Dragon Laffs #2071 (For real this time…)

Well, that was interesting.  Can’t seem to hit the right key.  Gotta be careful.  So, let’s see if I can prep this whole issue (or, what did Trish G. call it?  Hang on, I got a snail mail from Trish G. today and she used a really good term … digest!)  So, let’s see if I can prep this whole digest without doing something stupid and having to start over again!  

Anyway…my Grandson made me very proud today.  His birthday is next week and I popped his birthday card in the mail this morning.  Something Mrs. Dragon used to insure got taken care of every time, so I am quite proud of myself that I’ve kept up.  But, when I got on Facebook this morning to check on the dart schedule I noticed that Hayden had put out a request for his birthday.  My grandson, who is only turning 17, has taken up a cause.  And it’s not a stupid, snowflake cause, either.  It’s one that is very dear to me.  

Veteran Suicide is so much higher than the civilian population.   In this day and age of bullshit causes, “Save the Red Nostril Hummingbird” (Collect the Whole Set) to see this young man choose such an important charity made me proud of him. 

And so Izzy Dragon told me that Facebook offers you to start fund raisers when it gets close to your birthday as an automatic thing, but the list of charities that you can choose from is huge.  So, it’s not like Hayden may have chased this down on his own, but he did choose a very important charity, so Grandpa is still very proud of this.  And if you guys want to help out Hayden like I did here’s a link to his charity: https://www.facebook.com/donate/3299298117058629/3299298140391960/

And with that, we’ll move on to the laughter portion of today’s digest, so why don’t we get to the …

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself…

I really need to wash some cups.

I’m pretty sure my dream job would be Karma Delivery Person.

Every relationship needs boundaries…

…Mine are set at 500 feet, according to the paperwork.

Sure, something we can all run out and pick up.

I read books, I smoke (cigars), I drink wine (and coffee) and I know things. (And I may have used this one before, lol)

Which is why you could stand behind your open car door and be somewhat protected from incoming gun fire.  You can’t do that anymore.  The car doors nowadays won’t even slow a bullet down.

If you’re single, just have patience. 

Your soulmate is almost done with those divorce papers.

You know you’re officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.

I’ve never had to do that…but according to Mrs. Dragon, she had to do that as a kid quite often.  

You can’t give away a used mattress, but somehow we’ll pay three hundred bucks a night to sleep on one at a hotel.

I’m not really sure what this is…so…

“Yeah!  Let’s get his ass!”

From Stephanie: 

My ex-mother-in-law was Polish and they shortened the name Satanski to Americanize it. My ex MIL was literally Satan. They pronounced it Say-tan.

Stephanie, that explains SO MUCH.  I should also add, that she sent that along with this picture…

So, the story just wasn’t out of the blue, it did make sense.

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to  tell him the truth.  “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.”

Little Tony said, “Oh, okay,” and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse.  It’s called Bunk Beds.  And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”

Izzy Dragon sent this to me and asked me if I would eat this?  I thought…maybe.  Then she said, how about this one…

ummm…. probably not.

It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.

If you don’t get it, you had a crappy education.

Stephanie wrote to me and told me that her sister got 6 days in Facebook jail for posting the following image…which you’ve seen before here in DL.

What is untrue about that statement?  Cooking and chemistry are completely the same thing!  Reactions of (normally) an exothermic input on an organic substance.  Anything from frying an egg to toasting bread to grilling a steak.  How is that fake news?  It just goes to show what we all, already know…the Facebook Fact Checkers are MORONS!

My darling Mrs. Dragon and much of her family are deeply into Genealogy, so I recently texted this to my dear sis-in-law, who wrote back to me “Assorted Crackers AND Mixed Nuts”  and I think she is still laughing over this…I think Mrs. Dragon is too.

Today I will live in the moment. 

Unless the moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I’ll take a nap.

If all the world’s a stage, someone in casting needs to be fired!

Chinese third graders are learning multi-variable calculus.  Our third graders are being taught that “men can have babies.” 
This will not end well.

After last night’s pathetic speech, set to a dark red background, where he called half of the nation evil semi-fascists and alienated us, I’d say he doesn’t work for ANYBODY but himself!  HE NEEDS TO BE IMPEACHED!! 

I love this!!

Our entire universe is probably in a tiny glass jar somewhere, placed on a shelf in an alien child’s room as a science fair project that got a C-. 

“Life is a Highway”

“I Obviously Took a Dirt Road”

So, a female employee got an expensive pen as a birthday gift from her boss.  She sent him a “Thank you note” by email. 

The Boss’s wife read the email and filed for divorce.

The email said:  Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night.  It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke.  I loved its perfect size and grip.  Felt like I was in heaven when using it.  Thanks a lot.!

Moral:  A “space” is an essential part of English grammar!

Saving the best for last, here’s today’s list of Dragon Laffs Heroes!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every one of you who have contributed towards the bills to keep this experiment in humorous rebellion going for another year.  Your generosity is deeply appreciated!  …. now, if you all could just take back your donations and add to zeroes to the end of them, then I could retire and do this full time and life would be OUTSTANDING!!!!!!

You guys know I’m just kidding.  I love you all and your current level of generosity is overwhelming.  Maybe someday I’ll be able to retire and do this full-time.  At any rate, it’s time to put this one to bed.  Love and happiness to you all.  Until Monday.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2071 (For real this time…)

  1. Leah D says:

    I believe the Inverter, advertised on TV, should be charged with copyright infringement by the Fidget Spinner.

  2. Alan F says:

    Politics seems to be in a state in most of the western world, but your Joe is certainly going for top spot!!

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