It is amazing to me that it is August already. Today is the 2nd, Sunday, the tree is gone. God blessed me with this young man who was absolutely amazing. And 4 youngsters who did all the moving. This guy does this for a living, showed up with this chainsaw that was like 3 feet long and wielded it like a surgeon does a scalpel. Keep in mind, that with my little one-lung chainsaw it would’ve taken me a week to do what he did in less than 30 minutes. I say less than because he was a little late showing up at 1300 and I was thanking him as he was putting the tarp over his trailer a little before 1330. God is so good to me.

Another thing. It was supposed to pour down rain all day today …

Not a drop in the sky. Sunny and warm, all day…although it looks like it’s starting to cloud up now.

I was worried about running and picking up Izzy from work and having to leave everyone here while I was trapsing off doing something else …

We were done before I ever had to leave.

The Whelpling … my son … was upset because he couldn’t be here till later because him and his motorcycle group were off helping a veteran get out of trouble in his town because the city was on him about his yard and he was disabled and couldn’t take care of it, so they were over at the vets house putting things to right and they couldn’t get here to help me. I got to tell him not to worry about it because it was taken care of like that! [Snapping Fingers!]

So many blessings today.

And then there’s you guys. I feel the love you guys send me every day. And no, that’s not a ploy to get you to donate during August. How dare you think that. I’m writing this before the last episode asking for donations went out, so I can’t thank anyone else yet. But it is that time, so drop me a buck or two.

Since we’re talking about blessings. I’m reading this GREAT book that Holly lent me. Called 78, How Christians Can Save America, by Peter Heck. Who just happens to be a Pastor here in Indiana. And he talked about defining God and I find myself wanting to expound on that a little bit this afternoon if you’d like to follow along with me.

Here’s his take via my paraphrase.

It is impossible for a mortal, finite human being to define or describe the immortal, infinite God. It is impossible for a meager human mind to put parameters around the identity of the omniscient Creator. It isn’t up to man to define God because if man could define God, man would be God. Simply put , God is not a matter of your opinion. He is the great I AM WHO I AM, not the great I Am Whatever You Want Me to Be. God does not ask your opinion of Him and then morph and change Himself into meeting your expectations and preferences. Simply put: God isn’t here to please you; He is here to be pleased by you and worshipped by you.

We don’t define God. God is … God. The ever-present, all powerful, omniscient, creator of all things.

Well then, Impish, who created God?

You’re just not getting it sweetheart. No one and/or No thing created God. Go Is. Period. Full Stop. He always has been and always will be.

We cannot fully imagine nor comprehend the incredible magnificence that must be Our Lord. The overwhelming awe it inspires to just try to think about it. I don’t have the words … and I’m pretty good with words.

Unfortunately I am extremely far behind, so I have to jump right into things, but before I do, I want to thank Pop Smith, Sammye, and Steve H. for their incredibly generous donations. That’s our list so far. And that’s my plug for donations.

I’m not sure how much of an issue I’m going to get out today. Let’s see how much I can get done before I go to the jail tonight and then how much I can get done when I get home before I become beat up too much. My apologies ahead of time. Let’s go!

Two British men were sitting on the porch of a cabin in a nudist colony. The one man, a bit of a socialist, turned to the other and asked, “Have you read Marx?”

The other fellow replied, “Oh yes! I think it comes from sitting on these rattan chairs!”

Illinois, Moline Law

There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.

OVERHEARD AT THE OVAL OFFICE


George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. 

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That’s what I want to know.

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China? 

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes,

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes. sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. 
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi; Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi?.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. 

And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N. 

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. 

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.

Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Pete was the playboy of the office. He kept the cubicle set bug-eyed with juicy tales of his conquests. 

One afternoon a bachelor in the office cornered him and asked, “Pete, how the hell do you do it? You’re a married man, but you make Casanova look like a two-bit amateur. Come on, buddy, what’s your secret?” 

Pete was in a conversational mood. “I wouldn’t do this for everybody, Eddie,” he said, “but you’re a friend, so I’ll tell you my secret. 

Like all great plans, it’s really very simple. It’s all in the approach!  

Tonight, take the 5:21 out of Penn Station and get off at Great Neck. You’ll find dozens of women there waiting for their husbands. 

Now there are always some husbands who have to work late. 

So all you have to do is be charming and let nature take its course.” 

The system was indeed simple, and also seemed foolproof. Eddie boarded the 5:21 that night with Pete’s instructions fixed firmly in his mind. 

But he dozed en route and didn’t waken till Plandome, two stops after Great Neck. 

He got off the train in a hurry and was about to catch a cab back to his destination when he noticed an unescorted female standing on the platform looking very available. 

He sauntered over casually, lit her cigarette, and asked whether she’d like to have a nice quiet drink with him.  

“I’d love to,” she said, “but let’s go to my place. It’s near here and it’s very, very quiet.” 

Everything went as planned. They had a small dinner at her place, some drinks, then they retired to the pleasures of the bedroom. 

They’d been enjoying themselves only a few minutes, however, when the door swung open and the woman’s husband entered. 

“Goddammit, Betty!” he cried. “What the hell’s going on here? 

So this is what you do when my back is turned… And as for you, you bastard-I thought I told you to get off at Great Neck!”

Great and good are seldom the same man.

-Thomas Fuller (1608 – 1661)

“A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll never forget what she forgave.”

And that’s it. I know it’s not an entire episode and I warned you, but it’s all I have time for. My apologies. Don’t forget to donate. So donate only $4 since it’s short. Till next time. My love and happiness to you all.