I am a non-believer in all this global warming nonsense.  Our planet goes through phases of being warmer and colder throughout its lifetime and that’s all we’re going through now.

Except…

This past two weeks we’ve had more storms and more flooding then we’ve ever had before and record high temperatures across the country.  I’m writing this on Tuesday morning, well, starting it on Tuesday morning and I got like no sleep at all last night because of the incredible storms that were going on.  We were literally surrounded by funnel clouds and tornadoes for most of the night.  I had had a really rough day yesterday and I was asleep by about 6 pm. 

At 730 pm, I was woke up by Izzy Dragon telling me that the tornado siren was going off.  I told her and Mrs. Dragon to get ready to go to the basement while I checked things out, since I heard no rain or wind and the thunder was in the distance.

I went out back and searched the sky and the atmosphere was eerily calm.  And there was a slight green tint to the clouds and I knew EXACTLY what that meant.  While I was standing there, (actually hoping that this might be the time for my tornado picture!!) I checked the radar on my tablet and saw that we were, quite literally, surrounded by storms, but all we were getting was some sprinkles.

It didn’t stay that way all night, we got hit with some hard thunderstorms and because I’m a trained weather spotter, I’m connected up with their network and people were calling out funnel clouds all night long.  But nothing in my neighborhood. 

So, although I spent a mostly sleepless night in preparation to dash to the basement, I thank God that my family and I were protected and safe throughout. 

Although on my way to work this morning, I did almost end up dead.  But that’s another story…okay…okay…stop your yelling.  I’ll tell it real quick.  It’s not that big a deal.  I come into work early while it’s still dark outside and I didn’t notice a flooded area across the road.  I should have known better but blame a lack of sleep.  Well, I hit this flooded spot across the road at about 45 mph, didn’t even have time to hit the brake.  The road is just BARELY wide enough for two cars to pass each other.  Anyway, hit the water, lost control, (lost a hubcap, but I didn’t find out about that until I got to work.  It’s probably somewhere floating down the Wabash River by now) deep enough for the car to bounce off the ground a little bit and almost got washed off the side of the road, into a field with about a ten foot drop.

But I didn’t. 

I drove out and continued on my merry way and only had to change my shorts when I got to work.  Way too exciting of a day so far and it just started.  So, before I go and start telling more stories, why don’t we get this issue started:

I want to know who remembers the last incident?

Okay, going back to weather again, this is WAY Cool!

And this is what Mike Olbinski has to say about his video:

Some fast one-liners:

Me: I really want to travel.
Bank Account: Like…to the backyard?

I have no screws loose…they’re all just twisted and bent.

Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision.

You’re never too old to throw random shit in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.

People say everything happens for a reason so when I punch you in the face, remember, I have a reason.

When butterflies get nervous, do they feel humans in their stomach?

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!

Thanks to K2 for sending this next one

 

Our own dear Ginny writes to us with some startling answers.

I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs”, “Huggies”, and “Pampers”, while undergarments for old people are called “Depends”.

Well, here’s the lowdown on the whole thing.

When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv ‘em, Hug ‘em, and Pamper ‘em.  When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who’s in the will.

Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.

Thanks Ginny.  That helps a lot!

This is our head of security dressed up for formal dinner.

This next one was sent to me by my Dad…which is important, as you’ll see at the end.

The Goldberg Brothers – The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here’s a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 F degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 F degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off almost immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

There was no way that Old man Ford was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show —

Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max — on the controls.

Control yourself !

Just forward it on!!

This is what happens when you are retired and have too much time on your hands !

I guess there are guys out there who need that sort of device, but as you can tell by this next story, it’s probably not Lethal or me.

Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun had been out at the local tavern and were walking back to their offices.  This is back in the early years when their offices were kind of small and they didn’t have their own office tavern.

Anyway, being responsible drinkers they were walking rather than driving and as they crossed a bridge over the town’s river, the sound of running water and all the beer they had imbibed had its way with them and they both had to relieve their bladders.  So, being late at night and a lonely road, the moved to the edge of the bridge proceeded to relieve themselves.

During the process, Lethal Leprechaun shivered a bit and said, “Damn, that water sure is cold!”

Impish Dragon responded, “I wouldn’t know about that.  Us Dragons aren’t affected by the cold like you Leprechauns are, but I will say that the river sure is deep!”

Two guys, Cameron and Nyiko are sitting at their favourite bar, drinking beer.
Cameron turns to Nyiko and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the community college and sign up for some classes.” Nyiko agrees that it’s a good idea.
The next day, Cameron goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
“Logic?” Cameron asks, “what’s that?”
The dean says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a lawnmower?”
“Yeah.”
“Then logically speaking, because you own a lawnmower, I think that you would have a yard.”
“That’s true, I do have a yard.”
“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”
“Yes, I do have a house!”
“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”
“I have a family.”
“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.”
“Yes, I do have a wife.”
“And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be heterosexual.”
“I am heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a lawnmower.”
Excited to take the class now, Cameron shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Nyiko at the bar. He tells Nyiko about his classes, how he has signed up for Math, English, History and Logic.
“Logic?” Nyiko says, “What’s that?”
“I’ll show you,” says Cameron. “Do you have a lawnmower?”
“No.”
“Then you’re gay…..”

Yeah, I’ve had days like that.

This is too funny not to share.

 

Well folks, out of time for today.  I hope you all have a fantastic weekend.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

When I signed off from the issue as it went to auto-posting on Monday I had concerns about what Microflacid our high handed big brother cyber overlords were going to do to my computer in 6 days when I couldn’t authenticate the account due to the issue with the phone number being off a digit. Up to that point I had been unable to find a way to deal with what they had done sans my permission to my machine.

In typical Irish Marine/Leprechaun fashion, I sat back with a wee dram of Bushmill’s and pondered the problem for several hours looking for a new approach. Marines improvise adapt and overcome while Leprechauns well we’re pretty much exploitive, underhanded and down right sneaky.

It was then that St Patrick, Saint Jude and Saint Anthony all ganged up and slapped the back of my head for being obtuse and narrow in my vision.

Microsoft had forced my version of Windows 10 to cross a ‘programing Rubicon” that could not be returned across. Since I couldn’t go back to the way things were, I had no choice but to alter the path forward instead. To do this I had to keep the new sign in screen and keep the Outlook account (since I could not cancel it as Big Brother refused to allow this), but switch the sign in account to a local one of my own choosing, then disassociate the Outlook one from my computer entirely.

This still left me stuck with the new sign in/on screen so I made that my personal one in place of the one I had.  Since the Outlook account is now no longer associated with my computer, if they choose to lock it I’ve lost nothing since I had no intention of using it and now it can no longer impact my access to my computer.

In other words…

Not that I was really gone quite as yet but you can rest assured you’ll be seeing/hearing from me next week.

About 2 months ago I was forced while applying for some work to obtain a Microsoft Outlook email address. I abhor Microsoft and their accounts because they are invasive, pervasive and are used unapologetically in a Big Brother fashion to track you and your travails online.

Had I realized the extent of the invasiveness in Windows 10 I would have refused to get the account and walked away from the potential consulting work right away. I didn’t and only learned the next time I turned on the computer that now I was expected to sign into my Outlook account every time I wanted to use the computer and before I could even get into my computer or access my personal computer account password page.

There is no way to opt out of this or exempt yourself from it as our Microsoft Overlords refuse to permit it. NOW today I got a message when I started up about my account settings being “out of date” and needing to correct them. I was further told that in 7 days this would be required and I’d have no choice about it. Since resistance of Overload Gates is futile I went to comply only to discover that my cell number to which some confirmation of my identity was to be sent is wrong, it’s off a digit in the area code. I selected to confirm the identity online. This took me to a recover my account page where I was asked all sorts of questions before being told that my answers would be reviewed sometime in the next 24 to 48 hours and then I would be informed if they thought I was me and I could have my account back.

The problem here is I am unsure if the password will still work at that damned sign in prompt that blocks access to my computer every time I turn it on or not. There is a possibility that I will be unable to do so because the old pass will have been locked out. This means no access to my computer in that event most likely. No access means no more Leprechaun Laughs until such time as I can figure out a way to prevent that screen from appearing (about 40 man hours so far of research have come up with nothing to date) or until I get a new machine, which is likely to be August or September at the earliest.

Oh, yeah, that consulting work they insisted I have the Outlook address foe them to even talk to me about and apply for? I never got it.

They’re just as bad but fewer and you can’t throw rotten produce at your Dad over them

 

How many do you remember?

1992: Super Soakers, the most powerful squirt guns ever

1993: Crystal Pepsi

1994: Pogs

1995: Funnoodles (still going strong today)

1996: The Macarena, both the song and the dance

1997: Tamagotchis, and other “digital pets”

1999: Furbies

2000: Watching Survivor

2003: Flash mobs

2005: Rubber bracelets that raised money or awareness for a cause, like Lance Armstrong’s “LIVESTRONG”

2009: Fancy cupcakes

2012: YOLO, both saying it and living it

2014: Taking the “Ice Bucket Challenge” to raise money for ALS research

2015: Top-knots, man buns, and other male hair concepts

2016: Pokemon Go

 

Oscar Meyer Expands Wiener Vehicle Fleet With Wienermini, Wienerrover, Wienercycle And Wienerdrone

To celebrate a change to producing all their hotdogs with a new, artificial preservative-free recipe (oh God what have I been eating?), Oscar Meyer is adding four new vehicles to it’s Wienermobile fleet to help get the word out and deliver dogs.

Oscar Mayer introduces two new vehicles to Wiener Fleet

Oscar Mayer’s Wienermobile has been putting smiles on people’s faces since 1936. Now, the hot dog company has added a WienerCycle and a WienerDrone to its fleet of wiener vehicles.

Both new vehicles sport some interesting features. According to Food & Wine, the WienerCycle has an 8.5 horsepower engine, and keeps eight warm hot dogs in its sidecar. The WienerDrone can fly at speeds up to 50 miles per hour, go up to 1,500 feet in the air and drop a hot dog down with precision. 

The WienerCycle and WienerDrone join the Wienermobile, WienerMini and WienerRover as parts of the Wiener Fleet. 

Keep going for a video of the new Wiener vehicles in action and a tour inside the Weinermobile.

Oscar Mayer Introduces the Wienerfleet

 

Inside the Wienermobile

 

 

Summer Time Driving Gloves- Texas Style

 

Sniper sets world record after eliminating ISIS fighter from insane distance

ISIS can run, but they can’t hide — even if the good guys are over 2 miles away.

One ISIS member was going about a mission in Iraq with a couple other insurgents, blissfully unaware of his impending doom and fantasizing about women’s ankles and goat assholes, when out of nowhere — splat — .50 cal bullet through the dome. Mission: over.

The shot was fired from 2.2 miles away by a Canadian sniper. The special forces sniper from Canada’s Join Task Force 2 broke the world record for longest confirmed kill, shattering a British sniper’s previous record by about 3,280 feet.

There aren’t too many details available — revealing things such as the location would compromise strategy — but the kill completely fucked up what would have likely been a deadly operation conducted by the terrorist organization.

Supreme Court: Rejecting trademarks that ‘disparage’ others violates the First Amendment

The federal government has violated the First Amendment by refusing to register trademarks that officials consider disparaging, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously Monday in a decision that provides a boost to the Washington Redskins’ efforts to hang on to the team’s controversial name.

The ruling came in a case that involved an Asian American rock group called the Slants, which tried to register the band’s name in 2011. The band was turned down by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office because of a law against registering trademarks that are likely to disparage people or groups.

In a ruling against the government, the court said the “disparagement clause” of the federal trademark law was not constitutional, even though it was written evenhandedly, prohibiting trademarks that insult any group.

“This provision violates the Free Speech Clause of the First Amendment,” Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. wrote in a section of the opinion supported by all participating justices. “It offends a bedrock First Amendment principle: Speech may not be banned on the ground that it expresses ideas that offend.”

The ruling — and a second one Monday that struck down a North Carolina law restricting registered sex offenders from social-media sites — bolsters the reputation of the Supreme Court as protector of First Amendment rights.

“At a time when some have claimed that speech may and should be regulated or censored if it is offensive, hurtful, or dangerous, the justices’ firm insistence that governments may not silence messages they dislike is noteworthy and important,” Notre Dame law professor Richard W. Garnett said in a statement.

Redskins owner Daniel Snyder was more succinct in a statement: “I am THRILLED. Hail to the Redskins.” The team was not involved in the case at hand, although the court several times mentioned an amicus brief filed by the Redskins.

The case centered on the 1946 Lanham Act, which in part prohibits registration of a trademark that “may disparage . . . persons, living or dead, institutions, beliefs, or national symbols, or bring them into contempt, or disrepute.”

But the founder of the Slants, Simon Tam, said the point of the band’s name is just the opposite — an attempt to reclaim a slur and use it as “a badge of pride.”

In a Facebook post after the decision, Tam wrote: “After an excruciating legal battle that has spanned nearly eight years, we’re beyond humbled and thrilled to have won this case at the Supreme Court. This journey has always been much bigger than our band: it’s been about the rights of all marginalized communities to determine what’s best for ourselves.”

Tam lost in the first legal rounds. But then a majority of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit said the law violates the First Amendment’s guarantee of free speech. The government may not “penalize private speech merely because it disapproves of the message it conveys,” a majority of that court found.

Read original article here

Well folks that’s it for this week, and possibly a hell of a lot longer than that too. I’ll try and post something to let you know either way or have Impish put out the word if/when he has a moment to spare.

See things like THIS are why I can never be away from DL/LL Corporate HQ for any length of time much less a computer. Certain other key personnel whom shall remain nameless let things that should be taken care of on/in THEIR watch/issue fall through the cracks and I have to double time to same the Corporate face when I was just passing through intent on another destination entirely.

ANYWAY-

To our dear darling Ginny!

Ginny~

Please accept my sincere apology for this getting out so very late in the day.

Since it was too late to get you a cake please accept these wonderful gourmet donuts in it’s stead.

As well as the best wishes of all of us here at DL/LL Digital Media, including the forgetful one(s).

And an interesting couple of days it’s been since we last spoke.  I’ve been working pretty much non-stop and I’m working this weekend…this morning…while you’re reading this…

Don’t even worry about the fact while you’re sitting at home, relaxing, drinking coffee, having your favorite pastry, poor Impish Dragon is at work and … oh, never mind, even I can’t feel sorry for myself with such great readers as you guys.

So, …

So I figured a real groaner right from the start ought to be the way to start this issue that has a very short working time.  So, now that we’ve set the expectation meter at zero, let’s continue!

Children need to learn to take responsibility for their actions so that they do not become adults believing that nothing is ever their fault!

Call it a statement of belief.

Just a really cool picture

Two-year-old spits food out on the floor…

Wife: “We don’t spit!  If it’s in your mouth you swallow it!”

Me: *Raises eyebrows*

Wife: “You shut up!”

Dream a little dream of me…

This next one scares me…

And if you can’t figure out why, that scares me, too.

Who invented the backup sensor?

I bet you think it was Ford, maybe GM, how about Chrysler, No ? Then how about Mercedes Benz, or possibly the French or Italians ?
 
Nope ! It was a Chinese farmer !
 
Lots of the newer cars have a backup sensor that warns the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something.

Surprisingly, it was not developed by modern automotive engineers using the latest technology.  It was disclosed recently that the first to developed the Back-Up Sensor was a Chinese farmer.

His invention was simple and effective. It emits a high-pitch sound before the vehicle backs into something.

Here’s his first prototype:

 

 

Okay, so I’m warning you up front…

Once there was an auto mechanic who worked at his home. He had a dog named Mace. Mace was a good dog but he had one bad habit. He ate grass. Now most dogs will eat grass but Mace ate all the grass. The mechanic kept Mac in the house most of the time. One afternoon when the mechanic was working on a car, he dropped a wrench. Now the grass had become overgrown and the mechanic looked and looked through the tall grass but he couldn’t find the wrench. As it was late in the afternoon, he decided to stop work for the day and wait for to look for the wrench. Somehow, during the night, Mace got out of the house. The next morning when the auto mechanic opened the door, the sun was glinting off the wrench. Mace had eaten all the grass in the yard.
The mechanic lifted his eyes toward the sky and sang, “A grazing Mace, How sweet the hound, that found the wrench for me.”  

 

Maybe that should’ve gone with the other groaners?

 

Tensions on the Korean peninsula continue to heat up, North Korea provocatively building its threat of missile strikes, while the US continues to express its frustrations with the politically isolated regime.

Kim Jong Un’s test of an ICBM capable of striking the U.S. mainland is putting renewed pressure on a U.S. missile defense system racing to keep up with North Korea’s quickly evolving military threat.

Recently, North Korea escalated the military build up by unveiling its new military planes.  They say that these new planes will be actively used by their air force as early as this August.

Oh crap!  I’m really sorry.  That one should have been given a warning, also.

 

I’m on two diets now…

I wasn’t getting nearly enough food on just one! 

 

Okay, so of our boys in blue aren’t the brightest bulbs in the box.

Okay, I’m really sorry, but this is the last one…I promise. 

Okay, so I couldn’t help that last one…so…let’s just call it a day.  Let’s wrap up with something our dearly loved Diaman sent to me as today’s

A young lady  confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’.

She fooled them all…   

“How heavy is this glass of water?”, she inquired with a smile.  

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.  

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance.

In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.  When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced.

So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Pick them up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment.

Relax; pick them up later after you’ve rested.

Life is short.

Enjoy it and the now ‘supposed’ stress that you’ve conquered!”

 

1. Accept the  fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue!

2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4.  Drive carefully… It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8. Never buy a car you can’t push.

9. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

10. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

11.  Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12.  The second mouse gets the cheese.

13.  When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

14.  Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16.  Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

And that’s it for me today my great campers.  Be well, until we meet again. 

Love you, mom!