asking, and the general public is asking.

Why are so many adults acting like they’ve “gone wild” and dismissed the responsibility and accountability of adulthood as if they’re myths of yore and have no relevance in today’s society?

A better question may be why aren’t adults acting like adults instead of angry teenagers? Why haven’t they shed that teenage angst and moved into responsible adulthood?

Many act like they don’t understand they are adults and their actions have consequences.

A look at mug shots — which used to carry the stigma of shame — that show the stunted growth of some adults as police snapshots are now a fashion portrait to be complemented with smiles and poses to be shared — and ankle monitors are the latest accessory not to be hidden under long pants but displayed as a symbol of … what?

Press releases from police and the office of the state’s attorney office flood into the Register’s newsroom with a near daily barrage of adults gone wild, displaying outlandish behavior, making childlike decisions and then breaking down in tears and begging for forgiveness with a mea culpa.

But some things that adults are doing are totally irrational, such as letting their kid, 10, drive while streaming it for the enjoyment of social media; or using an electric shock collar to punish a child, or locking children in a dog cage to discipline them, as well as starving their kids.

How does a mea culpa defend those actions?

While these things happened in Connecticut, I have stayed away from some of the stupid behavior, as well as horrific acts, adults here in Greater New Haven have committed to spare their family and loved ones— not them — further shame.

Adulthood seems to be the missing ingredient these days in a melting pot that’s in an upheaval. Many parents throw public tantrums, fight publicly at adult and children’s sporting events and many show total disregard for the law and sneer at conformity.

It’s like some people have continued to grow physically but stopped growing mentally, their maturity stuck somewhere between the petulance of adolescent and the reality of being an adult.

Fake news has gotten out that life isn’t supposed to be tough and people don’t have to tough it out or take the necessary steps to improve their lives.

I’ve written a lot about how irresponsible parents, bad behavior and lack of responsibility and accountability has left children mired in a welfare system without the parental guidance and direction they need to be successful in life.

But it is not only low-income, uneducated parents, but a broad spectrum of people who refuse to “man up” to the problems they create. The trials and tribulations a person must endure as they build a better life have been turned into myths.

Too many parents have shoved the responsibility of being an adult onto their young children’s shoulders long before they are mentally ready.

It is a phenomenon that has swept through the country, leaving millions of teenagers following in their parent’s footsteps of discontent — and other teenagers beginning to question why they act more adult than their parents.

Psychiatrists have been warning since the early 1990s about the problem of people transferring their personal problems — whether health or social — into government entities to be solved, thereby creating a dependent society — and a nation of many irresponsible adults.

It is something they had labeled extremely dangerous and we are seeing the results: People who never grow up.

Whatever the case, adulthood and the responsibility that comes with it is becoming a vanishing breed much like a species that is headed toward extinction.

And that is leaving teenagers heading into parenthood and the real world with the responsibility of being level-headed adults.

It is something many of them are ill-equipped to handle and know nothing about — because they never learned it from their parents.

James Walker is the New Haven Register’s senior editor.

Guilt and Shame

The usual hubbub marking the Seasonal Opening for DL/LL Enterprises Party Mountain Facilities greets you as you arrive. Names are checked against lists, bracelets and keycards are issued as luggage is loaded onto trucks to proceed you to your accommodations in the mountain.

However, this all seems to be taking place under a bit of a subdued atmosphere. The non-cybernetic and/or robotic members of the staff, whom are over seeing this ordered chaos, seem uncharacteristically quiet and  in a hurry to get you all up to the conference room for the issues presentation.

A few over heard snatches of conversation you come away with, from between staff and key patrons, give you the sense that Lethal might be off, as in not his normal, happy, always ready to host a party for you, self. You know that Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day are two days that are normally hard for and on Lethal but you sense somehow its worse than normal for him this year.

The somber expression on his face as you arrive, the fact he’s not conversing with those in the Patron’s area down front, coupled with the apparent lack of any sighting of his normally close to (if not outright in) hand coffee mug, all seem to confirm this impression for you.

As you ruminate on the meaning of and/or reason behind this, your attention is jogged by several taps on the mic in front of him.

Good Morning, and for those of you who are US citizens, welcome to DL/LL Enterprises Memorial Day 2017 Issue.

Ebenezer Scrooge was visited three times in one Christmas Eve night by ghosts. I shall be visited three times in my dreams also this weekend, abet once per night each night of the three day weekend. Ghost of friends lost, fallen team mates, and finally those whom my orders directly cause to lose their lives, all in combat, all in service to their country. While this is nothing new for me, and has gone on for years, this year will be worse.  See this year I finally understand the questions they all attempt to ask me every year.

“We willingly and without reservation pledged our lives, fortunes and sacred honor in support for defense of and out of love for our country. We placed our trust in Divine Providence, never running from the danger or evil, but rather towards it every time America was threatened. Without hesitation or regret we have fulfilled this pledge. So why does America dishonor us, our memories and our legacy by doing what they are to each other, themselves and to the country?”

I will have but two thoughts for them in response-

Guilt and Shame.

The ever present guilt a survivor bears through out the rest of his life when he comes back and his buddies do not. Guilt that I got to get on with my life and that getting on was not finding a way to champion their sacrifices, not finding a way to give meaning to what they died for.

Shame for being unable to look them in the eye and say we, as a people, and a nation honor your sacrifice on our behalf. We are taking your example to heart and making America a better place, a bastion of the ideals of our Forefathers, the ideal for which you fought and died so bravely.

Guilt and Shame.

How many of you would be willing to make such a pledge today? How many of you are willing to stand for a belief in Divine Providence? Why have your leaders relegated a belief in a divine God to the outskirts of the Capitol and to the deserted corners of our nation? If our forefathers believed in Divine Providence, why do your schools ban any expression of belief in God from the classrooms?

My only response, Guilt and Shame.

Currently, when a witness takes the oath in court, he is asked, “Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?” What happened to “so help me God”? Has America reached the point where it’s okay to worship celebrities, athletes and movie stars, but it’s not okay to worship God?

My only response, Guilt and Shame.

Why are black children taught racist values, hatred, violence, that it’s ok to prey on other people, including other blacks. Being taught values like this:

Guilt and Shame.

Why are America’s sovereign borders unsecured and little more than a revolving door to any illegal alien or terrorist with a mind to ignore American laws and enter at their own will?

Guilt and Shame.

Why are we more concerned with Transgendered bathrooms in schools than what is and isn’t being taught, the non American values and liberal brain washing that is blatantly occurring, the fact that schools think they are a government and entity to themselves that does not have to take direction from nor answer to anyone, least of all the parents of their students?

Guilt and Shame.

Why are you burdening the tax roles by rewarding those illegal aliens with welfare payments to help facilitate their staying illegally here? Why are you burdening American tax payers, corporations and the economy with what is in essence international welfare payments to countries who oppose the US in the UN and/or who house, overtly or covertly support or hinder the war on terrorism in which many of those you supposedly honor on Memorial Day have lost their lives?

Guilt and Shame.

In short, why are Americans turning their back on everything we whom you claim to honor on Memorial Day stood and died for? Why are your metaphorically spitting on our memories and legacy through your indifference and inactivity?

Guilt and Shame.

Now that I finally understand their question that is all I have to offer by way of an answer is-

Guilt and Shame.

Such a response, much to my undying guilt and shame, I find totally inadequate to the questions.  It is my hope that you too will find them inadequate

This concludes my Annual Memorial Day Address, I thank you for your time and kind attention.

(Impish- Please fly that applauding jerk home right now and drop him off- from 5,000 feet up! )

It is my hope that you will all at some point this weekend take a moment, I suggest the National Minute of Remembrance, (The National Moment of Remembrance, established by Congress, asks Americans, wherever they are at 3 p.m., local time, on Memorial Day, to pause in an act of national unity for a duration of one minute. ) to reflect on my thoughts, these words and how you would answer these ghosts were you put to the same question.

Now, before I put any further dampener on your planned weekend of revelry or Impish has to drop anyone else off at home, let’s get this issue started shall we?

 

LADIES, GENTLEMEN,  VETERANS, TROOPS! Please stand and join me in rendering  honors for the raising of our National Colors and the playing of our National Anthem.

Morning Colors USMC style at Parris Island

 

At Ease! You may be seated.

Just in case my annual address failed to get the point across to someone.

Angel Flight – Radney Foster

 

As if that photo essay isn’t a compelling enough reason to stand when the National Anthem is played, let me give you a more personal one-

If Impish, myself or any of our Veteran readers ever catch you sitting much less taking a knee in protest during the playing of the National Anthem you will rue that day for the remainder of your days I promise you!

A little later on I’ll be showing you my personal reason (in addition to John’s outstanding essay) for standing when our National Anthem is played.

 

Live on PBS From the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol!

Sunday, May 28, from 8:00 to 9:30 p.m. ET

The National Memorial Day Concert features uplifting musical performances, documentary footage and dramatic readings that honor the military service of all our men and women in uniform, their families at home and those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. One of PBS’ highest-rated programs, the multi-award-winning television event has become an American tradition, featuring a star-studded lineup performing in tribute to all Americans who have sacrificed for our country.

The concert’s mission is to unite the country in remembrance and appreciation of the fallen and to serve those who are grieving. Executive Producer Jerry Colbert says, “We think of the agony of the mother or father who lost a child, the spouses and children left behind, the people who are wounded in body and soul. And we do this memorial service to remember and reach out to them. We must remember their sacrifices and continue the mission set forth by Abraham Lincoln to ‘care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan.’”

Those lines by Eric Bogle come from a song called “Willie McBride” by some and alternatively “The Green Fields of France” by others. We’ll get to the song in a moment, but first let’s take a moment to understand a little about what gave basis to the song in the first place.

Telling the Untold Stories of World War I Soldiers, Sailors and Marines at Suresnes American Cemetery

Tuesday, April 25, 2017 Students from the American School of Paris (link is external) (ASP) clustered around headstones at Suresnes American Cemetery last week with pens and notebooks in hand, forming research questions about the Americans honored there. Three teenage girls sat on the grass near one headstone, working together to think through some of the questions. Amelie, one of the students, asked: “Why did he become a soldier?” “Did he have a diary during the war?” “Why is he buried in France?” But this visit wasn’t just a one-day field trip to the American World War I cemetery outside of Paris, rather it served as the starting point for an entirely new student project.

Gathered with his students on the cemetery grounds that day, their teacher, Thomas Neville, announced the classes’ new assignment—the Monuments Project (link is external). With more than 35,000 Americans buried or memorialized overseas from World War I, there are thousands of untold stories, and the students learned they would be uncovering some of these unknown, personal histories. “This is very valuable because this soldier never lived on to tell his story, and should have the chance to be known, since he did a great service to his country,” said Katie, one of the students, in reflecting after the visit.

Through a connection with an American Battle Monuments Commission (ABMC) staff member in the Paris area, Neville and ABMC began working through this project idea in the fall of 2016. “Very little is known about a lot of the people buried at Suresnes,” said Neville. “That’s a perfect problem statement to begin with. That’s an authentic experience for the students.” And as the idea evolved, Neville found a trans-Atlantic connection to expand the effort and bring on a partner school that had done a similar project in the past.

Read the rest of the article here

John Mcdermott – Willie Mcbride [aka Green Fields of France]

 

 

 

 

I believe this sentiment has been uttered by every generation that has fought in a major conflict to the up and coming generation. Yet each time we seem to fail to take heed of these words in honors and in our deeds. Want proof of this?  Just as a Vietnam Vet.

I’m about to be the biggest bastard you’ve ever met and I will make no apology for it. I told you earlier that later on I would show you my additional personal reason for standing every time the National Anthem was played. Well its later and this is why.

Impish and I refer often to the that metaphorical “check” service personnel write. Occasionally it gets cashed for the full measure.  However those funds are not drawn solely from just the life of the fallen hero but from their family as well.

I want you to witness what every service family dreads as they live in substandard housing, often on food stamps because their deployed family member took a severe pay cut and now doesn’t make enough to cover all their expenses while deployed and risking his/her life and the well being of their family.

Dignified transfer: A fallen soldier’s final journey home

When an American soldier dies overseas, they are returned to the U.S. the same way each time. Byron Pitts follows one fallen soldier in his final journey home in what the military calls a “dignified transfer.”

 

Let us not forget that Humans are not the only heroes in this new modern battlefield.

In The Arms Of An Angel-American Soldiers Tribute

 

LADIES, GENTLEMEN, VETERANS, TROOPS! I would ask that you again please stand and join me in rendering  honors for the retiring of our National Colors.

 

THIS IS NOT RIGHT! It was not right back when the VA scandal was made public and its not right now when the problems still exist! These Vet’s are asking for no more than what they were promised when they signed up.

 

I am oppressed with a sense of the impropriety of uttering words on this occasion. If silence is ever golden, it must be here, beside the graves of fifteen thousand men, whose lives were more significant than speech, and whose death was a poem, the music of which can never be sung. With words we make promises, plight faith, praise virtue. Promises may not be kept, plighted faith may be broken, and vaunted virtue be only the cunning mask of vice. We do not know one promise these men made, one pledge they gave, one word they spoke: but we do know they summed up and perfected, by one supreme act, the highest virtues of men and citizens. For love of country they accepted death, and thus resolved all doubts, and made immortal their patriotism and their virtue.

James A. Garfield-  Speech at Arlington Cemetery, Decoration Day (30 May 1868)

Amazing Grace(Bagpipes) – Taps- 21-Gun Salute

Guess what tomorrow is….

Go ahead, guess.

If you are of the same professional ilk as the Leprechaun and myself, then you probably already know, but for the rest of you, tomorrow is:

Geek Pride Day is celebrated on May 25, 2017. The day is an initiative, which originated 2006 in Spain, to promote geek culture. It is celebrated annually. Some people think the events called Geek Pride Festivals or Geek Pride Day, which from 1998 to 2000 were organized by Tim McEachern, lead to today’s Geek Pride Day. But actually, Germán Martínez, a Spanish blogger, organized the first celebration in 2006, which from then on spread around the world.
May 25 was chosen as the date for Geek Pride Day, as to commemorate the release of the first Star Wars film in 1977. All fans of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” can take the chance and celebrate both Geek Pride Day and Towel Day, which coincide. (And if we have to tell you what the towel reference means, then you really aren’t much of a Geek) In case you did not know: geek is a slang term, typically describing an expert or enthusiast or a person obsessed with a hobby or intellectual pursuit. Often people are called geeks, who are kind of peculiar, are overly intellectual, unfashionable, or socially awkward.

(And from the GREAT website, thinkgeek.com) But if we had to choose a special day to share our geekiness with the world, we’d choose May 25, which is famous for:

• Towel Day, the day two weeks after Douglas Adams passed in 2001, when hoopy froods keep their towel handy
• The 40th anniversary of the first Star Wars film, Episode IV: A New Hope, released on May 25, 1977
• Glorious 25 May, the day in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld when wearing lilac and hard-boiled eggs (and raising awareness around Alzheimer’s research) is appropriate.

And so many, many more references….

and finally, a great quote:

And now, let’s move on…

 

I’m not sure how advanced it really needs to be.

Let’s talk about Social Security

So, there are even times, when Superheroes have bad days.

Lethal Leprechaun is such a great guy!  This is my private elevator, courtesy of Lethal.

Sometimes you have to hide in a hurry!

Ummm….I’d tell you what this is a picture of, but then a member of our security staff would be forced to track you down and erase your memory.  So, just enjoy it for the work of art that it is.

This is truly epic!

I hope each and every one of these kids remember exactly what they learned that day.

Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever

————————-
13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”

12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.”

11) Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.”

10) Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”

9) Pepsi’s “Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation” translated into “Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave” in Chinese.

8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.

7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6) Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, “It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken,” was translated into Spanish as “it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.”

5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its “Fly In Leather” campaign literally, which meant “Fly Naked” (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope”(el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).

3) The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are You Lactating?”

2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. “No va” in Spanish means, “It Doesn’t Go”.

1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Kekoukela” meaning “Bite the Wax Tadpole” or “Female Horse Stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translating into “Happiness in the Mouth.”

Dragon Sized.

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting?”

“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.

“No time at all,” says her husband. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”

A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, “You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course.  What’s your secret?” Mickelson replied, “The holes are numbered.”

Ain’t that the truth!!!!

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?” “Yes,” says the woman. “Did you hit him with that golf club?” “Yes, yes, I did.”  The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. “How many times did you hit him?” “I don’t know — put me down for a five.”

No, I can’t say as I have…my brother the brewer…maybe.

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.  He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.  Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing.  The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, “Are you a good golfer?” The man replied:  “Got here in two, didn’t I?

Those golf jokes were for you, Dad.  I hope you liked them.

I want time to sit and read, take a nap, and snack – Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

And with that, we’re calling it an issue!  I hope you all enjoyed it and until next time!

Cheers!

What an interesting world we live in.

I recently have been having trouble with my impishdragon@hotmail.com account.  Like since August of last year.  Problem was, I didn’t realize I HAD a problem.  (There are several of you who I’m sure I owe an apology to who have written to me at that address and I haven’t answered.)  Well, it’s going to take me a little while to get through the (currently) 3,518 emails.  Sigh.  See, and I’m the guy who’s anal enough to get antsy when my total of all email accounts goes into triple digits.

All my accounts?

Yeah, currently I have 5 personal accounts that I work with.  I originally thought to get them all worked to one…or maybe two accounts at most, but … yeah, not gonna happen anytime soon.

More interesting stuff…

While reading Lethal’s issue on Wednesday, I was struck by one of the interesting facts that he shared about coffee.

Yes, I know, he shared several interesting facts about coffee, but the one I’m specifically talking about is: Coffee is the second-most traded commodity in the whole world, second only to crude oil.

I find it quite interesting that the two most highly traded commodities in the whole world are the two things that make the world move.  Oil for machinery and coffee for human beings.  Just think, for most of us, we require the two most traded commodities in the whole world just to get to work each day.

Oh, and since 3 to 5 cups of coffee per day leads to 15% lower death rates, by my calculations, I’m gonna live forever!

So, I got that going for me…which is nice.

 

That ought to lead us right into

I’ve got to get me one of those for work!

Some of you know a bit about the physical problems that I have and the mostly continuous pain that I suffer.  Well, without going into any detail, I know that my brother-from-another-mother (BFAM) Lethal is usually in worse shape than I am, so it is with that in mind and for him and the others of you who share the same fate that I present these next pictures:

And for those people out there (no one here, of course) who look at me parking in the handicap spot and think, “He doesn’t look that bad” or “He’s probably faking and drawing welfare money that I’m paying” (I actually heard someone say that about me in the grocery store the other day and I almost came unglued.  I said, “I WORK for a [expletive delete] living! Usually about 50 hours a week!  And I earn my own [several expletives delete] money!”  There was more, but there’s no sense in putting anything else in writing before the trial.) There’s this one:

Okay, sorry, had to get that one off my chest.

But, here are some words to live by from Kermit and Diaman:

 

Can you say, “Holy Shit!”

 

Having raised boys and girls this next list is excruciatingly funny!

“Kids have so much energy because they siphon it out of their parents like midget gasoline thieves.”

More pictures from our DL&LL Enterprises Fantasy Role Playing group.  I’ll let you guess which one is me and which one is Lethal.

And here’s another tool I’ve been looking for for a long time.

 

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he had for many years.

When his dog sadly died, Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying: “Father Patrick, my dog is dead. Could you possibly say Mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick told the farmer: “No, we can’t have services for an animal in church. But I’ll tell you what, there’s a new denomination down the road, and – no telling what they believe in – maybe they’ll do something for your pet.”

Muldoon said: “I’ll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough of a donation for the service?”

“Oh, why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic??”

And who’s this all dressed up to play?  I’ll give you a hint and tell you that Paul loves this outfit.

 

That terrifying moment when your cat enters your room, stares at something you can’t see, and then runs away in a panic.

 

Leave it to Pat Sajak and Vanna White to send the Internet into a confused oblivion. On a recent episode of “Wheel of Fortune,” there was a puzzle that was, to say the least, very puzzling. Take a look:

Believe it or not, it wasn’t “suck it dork,” and the Internet went in to a tizzy trying to figure out what it could be.

To be honest, our guesses weren’t much better. Luckily, we were all given sweet release thanks to one Twitter user.

Well, what are you waiting for? Back to work, guys.

Believe it or not, that last one was from Good Housekeeping.

 

When parking is at a premium…

 

 

Wow, this is totally AWESOME!!!!  Now THAT’S MAGIC!!

 

The “F” Word

There are only 11 times in history where the “F” word has been considered acceptable for use.

They are as follows:

11. “What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?”
— Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

10. “What the @#$% was that?”
— Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

9. “Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?”
— George Custer, 1877

8. “Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.”
— Albert Einstein, 1938

7. “It does so @#$%ing look like her!”
— Picasso, 1926

6. “How the @#$% did you work that out?”
— Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?”
— Michelangelo, 1566

4. “Where the @#$% are we?”
— Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. “Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!”
— Noah, 4314 BC

2. “Aw c’mon Monica. Who the @#$% is going to find out?”
— Bill Clinton, 1998

1. “There is no @#$%ing way Trump will ever become President”

— HilaryClinton 2016

Well here it is again, the end of another week and I’ve run out of week and not run out of stuff I wanted to share with you guys.

But, guess what?  You get me again in just a couple of days.  That’s right, I post again on Wednesday.  Why you ask?  Because Lethal is working up to a great Memorial Day issue and took Saturday and Next Wednesday and I have today and This Wednesday.  Don’t worry about it.  You’ll get it worked out.

But for now….Cheers.

Oh wait!  Any of you wondering about the picture I used for my header?  You know, there’s a very funny story that….

What’s that?

Posting time?

Well, I guess it will have to wait for another time.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon