Well, that was interesting.  Can’t seem to hit the right key.  Gotta be careful.  So, let’s see if I can prep this whole issue (or, what did Trish G. call it?  Hang on, I got a snail mail from Trish G. today and she used a really good term … digest!)  So, let’s see if I can prep this whole digest without doing something stupid and having to start over again!  

Anyway…my Grandson made me very proud today.  His birthday is next week and I popped his birthday card in the mail this morning.  Something Mrs. Dragon used to insure got taken care of every time, so I am quite proud of myself that I’ve kept up.  But, when I got on Facebook this morning to check on the dart schedule I noticed that Hayden had put out a request for his birthday.  My grandson, who is only turning 17, has taken up a cause.  And it’s not a stupid, snowflake cause, either.  It’s one that is very dear to me.  

Veteran Suicide is so much higher than the civilian population.   In this day and age of bullshit causes, “Save the Red Nostril Hummingbird” (Collect the Whole Set) to see this young man choose such an important charity made me proud of him. 

And so Izzy Dragon told me that Facebook offers you to start fund raisers when it gets close to your birthday as an automatic thing, but the list of charities that you can choose from is huge.  So, it’s not like Hayden may have chased this down on his own, but he did choose a very important charity, so Grandpa is still very proud of this.  And if you guys want to help out Hayden like I did here’s a link to his charity: https://www.facebook.com/donate/3299298117058629/3299298140391960/

And with that, we’ll move on to the laughter portion of today’s digest, so why don’t we get to the …

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself…

I really need to wash some cups.

I’m pretty sure my dream job would be Karma Delivery Person.

Every relationship needs boundaries…

…Mine are set at 500 feet, according to the paperwork.

Sure, something we can all run out and pick up.

I read books, I smoke (cigars), I drink wine (and coffee) and I know things. (And I may have used this one before, lol)

Which is why you could stand behind your open car door and be somewhat protected from incoming gun fire.  You can’t do that anymore.  The car doors nowadays won’t even slow a bullet down.

If you’re single, just have patience. 

Your soulmate is almost done with those divorce papers.

You know you’re officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.

I’ve never had to do that…but according to Mrs. Dragon, she had to do that as a kid quite often.  

You can’t give away a used mattress, but somehow we’ll pay three hundred bucks a night to sleep on one at a hotel.

I’m not really sure what this is…so…

“Yeah!  Let’s get his ass!”

From Stephanie: 

My ex-mother-in-law was Polish and they shortened the name Satanski to Americanize it. My ex MIL was literally Satan. They pronounced it Say-tan.

Stephanie, that explains SO MUCH.  I should also add, that she sent that along with this picture…

So, the story just wasn’t out of the blue, it did make sense.

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to  tell him the truth.  “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.”

Little Tony said, “Oh, okay,” and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse.  It’s called Bunk Beds.  And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”

Izzy Dragon sent this to me and asked me if I would eat this?  I thought…maybe.  Then she said, how about this one…

ummm…. probably not.

It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.

If you don’t get it, you had a crappy education.

Stephanie wrote to me and told me that her sister got 6 days in Facebook jail for posting the following image…which you’ve seen before here in DL.

What is untrue about that statement?  Cooking and chemistry are completely the same thing!  Reactions of (normally) an exothermic input on an organic substance.  Anything from frying an egg to toasting bread to grilling a steak.  How is that fake news?  It just goes to show what we all, already know…the Facebook Fact Checkers are MORONS!

My darling Mrs. Dragon and much of her family are deeply into Genealogy, so I recently texted this to my dear sis-in-law, who wrote back to me “Assorted Crackers AND Mixed Nuts”  and I think she is still laughing over this…I think Mrs. Dragon is too.

Today I will live in the moment. 

Unless the moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I’ll take a nap.

If all the world’s a stage, someone in casting needs to be fired!

Chinese third graders are learning multi-variable calculus.  Our third graders are being taught that “men can have babies.” 
This will not end well.

After last night’s pathetic speech, set to a dark red background, where he called half of the nation evil semi-fascists and alienated us, I’d say he doesn’t work for ANYBODY but himself!  HE NEEDS TO BE IMPEACHED!! 

I love this!!

Our entire universe is probably in a tiny glass jar somewhere, placed on a shelf in an alien child’s room as a science fair project that got a C-. 

“Life is a Highway”

“I Obviously Took a Dirt Road”

So, a female employee got an expensive pen as a birthday gift from her boss.  She sent him a “Thank you note” by email. 

The Boss’s wife read the email and filed for divorce.

The email said:  Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night.  It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke.  I loved its perfect size and grip.  Felt like I was in heaven when using it.  Thanks a lot.!

Moral:  A “space” is an essential part of English grammar!

Saving the best for last, here’s today’s list of Dragon Laffs Heroes!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every one of you who have contributed towards the bills to keep this experiment in humorous rebellion going for another year.  Your generosity is deeply appreciated!  …. now, if you all could just take back your donations and add to zeroes to the end of them, then I could retire and do this full time and life would be OUTSTANDING!!!!!!

You guys know I’m just kidding.  I love you all and your current level of generosity is overwhelming.  Maybe someday I’ll be able to retire and do this full-time.  At any rate, it’s time to put this one to bed.  Love and happiness to you all.  Until Monday.

So, we’ll call it a preview of tomorrow’s header.  That’s what happens when you hit the wrong button.  I hit publish instead of save and couldn’t call it back.  Oh well.  There’s a preview of Saturday’s header.  More to come tomorrow.  

 

I learned something today…well, truth be told, I already knew this, but it was reinforced to me today.  Happiness is important.  In fact, spreading happiness to other people is probably one of the most important things you can do in life.  Now, I’m not saying just making people laugh, although that’s important, too.  But, sometimes, it’s so easy to bring happiness to other people.  Holding a door for someone, helping someone carry in their groceries, buying beer mugs for your guys in the office as a thank you for their hard work, being that someone on the other end of the phone when they need to talk…and letting them talk while you actually listen.

And sometimes, making people laugh is just enough for the day…because that’s why we’re here, right?  So, let’s see what we can do about putting some smiles on some faces.

And I’m sorry to say this is going to be a short issue.  I’ve completely run out of time.  I have one hour to put together as much of an issue as I can manage, then I have to go pick up Izzy Dragon from work and go to bed.  My humblest apologies, but I will make it up to you guys on Saturday, so right now, I will make one fast plea for donations to Dragon Laffs.  Remember, you can hit the donation button at the upper right hand corner of the web site or you can write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I will send you my snail mail address or you can go through your bank and go directly to my bank by using Zelle and my email address of rem.wydock@sbcglobal.net.

Okay, that’s it, now..

God created man and woman.

 

Democrats created all the other genders.

I wish my wallet came with free refills.

Amen!

Why must I prove that I am me to pay my bills over the phone?  Do strangers call to pay my bills?  And if they do why don’t you let them?

“Okay, it’s time to go to sleep.  Now, Once upon a time, there was a little dragon who …”

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

I got most of them.

Batman:  [buys Catwoman a drink]

Catwoman:  [slowly pushes drink off the table]

Yeah, I got nuthin’ because I’m in a hurry, but it’s a cool picture.

I’ve decided drinking isn’t the answer to my problems.  However, I’m not a quitter so I’m going to give it another chance.

I’M A

WOODEN SPOON

LEAD PAINT

NO CAR SEAT

NO SEAT BELT

NO BIKE HELMET

BED OF PICKUP RIDING

GARDEN HOSE DRINKING

SURVIVOR

Five Facts About Reading:

Fact 1:  Reading can make you a better conversationalist. 

Fact 2:  Neighbors will never complain that your book is too loud. 

Fact 3:  Knowledge by osmosis has not yet been perfected.  You’d better read. 

Fact 4:  Books have stopped bullets — reading might save your life. 

Fact 5:  Dinosaurs didn’t read.  Look what happened to them.

I was in Florida and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, “I miss Detroit”.

So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read, “I hope this helps.”

Now THAT’S a GREAT Dad!!!

That’s it, I came close.  But, I gotta fly.  Love and Happiness to you all.  Until next time.

I AM GETTING SO PISSED OFF AT OUR GOVERNMENT!  

The unbelievable audacity of Biden and the other democrats and honestly, some of the republicans makes me absolutely sick to my stomach.  

WE DO NOT HAVE A MONARCHY!  

Our country is a Democracy.  Biden does not have the authority to forgive student loans and make the rest of us pay for it…but he did.  It’s going to cost each of us tax payers $2,000 to pay for the student loans of people who won’t pay them back.  That’s pure bullshit.  I pay my bills, Why should I pay someone else’s bills?  And it’s congress who makes those decisions, not the president.  He’s breaking the law right in front of us, and nobody is even calling him out on this.

And then he calls me and quite a few of you as well, I’d guess, semi-fascists!  Yeah, way to bring the country together there, Joey.  Oh, but that’s not what you are trying to do, is it?

And the newly elected stupid bitch (friend of AOC) yelling that it was a great win for socialism!  Oh my Dear God!  You stupid, stupid fool!  Do you have any idea what socialism really is?  Do you have any idea at all how many wars that men and women like me and a lot of you have fought to rescue people from?  A lot of them stupid foolish people JUST LIKE YOU!

And the worst part of it is that they are lying to our face…TO OUR FACE…and daring us to say something about it.  And expecting us to not say a damn word about it.  
BIDEN:  I didn’t know anything at all about the raid on Trump before it happened.
The only person who can sign off on that kind of a raid on a former President is the CURRENT President!  So, did the FBI and a Judge sign off on all of this without your approval or are you lying AGAIN?  I’m going to go with the latter since you have such a long running list of lies to your credit.
No new taxes to your New Green Deal or whatever the hell you’re calling it.
I mean, come on, let’s be honest.  You’re not even the real president.  Someone in the background is pulling your strings, you prove it all the time.  Saying things like, “Oh, that’s right, I’m not supposed to answer any questions…”  Who the hell tells the president he can’t answer any questions?

It’s all crap.  The FBI, Mainstream media and Democratic party are in collusion to fix the last election and to control the country.  What happened to Democracy?  OUR VOTES MEAN NOTHING!  HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO PUT UP WITH THIS?

Gasp! Pant! Pant! Gasp!

I really need to stop watching the damn news when I’m working on Dragon Laffs… Really and truly I do.  Sorry about that diatribe, but I’m so pissed off right now I couldn’t help myself.  So…what we need to do is get our laff on.  Then we’ll get to other stuff.  How does that sound to everyone? 

Okay, good.

My kids laugh because they think I’m crazy.

I laugh because they don’t know it’s hereditary.

I can’t afford an Ancestry DNA Kit to learn about my relatives.  So instead, I posted online that I had won the lottery.

Me too

And thus became the start of the Three Conquistador Stooges

In an effort to expand their demographic, the National Weather Service has just published instructions on how to bake a lasagna in your mailbox.

No kidding!  

Let me look into my crystal ball to see your future…

It’s only Saturday, and we’ve already gotten a few donors jumping in the pool already.  So, we want to recognize and thank them!  You are so very generous!

I can’t express my gratitude enough to you campers.  You are truly wonderful people.  Thank you ever so much for everything you’ve given.  It doesn’t matter if it’s $100 or $1.  It is appreciated.  It means that you think what I have put together is worth something and you have given what you can afford or what you think my efforts are worth.  Either way I am touched and humbled.  Thank you ever so very much.  You have no idea what it means to me.  Truly.  May God Bless each and every one of you, whether you donate or not.  It matters not.  I know there are many of you out there who can’t afford it and for those, don’t worry about it.  The rest of us will help carry your burden.  Because that’s what family does.  And for those of you who do help carry that burden…

And thanks to Chris, we have determined that you can also donate through Zelle.  My bank, and probably your bank participate in Zelle, or you may have the Zelle App.  I don’t have the App, but as Chris has already proven, I don’t have to have it because it’s already built into my Bank’s App.  Under my bank’s bill pay section it says you can transfer money through Zelle and unlike PayPal that takes a cut of everything that is donated, Zelle doesn’t do that.  So, if you wish to transfer money safely, bank to bank, all you need is the email address that is associated with my bank which is rem.wydock@sbcglobal.net.  So, give that one a try if you like and drop me an email to let me know.  But drop me an email at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll get it faster.  The other one is more of a home/business email that isn’t checked as frequently.

Izzy Dragon, my young, hip, connected daughter says that I should use Venmo for donations.  My response was, “What the heck is Venmo?”  She says it’s owned by PayPal but is easier to use, safer and people like it better.  What do you guys think?  Those of you who don’t like using PayPal would you feel better with Venmo?  I’ll do a little research, but I’m interested in hearing from you guys, my friends and family.  Oh, and I was just told by Miss Izzy D, “Cash App sucks, I’d never use Cash App.” So I suppose that one is out.  LOL! 

Let me know what you guys think. 

I used to be able to do a poll on here…wonder if I can do that again?

Growing a new set of teeth would be so much more useful at age 60 than age 6.

I so wholeheartedly agree!!!!

When I was in class 7, I used to ask a lot of questions….

One day, I asked my English Teacher, “Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation for example, the letter H in Hour, Honour, etc?”

My English Teacher said, “We are not ignoring them; they’re considered ‘silent'”

(I was even more confused???)

During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.

I ate all the food and returned her the empty container!!

My English Teacher:  “What happened?  I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.”

I replied, “Madam, I thought the ‘H’ was silent.”

Dedicated to all English Teachers

I lost my other sock in the dryer…I hate it when that happens.

And what kind of demonstration … yeah, never mind … I don’t want to know.

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.

Somedays, I look back on my life and I’m extremely impressed I’m still ALIVE!

I don’t know if my pants are feeling loose because I’m losing weight, or the elastic is finally giving up the fight.

My boss calls me “The Computer”.

Nothing to do with my intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

I think that’s a marvelous idea!

Chinese third graders are learning multi-variable calculus.  Our third graders are being taught that “men can have babies.”  This will not end well.

There is no 5 year old in the world that is explicitly gay, lesbian, transgender or heterosexual.

Small children do not think about sex and sexuality unless they have been groomed to do so by an adult.

These are the facts.

What do you call a paternity testing facility in Indiana?

Hoosier Daddy

Stephanie sent this next one to me saying, “I’m not into D&D, but this one is for you.”  She knows I’m into it and I think it’s GREAT!  Thanks Steph.

 

And that’s it my friends, we have wrapped this one up for today.  Let’s remember to send me a cup of coffee as some of our fellow campers have already done.  I’m going to keep bothering … or … um … reminding you about it for the next couple of weeks so that I can keep putting your names up on the wall of fame.  Remember, you can either hit the donation button on the upper right corner of the top of the page at dragonlaffs.com, or you can use Zelle through your bank account by sending money from bank to bank by using my email address of rem.wydock@sbcglobal.net, or you can send me an email at impishdragon@gmail.com and I will send you my snail mail address and you can send me something that way.  It matters not if it’s $1 or $100 I will appreciate it just the same.  It shows you cared.  It shows I’m not wasting my time.  When it reaches the point where we no longer pay the bills, I know that I’m not longer entertaining enough, then I’ll no longer do this…until then, I’ll see you next time around my friends.