Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

I’ve taken a long weekend off.  And it’s Friday morning and I’m sitting here writing to you and I’ve got the news on in the background and I guess that’s my first mistake.  What a bunch of morons these politicians are.  But, I repeat myself. 

We were told at work the other day … and for those of you who don’t remember, I work for the military … that we are under a hiring freeze, we don’t have money to spend and we have to be very frugal.  Okay, I don’t have a problem with that.  When things are tough at home, you tighten the belt and don’t buy things you don’t need.  But, then on the other hand they are throwing trillions of dollars of our money at people who aren’t even Americans.  People who are illegally crossing the border, people who we brought back from Afghanistan, people who live in other countries, all while (and I know I’ve said this MANY times) we have homeless Veterans living on the streets that we are doing nothing for.  We can’t spend money to protect our country by supporting our military, but we can spend money to support other countries?  What the fuck people?

And now the Justice Department is being charged with investigating parents who are concerned with what their kids are being taught in school?  How dare we question those that are in charge.  What gall we have!  They know better than we do what’s good for us!  Parents just go back home and shut up and collect your unemployment checks!  Who do you think you are! 

Oh, kiss my big blue scaly ASS!!! 

The school board is an elected position.  You answer to your constituents buddy boy.  In other words: YOU FUCKING WORK FOR ME.  (Well, not for ME, necessarily, but you get the idea).

Anyway, if I keep watching the news, there will be plenty more for me to get pissed off at.  Let’s cut off funding to the military while we get spun up to face off against China.  Oh wait!  What am I worried about.  Our commander in chief works for China, so there’s no way in hell that we’ll ever go to war with them.

We’re so fucking screwed …

 

It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  The other day was Squeeze a Boob day (or some such) and I know I did my part.  I still have the hand print on my face to prove it.  I have been remiss over the last couple of years in promoting this disease like I used to do.  I guess when the people in your life recover and are doing really well you start to focus on other things and the Good Lord knows I’ve had plenty of other things to concentrate on.  But this is something that is worth putting some effort and some money into, if you have a couple of extra dollars sitting around.  There are some great charities and some companies out there doing some really great things.  The best place to start is the National Breast Cancer Organization: https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/

So, we’ll put some stuff throughout the issue and the issues to come throughout the month, but in the meantime …

I have to share this with you guys.  This was sent in by Pete.  Not Aussie Pete, the Other Pete. (We really need to work this out.  It’ll just be Aussie Pete and Pete, okay?  Okay!)  This was sent in by Pete and it’s his input at the end.

And Pete adds: 

But, once you get through it, it’s like Dorothy opening her front door when she landed in OZ….

 

I promise, just hold on!

 

Pain can be physical, mental, emotional and people don’t realize that just because they can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Thanks Pete.

 

 

 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.

The definition of rhetorical question.

I’m on my second Guardian Angel. 

My first one quit and is now in therapy.

“I have you in checkmate, Wizard.  Which means your daughter is mine!”

I’m old enough to remember when paper bags were being blamed for the destruction of trees – and plastic bags were the solution!

Therapy is nice … but screaming

FUCK

at the top of your lungs for 10 seconds is a lot faster and cheaper!!

Yeah, I got nothin’ … other than the obvious.

Just keep looking at it, you’ll get it.

Quote of the Day:  “Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.”  ~ Unknown

Okay … well, you can tell that today definitely has a theme …

I need this next one … and it has the benefit of me loving Pearls Before Swine! 

Gonna ask for it for Christmas

Wrinkles show you’ve laughed.
Scars show you’ve lived.

But frankly, there’s no excuse for your chin hairs.

Yes indeed, Stephanie … this is a picture of Mrs. Dragon:

I asked this lady if I could touch her hair.  She said yes.  So I ran my finger across her top lip and that’s how the fight got started.

THE FUCK YOU DON’T!!!!

No, it’s not right … and why are we sitting still and just taking it?  Do we like being fucked up the ass by the people who work for us?  By our employees?

She’s another ungrateful BITCH who needs to be fired!

And we all KNOW who’s shaking the fucking jar!!!

Dammit all to hell, I’m pissed off!!!

TELLING THE SAD TRUTH – NEVER SAID BETTER

 

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Franklin Graham was speaking at the First Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Florida, when he said America will not come back. He wrote:

 

* “The American dream ended “ The first term of Joe Biden has been the final nail in the coffin for the legacy of the white Christian males who discovered, explored, pioneered, settled and developed the greatest republic in the history of mankind.

 

A coalition of blacks, Latinos, feminists, gays, government workers, union members, environmental extremists, the media, Hollywood , uninformed young people, the “forever needy,” the chronically unemployed that do not want to work , illegal aliens and other “fellow travelers” have ended….Norman Rockwell’s America.

 

You will never again out-vote these people. It will take individual acts of defiance and massive displays of civil disobedience to get back the rights we have allowed them to take away. It will take zealots, not moderates and shy, not reach-across-the-aisle RINOs (Republicans In Name Only) to right this ship and restore our beloved country to its former status.

 

People like me are completely politically irrelevant, and I will probably never again be able to legally comment on or concern myself with the aforementioned coalition which has surrendered our culture, our heritage and our traditions without a shot being fired.

 

The Cocker spaniel is off the front porch, the pit bull is in the backyard, the American Constitution has been replaced with Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals” and the likes of Chicago shyster David Axelrod along with international socialist George Soros have been pulling the strings on their beige puppet and have brought us Act 2 of the New World Order.

 

The curtain will come down but the damage has been done, the story has been told.

 

Those who come after us will once again have to risk their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor to bring back the Republic that this generation has timidly frittered away due to white guilt and political correctness..”

 

 

 

 

The secret to a happy life is to drink coffee (and Jameson) and avoid talking to morons.

That’s so evil!  I LOVE IT!!

Just slung my bra off and threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already two other bras.  If my math is right, it’s Wednesday. 

When I tell someone I love them I actually

mean it … I have too good of a heart to play

with someone else’s!

Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves.

And that’s where I come in.

And that’s it for today my friends.  I missed out on some stuff that we’ll get to next time.  Love and happiness to you all.  Until we meet again.

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to Thursday!  It’s been a week.  Leading into a long weekend.  And after the week that I’ve had, I could really use a nice loooooong weekend.  But, then again, I’m sure all of us could. 

I’ve got some really … um … interesting things to share with you guys this morning.  The battle of the Petes, a new conspiracy theory from our dear Stephanie, and some other things that we’ll get to as they pop up.  How does that sound to everyone?

But first … let’s start with some laughs, shall we?

Well, having gotten a bill from the phone company in California that followed me all the way to Germany for ten cents, that by the time it caught up with me, got my commander involved and had them threatening to take me to court for non-payment, I completely believe this nonsense as being true.  Mine ended up being a computer glitch as well and took so long to work out because of forwarding addresses through my parents that took approximately three months or so to finally catch up to me.  When my commander finally got the full story, he did end up laughing about it, but at first it was a bit dicey.

Most of you youngsters won’t get that one either.

We need many more signs like this one.

And yet one more that the youngsters won’t get.

Okay, for this one, I’ll even give you a hint:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeT5otk2R1g

“Come on baby, we’re going hunting!  And it ain’t gonna be for wabbits!!”

If Methadone is free to addicts because they have a disease,

Why is Chemo not free for cancer patients?

Shout it from the roof tops!

I think it would be awesome if Walmart added an upper level observation deck with a bar.

I want to ride my bicycle …

A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00.  It is $2.50 in the Bahamas.  These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

Okay, it’s time for the story of the Petes.   I’m not sure if you realize it or not, but we have two Petes who read and contribute to Dragon Laffs.  And it’s been Aussie Pete who I was very lightly picking on in the last couple of issues, what with all the “Meanwhile In Australia” memes that suddenly came up in rotation and with what is going on in Australia right now and I didn’t even mention the whole controversy with us (the United States, Not Dragon Laffs) selling Australia submarine technology instead of France.  If it was Dragon Laffs that got the contract, it would look more like this:

 Anyway, Jeannie, (aka Gracie) knows Pete, but not Aussie Pete and got confused and thought I was talking about Pete and … well, here’s how the comment section went:

Jeannie (aka Gracie)

2 days ago

A most excellent post Impish!! Absolutely excellent!
But.. stop picking on my Pete! Hehehe!!
He’s so funny, isn’t he?!

And the funny part is that Pete and Aussie Pete responded at just about the same time from, I’m assuming, opposite sides of the world:

AUSSIE PETE

17 hours ago

Thanks to my new girl-friend Jeannie (aka Gracie) for sticking up for me, you are a sweetie ! Aussie Pete. xxx

Pete

17 hours ago

Jeannie, He was picking on the other Pete, not me. Thanks for sticking up for me though…..LOL

And I do think it was nice that Aussie Pete emphasized it was him by capitalizing his name.  Nice.  And he is a flirty guy from down under … so there is that, too.  Be careful, Pete.

Okay … now that I’m all done stirring THAT pot, let’s see what other trouble I can get into …

I hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together.

And then it’s even worse when I realize I was a year or two ahead of them.

And it should be silly, silly ANTIFA … oh … right … I’m sorry.  They are “mostly peaceful protestors”.

Okay, so how about Stephanie’s conspiracy theory … I happen to like it … A LOT!

Stephanie

Just a thought, and I’m in no way saying this is what is going on, but……
What if a lab in China “accidently” released a virus. One that could be treated by tweaking an antiviral that has been successful in treating ebola. A study could be done to discover which countries would be able to mass produce said vaccine. Easy to find out where there isn’t access to treatment and those places could be easily overtaken by the treated conquers. Then look at those with access and determine how many of different populaces would refuse treatment and how many would accept treatment. Easy to determine when hospitals would be most overloaded with those “accidently” infected. Best time to strike out is when normal resources are stretched too thin, people too weak to fight. You can’t defend yourself if you have no resources. Along with this being used as a study for biowarfare,( why not study it that way from a military perspective) we have given our enemies weaponry to attack us with.
Just a thought

And what happens when the lab just happens to be owned by the same people who own the companies that make the “vaccines” and are controlled by the politicians who own stock in said companies who control whether the population must get those “vaccines” …

Nothing to see here folks, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

Facebook was removed from Facebook for violating Facebook Community Standards.

Okay, so that’s it for today.  I hope you guys had as much fun as I did.  May your day be filled with love and  happiness.

Good Morning Campers,

I have to apologize to you all for missing Saturday’s issue … um … episode … um … WHATEVER!  We’re not going to start that crap again.  Anyway, nothing big, I had something important come up out of the blue with family that I had to take care of and … well … without going into details that are not mine to share, it needed to be taken care of.

Anyway, I gather my last issue with the questions for Aussie Pete got somebody’s attention.  I got this comment from Jeannie/Gracie.

Jeannie (aka Gracie)

A most excellent post Impish!! Absolutely excellent!
But.. stop picking on my Pete! Hehehe!!
He’s so funny, isn’t he?!

I wasn’t picking on him … I was wondering what the hell was going on down under.  He is our far south representative, after all.  They got a lot of strange shit down there.

A wise man speaks because he has something to say.

A fool speaks because he has to say something.

“Look, I don’t like you.  You don’t like me.  But we gotta make this work, for the kids.” ~ Me to my swimsuit before taking the kids to the pool.

Do we still call Girl Scout Cookies, Girl Scout Cookies? Or are they called Gender Neutral Fatass Snacks now?

Somehow I think this would actually work.

After all these years my wife still thinks I’m sexy …

Every time I walk by she says, “What an ass”

The side of the road is not your dumpster.  Whether it be a highway, county road, non-maintained road, etc.  Stop being disrespectful.

“Come on, Buddy.  We’ve got Shit to take care of!”

The Bozo criminal for today comes from San Francisco, California. Bozo Bobby Wells went into the downtown branch of the Bank of America with the intention of robbing it. He grabbed a deposit slip and wrote, “This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” Then while waiting in line, he got scared and thought someone might have seen him write the note. So, he leaves and goes down the street to the Wells Fargo bank. After waiting in line there, he handed the teller the note. Seeing the spelling mistakes on the note, the teller realized she had a bozo on her hands. She told him she could not accept the note because it was on a Bank of America slip and he would either have to write a note on Wells Fargo paper or go back to the Bank of America. The bozo reluctantly said OK and left the bank. He was arrested minutes later, back in line at the Bank of America.

 

 

 

Really old joke:

Wife:  Could you please go and  buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.

Short time later the husband walks in with 6 cartons of milk.

Wife:  Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?

Husband:  They had eggs.

Has anybody else considered that the media has us so wrapped up in this stupid murder case to take our minds off how the democrats are fucking our country over?  And I don’t mean that it is a stupid murder case, but aren’t there like hundreds or thousands of murder cases every week?  Why are we so wrapped up in this one?  Because the media is telling us to be.  Look over here, so you you’re not looking over here.  We, as an American public, are so fucking stupid.

“PSST, Sweetheart, wanna buy an apple?”

We live in times where smart people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Republicans and Democrats are nothing more than a pair of unfit parents in a custody battle over America.

They’re not hurting each other near as much as they’re hurting this country.

The founder of Dubai, Sheikh Rashid, was asked about the future of his country, and he replied, “My grandfather rode a camel, my father rode a camel, I ride a Mercedes, my son rides a Land Rover, and my grandson is going to ride a Land Rover…but my great-grandson is going to have to ride a camel again.”

Why is that, he was asked? And his reply was, “Hard times create strong men, strong men create easy times. Easy times create weak men, weak men create difficult times.  Many will not understand it, but you have to raise warriors, not parasites.”

And add to that the historical reality that all great empires…the Persians, the Trojans, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, and in later years, the British…all rose and all but perished within 240 years. They were not conquered by external enemies; they rotted from within.

America has now passed that 240 year mark, and the rot is starting to be visible and is accelerating. We are past the Mercedes and Land Rover Years….the camels are on the horizon.

Jeanne Louise Calment had the longest confirmed human Lifespan on record: 122 years and 164 days.

It seems that fate strongly approved of the way Madam Calment lived her life.

Jeanne was born in Arles, France, on 21st February 1875.

When the Eiffel Tower was built, she was 14 year old.

It was at this time that she met Vincent van Gogh.

“He was dirty, badly dressed and disagreeable,” she recalled in an interview given in 1988.

When she was 85, she took up fencing, and she was still riding on her bike when she reached 100.

When Jeanne was 114, she starred in a film about her life; at 115 she had an operation on her hip, and at 117 she gave up smoking (having started at the age of 21 in 1896).

Apparently, she didn’t give it up for health reasons, but because she didn’t like having to ask someone to help her light a cigarette once she was becoming almost blind.

In 1965, Jeanne was 90 years old and had no heirs.

She signed a deal to sell her apartment to a 47-year-old lawyer called André-François Raffray.

He agreed to pay her a monthly sum of 2,500 francs on the condition that he would inherit her apartment after she died.

However, Raffray not only ended up paying Jeanne for 30 years, but died before she did at the age of 77.

His widow was legally obliged to continue paying Madam Calment until the end of her days.

Jeanne retained sharp mental faculties.

When she was asked on her 120th birthday what kind of future she expected to have, she replied: “A very short one.”

Quotes and rules of life from Jeanne Calment:

“Being young is a state of mind, it doesn’t depend on one’s body, I’m actually still a young girl; it’s just that I haven’t looked so good for the past 70 years.”

“I’ve only got one wrinkle, and I’m sitting on it.”

“All babies are beautiful.”

“I’ve been forgotten by our good lord..”

“I’m in love with wine.”

“Always keep your smile That’s how I explain my long life.”

“If you can’t change something, don’t worry about it.”

“I have a huge desire to live and a big appetite, especially for sweets.”

“I never wear mascara; I laugh until I cry too often.”

“I see badly, I hear badly, and I feel bad, but everything’s fine.”

“I think I will die of laughter.”

“I have legs of iron, but to tell you the truth, they’re starting to rust and buckle a bit.”

“I took pleasure when I could. I acted clearly and morally and without regret. I’m very lucky.”

(At the end of one interview, in response to a journalist who said he hoped they would meet again the following year):

“Why not? You’re not that old; you’ll still be here.”

And here is one to take to heart, my fellow campers:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lucky for me I d0n’t have enough friends for an intervention.

It’s life. 

You don’t figure it out.

You just climb up on the beast and ride.

Sometimes I question my Sanity.

Occasionally, it replies.

People will provoke you until they bring out your ugly side, then play victim when you go there.

If practice makes perfect, how come waking up in the morning never gets any easier?

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with the devil…

Satan: ‘Why so glum?’

Guy: ‘What do you think? I’m in hell!’

Satan: ‘Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
You a drinking man?’

Guy: ‘Sure, I love to drink.’

Satan: ‘Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink ’til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.’

Guy: ‘Gee that sound s great!’

Satan: ‘You a smoker?’

Guy: ‘You better believe it’

Satan: ‘All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest
cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get
cancer – no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?’

Guy: ‘Wow…that’ s awesome!’

Satan: ‘I bet you like to gamble.’

Guy: ‘Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.’

Satan: ‘Good, ’cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.’

Guy: ‘Cool!’

Satan: ‘What about drugs?’

Guy: ‘Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…?’

Satan: ‘That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great
big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.’

Guy: ‘Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!’

Satan: ‘You gay?’

Guy: ‘No…’

Satan: ‘Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough.

And that’s it my friends.  Until next time.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

I know for you guys it was really yesterday, but for me it’s today!  And it’s National Coffee Day!  One of the greatest holidays of all time!    A National celebration of the elixir of the Gods!  The only thing that could possibly be better is a National Jameson Day!  And we all know THAT’S not going to happen … although … I wonder who I have to bribe to get that done.  Anyway, we’ll celebrate the wins that we DO have.  I searched for a couple of gifs to send to you in celebration of this great day and when I mentioned to Izzy Dragon if she knew what special holiday it was today, she IMMEDIATELY told me what day it was.  I said, “Well how did YOU know?”  And she told me that the Care Bears told her and then she sent me the Care Bears gif that you see to the left.  So, I thought I’d share THAT one with you guys.  She actually stole that one from Facebook and had to convert it to a gif herself and is actually pretty proud of her accomplishment.  As well she should be.

Mrs. Dragon just informed me, while doing more continuous genealogical research, that I am distantly related, through marriage, to … can I have a drumroll please … President John Adams, President John Quincy Adams, President Grover Cleveland, President Gerald Ford, and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  So, four presidents and a famous poet.  And my response to Mrs. Dragon?  So, what the fuck happened to me?  Maybe I got Longfellow’s way with words … nah.  I never did care for Hiawatha.

Anyway …. let’s get started on the laughter while we … you guessed it … imbibe in some liquid gold:

That’s really kind of funny that that’s the next one that came up in rotation.

The next time you’re afraid to share ideas, remember – someone once said in a meeting, “Let’s make a movie with a tornado full of sharks.”

Today my daughter called me “Birth Person.”

I replied, “Yes, Financial Drain?”

I need to re-home a dog.  It’s a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.

If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll jump over the neighbor’s fence and get it for you.

FETCH ME MY COFFEE!!!

Those BASTARDS!

I don’t know what I’d do without coffee …

Probably twenty-five to life in the state penitentiary.

WTF Pete?

I’m not trying to make waves here, but in my opinion Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

I’m not kidding Pete, truly, WTF?

“I will now sing a ballad to coffee…”

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Steak Houses.  It will be for people who love meat tender.

My mom would not stop yelling at me for not doing enough around the house, so at 3 in the morning I started vacuuming.

And at 3:05 I would have started beating your ass.

How the hell did that picture get in there?  Stephanie, I thought all the pictures of us had been destroyed!!!

A woman with a salad walked past me in the restaurant and said you know a cow died so you could eat that beefburger.  I said if you weren’t eating its food it might have lived.

Ten years from now you’ll put on a jacket and find a mask in the pocket.  “Oh man, what a weird year that was,” you’ll chuckle to yourself.  Then you’ll pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid the roving gangs of cannibal raiders.

And it will be called the Fall of Biden and the China Virus.

 

I have forgiven a lot, but I have never forgotten what was done to me and what was said to me.

Learn to deal with people for who they are, not who you want them to be.  Life gets a lot easier when you stop expecting apple juice from oranges. ~ Rigel J. Dawson

Really PETE, WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK!?!?

Those (of us) with chronic illnesses aren’t faking being sick.  They are actually faking being well.

Okay … I’m just friggin’ done …

When I was a kid … no … wait … I still do that.

Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.

Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”

Edna: “Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a Gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!  Then he takes me Downstairs, and what’s there but a luxury car… A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner… A marvelous dinner… Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.  Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!”

Dorothy: “Goodness gracious!… So you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?”

Edna: “No, no, no… I’m just saying, wear an old dress.”

Okay, I could go with this all night long, but then I’d never get any sleep and never get to work tomorrow.  Love you all.  Hope you had as much fun with this one as I did.  So many, many things I didn’t get to.  Be well until we meet again.

Good Morning Campers,

Just another lazy Sunday morning here at Casa de Dragon.  And boy do I need one.  It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve had a day to just sit around and do nothing at all.  And that’s exactly what I plan to do today.  Nothing but sit here, write to you guys, laugh a little, maybe watch some TV.  Take Willow out a dozen times or so.  Boy, is she a pill.  I’m not really sure what bug has gotten up here ass, but Izzy Dragon left her backpack that she uses for work on one of the chairs in the living room last night when she went up for bed and Willow has determined that it is some sort of intruder and has stopped throughout the morning to bark at it…over and over and over again.  Then she’ll go back to playing or sleeping or whatever it was she was doing and then later she’ll spot it again and go back to barking at it again.  It is absolutely hilarious. 

Oh, and she loves to eat crickets.  I had to look up on line to make sure that they weren’t going to make her sick or anything because that has become her favorite outdoor activity.  Hunting and eating crickets.  And Lord knows there’s enough of them in the back yard for her to hunt down.  That and chasing the little white butterflies.  Those, she has a little more trouble catching.  Her favorite indoor activity?  Helping me with Dragon Laffs.  Which means it takes me roughly twice as long to put out an issue now as it used to.  LOL!  Now … if I only had twice as much time, that would be great.

So, what do you say we get to the good stuff, shall we?

Oh … by the way … those of you who were sending an email to impishdragon@gmail.com and getting a message about the mailbox being full … that problem has been fixed.  I had a clog in the delete drain that has been fixed.  Thanks to Leah for pointing it out to me.

Posted a photo of my clean house and it was flagged and removed as “Fake News”

Yeah … it’s on the Christmas wish list

Sometimes those midnight snacks are the best.

“Wanna go swimming?”

Yeah, I know it’s lame, but I couldn’t think of anything else.

That’s wrong in SO MANY ways.

Was in the pub a few months ago with my mate and these four huge bastards started mouthing off at us.  “Pretend we’re the police,” my mate said.

I only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us.

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in company?

Because it is two gross.

What has four letters,

sometimes has nine letters,

but never has five.

Interesting Trivia

Owls’ ears are placed asymmetrically –

at different heights on the sides of their faces –

so sound reaches each ear at different times.

This is essential to identify the exact direction of their prey.

Success is relative – The more success, the more relatives!

A mate and I were walking past a poster on the local library wall.

It featured a photo of Einstein with the words

“Even Einstein reads books.”
My friend was amazed, he said …..

“I didn’t know Einstein’s first name was Even.”

I went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood …

Then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.

I’m just trying to find a happy medium.

I have some significant questions …

I’m writing a book in the fifth person … So, every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy’s cousin who told somebody’s girlfriend …”

So … you think the Army isn’t ready?

The dog lied … and is now laughing his ass off.

Some people say, “Ignorance is bliss.”  I wouldn’t know about that.

And if you don’t get this one, you are way too young.

As soon as someone invents a time machine, I’m going back to when being fat and pale was a sign of nobility.

 

A little boy has diarrhea and says to his mom, “I need some Viagra.”

Mom says, “Why?”

Little boy says, “Isn’t that what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

I remember a man who said, “We need to close our borders.”
I remember a man who said, “We need to bring our businesses home.”
I remember a man who said, “We need to become less dependent on other countries to survive.”
I remember a man who said, “We need to take care of America first!!!”

If you vote democrat after all this is over then you really are just an idiot!

A dog had his chain reduced one link at a time, every few days, until his chain was so short he could barely move.  He never resisted because he was conditioned to the loss of his freedom slowly, over time.  It’s happening to Americans right now.

And that’s it for today my friends.  Love and happiness to you all, enjoy your week until we meet again.